Hello everybody!
A little warning about a sex scene here.
Enjoy your reading,
Pavs.
Chapter Thirty-Six: The Complex Art of Forgiveness Part II
[Gabrielle]
I woke up suddenly, and I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. I could barely breathe. I sat up and looked around to see a piece of paper on my bedside table with a word that I couldn't read written on it. My peaceful sleep had turned into nightmares, filled with dead people and my own pain and screams.
I could feel my throat burning as the air was making itself rare. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that this was a panic attack, that I was hyperventilating, but I still couldn't bring myself to get back into reality. I got on my feet, not realizing that I was only wearing a shirt and underwear.
I put my hand on the handle and fell on my knees as the door opened. I could hear someone shouting my name, but I couldn't tell whose voice it was. I started coughing and heard a ringing noise as I saw blood on the floor.
''DOC!'' I heard the voice scream again in obvious fear.
I looked up to see Toll holding his gun and backed from his touch as best as I could. I tried to dry my tears as I saw more blood on my hands instead. All my scars were open, and I was bleeding from everywhere.
I managed to get up before I ran back to the room and shut the door behind me. I saw my name on the letter and picked it up. I opened it to see Gunnar's handwriting.
How could you?!
GABRIELLE!
''Gabrielle!'' I heard as I truly woke up to the sound of Trench's voice.
I opened my eyes and saw him sitting on the bed beside me. We'd been here for a week now, and every time I happened to sleep while Trench was being on watch, the nightmares would come back. I didn't even think before I jumped into his arms, wrapping both my arms and legs around him as I was shaking like a leaf.
''It's ok, love, I'm here,'' he whispered in my ear as he hugged me back.
I closed my eyes as tears rolled down my cheeks. I felt his hands move from my back to my buttocks before he lifted me to place me back on the bed. He stayed half on top of me as he wiped away my tears.
''I'm sorry, I had a nightmare,'' I said, and he kissed me on the forehead.
''Don't worry about it,'' he replied, and I caressed his hair with my fingers.
He closed his eyes and I lifted my head to kiss him. I needed to touch him, to hold him. I needed to feel safe and loved in his arms. He placed himself between my legs, and I wrapped my legs around him to pull him even closer.
I could taste his tongue, and it felt so fucking good. I pulled on his shirt and he held one of my wrists.
''Gabrielle, love, are you sure we should?'' Trench asked me with a soft voice and I used one of his own combat techniques to flip him over one the bed.
I almost laughed at the surprised look on his face, but instead I just smiled before I removed my own shirt, then my bra. He sat up and I removed his shirt too.
''I need to feel you against me.'' I said against his lips. ''I need to feel you here. To know that we're real. I need you to love me.''
[Trench]
He felt a rush of love for her as the soft touch of her lips seemed to burn her words into his soul. Fuck he loved her. He kissed her softly as she removed both her underwear and his. She then pushed him back gently so that he would lie on the bed while she positioned herself on top of him.
''Gabrielle.'' Trench whispered before she slowly slid onto his cock and he swore. ''Fuck.''
She pushed until he was fully inside her as he felt his sanity fly out the window.
''Oh fuck.'' She moaned and he almost came right there and then like a horny teenager.
[Gabrielle]
I closed my eyes at the sensation only to see Isaacs eyes looking at me with a cold smile. I shook myself mentally before I opened them back up to look at Trench. I saw so much love, softness, desire.
He was the man I loved and trusted the most. Of all the nights we'd spent together, not once had he even tried himself on me, telling me that he'd wait for me to ask when I'd be ready. No matter the tears, the pain or the nightmares, he had been nothing but patient, respectful. Trench was safe, he was love, and I needed to feel him against me, inside me.
I fought back against my memories of Isaacs and Stonebanks. I couldn't let them win. Trench managed to sit back up and held me against him with one arm as he caressed my hairs with his other hand. Fuck I loved him so much. I couldn't let them take that away from me. Ever.
[Trench]
He could feel her tense and he knew she was struggling not to panic. He waited a moment for her to either stop or continue. He knew he would respect her no matter what, even if it would probably drive him insane. Then she kissed him and started to move against him. She moaned in pleasure as he kept kissing her, barely restraining himself so that she would have complete control on what was happening.
And well, he fucking loved how slow she was going as he suspected he wouldn't last long if she would decide to go faster. And he wanted to feel her against him like this forever.
He could feel her becoming tighter as she sped up and started to moan his name over and over again. And fuck it was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard.
''Fuck Gabrielle you're going to make me…'' He began before she shut him up by kissing him passionately.
She was moaning against his lips as she came and it send him over the edge as he came inside her. She looked at him with so much love and trust in her eyes that it rendered him almost speechless.
Almost, because he couldn't stop saying those three words:
''I love you.'' He said with a soft voice.
''I love you too.'' She said with a smile before she kissed him once again. ''And now I'm starving.''
Trench laughed softly before they got up to clean and got dressed.
[Safe House]
''Morning,'' Tool said to Barney, half asleep in his cup of coffee at the dinner table.
''You sure you're up?'' Hale mocked as he was preparing what he needed for his smoothie breakfast.
''Let the man be. He woke up at four a.m. for rounds with Tool, Trench, and me,'' Doc said.
''You all alright there?'' Lee said while entering the kitchen with Toll, and they all looked at him confused. ''I could have sworn I heard someone say…''
''Fuck!'' They heard Trench growl, and they all looked up to the ceiling before Barney looked like he was about to be sick.
''Please, please tell me I didn't just hear that,'' Barney said as Tool tried to hide his laughter behind his coffee cup.
''Well, looks like someone is up!'' joked Smilee while joining them for breakfast with Mars and Luna as Barney felt the blood drain from his face.
Tool was trying so hard not to laugh he was actually crying while Doc was shaking from laughter.
Then they heard the scratching of the bed against the floor as Gabrielle began to moan Trench's name, and Barney jumped on Hale's blender to turn it on.
Smilee was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe, and it was the only sound that could be heard over Hale's blender.
Doc was crying with laughter as well as Hale, Smilee, and Tool. Barney was looking at Lee with a pleading look as Lee was mocking him to turn the blender off so that he could hear him properly. Barney flipped him off as Lee and Toll started laughing as well.
Barney held on to the blender for dear life for about fifteen minutes while Luna and Mars kept making fun of Barney until they saw Gabrielle appear in the kitchen with Trench, both of them looking properly shagged.
''What the hell?'' Gabrielle asked while Barney turned the blender off.
''It was either a smoothie or a stroke,'' Barney replied as Gabrielle felt the blood rushing to her cheeks.
''Fuck, sorry!'' she replied as Smilee laughed.
''Fuck indeed. Sounded like one hell of a ride too,'' Luna mocked as Tool lost his shit again.
''Fuck all of you,'' Barney said before he took his coat.
Doc snorted as Toll shook his head. Hale took the now very liquid smoothie and began to drink it.
''Wait!'' Trench said, and Barney turned to him. ''I am sorry…Dad.''
Gabrielle slapped him on the shoulder as Barney looked at him with a horrified expression. Tool lost it even more as he began to laugh hysterically along with Doc and Lee while Hale choked on his drink.
''I fucking hate you,'' Barney said with a laugh as he flipped him off before he went outside.
''Love you too,'' Trench retorted back seconds before Barney was out of ear shot, then he turned to Gabrielle with an amused smile. ''So, you still hungry? Your father made smoothies.''
''You're a fucking child,'' Gabrielle said while laughing before Trench kissed her on the temple. ''But you're in luck because I still love you.''
''Of course I am lucky: you love me,'' Trench replied sincerely, and Gabrielle smiled, clearly touched. ''I love you too.''
She looked at him, and he felt his heart melt. She was so beautiful when she smiled.
''What the fuck have you done to him?'' Doc asked while looking at them both with a mix of surprise and sincere happiness for his friend.
Tool shook his head with a smile. It was unusual to see Trench like that but definitely not unwelcome. He then looked at Gabrielle as she kept smiling while making herself and Trench breakfast.
She put his food on a plate before she began to make herself a PB&J.
''Alright, you're ready to head out?'' Luna asked as Maggie entered the kitchen.
''Yep,'' said Gabrielle while taking her sandwich with her as Hale got up.
''Where are you going?'' Lee asked confused, and Gabrielle frowned.
''On watch?'' she replied as if it was obvious, and Lee was about to say something when she stopped him with a warning look. ''Lee Christmas, I did not enter this team so you can treat me unfairly like a damsel in distress, am I making myself clear?''
Lee sighed as Trench snorted.
''Yeah, I guess old habits die hard,'' he admitted, and she put a hand on his shoulder.
''But they do die,'' she said with a sarcastic voice, and Hale let out a small laugh as he passed by him.
Lee sent him an annoyed look as Gabrielle headed out with the others, replacing Galgo, Thorn, Yang, and Toll.
[Barney]
He was about to go back inside when he saw Gabrielle relieve Galgo from his duty. He got closer, and she turned to look at him.
''Standing guard?'' he asked rather awkwardly.
''Wasn't about to let you have all the fun. Besides, there's not that much else to do until we hear from Church and Drummer,'' she replied before she cleared her throat. ''I'm sorry about this morning.''
''Yeah, just try and be more…um… discreet?'' Barney asked, and she nodded.
''Of course,'' she agreed before noticing that her father was debating with himself about something. ''What is it?''
''Why Trench?'' he blurted out, and she felt herself blush a little. ''I'm not mad, I just…''
He didn't understand how he didn't see it coming. Well, that wasn't entirely true. Tool was a tad younger than him, and he saw Gabrielle as his daughter. Trench was actually a year older than him, so he'd assumed he didn't see her like that and neither would she. But then, of course, Gunnar and Lee both were much older than her. He hadn't noticed he'd gotten lost in his thoughts before she put a hand on his arm. He looked at her and saw the worry in her eyes. He took her hand in his.
He didn't want her to be scared to talk to him or to be ashamed of herself. He did agree with Lee back at the cabin when they'd caught her and Trench kissing. He just wanted her to be happy.
''Dad he just feels…right,'' she began slowly. ''I don't know how to explain it…it's almost as if I can't express it with words.''
Barney smiled a little as he saw how his daughter's eyes seemed to shine with love for the man.
''He makes me feel like I can be me, freely…without fear or guilt,'' she explained with a small smile. ''We spent so much time together, talking about anything and everything. It always felt so natural, easy. I always felt safe around him. We just accept and support each other without questioning it. He has this weird sense of humor and one hell of a personality, but somehow, I've always liked it. And in the end, he was always there when I needed him.''
''What made like turn into love?'' Barney asked with genuine interest.
''One touch,'' Gabrielle replied with a smile. ''As close as we were as friends, we never were physically close like I was with Tool, Hale, and…''
Barney could see the pain in her eyes as she was about to say Toll. He felt it too. He was about to tell her that she didn't have to explain when she resumed talking.
''When I came back to see him after Stonebanks, he just opened his arms, and I ran into them. And it was there again. The feeling of being safe, cared for. It felt like a fucking relief, like taking a deep breath after drowning,'' she said with tears in her eyes. ''I didn't know I'd fallen for him yet, but something shifted in our relationship. We talked about how we truly felt for each other. He told me he loved me for the first time, and I realized how much I did as well. I couldn't lose him.''
She turned to look at the forest, and he could see a tear rolling down her cheek.
''When I saw Gunnar, I didn't freeze because of Isaacs or Stonebanks, not at first,'' Gabrielle admitted, and he could hear the pain and guilt in her voice. ''Gunnar had asked me to marry him before I died, and I fucking hesitated. He didn't have time to notice, but I did. That's when I was ambushed with the poison. I was caught off guard because of a fucking panic attack.''
Barney closed his eyes for a moment in an effort to shake away the memories of that day. She needed him to focus.
''And I panicked because I realized that I didn't trust Gunnar not to abandon me. It made it so easy for Stonebanks and Isaacs to just tell me he was gone because I already believed it,'' Gabrielle said with a trembling voice. ''And when I got his letter I…it broke something that I knew I couldn't repair. And it hurt because I realized as I talked to Trench that I wasn't surprised because it had been broken for a long time.''
She closed her eyes from the pain, and Barney took her hand.
''It hurt so bad, and Booker was looking so sorry for me. I couldn't bear it, no matter how good his intentions were. So, I packed my things and left,'' she explained before the tears slowed down. ''Or at least I tried to until both him and Trench saw me. He looked so hurt that I was leaving again that I couldn't find it in myself to refuse him when he offered to come with me. Then he kissed me on the forehead, and I knew I'd be ok as long as he was there and we went to Austria. He'd talked about it so much. And it was absolutely beautiful.''
By then she'd begun to smile again, as did Barney.
''We went out and held hands as we went back to the hotel and it felt…special,'' Gabrielle said as her smile grew bigger. ''I couldn't fall asleep because of everything that had been going on, and he came to join me as I was looking through the window. He looked so scared to lose me, and I didn't know how to tell him how much he meant to me so I showed him by kissing him.''
Gabrielle turned to him, and Barney could see in her eyes the sincere love she had for his friend.
''It was so perfect. Like everything suddenly made sense again, even though none of us had seen it coming. And when he kissed me back, I felt alive again, and loved, and safe. I was in shock and finally at peace at the same time. It was such a fucking rush…'' she said, the enthusiasm and joy clear on her face.
''I am so happy for you,'' Barney told her in a slightly awed voice, and her smile grew even bigger.
And he meant it. His daughter was positively glowing and happier than he'd ever seen her. While both she and Gunnar had loved each other dearly, he noted with a heavy heart that there had always been tension about their line of work and Jensen's bad habits. His daughter had always felt as though she had to prove herself in some way, and Gunnar had struggled with his love for her.
With Trench, though, it seemed as easy as breathing, and he could see how much good it did to her already. And the way she talked about him…the way Trench looked at her…Yeah. Maybe it wasn't so weird for them to be together after all.
He still had to talk to him, though.
Barney decided to stay with her through her watch while thinking about what he'd say to the man later. He still had to give him The Talk after all.
[Safe house]
Trench watched Gabrielle go to the basement with Luna and Mars as Hale was making his way to the kitchen. Then he noticed Barney looking at him with that "We need to talk" look, and he sighed with a smile.
''I am guessing you want to talk to me?'' Trench said as Barney took a seat beside him.
''For some reason, my daughter seems very much in love with you,'' Barney said while giving him a pointed look, and Trench looked at him straight in the eyes.
''And I am very much in love with her too,'' he said sincerely, and Barney relaxed a little.
''So, what are your intentions with her?'' Barney asked, and Trench smiled.
''Barney, you know I am old fashioned. I may not have a history of long-term relationships, but it's not for a lack of wanting or trying. Our lifestyle makes that difficult, not to say nearly impossible,'' Trench explained. ''But of course, you already know that.''
''So, I am hearing about long-term relationships here,'' Tool said while sitting down with them to join the conversation. ''I am guessing we're having The Talk.''
Barney let out a small laugh as he looked at Tool with an amused expression on his face.
''What? She's my daughter too, Barns, I gotta know if he intends to honor her virtue,'' Tool said as Barney shook his head.
''I do, actually,'' Trench said seriously, and they both looked at him with a surprised look. ''I told you, I am old fashioned. Of course, I won't marry her tomorrow. We need to take it slow, even though we've known each other for a while, especially considering the circumstances. But I can tell you that I love her deeply and that I am here for the long run if she'll have me.''
There was a moment of silence as both Barney and Tool looked at the man. Even Hale had turned to look at him with surprise in his eyes. There was no doubt for them that Trench and Gabrielle had been closer than they'd initially thought even before they'd reveal their feelings for each other. But this…
''I don't know why you still doubt the fact that I do want you. I thought I'd made myself rather clear, especially this morning,'' Gabrielle said from the hallway as she got closer.
Trench looked at her with a smile.
''So, we're together then?'' he asked, the enthusiasm clear in his voice, and Gabrielle laughed.
''You were still wondering?'' she replied, clearly amused, before she went to kiss him lightly on the lips. ''I am quite old fashioned too; I don't do one night stands or fuck friends, sweetheart.''
''Good. Because you're mine now, mein Liebe,'' Trench replied with a loving smile as she sat on his knees.
''Und du gehörst auch mir (And you belong to me),'' she replied as he kissed her temple.
He put his arms around her to hold her properly, and she closed her eyes while making herself comfortable. Tool looked at them with a smile. They looked fucking amazing together, he realized.
''Well, I'll be on my way then,'' Barney said with a small smile before Gabrielle looked at him with a raised eyebrow. ''What?''
''What about our talk?'' she said, and Barney looked at her, clearly confused. ''You know. About the fact that you've got your head all the way up your arse with Maggie?''
Tool laughed out loud at that.
''What about it?'' Barney asked, failing to sound casual.
''You know I spend a lot of time with her. She helps me a lot. And well, girls talk. Me and Luna have a bet, but I figured what's a hundred dollars compared to a real shot at happiness. You know, the one you shouldn't let go of because life is hard? And I love you dearly, but if you let her go, I might even kick your ass for it,'' Gabrielle said as Barney cleared his throat.
Trench looked like Christmas had come early while both Tool and Hale looked highly amused.
''He's got a bad influence on you,'' Barney said, and Gabrielle laughed.
''Only with consent,'' she joked as Barney looked at her with a shocked expression, and Hale started to laugh loudly.
''Please don't go there,'' Barney said with a mixture of amusement and disgust on his face.
''Seriously, Dad. She loves you. I know you at least like her. She's an amazing person,'' Gabrielle said as Barney seemed to honestly think about it. ''You keep telling other people to find safety and happiness, did it ever occur to you to lead by example because you deserve it too? I've been fighting for the past six months to keep you safe; now it's time to find love as well. We never know what might come next.''
Barney looked at Gabrielle with a soft smile as he saw her getting emotional. He knew what she was saying. Life had gone into chaos so fucking fast. More than that, he did like Maggie…a lot. He looked at Trench and saw that he was caressing his daughter's back to help soothe her. They looked so in sync it was actually mesmerising.
''How on Earth have you two not been together before?'' he found himself asking without thinking as he imagined himself sharing his life with Maggie.
Then he saw the tears in her eyes, and he felt his heart drop.
Gunnar had been the reason why.
''Fuck, Gabrielle, I'm so sorry, I…'' Barney said, feeling sad himself at the thought of his friend being dead before she interrupted him.
''It's ok. I know you meant it as a compliment. It just hurts to think about him being…gone,'' she said with a slightly trembling voice.
Trench took her hand in his as he felt the sadness come back. He did like Gunnar a little, and fuck, he hated to see her sad. While he'd been able to keep most of the nightmares at bay, she still cried in her sleep. It pained him to know that he couldn't do anything about it except be patient. He wanted to take her pain away so bad.
Gabrielle turned to face him, and as their eyes met, Tool and Barney couldn't help but notice the number of shared feelings of love and comprehension in both Trench and Gabrielle's eyes. Barney was instantly thrown back at his conversation with Billy.
''She's the kind of person you want to do things for. It's one of those things that just feels right. When you know you can be with someone, you don't even have to talk; you already know what they're thinking…'' Billy had told him. The memory was replaying in his mind as he watched Trench softly wipe Gabrielle's tears with the tips of his fingers.
''You ever had that?'' The kid had asked as he saw Gabrielle close her eyes briefly as Trench kissed her on the forehead.
He saw both Tool and Hale looking at the couple with a small smile through their sadness at losing Gunnar. Then Tool turned to him, and Barney knew what he had to do. He had to tell Maggie, to find a way to…
''They look perfect together,'' he heard Maggie say with a low voice beside him, and he nodded.
''Yeah, I'm realizing that,'' Barney said as he turned to face her. Then he heard Hale cough, and Maggie frowned.
''Um, want to go for a walk?'' Barney asked before he turned a bit red in the cheeks.
He could hear Gabrielle and Trench giggle behind him.
''I'd like that. Let me get my gear, just in case,'' she said, and Barney nodded.
Maggie looked at Gabrielle on her way to the weapon and medic storage room and mouthed a silent thank you to her, which was caught by both Trench and Tool as Gabrielle winked at her. Tool and Trench shared an amused look as Maggie and Barney exited together.
''And I am the one sharing rumors on a rocking chair?'' Tool laughed, and Gabrielle looked at him with a satisfied expression on her face.
''Hey, I am not the wingman he expected, but I'm the one he needed,'' she replied as they all laughed.
[Maggie & Barney]
They'd been walking in silence for about two minutes when Barney stopped. Maggie turned to him, and Barney felt his heart racing. He had not done this in a while…years actually. There had been the occasional date, but Maggie felt like more. She offered him a shy smile, and he suddenly regretted laughing at Gunnar back when he'd tried to flirt with her. He was just as bad. He let out a small laugh, and Maggie looked at him with a questioning look.
''I'm out of my element here,'' Barney admitted, and Maggie's smile grew bigger.
''I think you're doing pretty well for a guy who decapitated Vilain and then carried the head like a melon in a bag over your shoulder on one of our first walks,'' she gently teased, and Barney smiled. ''I don't think you can top that, really. You've been doing well for a while now regardless.''
''Why me?'' Barney asked before he stuttered, ''n-not that I'm not grateful or...or not interested. I'm more than interested in fact…''
Maggie began to laugh softly, and he ran a hand through his hair nervously.
''Yeah, it is going pretty well…'' he began before Maggie kissed him softly. His brain became void of thoughts. He'd imagined this moment more than he'd like to admit, but having it finally happen was a thousand times better than he'd ever expected. It took his breath away. Then, she pulled back and looked at him, almost laughing at the surprise on his face.
''I don't want you because you are smooth or always in your element or even easy going. I want you because you are authentic, down to Earth, intelligent, honorable, and loyal. You love and protect like there is no tomorrow, and we both know there might not be. And I know that there is no one else that makes me feel the way you do. You are nowhere near being bad luck. In fact, I do believe that I would be very lucky to have you,'' Maggie admitted, and Barney felt a rush of love for this incredible woman standing in front of him.
He kissed her again softly, and she pressed herself against him as he held her closer.
''You have me,'' he whispered against her lips, and she smiled, clearly touched.
''And I've got you,'' Maggie replied before she kissed him once again.
It was hands down probably one of the best moments of Barney's life.
[Church]
He knew that nobody was going to like this, but they didn't have a choice. They had once chance at taking down Isaacs, and Marcus and Dimitri were it. He took a look at Yang, who was currently looking at the plan like it had personally offended him and sighed. Yeah, the CIA had programmed this expression on his face too. For all the bullshit Ross had called him out for, he knew at least half of it was coming straight from the office above him. Not that it mattered anymore seeing as he was currently on the run.
Drummer had had to go back to Washington, so they had called the only other person who was crazy enough to enter this shit show: John Booker. Church had to marvel at the loyalty Barney's men had for him and for each other. Maybe he'd let the CIA go fuck themselves after that. Then he imagined Ross's ego at that, and he scoffed to himself. Booker sent him a look, and the man shook his head.
''We're here,'' Booker said as Yang sighed.
''Yeah, same,'' Church whispered as the SUV they'd stolen came to a stop.
[Safe House]
Mars frowned at the sight of Church, Yang, and another man. Then he'd recognized Booker and that left him just as confused.
''What happened to Drummer?'' Smilee called out to them as they motioned for them to get inside.
[Trench]
He was looking at Gabrielle while she was listening to everything Doc was telling her. She'd asked the man to show her how to help in a battlefield, and Doc had been way too happy to share. Not that Trench minded. Doc was actually the most efficient medic he'd ever encountered. The fact that the man was totally insane was just a bonus.
They were currently practicing stitches on meat, and he smiled as he saw her frown. She was so focused, and it made her incredibly hot. He heard Tool laugh softly beside him, and Trench turned to him.
''You look at her like you need a cold shower,'' Tool mocked as Luna laughed.
''He's right you know?'' the young woman said, and Trench smiled.
''Well, Barney's not here so…'' Trench said with a smile. ''I'm taking in as much as I can.''
''Gabrielle?'' Thorn called out, and she stopped to turn to the guy. ''I have to go over some of the info Yang sent over, and I could use your insight. Can you join me and Toll in the basement?''
He saw her become tense as sadness and anger washed over her face. He was about to get up and join her when Tool stopped him with his hand.
''They have to talk,'' Tool whispered as Gabrielle decided to ignore Thorn.
Trench sighed as he knew he was right. Gabrielle had somehow successfully avoided Toll over the past few days, ever since she'd lashed out at him while she'd been high. Trench knew it was eating them both alive. They'd talked about it.
''Gabrielle, Thorn asked you a question,'' Lee stated as she still ignored the men while resuming practising her stitches.
Even Doc had stopped and was looking at her now. Then they heard Hale put down his rifle forcefully before he got up.
''Gabrielle!'' Hale snapped, and she turned to him. ''For the love of God and all that's mighty, if you don't go with them now, I'm gonna kick your ass to the fucking basement.''
Gabrielle turned to him and raised a questioning eyebrow. Hale felt his anger rising.
''You both need to talk to each other. ASAP. This cannot go on forever, and you know it!'' Hale added as Gabrielle slowly got up.
Trench frowned. She was way too calm. Lee saw Mauser's reaction and tensed a little.
''He misses you,'' Hale added as Gabrielle was carefully packing her material.
''You say that like he's the only one,'' Gabrielle finally replied with a slightly shaking voice. ''I also miss the friend I was tortured for and almost died defending.''
''Why don't you just talk to him then?'' Hale insisted.
''Because that man died once he pulled that fucking trigger,'' she said as tears filled her eyes. ''Eight fucking days ago. Why don't you just undo that so I can go and comfort him?''
Hale sighed as he felt the loss of Gunnar hitting him right in the feels too. Then he looked at Gabrielle and felt his sadness becoming even more overwhelming.
''How can you not feel like I do?'' Gabrielle asked him with obvious betrayal in her voice, and Hale felt the air leave his lungs.
He knew she was having a hard time forgiving him, but he didn't think it was that bad. Trench saw movement behind them and felt his heart skip a beat at the look of pure pain on Toll's face. Gabrielle caught the change on his face and turned to see Toll.
''Because if he hadn't pulled the trigger, Gabrielle, I would have. Even if it meant killing him,'' Hale admitted, and she looked at him with shock written all over her face as Toll looked at his friend. ''I loved him, Gabrielle, and I still do, but do try to understand that we knew a side of him you didn't. And I wish I wasn't the one to tell you this, but no matter how hard you think you could've saved him and that Toll had a choice…''
Gabrielle felt the tears rolling down her cheeks as she saw Toll looking at her with pleading eyes, begging her to understand what Hale was saying.
''Gabrielle, I wanted him to be ok…I wanted it so bad… but Gunnar…he was gone. He would have killed you,'' Toll said with a broken voice as Gabrielle felt sadness and pain washing over her.
She fought back the urge to scream from pain and anger as Toll got closer.
''He wouldn't have. Never,'' she managed to say with a shaking voice. ''He loved us way too much…''
''He wasn't himself then. You know he would have killed you,'' Toll said as tears were rolling down his cheeks. ''Gabrielle, why else did you put yourself between Gunnar and Trench when Jensen pulled out his gun?''
[Gabrielle]
I turned to Trench, and as our eyes met, I saw his shocked expression as he slowly realized what Toll had just said…as I realized how true that was. I felt the pain coming back tenfold as the thin walls between my denial and my emotions was destroyed by one single question.
Gunnar would have killed me. I looked at Toll again as an empty, cold feeling was spreading through my entire body. A part of me was missing. My best friend was looking at me, completely heartbroken, and I was ignoring him so I wouldn't have to face the fact that…
I felt my breath catching as I was suddenly assaulted with memories of Gunnar's arrival at the bunker, of his death. Memories of all the pain, the longing, the torture. I could hear the loud ringing of the single gunshot. I could feel the blood on my hands.
[Safe House]
Trench looked at Gabrielle as he felt his heart skip a beat. How had they not thought of that.
''You didn't have to kill him.'' She'd said again and again.
She truly believed that there had been another way. Then he realized what she'd done. In a fraction of second, she had saved him instead of herself.
''Gabrielle?'' Toll asked as he noticed the empty look in her eyes.
Then she looked at him, and he took a step forward as if to hold her in his arms before he stopped himself. She was looking at him with pain written all over her face.
''You loved me that much, didn't you?'' Gabrielle asked in a half whisper, and Toll felt his chest tighten. ''And I can't forgive myself. I just can't.''
''Why would you need to be forgiven?'' asked Toll truly surprised.
And he wasn't the only one. The others were dead silent, wondering what the hell was Gabrielle even talking about. She looked at the broken man before her and talked without even thinking about it.
''Because I had to kill him, and I couldn't. I kept telling Isaacs and Stonebanks that I didn't want to. And I didn't want to, even if I needed to,'' Gabrielle said before she caressed her chain. ''I'm a coward, Toll, because in that moment, I'd rather have died than do the right thing. Because I was ready to be choked to death by Gunnar rather than killing him to protect all of us out of guilt. Because I don't want to admit to myself that he was gone.''
Toll took her hand in his as she looked at him straight in the eyes. The tension was very high as this was the first time since Gunnar had passed away that Gabrielle had allowed Toll to be this close.
''So, if I forgive you, I have to face the fact that he would have killed me. And that alone would drive me insane, so I just decided to be mad at you. It was easier and so fucking selfish. That's what I need to be sorry for. You are alone in this because I am too scared and hurt to forgive you. I am so sorry,'' Gabrielle said through her tears as Trench felt his heart drop.
She hadn't told him that, because if she had, he would have told her how much she wasn't a coward, how the fear and pain could cloud someone's judgement…Toll took Gabrielle into his arms as she let out a sobbing sound.
''Gabrielle, love, don't you know you're the bravest person I know?'' Toll told her while hugging her back like his life depended on it. ''And if only you knew how mad I am at myself for killing him.''
''I know!'' Gabrielle let out through her tears. ''I'm sorry I couldn't face my own pain to help you. It hurt so fucking bad.''
''It's ok, love. Were ok, I promise,'' Toll replied as he closed his eyes in an effort to not completely break down. ''We'll get through this. I am sorry too''
''For all the torture I have been through trying to protect him…If he'd try to kill any of you, I would have done the same,'' Gabrielle admitted as she slowly stepped back to look at him. ''Toll, how the fuck am I supposed to live with that?''
''I don't know, but we have to,'' he replied as tears kept rolling down his cheeks.
''I am scared of what I'm becoming,'' Gabrielle whispered, and Toll took her hand as the others felt her words touch their very souls.
''I'm not. I'm not because you always protect and love as hard as you can. You can't lose love given to you, Gabrielle, and I love you. You're my best friend; we're going to be ok,'' Toll said, and Gabrielle hugged him again.
She was sobbing her heart out as he was once again holding her as hard as he could. Trench let out a loud sigh of relief, and Lee closed his eyes from all the emotion. They could breathe again, finally.
''I hate that I had to hurt you to save you,'' Toll told her, and she held him tighter.
''I forgive you,'' she whispered into his ear, and Toll finally broke down too.
Doc got up and motioned for the other to step back completely as they all looked at them with tears in their eyes.
The chaos was over. Grief could begin peacefully now.