I never thought anything would convince me to walk through that gate! I did! We did! My whole family! When we pulled up I expected the same as before. More threats, more fighting, more death and disappointment! That's not what happened at all! The sound of children, youthful laughter! The sounds of the living! I asked Michonne what she heard outside of Woodbury, Terminus when she first arrived. She said that she heard silence! That's what I expected! Silence followed by all hell breaking loose. That's not what happened.
We were greeted by a town full of people who were unprepared for the world that existed outside those walls. As soon as I walked in I felt weaker. I know that Michonne wanted this place, everyone in my family did truth be told. Being in this place felt like a lie or a well crafted illusion. The problem is I'm the only one that sees this place for what it is. I took a hot shower for the first time in forever. Afterward I looked in the mirror and saw a haggard war torn version of myself staring back at me. So I shaved and I still didn't recognize the man staring back at me.
A woman named Jesse came to my door step. I got flashes of a world before all of this. As if a piece of Lori had landed right in front of me. She cut my hair. She even dresses like her. She looks like a second chance to make things right if only in the dark corners of my imagination. I feel like I'm falling into a manic abyss. This illusion doesn't sit right with me! My children deserve some stability. We'll take this place if we have to.
This Jesse is married to the towns only Doctor and it's obvious that he's abusing her and possibly the kids they have together! Carol is pushing me to actions that I know for a fact she could handle on her own, possibly better than me with the state that I'm in. Lost!
We can't be weaponless in this world. Not even behind these walls. Michonne knocked me out while I was try to shake every one out of the illusion. All I could do when I woke up was laugh, which strange enough is the same reaction that made me apprehensive about Aaron.
Even now when I've given her no reason to, she leads me! I don't deserve her. I feel my old self is dying. Deanna gave me my old job back. I even have a uniform. This makes it feel like even more of a scam. I'm struggling to hold on to who I was before all of this! Jessie's in danger and as a man of the law I need to fix the situation! Deanna would have been a great leader before, but now. She puts this whole place in danger with her naivety! Carol thinks Michonne is not with us. She doesn't know her like I do. She can never be a threat to me. Not my Michonne! She just wants me to be the man that she respects. I feel that man slipping away from me! With every touch, kiss and flirtatious look that I get from Jessie! Besides Carol's the one acting strange lately!