This was what classified as a "bad day". They had been on a small no-name planet in the least used corner of this particular galaxy getting supplies and something resembling fresh air. As Kaylee handed River the ripest strawberry she'd seen in over ten years, the girl had pelted it at a passers by, screaming that she could feel it growing and the fruit wished to extract revenge on whoever had plucked it. Simon had taken her back to the ship after that, but the yelling and visions hadn't stopped. When everyone else returned, River was streaking across the ship repeating the same sentence over and over- "¡Mis ropas están vivas¡Están creciendo!" Simon had been chasing her, and it showed- he was completely out of breath and stumbling along at a snails pace fifty feet behind her. Kaylee and Zoe both made grabs for her, but the naked loon was only stopped by Jayne's oversized boot tripping her and tumbling her down the stairs. He got yelled at for it, but at least her momentum had ceased. She was finally talked into wearing a long wool sweater and skirt, since "wool had never been alive". At dinner she ate only the flour biscuits, and even only a small portion of those since technically flour had come from a plant at some time. Then she went to bed, on the floor, since who knew how many things died in the makings of her cotton blanket and pillow. Simon trudged off to bed early, both crying and laughing a little. Jayne thanked his lucky stars she weren't his problem.

It was 'round three in the morning (depending on what planet you were on) and someone was climbing down his ladder. Jayne was lying tensely on his side, back to the door and facing his guns. He could probably reach and out grab a small one form the lowest rack, catching the intruder off guard. His trained ear was picking up every scrape of dust. Barefoot, not too heavy (or treaded real damn lightly). A tiny voice shot out in the dark.

"Jayne."

Aw, shit. It was crazy. Jayne rolled over, rather irritated she'd gotten his senses on edge for nothin. "The hell you want?" he snapped.

"Again."

"Again what?"

"Again with you."

"Again with me what? Start makin some sense already, huh?"

"The dreams are the loudest. Mal is embraced with a dark-haired woman not Zoe on a battlefield. She screams and cries and they will both die soon but he can't tell her he loves her. Zoe watched Wash die again and again, and each time she is further away until she can't see his face anymore, she can only hear him screaming. It goes on forever. Kaylee is not dreaming but Simon is and he's mad- so very mad. He hates me and he's jealous and he is the loudest. "Why don't you get better?" he screams. "I could be anywhere but here if it weren't for you. I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate youIhateyouIhateyouIhate-"

"All right!" he cried out, seeing she was starting to cry now. "None of that."

"Make them quiet," she pleaded, climbing into the bed beside him. "Make her brain quiet."

"How?" he asked softly.

"You know how."

He did know how, but he didn't want to admit it. This was what he had been avoiding for the past two weeks. And that desperate look in her eyes wasn't helping him act dumb. "No," he told her uncertainly. "You said you wouldn't ask again. Put my ass on the line once for you already. No."

"He liked it," she said timidly.

He turned his face away so she couldn't see the blush. "Don't matter. Get outta m'room."

"Jayne's dreams are different. Jayne dreams about him."

That got his attention. "You stay outta my dreams!"

"He's in them most every night. Jayne thinks about him late at night when he's all alone."

"Stop it!" he snapped.

"And he looks at Jayne sadly, so he leans in close and-"

"I said shut it!" His beefy hand flattened its palm against her ribcage and shoved her off the bed. She tumbled out gracelessly, limbs sprawled. "Get out," he snarled. "And stay outta my head!"

"Can't," she said, teary-eyed. "Everything's noisier at night."

Jayne ran a hand over his face, contemplating. On the one hand, Jayne Cobb wasn't a man to turn down sex much. On the other, this was the doctor's sister and she was young and crazy. He didn't need more crazy in his life. But she was looking at him with them big, sad eyes and she'd started crying again. He sighed- women could usually get to that soft spot in his heart. Women and guns.

"You're gonna be makin a habit of this, aren't ya?"

"River likes the quiet."

"River likes the quiet," he repeated. He supposed this was a yes. "You're gonna get me tossed off this here ship." She didn't speak, just looked at him expectantly. "I got better things to do then answer some sex call from a crazy."

"Yes." She was already on her feet and climbing back into his bed. He scooted over awkwardly. Normally he'd have no problem taking a woman to bed, but she wasn't exactly a woman, was she? This here was about to make life good and interesting. Things had been fine between them since last time, but he'd only expected it to be the one time. Wasn't too sure how things were gonna be in front of the other crew from now on. Reckon'd he'd figure it out soon enough. But it wasn't like they were together or nothing. This was more like… well, what the hell was it like?

"Therapy," River whispered in his ear. Her breath on his neck startled him.

"That what you call it?"

"Mmm." She took his hand and led it up her thigh, lifting her short nightdress (which was rayon, something not quite so alive). He watched her best he could in the darkness. The first time had been like lifting weights- it took his mind off bein' pissed at the captain and it gave him something to do with his time. Now, though. Now he was almost unsure of himself. His hands barely touched her, like she was gonna break or somethin. Somehow not bein able to see her real well made things worse. More dangerous.

"You're nervous," she told him, kissing a line down his chest.

"I ain't."

"Are too."

"Just thinkin."

"Don't. Just touch me. Foreplay is necessary for-"

"All right," he griped, pulling her underneath him and parting her legs with his left knee. "Don't start up on that again." He propped himself up over her, which wasn't easy on a bed made for half a person. Her hands wandered over his back, pulling him closer. Their stomachs touched, their chests, then their mouths.

"I scare you," River whispered between kisses.

"Sometimes," he admitted, licking down her jaw line to her pert breasts. "'Specially when you're weildin knives at me and killin Reavers."

" I scare you now."

"Right now? Nah. What's so-"

"You're scared they'll know."

"Course I am."

"I won't let them reject you."

He looked up at her, her tiny nipple still in his lips. She was lookin down at him with serious eyes. For a brief moment they stared at one another with something that had never shared before and might not again- understanding.

River's eyes suddenly changed. "Now," she pleaded, lifting her hips to him.

"Now? But-"

"Simon's going to kill me."

"Naw, he ain't. Me, more'n likely."

"In his dreams!" she cried out, panicked voice reverberating. "He's hurting me, killing me. I don't want to see it!"

"Hush!" he scolded. "He ain't killin ya, dreams or not. He moved up her body, his face parallel to hers.

"We're making it go away?" She was crying again.

"Sure," he said, kissing her mouth and thrusting himself into her. Dear God, what the hell am I gettin myself into?

Simon sat down at the breakfast table with his sister, concerned. "River, you've been getting up every night for the past week. Where have you been going?"

"Around." She took a bite of something like cereal.

"Not to the cockpit, cause I looked for you there."

She got up from her chair and dumped her still full bowl down the sink. "This is not fit for homo sapiens consumption!"

"That some kinda snake?" Jayne asked, yawning.

"No," Simon told him shortly. "And you don't change the subject."

"Why can't we eat real food? Everything dies for us to consume, and we depreciate it with forgeries!"

"River… where have you been going?"

"Therapy."

Jayne choked on his food. Simon barely glanced at the man. "Therapy?" he asked.

"Yes. Therapy. Makes me sleep." She purred at the thought of it.

"Where?" She didn't answer him. Instead, she grabbed a piece of bread from the cupboard and filled her mouth with it. "Schtale," she announced.

"River!"

"Copulation!" she shouted. She took her bread and took her leave. Her brother shook his head miserably.

"I hope she's not walking around trying to fix things," he said.

"Like how she fixed the Shepard's bible that one time?" Kaylee asked, rubbing his back.

"I was thinking like fixing the engine, but yes, that too."

"I haven't noticed anything different about Serenity, but I'll check if you like."

"Whatever she's doin," Mal chimed in, "make sure it don't corrupt the way we fly. Can't afford to be fixin mistakes no one sees her makin."

"I'm sorry," Simon said immediately. "If she does anything-"

"Calm yourself, doc, I ain't blamin you for it."

"You… you're not?"

"I know she's your problem, but even you gotta sleep sometime. Can't be watchin her always. And I don't think lockin her in her room would do us much good."

"Break down the door, most likely," Kaylee agreed.

"So what do we do?" Simon asked Mal, almost afraid what the suggestions would be.

"Nothin, far as I see it. Long as she ain't breakin nothin, she's fine by me."

"I don't think she'd hurt Serenity," Kaylee told them all. "Loves this ship almost much as I do."

"Therapy," Simon muttered, mulling it over. "What in the world does that mean?"

People were being horrid today. Or was she imagining it? She couldn't tell. But everyone had something to say to her, one way or the other. Simon hated her- loathed her so much, in fact, he wished he'd killed her instead of saving her. Should have left her at the academy for all the trouble she'd caused him. Those words, imagined or not, hurt the worst. Jayne hadn't been mean. He'd been honest. Men like me don't fall for crazy lost girls like you.

"Won't go to Jayne," she told herself. "Promised I wouldn't so much." She peeked into Simon's room where he and Kaylee were talking and laughing like young lovers. It was full of happy thoughts in here. Not like everywhere else.

Simon smiled as Kaylee talked. She was overly animated and he found it nothing short of endearing. I could spend the rest of my life with this girl.

River paused. Simon married Kaylee. Simon had children. Simon + Kaylee children, which did not equal sister. This was the sort of math River could not wrap her mind around. Simon couldn't just abandon her because he loved Kaylee now. He wouldn't. Would he? In answer to her question, Simon turned to her with an icy glare and whispered "I will abandon you."

"Can't!" River screamed. Both Simon and Kaylee looked u from their conversation, surprised. "River has nowhere to go!" she cried. They had tricked her. Their happy thoughts had lulled her into a false sense of security, then venom tore through all of it. She hadn't been ready for such cruelty.

"River," Simon said lovingly, "meimei, what's wrong?"

She bolted from the room, stomping her feet as loud as she could to break through the noise in her head. I will abandon you. Zoe lost Wash. Everything louder than everything else. The engine was screaming its heart out into space and no could hear it. No one can ever hear you scream. Men like me don't fall for crazy lost girls like you.

Jayne. She started running fast. Jayne. Was he in his room? Cargo area, lifting weights? Where? She listened through the noise in her skull. Load, snap. Trigger locked, 'nother lovely lady done. He was in his room cleaning his guns. She was at his door in seconds, pushing it open and taking the ladder rungs three at a time.

Jayne looked up. Girl looked more disheveled than usual. "No," he told her immediately.

She didn't protest. She didn't beg. She did, however, knock his feet out from under him and climb on top of him. "Yes," she growled fiercely.

Jayne stared up at her. She hadn't been crying, which was good, but her eyes shone with that crazy intensity they got sometimes. His guess, from his previous knowledge as her therapist, was that it was getting too overcrowded in that little head of hers and someone (most likely her brother) had thunk somethin none too comfortin. And right now she looked ready for anything. "No," he said again.

River grabbed his shirt and tore it clean down the center from neckline to hem. He looked into her eyes, startled. Good. She needed control on something. She bit his shoulder- not hard enough to make it bleed, but close. Mmm. Primal instinct was taking over her thoughts.

Jayne yelped at the bite, still too unsure as to how to handle the present situation. Would this be the best time to tell her no, or the worst? He liked rough women, but this particular woman took rough to new levels- neck snappin levels. If she didn't get her way she might break him into hundreds of pieces. Or she'd get all sweet and innocent and pout at him. She was funny like that.

He grabbed her shoulders and pushed her off him. She easily countered by grabbing his wrists and slamming them to the floor. With her hands pinning his wrists, her thighs clamped around his hips and her feet pushing down on his legs, he was pretty well stuck where he was. Sure, he could struggle. And be taken out time and time again. The word 'rape' made a brief debut in his mind. It was a word Jayne wasn't fond of dealing with- especially with the thought of himself on the receiving end.

"Is this how he looked?" River asked darkly. "This the face he made? The terrified, confused look in his eyes?" She leaned down close to Jayne's face. "Pleading with you as he kissed your mouth?"

Now it was Jayne's turn to get angry. He kicked up his legs, tossing the girl over his head. He scrambled onto his knees. "Never," he seethed, "ever mention him again."

"Dana, wasn't it? Two boys with girls' names." Her voice had turned coy and girlish. She smiled up at him from the floor.

"I don't understand," Jayne said, getting to his feet and cracking his knuckles. "You lookin' for a fight or a fuck?"

"Same difference," River spat, leaping nimbly to her feet.

"You wanna hurt?" He approached her cautiously. She was a viper lying in wait, far as he was concerned. "That what you need? I can make it hurt for you, that's what you're lookin for."

"Liar," she provoked, backing herself against a wall. "You're too weak. Dana knew it."

"Weak, huh?" he was close to her now, barely an inch between their tense and sweaty bodies. "Well Dana's dead now, ain't he? How weak's that?"

"You almost didn't. Mercy is weak."

He slammed himself against her, both of them stopped short by the wall River had been against. A few of her bones popped uncomfortably. "You want no mercy?" Jayne asked her, understanding now she'd been egging him on.

River smiled. "You can't hurt me." Now, she thought urgently. Hard. Fast.

"Hard and fast, huh?" he smirked, running his fingertips up her arms. "Think you can handle it?" He kissed her, hard, her head pressed against the wall. He lifted her up a few inches off the floor, holding her up with his pelvis. River wrapped her legs tightly around him, her skirt falling to give Jayne better access. By now she was aching for it.

Jayne's fingers fumbled on his own clothes, shedding himself of his already destroyed shirt and loosening his pants just enough to show this girl no mercy. It took some effort to enter her the first time, like it always did. Her groaned into her mouth. First push always felt best.

"Hurt yet?" he asked, running a hand under her thin blouse and over her breast.

"No," she gasped, lying through her teeth. Best kinda hurt there was. "You'll have to do better then that."

He thrust again, harder, and she slammed against the wall. "Can make it hurt worse," he offered.

"Worse,' she begged, both relishing and dreading the idea. Her brain was silent now except for the constant demand for Jayne to push deeper, go faster, make it harder. She dug her fingernails into his back.

He made it worse. When it was all over River was exhausted and close to blacking out. But she was too grateful to care.