Disclaimer to Stephanie Meyer.

A/N: I'm so sorry it's been so long since I've updated. I really hope you all like it, I think I rewrote it ~10 times. Thank you to everyone who reviews, follows favorites, etc. Especially to those who comment and poke at me to ask for an update, they really do help!

With love, -M

Chapter Fourteen

"Bella, you're ridiculous. Just turn the page!"

I looked up at Alice to make sure she could see my eye-roll.

"Alice, this is an original copy of Jane Eyre. Do you realize how rare and amazing this is?" I asked.

"I'm not saying that it's not rare or amazing, all I'm saying is that you have to turn the pages so that you can actually read it!"

I tilted my head pretending to be annoyed by her teasing. "I refuse to be someone who rips an original copy of Jane Eyre."

"Do you want me to rip it a little? Will that make you feel better?"

"No!"

"Then read the book! The next time I see you hesitate I'm going to rip out an entire page."

"You wouldn't"

Alice smiled sweetly. "Try me."

Alice and I both laughed as we sank back into the couch in compatible silence. Carlisle, Emse, and Jasper had all left to go hunting a few hours ago and Carlisle had insisted that I take his copy of Jane Eyre to read. For weeks I had been practicing with old copies of newspapers so that I could borrow the book, but now that it was in my lap my hands shook with tremors.

I looked over my book to Alice sitting across from me with her latest fashion magazine. She had a pen out, scribbling notes in the margins for later reference. I had asked her a few days ago what kind of notes she wrote but all she would tell me was to trust her genius. In the most loving way, Jasper rolled his eyes and gave me a small shake of his head. He had long learned that he was always going to be dressed in the latest fashion whether he liked it or not.

But just like Jasper, if Alice was happy I was happy. Alice's happiness was infectious, her laugh and the joy that followed her felt tangible. I could see now why Jasper loved her as deeply as he did. Alice's affection for everything in life made people feel comfortable around her. The way Jasper could tap into those emotions, the way he could feel her happiness and confidence and curiosity, it had to be addictive. Even only being with Alice these last few weeks I struggled to imagine living without her.

But I knew my time was coming.

Alice's good mood as of late was the result of something. A choice someone else had made, a vision she'd seen. She believed something good was about to happen. I had no doubt there was any coincidence that since Alice's mood had lightened, calls between Carlisle and Emmett and Rosalie had dropped off.

No, Alice's vision had come true.

The Volturi turned him away.

Which meant he knew I was alive and with his family.

Something like a knot throbbed in my throat thinking about what I would soon have to do. Once I was certain he'd return, I'd have to leave the Cullens so he could reunite with his family in peace. Every night, I gave him a silent thank you for each extra day he granted me with his family. I had no idea how long the trip from Volterra to Washington was, but every second of every day I was on edge. What would I say to him if he came back today? Tomorrow? Before I had the chance to say goodbye and leave on my own?

I'd tried almost every night to pack my things and say my goodbyes to the Cullens. But every night, sitting in the room Esme had decorated for me in the clothes Alice had picked out for me surrounded by the books Carlisle had gifted to me, I couldn't do it. I was playing with fire, timing my departure so close to his inevitable arrival, but I couldn't help myself.

A selfish part of me hoped that he'd let me keep them for as long as I could.

I realized I was now staring at Alice, watching the small muscles in her cheek flex as she saw something she liked in her magazine. The sharp pain I'd felt in the cemetery crept back into my chest at the thought of leaving her and the others.

At least this time I could try and prepare myself for it.

I turned back to my book.

…

Not 10 minutes later, the house phone rang. Alice's head whipped up to meet mine. Her eyes were big with surprise, not expecting a call. It could only mean one thing.

Alice ran to the phone and picked it up before it could ring again. "Hello?"

"Is Carlisle there?" Sam was on the other end of the phone. Even from across the living room I could hear his heaving on the other end of the call. He sounded out of breath, rushed.

"No, he's out hunting. Why? What's wrong?" Alice asked.

"It's Jacob," Sam said. "He was at Charlie's with Billy. The redhead was outside the house so Jacob chased her off. He ran her off pretty far but he's badly hurt. Billy's trying to get Charlie to go home with him but Jacob lost her before getting back to the reservation."

Alice stammered backwards at Sam's words, clutching the doorway. Her eyes clouded searching for what Victoria's decision now meant for us.

I got up from the couch to grab the phone from Alice. At my movement she clutched the phone tighter and pulled it away from me.

"Bella, you need to go! To Charlie- now!"

My body ached for the muscle memory of a racing heartbeat. My father was in danger.

I didn't wait for Alice to repeat herself as I ran from the living room. Whatever Alice saw required her to stay at the house. Maybe she needed to wait for the others, maybe Victoria just needed to be distracted long enough for the others to get to Charlie's-

Maybe my father didn't have that much time.

I pushed my legs harder against the snow frosted ground to my father's home. What was the fastest way to my father's? I cursed. I should have practiced this, should have known the perfect route to take for this exact scenario. I kept running as fast as I could hoping it would be fast enough to get to him in time.

I could feel the panic building in my body as I got closer and closer to Charlie's. I was so close, only a few seconds away from the house.

I pushed harder. Blurs of trees raced in my peripheral vision as I zeroed in on my father's home. I could smell the trace of scent left from Jacob and Victoria only minutes ago. The odor of Jacob's stench was still overwhelming. I couldn't tell if Victoria's was fresh or not, if she had beat me here or if she was still far away.

I stopped at the edge of the treeline, scanning everything I could take in with my eyes. I could see the mess of foot prints from Jacob and Victoria's encounter. If I made it out of this alive I would have to clear that for Charlie.

My phone began to vibrate. I jumped, startled from my thoughts. I dug into my pocket to turn it off but stopped myself. Sure enough, it was Alice. She wouldn't be calling me if she knew it would be unsafe to do so.

"Hello?" I said.

"Bella, your father's safe. He's on the reservation with Billy. You don't need to worry about him, the wolves are guarding him and taking good care of him."

I nearly crushed the phone from relief.

"Thank god. Alice, do you know where Victoria is? Can you-"

"Bella, I'm sorry I have to go. I'll explain later."

"Wait! Alice-"

The call clicked off.

I sighed with relief and looked at my father's home.

I wanted so much to go inside my old home, to see how my father was really doing, but I needed to leave. If Victoria was looking for me, I didn't want to give her another reminder of my father.

I took a small step away from the house.

Another step.

I need to go.

But then I was on the ground, my legs pulled out from underneath me. I scrambled and flailed my arms, reaching to grab anything and steady myself as I tried to reorient my surroundings.

Within the same second I was back on my feet, crouching and searching for my attacker. Everything in the forest had gone silent. Even the wildlife knew the danger I was in now.

I straightened myself a bit to better plan a route of escape. If I could run and have her follow me, it may distract her from my father. She may spare his life if she never had reason to think of him again.

I was still searching for her when a blur of red fell from the tree above me and pinned me to the ground. I thrashed against her, desperately trying to remember everything Jasper had taught me.

Somehow, I managed to roll her off of me and I sprinted away from the house. I could feel her behind me, gaining on me even as I ran as fast as I could. It wasn't enough. Victoria lunged to grab my ankle and I fell face first into the ground. Fingers threaded into my hair and a knee pressed hard into my back.

I tried to lunge again, to kick her off of me one more time but she was too strong. Even as a newborn, she was too strong of a fighter to lose to my brute strength.

"Bell-ah," she said my name like it was the first time she'd had to pronounce it. "I've been looking everywhere for you! Glad to see your friend got my message."

Victoria bent down and turned my head so I could see her face. Her eyes were somehow more red than the last time I had seen her. I wanted to gag at the thought of how many humans she must have consumed for her eyes to darken so much. It had been almost a year since James had been killed. She'd had a year to plan this, vampire or not.

"I was so worried when I heard the Volturi had taken you, Bella. I thought they'd taken all my fun. You can't imagine my relief when I discovered you were back in town…"

I jerked again but Victoria pushed me down harder. Lifting her knee from my back, she rolled my torso, pinning my back to the ground. She let go of my hair and stood over me with the cruelest smile I had ever seen in my life.

"I'm stronger than you," I said. My voice broke on the words, the attempted effect lost on both of us. Even I wanted to scoff at the frailness of my voice.

I tried to move to stand again but Victoria was faster as her foot collided with my throat and knocked me back down. Slowly, so I had enough time to panic, she straddled me and bent her mouth to my ear.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Bella, just because you are one of us now doesn't mean I can't hurt you. And trust me, I'm going to make this hurt."

I jerked my head away from her. I had to get her off me. I couldn't look at her. She reminded me so much of James, of the fear that had rooted itself in me the night at the ballet studio. I could feel that fear growing inside me, threatening to freeze me under Victoria's weight and simply beg for a quick end.

Victoria knew she had me. She knew there was nothing I could do. She was toying with me, to better savor the revenge she felt so rightfully entitled to.

"Like I was saying, I was worried that the Volturi had killed you themselves. I thought I'd lost my chance. But look at you! I only apologize that you had to go through that torturous transition just to be killed slowly and painfully by me."

Leisurely, Victoria's cold fingers wrapped themselves around my neck. Her voice was sing-song.

"By the time I'm done with you, you're going to beg for the pain of that transition. You may have cursed the pain then, but that pain made you stronger." Her nails began to sink deeper into my skin. "The pain I'm going to make you feel, it's going to kill you. It's going to break you so fully that you won't know who you are when you draw your last breath."

My jaw locked. I would not give her the pleasure of this exchange. I closed my eyes and muttered a silent prayer that my father would not find my body one day in these woods, charred from fire.

Maybe this is what Alice had seen. Maybe she knew I would give my life for my father's, that this is what I would have wanted. Maybe she told me to come here because there was some other alternative I wouldn't have been able to live with either.

Victoria traced a single finger down the curve of my ear.

"I think-" she started, but her body was hurled from mine and slammed into the snow beside me.

They're here. The Cullens, they came.

Two figures tumbled away from me, their bodies distinct only by the contrast of red hair. I whipped my head around expecting to see the others closely behind.

But there was no one else.

Who had come alone?

I wasn't confused for long. I heard Victoria's scream as she hauled herself over my savior, both her hands clenched to each side of their face.

The same paralyzing fear from before solidified me into place. I could see now the face that she was holding, the golden eyes that met mine only a few yards away.

"NO!"

All instinct took over. I was no longer in control of my own body. I might as well have just been an observer through my field of vision.

Victoria didn't have a chance.

Still crouched over him, I lunged onto her back and wrapped my legs around her torso. The motion threw us off and I pinned Victoria down faceforward. I gave her no chance to react, no chance to fight me off. I had no desire to drag this out, no desire to make her feel pain or regret her decisions.

I only thought of him.

With all my strength, I ripped her head from her body. All the tension in her muscles loosened and my weight fully sank into her. She made no sound, never had a chance for last words. For all I cared she had been dead the moment I saw her hands on him.

I was heaving now, gulping for air. He moved from where Victoria had pinned him, also having no time to react to my actions. I couldn't peel my eyes from the lifeless head resting in my hands, but I could feel every step he took towards me. I could feel the shift of his body towards mine, the flex of his legs as he crouched over me. I refused to look at him, still sitting on the corpse surrounded in snow.

Victoria's head was removed from my hands and thrown only a few feet away. My body was nearly as frozen as hers, desperately trying to catch up and process everything that had happened in such a short amount of time.

I still didn't look up. He was so close now his smell surrounded me, his scent a million times stronger than the blanket I had stolen from his room only a few weeks ago. The perfect combination of mint and pine swirled through me and I choked back a sob. It was like the first breath of air after a long road trip home. I wanted to savor it, bottle it, drown myself in it forever. I squeezed my eyes shut to try and collect myself, I didn't know what to do with my hands. They remained held out as if the head had not been taken from them.

What have I done?

A warm hand circled around my waist and lifted me up. As if I were a small child to be carried out of a burning building, he cradled me gently against his chest and turned us away. My hands found his shirt and gripped for dear life. Without thinking I let my head fall to his shoulder, the barest touch of skin at his neck blazing hot against my forehead.

Then we were running. The sudden motion startled me and I could feel his grip around me tighten. It was different, being carried as a vampire when I could see and feel the world in the same way as him. But somehow, maybe because of the shock, I still felt just as terrified.

Not even a full minute later, we stopped along the edge of a river saved from the bite of winter by an opening of sunlight from the trees. Even along the banks, the snow was thin and scattered, a hopeful sign of spring to the life that rested around it.

He set me down gently against a tree. I was still shaking, from him or Victoria, I wasn't sure.

He stood over me, my face still refusing to meet his even with the close proximity. He didn't move, said nothing, only crouched over my shaking cradled body against the tree.

The closeness of him was sending my mind into a frenzy. I couldn't think with him so close. This close I could feel the warmth of his breath against my cheek, I could hear the air move in and out of his lungs so rhythmically. If I closed my eyes I could pretend that he was just here with me, as he had been once before. Not here because of Victoria, not here because I was now a vampire, but here just because I was me.

I realized then that I was still clutching his shirt. I jolted and snapped my hands into my lap. He moved away then, separating us with a few feet of space.

I hated it.

We'd only been close to one another for a few moments, but I already ached for him to be close again. I couldn't even brave myself to look him in the face, but my soul reached for him like a lifeline.

He shifted, a subtle reminder that he was still actually there. Was he staring at me? Cursing himself for saving me? Again? Was he angry seeing me… like him?

I was gripping the collar of my own sweater now, shaking even more so than before. I could feel the wind kiss the cool patch of skin that had so briefly touched his. I was paralyzed.

What could I say to him? I had put the safety of his family in jeopardy, he had nearly died for me, again, and now I was exactly what he had never wanted me to be. Permanent, immortal, a horrible reminder of a lapse in judgment. He had planned for me to die one day, to have a life in a world without me in it. Now he was standing in front of the proof of the worst possible outcome.

I couldn't stand how much I was shaking, still waiting for him to say something, anything! I placed my hand down in the dirt in front of me, watching my nails dig under the soft sun-soaked soil.

Waiting for something to happen felt worse than Victoria's fingers curled around my throat. The anticipation of whatever was coming, it was going to kill me. Would he say anything to me? Leave me here in the woods, again? How angry would he be? How much time did I have before I'd have to leave the others? How much did he know of what happened?

I chanced a glance to where he was still crouched closer to the river. I could see his clothes, old and a bit ragged as if he hadn't changed them in a few days. The tears in his clothes were the only evidence of his confrontation with Victoria. I could hear my breathing quicken, the tension in the air winding tighter and tighter as the silence stretched on.

My eyes began to wander, slowly, from our shared ground to his neckline. It almost looked like he was shaking too. Hesitantly, he raised his hand and reached for me. He reached so slowly, I could feel the heat radiating off his fingers before our skin ever touched.

I flinched at the contact. His thumb brushed along my cheekbone methodically. His skin felt like a burn on mine, like he was tracing the path of a new scar. I leaned into the touch, I couldn't help it. Bits of dirt fell to the ground from where he brushed along my cheek. A chivalrous, but futile, gesture, as I was covered in dirt from head to toe.

Then he swallowed, and I heard his lips part, and I couldn't resist any longer. My eyes met his and I was transported to these woods a year ago. His features had changed. Not in a human way, as if he had lost weight or styled his hair differently, but in a perceptive way. He looked worse than Carlisle had when he had found me in Volterra. His face was hollowed, stress carved into every angle of every feature.

Was this him? The results of the past year away from his family? Or had he always looked like this? Had I not been able to really see him before with my human eyes?

Had he always looked this… miserable?

His hand was still on my cheek, still gently brushing with his thumb. As if reading my mind he moved to pull it away from me. I reacted before I could think, grabbing his hand to hold it in place.

A choked sound came out of me but he didn't move. It was as if the past year had never happened, as if he had not left me, abruptly, with no discussion. He didn't pull away or try to hold me again- he just did… nothing. He stared at me, with an expression that gave me no clue as to what he was thinking.

And even then, after everything, I wouldn't let him go.

We stayed this way, like two deer in a field. Neither one of us fled or reached out, we anchored ourselves in place. We were an old movie western standoff, anxiously waiting for the other to make the first move, to show any inkling as to where they stood.

We looked at each other but said nothing.

And somehow, for the first time since we had been in these woods over a year ago, the gaping hole inside of me finally felt something. Seeing him then, in that moment, filled the last bit of me that echoed from hollowness. For the first time in my entire life, I felt as if every piece of myself was clicked together.

I felt whole.

This past year, the entire remainder of my human life, I had been a void filled only with grief and yearning and insecurity. Slowly, over time, as I reconnected with those I had cared for most, bits of me refilled with the pieces I had thought lost. For so long, I had blamed his absence for taking those pieces away from me.

But he had never taken those pieces from me. Those pieces were never stolen.

I had let them go.

No less than I did a year ago, I loved him. I loved him so immensely I would have died without thought to save him from Victoria. I wanted him exactly for the person he was in this moment, nothing more, nothing less. But seeing him then, my complete equal, I knew what the last piece I'd been missing these past few months had been.

Anger.

I had loved this man so unconditionally, had entwined my life to his so thoroughly, that I had thought my existence lost purpose without him. He had taken so much from me. He had taken himself, the person who meant the absolute most to me, he had taken my friends, my family, he had stolen a life that I belonged in. I had loved him so much I hadn't allowed myself to feel the anger. Instead I had projected the anger onto myself. I had absorbed the full responsibility of what happened.

I had longed for my pain to let go of me, but in doing so I had covered my eyes with my own hands, refusing to see the last thread that tethered me and that hostile pain together. I hadn't been able to feel both anger and love for him at the same time after he'd left, so I clung to what I'd so desperately wanted in return.

I'd wanted him to feel regret-

to feel unconditional love-

to hope for forgiveness.

Our faces were only inches apart and it was excruciating to be so close to him. The anger that I had shoved down for so many months was bubbling up through me. I refused to shove it down any longer. I was entitled to it, owed this anger after so long and after so many changes.

"Bella-"

A/N: I struggled so much to write this chapter because I really wanted Bella's feelings to be articulated well. I'd love to hear what you all think of them :) I hope you all have a great week!