Sometimes when I wake up in the twisted greys just before dawn, the shade of a woman stands at the foot of my bed just beyond the wisps of sheer. Her hair is black, like mine, and her eyes are the most mesmerizing shade of blue I have ever seen. She beckons for me to take her hand and float away with her forever, but I can't look away from the blue of her eyes. They are like my own eyes, looking back at me; surreal blue, like the sky, and I fly away inside them high above this mundane world into the vast beyond. I sit up in my bed, trying to reach her fingers, and the sheer presses against her like the fog of another world. "Avenge me," she says. . . and I wake up screaming.
Bellatrix hated sleeping alone. Even when she was a small girl she hated it, and could often be found creeping through the ancient hallways of Black Mansion and stealing into her sister's bedroom in the dead of night. Narcissa, who expected her, always kept a small, lavender night lamp burning on her beside table. She said it was to help her find her way, but sometimes Bella wondered if Narcissa didn't keep it to burn away the dark and keep the ghost of their mother away.
Peeling back the layers of comfortable quilts that covered her sister's sleeping form, she slipped into the bed and curled close to Narcissa's warmth. She hated that she felt so vulnerable, so easily scared of loneliness and the dark. She would never admit it to anyone else but her sister.
"Did you have a nightmare?" Narcissa whispered as she stirred, making room in the bed. They were the only two left in the house, aside from their father, whose room was so far away from them that not even a herd of Bramblehorned Bjorklebeasts would capture his attention, and still she whispered in her comfortable voice.
"Mummy's ghost was at the foot of my bed again," she said.
At first Narcissa said nothing, simply expanded her chest with the strong intake of breath that soon left her like a small defeat. "You were only dreaming, my lovely love."
Without hesitation, Bella revealed the cause of her dream. "The Dark Lord asked me why I killed her," she said.
"Bella," Narcissa sighed her sister's name. "You didn't kill Mother."
"Not on purpose, no."
"Not at all," she scolded, that whisper still gripping her sweet tone. "Father killed Mother, and you know it. We all know it."
This time Bellatrix sighed, "Yes, we do," she said. "Mummy wants me to avenge her."
Narcissa didn't speak for a long time, as though she were churning that thought over and over in her mind. When it seemed to Bella that she had finally pushed her sister too far, that Narcissa was pondering ways to have her committed to Azkaban, or the Spell Damage Unit at St. Mungo's, Narcissa asked, "Ask Mummy if I can help you."
"No, 'Cissa," she protested. "I don't want you to."
"She was my mother too."
"And when I avenge her, it will be for you. It will be for all of us."
They lie facing one another in the lavender tones just before morning, Bella with her eyes closed and Narcissa watching with silent devotion until her little sister fell asleep. Only then did she close her own eyes, and reach back inside herself for the comfort of sleep.
Rodolphus was in the parlor when Bellatrix descended the stairs later that morning. His arrogance was only rivaled by that of her own father, who made no bones about brandishing a very expensive cane he had just purchased to encase his wand. "You have excellent taste, sir," Rodolphus complimented. "I fully understand now where your lovely daughter acquired her taste for the finest."
He had taken note of her coming down the stairs, the mask of his kindness nothing more than a façade in her father's presence. He'd come to berate her, no doubt, for making an appearance before the Dark Lord the night before, but wouldn't dare make a scene in front of her father. "Rodolphus," her limp, but elegant hand extended to him before she'd even taken the final step and he accepted, drawing her from the final step and kissing her hand. "I thought I heard your darling voice. What brings you?"
"You bring me," he smiled, Prince Charming in disguise, or was it the other way around. He was Rodolphus, disguised as Prince Charming? Either way, he was pretending to be something he was not. "I missed you and thought we might take lunch together."
"Splendid," Cesaro Black clapped his hands together. "I was just about to call for lunch, the three of you can join me."
"Of course, Father," Bella widened her eyes, their feral glare catching Rodolphus a bit off guard. "Shall I call for Narcissa?"
"No need, Bellatrix," he didn't turn back to look at her, but had started walking toward the dining room. "She's already waiting at the table."
"We'll join you momentarily then, Father," she called, just before he passed through the doorway. The distant memory of her early morning dreams sparked to life in her. She would avenge her mother's death, she smiled inwardly. When the time was right, she would do what she had promised her sister in the early morning hours, but first, she drew close to Rodolphus, her hand sneaking up his bicep and resting just at his shoulder before she leaned in and brushed moist lips to his cheek.
"My dear, Rudy," she uttered sweetly, "what really brings you?"
He turned his face just enough to look into her eyes, but held the kiss she craved at bay, "You know bloody well what brings me, you facetious little bitch!"
His snarling anger evoked her soft laughter, but on the inside, no matter how much she braced herself for his cruelties, it always stung her just enough to leave an ugly scar under the skin. "Now, now, love," she purred, leaning closer to his ear. "Since when have you cornered the market on the Dark Lord's company?"
Rodolphus moved quick, like a cat, grabbing for her forearm to twist her away from him. It just so happened that he grabbed in the tender place the Dark Lord had left his mark, and regrettably, she winced in agony. A sneering smile formed on his thin lips, "Since I took you to my bed, Bella. I don't want you everywhere I go. It's bad enough spending time with you there."
"You didn't seem to think it was so bad night before last when I was. . ."
With the same movement he had used to tear her away, he brought her back to him, his lips so close to her that she felt a bit of spittle fly when he said, "I'm telling you I don't want you around me all the time. If we're going to play this game. . . this whatever it is we're doing, you keep your distance and stay out of my other affairs."
His thumb continually pressed into that painful mark, and she was wincing on the inside, while doing her best to hold in her agony in front of him. "Well, you can be the one to tell the Dark Lord I won't be accepting his invitation tomorrow night, then, Rodolphus. I wouldn't want to anger him after coming so highly recommended into his service."
"Bugger all," he let go of her arm with as much violence as he'd grabbed onto it, and she instinctively moved to rub at the tender skin. "Bloody Malfoy! I should have been the one that brought you in, not him."
She licked her lips in anticipation of her next move against him, "Now how were you going to do that when you were holding me as far away from all your other affairs as you could?"
"Mind your cheek," he warned.
She rolled her eyes, "Besides, Lucius was simply looking after his own best interest. He knew that the quickest way to Narcissa's heart was through mine. Now that he has at least managed to provide me with something I desire, I'll do my best to make sure he gets what he desires. It's a simple game of give and take, one I'm positive you're not all that familiar with yourself."
There was a bit of a haze over his dull-green eyes when he looked into here at that moment, "Perhaps it's time for me to look out for my best interests," he said. "The only way I can think to do that is by cutting away the dead weight."
Bella tilted her head curiously. What exactly did he mean? "Are you threatening me, Rodolphus?"
For a moment those eyes livened with the thrill of her supposition, "I'm simply making a statement in regards to my own best interests."
"Rodolphus," Cesaro Black came back into the parlor, "before lunch, I wanted to show you something in my study. Do you have a minute."
"Of course, sir," the fleeting smile returned with ease, replacing the cruel mask of his bitterness toward her. Why did he hate her so? Had she ever done anything cruel to him? Had she ever been anything but compliant? By all rights, she should have turned him out on his ear and moved on with her life, but something inside of her was continually and strangely attracted to his rejection. As long as he was playing hard to get, Bella was going to continue playing hard to want. "Well finish this later, Bella," he grinned sweetly, leaning down and brushing a tender kiss against her cheek.
"I'll be waiting."
Bellatrix watched him follow behind his father, and as he passed through the doorway, she gave a little start because he walked through the shade of her dead mother, reaching out to her. How strange that she should appear right there in broad daylight. Unnerved, she couldn't remember a single time when she had seen the apparition of her mother other than at the end of her bed, silently pleading for her youngest daughter to take vengeance against the one who had brought her down. Did it mean something? Was her mother saying something far deeper than her normal cries for retribution?
Neither Rodolphus, nor her father had seen the apparition even though they had walked right through it. Bellatrix took a tentative step toward her, reading her lips, only this time, when her mother mouthed the words, "Avenge me," they came out loud and clear and were followed closely by, "save yourself."