Nathan sat at the bar in the saloon, listlessly stirring a bowl of chili. He hadn't taken a single bite. He wasn't sure he had the stomach for it. After his memories broke free earlier in the graveyard, they had consumed him. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about Sarah and her horrible torment and death. Guilt overwhelmed him.

My fault…all my fault…she would be alive if it wasn't for me…

The words chanted like a refrain in his mind. He pressed his hands to his head, shaking it hard to dispel the thoughts, but they only sounded louder. Other thoughts soon joined in. With Nathan's defenses already lowered, other feelings of guilt crept in, feelings that tormented him. Sarah. Joshua. Jack. Colleen. Mother. Nathan groaned, feeling the tears stinging his eyes again.

Maybe now was a good time to have that talk with Gabe. So many thoughts were swirling through his mind, he wasn't sure which one hurt the most.

He looked down at his chili. He hadn't eaten all day. Though his stomach complained about the lack of food, his mind revolted at the thought of the work involved to lift the spoon from the bowl to his mouth. He sighed. He needed to eat. Then he could go talk to Gabe.

Tom Trevoy came over, shoving something his way. "You look like you need this," he said.

Nathan looked down, seeing a shot glass full of amber liquid. He lifted it, sniffing the contents. "Whiskey?"

Tom nodded. "Sometimes a stiff drink is just what the doctor ordered."

Nathan wasn't much of a drinker, but at this point he figured he had nothing to lose. Maybe the alcohol would numb his pain and dull his memories. He lifted the glass to his lips and drained the contents. The whiskey galled his throat. He coughed, unused to the sharp, burning sensation. Closing his eyes, he shook his head briefly to clear the strange feeling. He took a bite of the chili to counteract the alcohol.

Tom filled his glass again. Nathan eyed it, hesitating. One shot was acceptable. A second might be a mistake. Once again, his memories hammered into his mind. Gritting his teeth, Nathan shook his head and then swiftly gulped down the whiskey. A warmth spread through him. He soon felt like he was floating. It gave him enough stamina to take a few more bites of his food.

The heaviness lifted from his mind. His memories began to fade. The pain both dulled and intensified in a strange mix of emotion. Nathan lifted the shot glass, wondering if another hit of the amber drink would take away the memories altogether. He signaled to Tom, and the bartender poured him a third drink.

Maybe the third time would be the charm. Just one more drink and his worries would fade.

Just one more…

Elizabeth was worried about Nathan. The utter dejection and pain in his eyes as they had left the graveyard haunted her. She'd never seen a man so broken. When he told her goodbye at the stables, he seemed to be staring through her rather than at her. He'd walked away, shoulders slumped and head down, a man defeated by the ghosts of the past. She had hoped talking about things would help him. Instead, he seemed more distant and closed off than ever.

Maybe it was just a side effect of reliving his trauma. Maybe he would wake up in the morning feeling a sense of freedom that came from bringing the truth to light.

But no matter how much she tried to convince herself otherwise, Elizabeth couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

She had found peace today. Nathan had found only demons.

She made her way to the Grant rowhouse, needing to see Nathan for herself. When she knocked at the door, a worried Colleen opened it.

"Elizabeth!" she exclaimed, hugging her arms around herself. "I was just about to come see you." She looked around. "Have you seen Nathan?"

A sinking feeling started in Elizabeth's stomach. "Not since this afternoon," she said. "He hasn't come home?"

Colleen shook her head. "It's not like him to stay at work this long. He's never there after dark, at least not without telling me first." She wrung her hands. "Maybe we should ask Gabe to look for him."

Elizabeth put a hand on Colleen's shoulder. "I'll go see if Nathan is at his shop," she said, keeping her words as calm as possible. Colleen's heightened emotional state couldn't be good for the baby. "If he's not there, I'll alert Gabe."

Relief flashed over her friend's face. "Thank you, Elizabeth," she said.

Elizabeth nodded, then hurried at a quick pace down the road. A quick glance at Nathan's shop, which was dark and locked tight, told her he wasn't there. She checked the café next, just in case he decided to get something to eat. He wasn't there either. It was then that Elizabeth knew real fear.

She ran to the NWMP office, banging on the door. After a minute, Gabe opened it, looking surprised. "Elizabeth! What's wrong?"

"I can't find Nathan," she said, feeling an urge to cry. "Colleen hasn't seen him either. He was in such a state earlier, Gabe. He broke down crying at the graveyard, and then he completely shut down. I've never seen him like that before. He told me about Sarah, and there was such an emptiness in his eyes. I'm worried about him."

Gabe's mouth dropped. "He told you about Sarah?"

She nodded. "It's such a sad story. He looked to be in intense pain. And he blames himself for her death." She chewed on her lip. "I'm afraid…I'm afraid he might do something he regrets."

Gabe was already shutting the door behind him. "I'll check around town," he said. "You head home, Elizabeth. I'll find him. I promise."

She wrapped her arms around herself. "Can I wait here?" she asked, her voice small. "I have to know if he's alright."

Gabe regarded her for a moment. His face softened, and he rested a hand on her shoulder. "Of course," he said quietly. He gave her a gentle smile. "I'm glad you were able to be there for him, Elizabeth."

She sniffed, feeling close to tears. "I'm afraid I might have made things worse."

He shook his head. "Nathan needed to get that out. He's bottled it up for too long. Unfortunately, that may have pushed him to a breaking point." His hand tightened on her shoulder. "I'll find him, Elizabeth."

She nodded, sinking into the rocker that sat on his porch. With nothing else she could do, she sent up a desperate prayer for help, knowing things were out of her hands.

Gabe checked everywhere in town before heading to the saloon. It was the last place he would expect his friend to be, but he knew it would be negligent not to check there. Maybe Nathan decided he wanted saloon fare instead of food from the café. Though it wasn't likely. Nathan had said on more than one occasion that he would only go to the saloon for social events.

Walking casually into the saloon, Gabe looked around. His eyes stopped on a familiar figure at the bar. Shock coursed through him. Nathan was gesturing wildly with his hands and…was he singing?!

Gabe watched for a few seconds, stunned frozen. There was only one reason his friend would be acting like that, but Gabe couldn't believe it to be true. Nathan had never been drunk a day in his life. But as Gabe watched his antics at the bar, he knew his friend was hammered.

He strode forward, clasping Nathan's shoulder with his hand. "What's going on, Nathan?" he asked, raising his voice to be heard over his friend's loud singing.

Nathan stopped and gave him a loopy grin. "Heya, Gabe!" he slurred, his eyes unfocused. "Whatcha doin' here?"

Gabe could smell the alcohol on Nathan's breath. It was nearly overpowering. He glanced at the shot glass next to a nearly uneaten bowl of chili. "Tom!" he called, hailing the saloon owner.

The man came over, drying a glass with a towel. "Yes, Constable?"

Gabe jerked his head at the glass. "How many did Nathan have?"

Tom shrugged. "Three or four, I think. Maybe more."

"Did he eat anything?" Gabe asked. "Because it looks like he hardly touched his chili."

"No idea," Tom grunted. "It's not my job to make sure patrons eat with their alcohol. Your friend here looked like he needed a strong drink, so I provided the first two. He asked for the rest."

"You provided…" Gabe grit his teeth. He knew Nathan wouldn't have started drinking of his own accord. Two shots on an empty stomach would have been enough to get his friend drunk. Any more than that would be enough to guarantee he would remember none of this in the morning. Gabe was surprised Nathan was still on his feet.

Sort of.

He was slumping against Gabe, muttering into his shirt. "'t's my fault," he said, his words running together. "All my fault. Shouldn'ta ever fallen in love…"

Gabe propped Nathan up as best he could. Nathan simply slumped against him again.

There was no way Gabe was going to take Nathan home like this. Colleen didn't need that, and neither did Allie. "C'mon, Nathan," he said. "You're going to sleep this off in the jail."

"You 'rrestin' me?" Nathan asked, laughing uncontrollably. Abruptly, the laughter stopped and he burst into tears.

Gabe was at a loss. Nathan was bigger than him, too big for Gabe to get him to the jail by himself. Fortunately, he heard a familiar voice beside him.

"Need a hand?"

Gabe had never been so relieved to see Bill. "Yes, please," he said. "I need to take him to the Mountie office."

Bill secured an arm around Nathan's right side while Gabe did the same for his left. Nathan stopped crying and began singing again. Bill winced, shooting Gabe a look. "Does he often do this?"

Gabe shook his head grimly. "Never. This is a first." He grit his teeth. "And hopefully a last."

They made their way slowly to the jail. Even supported, Nathan stumbled a lot. When they got to the steps, Gabe saw that Elizabeth was still there. She jumped to her feet when she saw Nathan.

"Nathan! Are you okay?"

He lifted his head. "'Liz'beth," he slurred, smiling that same loopy smile he'd given Gabe. "My angel." He jerked toward her, nearly sending Gabe and Bill stumbling themselves. Nathan's eyes rolled back and he began quietly sobbing. "I'm fallin' for ya," he said through his tears, trying to focus on Elizabeth. "My love." He sighed. "Promised m'self I wouldn't love again, but 't's too late. Too late. I don't deserve t'love someone like ya. My fault Sarah is gone…an' Josh…an' Jack." His cries grew louder. Elizabeth stood in shocked silence, looking from Nathan to Gabe to Bill. Bill was staring at Nathan as well, unsure what to make of his drunken declaration.

Gabe was also stunned by Nathan's declaration. He needed to get his friend inside fast, before he said anything else. "Bill, can you escort Elizabeth home?" he asked. "I'll take things from here."

Bill nodded, putting an arm around Elizabeth. She was still staring at Nathan, her hands over her mouth, her eyes wide. Gabe directed his next words to her. "Elizabeth, would you mind telling Colleen that I'm going to have Nathan sleep here tonight? I don't want her to see him like this."

Elizabeth nodded, her hands slowly dropping to her sides. "Is he drunk?" she whispered.

Gabe closed his eyes momentarily. "Yes, but it's not entirely his fault," he said, feeling the need to defend his friend. "Nathan rarely drinks. Trevoy gave him two shots, and with Nathan's heightened emotions, he made a bad choice to keep drinking." He shook his head. "This has never happened before, Elizabeth. I swear."

She nodded again. Stepping forward, she placed her hands on Nathan's arms and looked up into his eyes. "You'll get through this," she whispered. "Let Gabe take care of you." She lifted herself on her tiptoes, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Don't let your demons win."

Gabe wasn't sure how much went through into Nathan's brain, but her words seemed to calm him slightly. His eyes focused on hers. "My 'Liz'beth," he whispered. "My love." His words still slurred, but they were clearer than they'd been before.

Bill wrapped an arm around Elizabeth again. "Come on," he said gently. "Let's get you home." He nodded at Gabe, then led Elizabeth down the steps. Gabe managed to get Nathan into the office and then onto a jail bed. Nathan began muttering incoherent nonsense, waving his arms in the air and rolling around on the bed. Gabe got him settled, then shut and locked the jail door. He wanted to make sure Nathan stayed put and got some rest.

"Sleep, my friend," he said, his heart clenching as Nathan began crying again. It smote him to see his friend so pathetic and broken. But he knew there was nothing more he could do for him. Nathan had to suffer the effects of the alcohol before they could talk.

Laying on the other jail cell bed to be close by, Gabe remained awake long into the night, his heart breaking over and over at Nathan's whimpered words and drunken confessions.

Tomorrow was going to bring about some interesting conversations.