Colleen's labor was long and intense. She couldn't remember ever having been in such pain. Allie's delivery had been relatively quick. Colleen had developed labor pains and given birth all within ten hours. Now, as she entered into the second day of contractions, she wondered if it was ever going to end.
Elizabeth had promised to watch Allie until Colleen gave birth. Nathan and Gabe took turns sitting with her, a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on through her hours of painful labor. Faith had moved into the house for the time being, wanting to monitor Colleen to make sure she and the baby remained safe.
The hours wore on. Colleen writhed with each contraction that didn't seem to bring her child any closer to birth. Her water still hadn't broken, but her pains were intense. At times, she feared for her child's life. In a few desperate moments, she wondered if she would survive the birthing process. Fear for her children grew inside, her anxiety only compounding her pain. Who would care for them if she couldn't?
She was in that frame of mind when Nathan came into the room later that day. He sat beside the bed, taking her hand in his. "Hey, sis," he said softly. "How are you doing?"
Colleen clutched his hand, staring directly into his eyes. Her brother was a good man. He would be a wonderful guardian for her children. She knew asking this would torture him inside, but she had to do it for the sake of her babies. "Nathan, I need you to promise me something."
He nodded, leaning forward. "Anything, Colleen."
She sucked in a short breath, tears escaping her eyes. "If I don't make it, I want you to take in Allie as your own. If the baby survives and I don't, I'll need you to take her on as well." She sniffed. "I need to know my children will be well taken care of if I die."
Nathan's features crumpled. "Don't talk like that!" he whispered fiercely. "You're not going to die, Colleen. You're going to live and be the mother your children deserve. There's no sense talking like anything else will happen."
Colleen's hand tightened on his. Sweat dripped down her forehead. "Nathan, I need you to promise me," she said brokenly. "I need to know if something happens to me, my babies will be in good hands."
Tears filled her brother's eyes. He shook his head again. "I can't bear the thought of losing you, Colleen. Please don't think that way."
Her grip became painfully tight. She saw Nathan wince before covering it up. She half-rose from her pillow, frantic. "It is possible. We need to face those facts. And you need to promise me. Please, Nathan. I need this from you." Her eyes begged him. "Please promise me my children will have a home with you if I don't make it through this delivery."
A sob choked him, but he nodded through his tears. "I promise," he said brokenly.
Relief flooded Colleen. She sank against the pillows again, feeling a small measure of peace. "Thank you," she whispered. Her relief was short-lived. A pain took hold. She cried out, her grip on Nathan's hand tightening once more. Halfway through, Faith came into the room. She rubbed a soothing hand through Colleen's hair as the contraction went on. When it finally released her, Colleen laid back, gasping for breath.
Faith glanced at Nathan. "I need to check her again," she said softly. "You'll have to leave the room."
Nathan swallowed, leaning over to kiss Colleen's cheek. "Let me know if you need anything."
Colleen grabbed his hand once more to keep him from leaving. "Can you go check on Allie for me?" she asked. "I know she would love to see you. She probably needs her Uncle Nathan right now."
Nathan hesitated for a brief moment. Colleen knew it was because going to see Allie would mean he had to see Elizabeth as well. She wasn't sure what had happened between her brother and her friend, but she knew Nathan was fighting something. He closed his eyes before nodding. "Of course."
She relaxed slightly. "Thank you."
He nodded, squeezing her hand before leaving the room.
Shortly after he left, while Faith was checking her progress, Colleen's water finally broke.
Nathan knocked on Elizabeth's door. He felt numb. Seeing his sister in pain and hearing her beg him to care for her children if the unthinkable happened…it was all too much. He'd already lost too many people who were close to him. If Colleen died, he just might break beyond repair.
Elizabeth opened the door, surprise written across her features. "Nathan." She took him in, searching for news about Colleen. "Is the baby here?"
He shook his head wearily. "No. She's still struggling."
Elizabeth took his arm, pulling him gently but firmly into the house and shutting the door. When she turned to face him, her expression was full of compassion. "I don't think she's the only one. You look like you need a hug." With that, she proceeded to pull him into her arms.
Nathan lost it.
The turmoil of the past thirty-six hours overtook him. Colleen's plea for him to take her children if she died had awoken his fear that she very well might not make it through the birthing process. Elizabeth's arms provided a safe refuge. Despite the fact that his love for her was impossible, Nathan melted into her embrace, holding on tight as if she was the only thing grounding him. Sobs shook him. It crossed his mind that he should be embarrassed to once more be crying in Elizabeth's arms, but instead, he felt safe with her.
He felt loved.
For the moment, he embraced that love as surely as he was embracing her. Eyes closed, he let the comforting scent of lavender wash over him. He let her arms provide him with strength. His head rested against her hair until his cries subsided and he simply rested with her.
Elizabeth's hand was moving up and down his back in a soothing gesture. Nathan let out a breath, pulling her a little closer. It felt good to have her caring for him.
This could be your life, a voice whispered inside his heart. A life full of love. All you have to do is trust and be open to it.
He wanted to. More than anything, Nathan wanted to believe that he and Elizabeth could find a way to be together, to share a great love, to spend a lifetime discovering more about each other. But he knew he was too broken. Elizabeth deserved someone whole and untarnished, someone who could protect her and offer her a heart without scars and fears. The more he thought about opening himself to her, the more he believed it would be to her detriment.
He knew Bill, Gabe, and Colleen believed otherwise. Elizabeth herself seemed to think otherwise, something Nathan couldn't wrap his mind around. He'd told her about his failure with Sarah. She'd seen him make a terrible decision and reap the consequences of it. How she could hope for a future with him staggered his mind.
She hadn't said she loved him. But she hadn't needed to. When she came to his shop last week and cornered him, her feelings were written all over her face. Her words had told him that she returned his feelings. They were in love with each other.
But he could do nothing about it. Elizabeth deserved better than him.
A small piece of him, however, refused to believe that. A resilient part of his heart cried out that he take a chance on love again. It insisted he had an inner strength to push through the trials and sorrows of the past and forge a new path in the future. A future that included Elizabeth.
For what felt like an eternity, the two warring factions within fought an intense battle. Part of him wanted to stop fighting and tell Elizabeth he was willing to give them a chance. Willing to do what he was afraid to do and open his heart to love. To her. But the other part of him continued to rebel, insisting that he wasn't worthy of her.
Nathan was too tired to analyze the conflicting feelings. His mind was wrapped up with his sister and her difficult labor. Thinking of Colleen brought to mind the reason for his visit. Slowly, he pulled back, reluctantly breaking contact with Elizabeth.
"I came to check on Allie," he said softly. "Colleen asked me to see how she was doing."
Elizabeth smiled. "She is upstairs taking a nap." She glanced at the clock. "But she should be ready to get up by now. Come with me." She led the way up the stairs and into her bedroom. Nathan paused outside the door, feeling the inappropriateness of going into a woman's room. Elizabeth glanced back, her brow furrowing. "Are you coming?"
He still felt a sense of resistance, but then he saw Allie stirring in Elizabeth's bed. All else faded. He hurried forward to his niece, sitting on the bed so he was the first thing she saw when her little eyes opened. She yawned before blinking sleepily. When she saw him, a smile filled her face. "Unca Na'tan?"
"Hey, princess," he whispered, tears choking him again. How would his precious niece react if her mother didn't survive childbirth? The thought nearly sent him over the edge again, but he forced himself to be strong for Allie's sake. He reached out, lifting her into his lap. "How are you, sweetie?"
"Good," she said, giving another large yawn. "Mama have baby?"
Nathan pressed her closer. "Not yet," he said.
Allie leaned against his chest, popping her thumb into her mouth. Nathan looked at Elizabeth. She placed a hand on his shoulder. "I have some milk downstairs," she said softly. "I'll heat a little up for Allie. Come down whenever you're ready."
Gratitude flooded him. She was giving him time with Allie, time she could tell he needed. "Thank you, Elizabeth," he murmured.
She smiled, her hand gliding gently off his shoulder. With a nod, she silently left the room.
Nathan continued to cuddle his niece, giving her as much comfort as he could. He knew she missed Colleen. A shiver of fear ran through him. What if Allie never got to see her mother again? He pushed the thought away. As much as it scared him, there was no sense dwelling on what ifs. There was a much greater chance Colleen would survive childbirth than not. He had to hold onto that. Nathan began to pray, begging the Lord to spare his sister and ease her pain with a quick delivery.
After a while, he became more aware of his surroundings. He looked around the small room, realizing that he was getting a glimpse of Elizabeth that no one else did. Her room was feminine and tastefully decorated. It smelled like lavender, just like she did. The furnishings were simple yet elegant, much like the woman herself. An ache grew inside of him, one that wanted to see this side of her on a daily basis, one that wanted to get to know everything about Elizabeth Thatcher, one that wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. He sucked in a breath, desire pulsing through him so strongly he almost forgot all his objections to falling in love. Blinking hard, he reined in his thoughts.
Looking down at his niece, he pasted on a sunny smile. "Do you want some warm milk, Allie-girl?'
She nodded, interest shining in her brown eyes. Nathan stood, carrying her to the door and out of the room that made him feel like love was a possibility for someone like him.
Gabe held Colleen's newborn daughter carefully in his arms, feeding her with a bottle. He was a mess of emotions. A fierce love for the sweet girl he held enveloped him, but it was combined with a consuming sadness at the fate of her mother.
Colleen's still form lay on the bed beside his chair. Her shallow breaths were the only indication that she remained alive after her harrowing labor and delivery. After forty-three hours of labor, the baby finally made her appearance. But Colleen had bled too much after the birth. Faith and Carson managed to stop the bleeding, but by then Colleen had lost consciousness.
That was six days ago. She hadn't woken up since.
Gabe felt the ever-present sting of tears in his eyes. He looked at the tubes hooked to Colleen's body in an attempt to keep her hydrated and nourished while she remained in a coma. The tears threatened to fall, but he tried to hold them back. The baby finished her milk and began mewling softly. Gabe lifted her to his shoulder, firmly patting her back the way Faith had showed him until the little girl let out a burp. Fed and sated, she quickly fell asleep.
Gabe nuzzled the baby's downy blonde hair. "We need to name you, little one," he murmured. "You're almost a week old. We can't keep calling you 'baby'." Trying to keep a positive attitude, he took Colleen's limp hand in his. "What do you think, Colleen?" he asked. "What should we name this precious girl?" His smile softened. "She looks just like you, sweetheart. She's beautiful."
His eyes fell on the bouquet of daisies on Colleen's nightstand. He swallowed. Her favorite flowers provided the perfect answer. He looked down at the sleeping baby. "I think I'll call you Daisy until your Mama wakes up," he said. He pressed a kiss to Daisy's head. "Though even when she names you something else, that might remain my special nickname for you."
He had to believe Colleen would wake up and be able to name her daughter. The alternative was too painful.
Nathan walked into the room. He looked just as haggard as Gabe felt. Sinking in the chair on the other side of the bed, Nathan's eyes were trained on his sister. "Has there been any change?" he asked, sounding desperate for good news.
Gabe shook his head. "No," he said. The single word almost undid him. A tear slid down his cheek. "I don't think I can handle losing her, Nathan." His voice cracked. The tears began to slide down his face in earnest. "I love her."
Nathan's facial expression said he understood. He picked up his chair, dragging it over to Gabe. He sat beside his friend, placing a hand on his shoulder. "We won't give up," he said, his voice slightly shaky. "Carson thinks she has a chance of pulling out of the coma. That means there's hope." He slid his arm around Gabe's shoulders, providing a literal shoulder to cry on. "We have to hold onto that hope."
Gabe rested against Nathan, unashamed of his tears. The woman he loved was at death's door, and he didn't know if she would make it through. But Nathan's words managed to ignite his own sense of hope. Colleen was still alive. For now, that would have to be enough. He would continue to pray and watch over her.
He let out a sigh before straightening. "Would you like to hold Daisy?" he asked, offering the baby to her uncle.
Nathan's brows rose in surprise. "You named her?" he asked, accepting the precious bundle. Though his sadness was obvious, it was equally obvious he loved the little girl in his arms as he gazed down at her with an adoring look.
Gabe smiled. "I figured I could give her a nickname, at least. Colleen probably has something else in mind, but Baby Daisy has a sweet sound to it."
Nathan smiled as well. "I like it." He kissed little Daisy's cheek. "It suits her."
The two friends sat quietly for a while. They knew words were unnecessary. Right now, what mattered was being with Colleen.
Eventually, Daisy woke up. She began to fuss. Nathan patted her bottom. "She needs a diaper change," he said, standing. "I'll take care of that." He looked at Gabe, then nodded at Colleen. "Talk to her, Gabe. Let out your feelings." He smiled gently, then left the room.
Gabe scooted closer to the bed. He took Colleen's hand. "Hi, sweetheart," he said. "Everyone is just waiting for you to wake up. Allie is being well cared for at Elizabeth's. Nathan and I are making sure Daisy is cared for too, but she's ready to meet her mama." He smiled, brushing her cheek with his finger. "I hope you don't mind that I gave your daughter a name. It felt right." Memories rose up inside of him, things he hadn't thought of in years. Another smile tugged at his lips. "Do you remember when we were kids and found a box of kittens? You must have been all of ten and I was eight. Someone had clearly abandoned those little babies, and you were so indignant. You knew you couldn't take them home because your father would never allow it. You knew my mother was allergic to cats and that I couldn't take them home either. But instead of leaving them to their fate, you roped me into dragging that box all over the neighborhood with you until we found a home for each and every one of those kittens." His grip on her hand tightened slightly. "It was then that I knew I loved you. You were so good and kind, with a heart as big as the Canadian sky. I don't think I understood what it was to love at that time, but I swore to myself that you were the girl I'd one day marry." He pressed her hand to his heart. "I love you still, Colleen. You know that. Right now, my heart is breaking in two at the thought that you might not wake up. I need you, love. You are everything to me. Please keep fighting." His voice broke for the second time that day. "Don't give up."
He felt a flicker of movement, as if someone were lightly squeezing his hand. He looked down, holding his breath, terrified that he was imagining things. But Colleen's hand was definitely moving slightly. His heart caught and he looked up at her face. Pure joy washed over him as he saw her green eyes slitted open.
"Gabe?" she whispered.
He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I'm here, sweetheart," he whispered back, strong relief coursing through his entire body. She was awake! "I'm here."
She seemed to be fighting to keep her eyes open. "So tired," she murmured.
He cupped her cheek in his palm. "Then sleep," he said softly. "We need you to build up your strength again."
She sighed, leaning into his touch. "Okay," she said, a dream-like quality to her voice. In total trust, she fell asleep with her cheek nestled against his hand.
Gabe's heart felt like it would burst in his chest. Colleen had weeks of recovery ahead, but she had awoken from her coma. She was going to be alright.
With deep gratitude, he bowed his head and thanked God for pulling her through.