When I hadn't heard from him, my mind conspired that maybe he was just a dream. Some kind of liquid moment I hadn't actually ever participated in. Every night I lie beside Rabastan thinking about his brother and wondering if it were true that one day he and I would be married. I got to thinking that there was a very real possibility that had my father never suggested the match, offered that property to him that came with me, Rodolphus would never have considered marrying me. What did I have to offer that the hundred other little tramps he took to his bed couldn't give him? Right then, I hated him, as I realized what a selfish bastard he was. Not like Rabastan, who curled close to me and whispered things no man should ever say to a woman unless he plans to make her his wife.
I can't deny there was a part of me that fell for him just a little while playing that game. In the moonlight, I could look up into his face, contorted by the afterthoughts of passion we shared, and see my future. The sad part was, that future had nothing to do with him. The first time he told me he loved me, I teased him. I rolled onto my side and propped up on my elbow, looking into his moonlit face and said, "You lie, Lestrange."
"Never," he shook his head. He leaned in and kissed the tip of my nose. "Not to you." That should have sold me on him. It should have inspired me to jump up and ask him to run away with me, but the inspiration always fell short in those after-moments, when I was just a stupid girl trying to fill a space inside myself that nothing in the world could ever occupy. . .
Narcissa had no interest in glorifying the darkness whatsoever. Her sole reason for living over the six weeks following their return from Christmas holiday had become Lucius Malfoy. She seemed to eat, sleep, and breathe Malfoy, and though she was happy for her sister, Bella was starting to get a little annoyed with the whole Malfoy business. No matter how often Bella tried to persuade her sister to come with her to meet with the Dark Lord, Narcissa couldn't be bothered. What did she need the Dark Lord for? If she had her way, she would become Mrs. Lucius Malfoy before the year turned another circle, and she would have all the power and fortune a match with him could muster. The only thing she needed to secure her plot was a marriage proposal, and from the looks of things, that wasn't far off in the coming.
Bellatrix couldn't help feeling a little jealous every time the Malfoy's eagle owl swept into the Great Hall, swooping elegantly over Slytherin table and dropping some letter or trinket for her sister. Lucius was absolutely smitten with Narcissa in the way Bella had always wished Rodolphus would become with her, and for the first time in thier life she envied her sister. Up until that point, she had always considered them equals, but Lucius had chosen Narcissa over her without question, and now Bella was fawning after a man who could care less if she lived or died.
"Ooh, Bella, I haven't ever even told him how much I love these, and yet he knows. He always knows." Narcissa cooed and turned around to show her sister the open box of truffles that had come with a full scroll of parchment decorated in Lucius' steady, elegant hand. "I think I've got a definite keeper."
"I would say," she muttered, more to herself than her sister.
"Go on and take one. Take the whole box if you want them. You know what chocolate does to my complexion," Narcissa pushed the box across the table. This was her way of trying to cheer Bella up, a sort of offering to apologize for Rodolphus' behavior, even if it had nothing to do with Narcissa.
"No, thank you, 'Cissa," she lifted her head and offered a half-smile to her sister, but not before a raven lock of hair fell into her line of vision. She raised her hand to brush it away, tilting her head just enough to catch a glimpse of Severus Snape walking into the Great Hall. He bypassed the Gryffindor table, but not without inspiring a few derogatory comments from her cousin, Sirius Black, and his snotty pack of friends. "You could do us a favor though," she returned her attention to her sister.
"Anything for you, you know that," Narcissa smiled sweetly.
"Give our pathetic little cousin detention," she looked across the Great Hall again, Narcissa following her gaze.
"What has he done now?"
"Nothing to me personally," she shrugged. "He's an insult to our house and our family name."
Narcissa twisted her mouth into a scowl, "Yes he is, isn't he?" she agreed. "However, I need a good reason to give him detention. That cow McGonagall threatened to revoke my power if I gave out another detention without cause. Apparently cutting me off in the hallway isn't grounds for detention."
"Hmm," Bella pondered, "he is being rather cruel to Snape."
"He's always cruel to Snape," Narcissa pointed out. "That's nothing new."
"True."
Rabastan entered several paces behind Severus, and Bella wanted to cut him off before he could get too comfortable at dinner. They were supposed to be meeting with the Dark Lord that night and would need to slip out undetected somehow. In her mind, the best time would be during the melee of dinner, and they could worry about slipping back in later. "Are you sure you don't want to come with us tonight, 'Cissa?" she asked. "Lucius will probably be there."
A lamenting frown decorated her sister's face, "Awe, really? I would like to see him again." She tossed it about in her thoughts, trying to justify it. "I don't know, maybe. No, I really shouldn't. I have so many things to do. I have a huge transfigurations project due tomorrow, complete with animated examples. I really need to practice. McGonagall has it out for me, I just know it."
Bella rolled her eyes, "Yeah, right."
"No, really, she does."
"Anyway, don't say I didn't invite you," she stood up and stretched.
Narcissa shrugged, a promise that she wouldn't, and then she indulged in one of the truffles Lucius had sent her just as Bella walked away from the table. She grabbed Rabastan by the sleeve and led him back in the direction from which he'd come, much to his dismay.
"Whoa," he stopped her with a tug just outside the double doors. "Where are we going?"
"You know where we're going," she reminded him.
"Well, yeah, but don't I at least get to eat first? We had Quidditch practice just before dinner and I'm starving."
"Well, you can eat later," she shrugged. "I'm anxious to get out of here."
It was true, she was anxious to get out of the castle and dying to see Rodolphus, but more than anything, she was looking forward to meeting with her master again. There were so many things she wanted to ask him, and she needed to arrange a meeting for Snape so that she could set the wheels of her plan against Rodolphus' heart in motion.
"But I'm starving," Rabastan whinged, following her dutifully through the hallways.
The plan was that they would sneak out into the courtyard, and off the grounds by way of the Forbidden Forest. Lucius had sent them a map that would see them safely through, recommending that they travel with nothing but the clothes on their backs and, of course, their wands. Rabastan didn't stop complaining about the likelihood of his starving to death until they were outside and Bella spun around to cut him with an icy glare.
"What?"
"You know what! Stop whinging already and let's go! You ate at lunch today. Enough to get you through at least a week before you literally starve to death." She unraveled the map and looked up at the thickly mangled copse of trees before them. An eerie whimper came from just beyond the thicket and she rolled her eyes. No boring little midgecombers were going to keep her from this meeting. She'd stomp them all one by one if they tried to get in her way, "Are you coming?"
"Yeah," Rabastan lowered his head in defeat, following her as she took a step into the forbidden forest.
With Lucius' map, the journey took them about an hour from one end of the peculiar forest to the other. Rabastan was too preoccupied with the amalgamation of sounds and scampering through the brush to talk much about his stomach, and Bella was glad. If she had to hear him mutter one more word about pudding or steak and kidney pie she was sure she'd use the worst unforgivable curse in her repertoire to silence him for good.
"Do you think he'll take Snape?" he asked.
"Of course he will," she shrugged. "Snape's brilliant."
"Really?" she detected a hint of jealousy in that one word, amazing how well she'd learned to read him. Again, she found herself wishing Rodolphus had come so easy for her. It was as though the two brothers were the complete antithesis of one another, and the only thing they shared was their love for darkness and torment.
"Of course, really. Would I say it if it weren't true?"
"I guess not."
She stopped and looked down at the map. They had just passed the last big landmark before they turned out on the road. They would be able to apparate from there, according to Lucius. Neither of them said another word for the remainder of the journey, but the time he had actually spent talking reinforced in Bella's mind why she had chosen Rodolphus over his younger brother. Where Rodolphus proved himself on an intellectual level that Bella herself could identify with, when it came down to it, Rabastan was rather dull. Most of his conversations had to do with her, and though that was flattering at times, she really didn't care to talk about herself all the time, especially when there was work to be done.
She sighed. No, Rabastan certainly didn't share his brother's flare for brilliance, and though he was devoted to her completely, would do anything to make her happy, that was the very thing that seemed to annoy her the most. She couldn't imagine spending more than a night with him, let alone the rest of her life. She was the first to stumble out onto the road after hacking her way through a thick bit of shrubbery and wood, and after kicking off a flesh-eating slug that had attached itself to the side her shoe, she brushed the brambles and thorns from her cloak and turned around to watch for Rabastan.
Like an oaf, he came bumbling through the brush, cursing and hacking at the last branch of thorn that had caught on her robes before she'd stepped out into the clearing beside the road. It had caught him on the cheek, leaving a dotted scratch just below his eye. Bella realized she could have warned him about it, but hadn't much felt like it after she'd spent the last ten minutes going over the prospect of an eternity with him. Poor, innocent little Rabastan, she thought.
Another breath escaped her as she realized she'd grown tired of him completely and would give anything for just one night with Rodolphus. One night where she didn't have to pretend she was with him, watching for the shadows to fall just right across Rabastan's face to make her believe she was with the one she truly loved. She would have given her ever-lasting soul for him to treat her with the kind of devotion that Rabastan treated her with.
"Bloody hell," he muttered, and stepped up beside her, brushing at his cheek with the back of his hand. "Just bloody lovely."
"Will you stop moaning," she started toward the road. "It's just a little scratch."
"Damn near took my eye out!"
"Shut up, Lestrange, or I will take your bloody eye out."
He didn't say another word after that. Bella touched her foot to the dirt of the road, she closed her eyes. With a powerful snap of energy, and a flash of bluish light, she disapparated, and moments later Rabastan followed.