Once the reception was over, Gabe and Colleen kissed their daughters goodbye and headed home. Nathan could see the nerves in his sister's eyes, but he knew Gabe would take good care of her. He also knew Colleen found some relief in the fact that Elizabeth would be caring for their girls. She trusted her completely.
Nathan's eyes found Elizabeth. The dress Colleen had chosen for her was a pretty pale yellow, one that highlighted the lighter tones in Elizabeth's hair and brought out the blue in her eyes. When Nathan first saw her in the church as he went to walk Colleen down the aisle, he'd been momentarily stunned at her beauty. Now, he was stunned again, but for a different reason. Elizabeth was holding Daisy, looking very maternal. It touched something deep inside of him, something he didn't dare analyze.
He soon realized Elizabeth was trying to hoist a bag onto her shoulder with one hand. It kept slipping down. He could see she was starting to get frustrated, so he quickly stepped in.
"Allow me," he said, taking the bag from her and sliding it over his own shoulder.
Elizabeth gave him a grateful look. "Thank you," she said. Glancing around, she frowned. "Where did Allie go?"
Nathan motioned toward Rosemary. "She found her Aunt Wosie," he said, smiling as he mimicked the way Allie said Rosemary's name.
Elizabeth followed his gaze, smiling softly at the sight of her friend holding the little girl. Rosemary's stomach was rounded and provided a little seat for Allie. At six months along, Rosemary was much bigger than Colleen had been at the same pregnancy mark. Nathan was amazed at how differently women experienced the same phenomenon.
A longing filled him, one that urged him to think about marriage and family and all the things he'd been determined to avoid. He looked at Elizabeth once more, knowing if he would just let go of his fear, they could have that together…
His eyes widened and his cheeks heated at the direction of his thoughts. Clamping down on them, he forcefully turned his mind to something else.
Elizabeth was looking up at him, brow furrowed. He instinctively knew he had missed something. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"
She smiled lightly. "I asked if you could get Allie so I can take the girls home."
"Of course," Nathan replied, quick to fulfill her request. He gathered his niece in his arms, said goodnight to Rosemary, then went back to Elizabeth. She thanked him, reaching for the bag. "If you could just sling that over my shoulder…" she said, reaching out an arm.
Nathan didn't move to release it. "Are you walking home?" he asked.
She nodded. He raised a brow. "Then I'm coming with you," he stated. "There's no way Allie will be able to walk that long, and you certainly can't carry two little girls and a bag all the way to your house."
Elizabeth chuckled. "I'll admit I was wondering how to handle that. Thank you, Nathan. I appreciate the help."
He smiled, leading the way outside. He tried to tell himself he'd do the same for anyone, but his heart cried out that this was a way to spend a little more time with the woman he loved.
Even if he could do nothing about that love.
Elizabeth sank into a chair with a sigh, still holding Daisy in her arms. The long walk from the café to her house while holding an infant had taken more out of her than she cared to admit. Daisy began to fuss. Nathan placed Allie on the couch with a book.
"I'll make Daisy a bottle," he said, reaching into the bag Colleen had provided for Elizabeth. She gently patted the baby's back, watching as Nathan moved around her kitchen, heating water on the stove to warm milk for the little girl.
Elizabeth's eyes traveled from him to Allie to Daisy and back again. A lump formed in her throat. They made a perfect picture of domesticity. Anyone looking in from outside would assume they were a family. She bit her lip, trying to keep the tears forming in her eyes at bay. If only Nathan would stop running. If only he would face his fears.
This could be their life.
She swallowed hard, closing her eyes and holding the tiny baby close. A physical ache formed in her heart, one that cried out a prayer for Nathan to let go of the demons that were haunting him. It surprised her how much she wanted to move forward with this man, a man she had only known for a few months. Logically, she knew she should still be mourning Jack. He had been a part of her life for five years. He had been the man she was going to marry, the man she would spend her life with and have children with.
But that had been taken from her. She had taken time to grieve for him. She had talked to those closest to her about her feelings, not hiding from them but facing them. She had been given the precious gift of peace after reading Jack's wish that she find love again. She had faced her grief and found healing and joy once more.
And she had found love again. The world might look at the timeline and think she was doing a disservice to her former fiancé by falling in love again so quickly. But Elizabeth knew with deep certainty that Jack was happy for her. She knew this was what he wanted for her. If the circumstances were reversed and something had happened to her, she would have rejoiced to know that he had found love again, regardless of when it happened.
Her reverie was interrupted when Nathan handed her the bottle. She smiled her thanks. As she took the bottle from him, their fingers brushed, sending jolts of electricity through her. She inhaled a soft breath. Nathan was looking down at her with something like astonishment in his eyes. She knew he had felt it too.
Clearing his throat, Nathan stepped back, sitting on the couch beside Allie. The little girl immediately climbed into his lap. "Unca Na'tan, I sweepy," she said, rubbing her eyes.
Nathan kissed her head. "Then sleep, princess," he said softly. His large hand moved over the child's back in a soothing motion. Allie's eyes began to droop. Her cheek rested against her uncle's shoulder. Within minutes, she was fast asleep.
Elizabeth watched the tender scene with a smile, love for Nathan filling her once more. He would make such a good father. The thought made her blush, and she looked down at Daisy to compose her thoughts. The baby was still drinking heartily. Elizabeth smiled. She started to sing a soft lullaby, one her mother had sung to her when she was little. Near the end of the song, she looked up again.
Nathan was watching her.
Their eyes locked. There was an unguarded look in his eyes that made her breath catch. All at once, the longing from before swept through her again. She wanted a life with him, wanted it with an intensity that startled her. Their gaze continued on as time stood still. The moment was only broken when Allie stirred. She began to fuss quietly. "I want to go to bed."
Eyes still on Elizabeth, Nathan nodded. "Alright, Allie," he said, finally breaking eye contact with Elizabeth. He stood.
"Her room is the first door on the left," Elizabeth said, forcing the words past the tightness in her throat. Nathan nodded. He climbed the stairs quickly, disappearing from sight. Only then was Elizabeth able to fully breathe again. She held Daisy close, reality crashing over her. Nathan was still running. They loved each other, but he was fighting it while she tried to fight for him.
"What am I going to do?" she murmured, nuzzling Daisy's soft cheek. With a deep sigh, she closed her eyes once more and did the only thing she could.
She prayed for Nathan.
Colleen woke slowly, eyes closed against the light of morning. She felt surprisingly rested. Daisy hadn't woken once during the night. Colleen reached out for her little girl, knowing she must be hungry by now. But instead of soft baby skin, her hand made contact with a hard, muscled chest.
Her eyes flew open. She was face to face with Gabe. Her new husband. His eyes were open, watching her with a soft smile. "Good morning, sweetheart," he said, his voice gentle.
She repeated the greeting, her voice breathless. It felt strange waking up with him like this.
His smile grew, a hand reaching out to move some hair from her cheek. "You are a vision, Colleen. So beautiful."
She blushed. She wore no makeup and her hair was likely wild from sleep. Beautiful was not synonymous with her. "Your definition of beauty might leave something to be desired," she said, opting to tease him rather than state her own insecurities.
"I mean it," he said. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to hers, then settled her against his chest, closing his eyes once more.
Colleen rested there, feeling a paradoxical combination of fear and safety. Her mind drifted back to last night. When they arrived at their house, an awkwardness descended between them. Colleen knew what was expected of a bride on her wedding night, and though Gabe had said he would give her time, she felt a self-imposed pressure to be ready.
Her new husband had set about trying to make her comfortable. He produced a game of checkers, which he knew was her favorite. They played many rounds together, simply talking and laughing and enjoying their time alone. But when it was time for bed, Colleen felt her fears take hold again. There was nowhere for her to hide. She and Gabe would share a room, a bed, a life. She tried to hide the fact that she was shaking as he led her to their room, fully expecting that he would ask if she was ready for marital intimacy. She wasn't sure she would have the courage to say no, even though she wasn't ready. She'd never been able to say no to Dylan, even though she hadn't wanted him touching her.
But Gabe had simply dressed for bed and climbed beneath the covers without asking anything of her. When she settled beside him, expecting him to reach for her, he leaned over to give her a goodnight kiss, then turned out the lamp. For a few moments, Colleen waited for him to demand his right, but he never did. Apparently he was keeping his word to give her time and space.
Strong relief had poured through her. She silently blessed him for his care and consideration of her feelings. While she knew deep down that Gabe would never ask her for more than she was ready to give, old feelings died hard. Dylan had only cared about himself, not her. Though Gabe was worlds different from Dylan, Colleen had inadvertently projected those feelings onto him.
She should have known better.
Now, bathed in the light of morning, Colleen realized how ridiculous her fears had been. This was Gabe. Solid, dependable, loving Gabe. He would care for her heart. He'd promised to love, cherish, and protect her for the rest of their lives.
She believed his vows. He would carry them out to the best of his ability.
With that knowledge in mind, a slow smile stretched over her face. She relaxed against her husband, feeling his hands come to rest on her back. Safe in his arms, she once more fell into a deep sleep.
The next two weeks proved to be a period of adjustment for the new Kinslow family. Colleen attempted to balance a new husband with a fussy baby and a demanding toddler. Laura still worked for her a few days a week, just to give Colleen a break – even if that break was working at the dress shop. She was physically exhausted from being up multiple times a night to feed Daisy, though she had to admit it was nice having a husband who was happy to be involved in the lives of his daughters.
Gabe had noticed her exhaustion two days into their marriage. He insisted on helping with night feedings, allowing her a little more time to sleep. Colleen knew that meant he was feeling the effects of sleep deprivation as well, but he didn't complain. He simply drank an extra cup of coffee in the morning before kissing her goodbye to head off on rounds. His cheerful nature was enough to lift Colleen's spirits, even when she felt like curling into a ball and sleeping for hours.
Something else she was adjusting to was Gabe's display of physical affection toward her. Since they had long been friends, she was used to his hugs. She'd always loved his hugs. It was like being wrapped in the warmth of sunshine from the time they were children. But now his embrace took on a new meaning. She accepted the fact that he loved her, and she could feel it every time he touched her. He would hold her close a beat longer than necessary before releasing her. Sometimes she caught a longing in his eyes, though he never said or did anything to make her feel pressured to love him back. She knew he wanted her to love him as much as he loved her. Some days she despaired of ever being able to do so, while other days she felt more hopeful that time would bring about that love.
He always kissed her goodbye before leaving for the day, and he kissed her hello when he got home in the evening. Colleen was growing used to his gentle kisses. She even looked forward to them. When he'd been called away unexpectedly one morning before she woke up, she'd realized with a start that she missed his goodbye kiss, missed it with an intensity that shocked her.
Something was growing inside of her, a strange new emotion that she couldn't name. It was directed solely toward her new husband. Being unable to label the emotion frustrated Colleen. She felt it when she kissed him and when he held her. She felt it when he left his uniform draped over the couch rather than hung up on its proper hook. She felt it when he read a story to Allie or fed Daisy. She felt it when they had an argument. She felt it when she woke up in the morning and saw him sleeping peacefully beside her.
There was no rhyme or reason to the feeling. It baffled her completely.
She felt it now as she watched Gabe chase Allie around the yard, pretending to be a dragon to her princess. Allie's high-pitched squeals of laughter made Colleen's heart happy. She hadn't seen her daughter like that in a very long time. Ever since she married Gabe, Allie had been laughing more. She was a handful as she neared her second birthday, displaying some of the stubbornness Colleen herself was known for, but with Gabe she was an angel. She constantly asked for Daddy to read her a story or put her to bed. Sometimes Colleen felt a slight pang of jealousy over her daughter's affection for Gabe, but she knew it wasn't a slight toward her. Allie was simply excited to have a father – a real father – especially one as wonderful as Gabe.
She watched them for a few more moments before calling out that dinner was ready. Gabe scooped Allie into his arms and brought her inside. The October air had chilled his cheeks, making them bright red, but he was smiling happily. He set Allie on her feet, then surprised Colleen by taking her in his arms and twirling her around the kitchen floor as if they were dancing.
"Gabe!" she exclaimed, unable to help the bubble of laughter that rose to her lips. "What are you doing?"
"Dancing with my wife," he replied, a glimmer of mischief in his eyes. Colleen recognized the look. It was one he'd had from the time they were children, when he was pleased about something. In this case, dancing with her.
By the time he stopped spinning her around the room, they were both laughing. Their eyes met and locked, and suddenly the laughter faded from Colleen's lips. She caught her breath. Gabe was looking at her with an intensity she hadn't seen before. Sparks shot through her stomach as his eyes dropped to her lips. His arms were still around her, but he lifted one of them to cup her cheek with his hand as he lowered his head to kiss her.
The moment their lips met, Colleen could tell this kiss was different. Whether it was intentional or not, Gabe released some of his passion. She could tell he was still holding back, but his lips moved against hers with more fervor than usual. Though she was surprised, there was no hesitation in Colleen's response. She closed her eyes and enjoyed her husband's kiss while her stomach quivered and her heart raced. It didn't occur to her until he pulled back that she had experienced such feelings from the man who had only been a friend for nearly three decades.
That kiss had felt anything but friendly.
Gabe searched her eyes. She could feel the quick rise and fall of his chest. "Um…I…uh…" he stammered, fumbling for words. That was unusual. Colleen could count on one hand the number of times Gabriel Kinslow was at a loss for words.
She placed a hand on his chest, smiling at him. "It's alright, Gabe," she said softly. "That was nice."
Nice didn't even begin to describe that kiss, but she wasn't sure what else to say. Gabe smiled in response, his hand sliding into her hair. "Noted," he said, his voice equally soft.
Butterflies flitted against her stomach at the look in his eyes. She drew in a breath, unused to such feelings in response to Gabe. But she didn't try to push them away. She simply accepted them and then reached down to take his hand.
"Come on," she said, tugging him toward the stove. "Help me get dinner on the table."
He grinned and saluted. "Yes, ma'am."
Colleen laughed, completely at ease. That was another foreign feeling. Her marriage to Dylan had been anything but easy. It had been difficult and full of pain. With Gabe, she was getting a glimpse of what marriage was meant to be. Though they'd had some ups and downs already, she found she liked being married to him.
That in itself was a small miracle.