Once again, the house was quiet. Once again, Colleen was alone as she prepared for bed. Once again, she wished that Gabe was beside her as he usually was, sharing the simple routines of daily life together. The ache in her heart had only intensified the longer he was gone, until Colleen wondered if the feeling would consume her incessantly. She had never felt this way before. Her husband had been gone for seven nights, and she was now facing an eighth without him.
A single tear slipped down her cheek. She brushed it away, shivering as she went to the window and looked out. She saw nothing. Instead, her mind's eye was full of images of Gabe.
Looking back, she could see that Nathan was right about Gabe's love. She had been shocked when he told her Gabe had loved her at least since the age of eighteen, but as she remembered Gabe's constant presence in her life, she could read the signs that had been there all along. Not for the first time, she wished she'd been able to recognize real love when it was offered to her. Instead, she'd settled for plastic when she'd been given the opportunity for gold.
What would her life have been like if she married Gabe when he first asked her? Shaking her head, Colleen felt a sense of frustration over the pain she had put him through. Why hadn't she been able to see that he was the perfect man for her? He certainly wasn't perfect himself, but for her he was. She knew she would never find a better person to love her or her children. The selflessness Gabe displayed amazed her.
She knew her feelings for him were changing. That was obvious. They had settled into life together, and she was happier than she'd ever been. For the first time in her life, she wasn't afraid or abused or controlled. She had two beautiful daughters, a wonderful husband, good friends, and a town that practiced true neighborliness.
Her mind drifted to a conversation she'd had with Rosemary that evening when her friend brought over dinner.
"I miss Gabe, Rosemary. All I want is for him to come home safe and sound and never leave again."
Rosemary looked at her, teacup inches from her lips, a slow smile forming on her face. "Is that so?"
Colleen nodded. "I miss him." She placed a hand over her stomach. "There's a feeling in here that I can't explain, but it happens every time I think of him. There's a physical ache, Rosemary. It's the strangest thing. I stand at my window every night and look for him, hoping he will come home." She sighed. "I never expected that him leaving would be this hard." Her eyes misted. "And this is only the first time. He's a Mountie. This will probably be a regular occurrence."
"Probably," Rosemary agreed, looking at her sympathetically. "But at least you know he will do everything in his power to come home to you." She smiled a mischievous smile. "And he knows he has your love to come home to."
"Well yes, but…" Colleen trailed off, her eyes widening. "My love to come home to?"
Her friend was watching her intently. "Yes," Rosemary said. "Your love. You love him, Colleen. It's obvious to anyone watching. Are you still not ready to admit it?"
Colleen stammered for words. "I can't be," she said, though in her heart she wondered why not. She remembered her dream, the one where she'd told Gabe she loved him. It had felt so right, so natural, and so real. She'd woken from that dream happy. But none of her previous experiences indicated that she was in love with him.
Rosemary effectively dismantled that thought with her next sentence. "Your brother thinks you've never been in love before," she said softly. "After hearing about your past, I'm inclined to agree with him. When you compare your relationship with Gabe to your relationship with other men in your past, where does he stack up?"
That was an easy answer. "He's the best," she said immediately. "He truly loves me. The others never did."
"And did you love them?" Rosemary asked.
Colleen sat quietly for a moment. "I thought I did," she said finally. "I was starved for love, so I thought any attention given to me was a sign of that. It never was. I realize now that I was never fully myself with any of those men. But with Gabe, I know he's seen me at my best and at my worst. He knows the real me, and he loves me anyway." The thought filled her with wonder. "He loves me anyway," she repeated quietly, just sitting with that knowledge and letting it fill her.
Rosemary smiled gently. "Colleen, search your heart. I know you think you're not in love, but consider carefully what it means to be in love. Once you figure that out, you'll figure out your feelings for your husband."
Placing a hand on her stomach, Colleen contemplated Rosemary's words. What did it mean to be in love? She knew it was more than a feeling. The feeling of love was often fleeting. In the past, she'd considered pretty words and extravagant gifts to be indications of love. She'd considered her response to the men because of their gifts and flattery to be love. Frowning, she put her other hand on the window. Had she really believed such cheap feelings to be love?
"I was so damaged," she whispered, tears stinging her eyes. Closing her eyes against them, she prayed for the millionth time for the grace to forgive her father. She knew her warped ideas of love stemmed from the way he had treated her. More than anything, she wanted to be free from those chains.
By the time she finished her prayer, she felt a little lighter. She always did when she prayed to be able to forgive. Colleen knew it was going to be a long process to do so, but every time she tried to let go of some of the pain, she felt the tiniest bit better.
How would she know when she fell in love with Gabe? Was she already there? Her mind wandered to the unknown feeling that enveloped her when she was around him, the one she'd never experienced before him. Was that love? Had it been there all along and she just didn't recognize it for what it was?
She thought of all their interactions since she came to Hope Valley. She was able to laugh with Gabe. She could tell him anything. They shared a close relationship and had since they were children. He continually brought her flowers and little treats, actions that Colleen appreciated, but more and more she knew it wasn't the gifts that made her feel special, it was the fact that he thought of her. He was on her mind when she was taking care of their girls at home and when she was working on dresses at Dottie's. Ever since their marriage, he had been a doting husband. She loved his kisses, and to her surprise, she was starting to want more. Just yesterday, she realized that she wanted to give him a child. She wanted a baby that was part of her and part of him. Maybe not anytime soon, but the desire was growing inside of her nonetheless.
Colleen wrapped her arms around herself, staring at the moon. Was she in love with her husband? A tiny whisper came to life inside of her heart, a whisper that simply said yes. Drawing in a sharp breath, Colleen pressed a hand to her mouth.
"Oh…" she murmured, tears filling her eyes. "Oh, Gabe."
As if in response, a lone figure appeared out of the darkness. Hope lit in her heart, but it wasn't until she saw the bright red of his serge that she knew it to be him. With a cry, she turned and ran out of their room, down the stairs, and to the front door. She flung it open just as Gabe was reaching for the knob. He looked surprised at her sudden appearance, but she didn't stop to analyze that. She simply flew into his arms, holding onto him as if she would never let go.
After his week away, she wasn't sure she would.
Gabe maneuvered them inside as Colleen continued to cling to him. He shut the door and swept his hat from his head, then held her as close as possible. It barely registered in Colleen's brain that his body was cold before he tilted her chin up and pressed his mouth against hers.
All rational thought fled. With the brand new knowledge that she loved him, his kiss made her feel a way she'd never felt before. She kissed him back with an exuberance that he clearly wasn't expecting. He pulled back, searching her eyes. She gazed at him, heart wide open, not holding anything back. Maybe he would see her love reflected there.
Something shifted in his expression. He pulled her to him and kissed her once more. He didn't hold back either. This kiss was nothing like the ones they'd shared before. It was deep and passionate, a communion of their hearts. Never before had she been kissed like this, feeling both desired and cherished at the same time. Colleen didn't want it to end. She poured her love into their kiss and felt his love in return.
Gabe pulled away suddenly, breaking from her arms. She felt a flash of confusion, but then she heard him coughing. The confusion turned to fear. He had his hands on his knees, bent over as the coughs burst from deep in his lungs. When the fit finally ended, her husband looked weak.
"Gabe," she whispered, her throat working.
He looked at her, smiling, though it was a tired smile. "I might have picked up a little cold," he said, straightening.
"Little?" she repeated, brows raised. "That didn't sound little." She hugged him, feeling the cold seeping from his serge into her own body. "Go change," she directed. "You're freezing." She patted his serge. "And damp. You get into warm, dry clothes. I'll make a fire and some hot tea. And I'll warm up some soup for your supper. You must be hungry."
Gabe smiled. "Yes, ma'am," he said with a chuckle. Winking, he let her go. "It's rather nice being fussed over after a long trip."
There will be lots of that coming your way, Colleen promised silently. As Gabe trudged up the stairs, she set about caring for her husband.
The ache in Gabe's lungs didn't abate after his coughing fit. He changed into dry clothes, knowing that he had worried Colleen with the deep, guttural sounds. He hadn't told her about the burning sensation, though he knew that he would need to before long. Now that he was home, no longer working in freezing, wet conditions, he hoped the symptoms would leave.
Before going back downstairs, he went to his girls' room. Both of them were sleeping peacefully, and Gabe let himself just look at them for a couple of minutes. He'd missed them so much. He touched a gentle hand to each daughter's back before making his way to his wife.
Colleen already had his soup on the table, along with a large mug of honeyed tea. She wrapped a blanket around him as soon as he sat, and he could feel the heat seeping into his skin. She had warmed the blanket at the fire.
Touched, Gabe caught her hand. He tugged her down, finding her lips for another satisfying kiss. Though careful not to overdo it, afraid of another coughing fit, he savored the touch. There was something different about Colleen. She seemed more open and receptive to him. That had prompted their passionate kiss when he first arrived. Gabe had felt swept up in emotion, and he didn't recognize the burning in his lungs until it was too late. He'd jerked from her as he felt the cough overtake him.
Belatedly, he realized he shouldn't be kissing her like this when he could be getting sick. He pulled back, stricken. "I'm sorry," he said. "With this cough, I have no business kissing you."
She shook her head, running her fingers through his damp hair. "Believe me, I wanted those kisses," she said, smiling at him. "I missed them while you were gone."
Gabe raised a brow, feeling a smile break free. "Is that so?"
She nodded. "Very much so." Rounding the table, she sat across from him and deliberately looked at his soup bowl. "Eat, Gabriel."
He obeyed her command, though he eyed her over the bowl. "Gabriel?" he repeated.
She smiled sweetly. "If that's what it takes to get you to eat."
Gabe chuckled, then ate his soup. When he finished, Colleen ushered him to the settee to drink his tea in front of the fire. She settled beside him. Gabe couldn't help noticing how close she sat, nor could he help noticing her hand on his shoulder, rubbing gently back and forth as they talked. He told her about his sad mission. Colleen's eyes welled up with empathetic tears.
"That poor town," she murmured. "I hope they're able to rebuild and go on."
Gabe nodded. "They will," he said gently. "If Hope Valley could do it all those years ago, they can too." They'd both heard the story of how Coal Valley changed its name after tragedy, becoming Hope Valley and bearing a new appreciation for friends and neighbors after the horrible mining accident that claimed the lives of too many.
Colleen leaned her head against his. "We've all had stories about beauty rising from ashes." When she looked at him, the tenderness in her eyes stole his breath. "You're mine, Gabe."
He couldn't breathe, and it had nothing to do with his pained lungs. The way she was looking at him, it was almost as if…as if…
His wife buried her face in his neck, her soft breaths tickling his stubble-roughened skin. Gabe tried to get a handle on the hope that sprung up inside. He'd been hoping she would return his love for so long, he must be imagining the look of love in her eyes. It had to be simply that she was glad to have him home.
He placed his empty teacup on the table beside the settee, then wrapped his arms around her. Exhaustion began to set it. He'd ridden hard that day. Another coughing fit overtook him, shaking both him and Colleen. She sat up straight, looking at him with concern. Without another word, she stood, pulling him up with her.
"Let's get you to bed." Her tone left no room for argument, and Gabe had no energy to argue. He let her lead him upstairs. He even let her tuck him into bed, smiling when she curled up beside him with her head resting against his shoulder.
"This is nice," he murmured, snuggling closer to her and the warmth she offered.
Colleen kissed his cheek. "Rest, my love," she whispered.
Gabe briefly wondered if he'd heard her right. Sleep tugged at him, pulling him under. Before he could think further on her words, he fell fast asleep.