The next month passed quickly, reminding Colleen that time was precious. She watched as Daisy grew, losing the newborn look and turning into a precocious, curious baby. Allie continued to grow as well. To Colleen's dismay, her toddler seemed to develop a stubborn streak that involved tantrums and copious amounts of the word no.
"I can see why they call it the terrible twos," Colleen remarked wryly one night to her husband as they listened to Allie's screams from the upstairs bedroom that she didn't want to go to sleep.
Gabe shook his head. "She certainly has a healthy pair of lungs," he remarked. He glanced down at Daisy, drinking her bottle in Colleen's arms. "Hopefully Allie is asleep by the time this one is ready for bed. All that screaming will keep Daisy awake."
They didn't have to worry. By the time Daisy had finished her bottle, Allie's screams had diminished. By the time the baby was asleep, so was their older daughter. Colleen let out a sigh of relief when she walked into the girls' room to put Daisy in her crib. Allie was sleeping soundly, curled up with her thumb in her mouth. She looked so peaceful, Colleen could scarcely believe she'd been making a racket just minutes before. She tucked the baby into bed, then crept back downstairs.
Gabe was rolling his head, eyes closed, a slight grimace on his face. His hand was at the back of his neck, kneading at it as best he could. Colleen slipped behind him. "Let me, sweetheart," she said softly. She placed her hands on his shoulders and began to massage them, working her way from his neck to his arms. Gabe relaxed against the couch, eyes still closed.
"Hard day?" Colleen asked, feeling the knots in his muscles. She dug into a particularly stubborn one, making her husband wince.
"Not hard, just tiring," he replied. "Lots of paperwork. I was hunched over my desk all day."
Colleen worked out another knot, and this time it made Gabe yelp. She winced along with him. "I'm sorry, Gabe," she said. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
He chuckled. "It's a good pain. Thank you for this, Colleen. It feels good." As if to belie his words, he winced again as she met another knot. She worked it out firmly with her fingers before moving to another section of his neck. It took her another fifteen minutes to prod the stubborn knots of muscle free, but by the end of it, Gabe seemed more relaxed. He gripped her hand and pulled her around the couch to sit beside him.
"Thank you," he murmured again, kissing her cheek. They sat together quietly for a few moments, the only sound the crackling of the fire in the hearth. Eventually, Colleen straightened. "Would you like some tea and cookies?" she asked.
Gabe's eyes lit up. "Cookies?" He looked and sounded like an excited little boy. Colleen couldn't help the laughter that escaped.
"Yes. I made some maple brown sugar cookies this afternoon. I thought you might like a little treat after how hard you've been working."
Gabe stood, pulling her up with him. "Colleen, you are an angel," he proclaimed, shooting her a grin. "That sounds delicious."
She led him into the kitchen, pushing him into a chair. "You sit," she instructed. "I'll have the tea ready shortly."
Within five minutes, she'd prepared his tea the way he liked it and set a plate of cookies in front of him. Gabe offered her the plate first, but she shook her head. "I'm fine," she said, looking down at the sweet treats. In truth, part of her wanted one, but another part of her felt slightly sickened at the smell. It was odd, since they were one of her favorite cookies, but she thought she might have picked up a light stomach bug. Food hadn't held much interest of late, even foods she typically loved.
Gabe bit into his own cookie, clearly savoring the flavor. "These just might be your best batch yet," he declared. "And they go very well with the tea."
Colleen chuckled. "You would think any cookie went well with tea. Your sweet tooth is unparalleled," she teased him.
He grinned. "And I'm so blessed to have a lovely wife who likes to bake," he said. Leaning over, he kissed her. Colleen could taste the maple on his lips. As much as she enjoyed the kiss, she had to fight a sudden wave of nausea. Pulling back, she smiled and patted his cheek, trying to keep her reaction to herself.
"I'm happy to bake for you," she said, keeping her tone level. "Any requests for the next treat?"
Gabe's eyes lit up. "Cinnamon sugar cookies?" he asked hopefully.
Colleen smiled. "Done. I'll make some tomorrow."
"You're the best," Gabe proclaimed, taking another bite of his cookie.
They spent the next half hour talking over their tea. After a while, Colleen began yawning. She looked at the clock on the mantle. "I don't know why I'm so tired," she said, stretching her back. "I just want to curl up in bed and go to sleep now instead of spending time reading."
Gabe gave her a tender smile. "It could be that it's been so cold lately," he said. His lips quirked with humor. "I doubt it has anything to do with the fact that you're caring for a strong-willed toddler and a teething baby."
Colleen chuckled. "No, it couldn't possibly be that."
"Why don't you go to bed?" Gabe suggested. "I'll clean up down here and then join you."
"Really?" Colleen asked, eying the dishes in the sink.
Gabe gave her a little nudge toward the stairs. "Yes, really. You go rest. I'll be up shortly."
Colleen raised herself on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. "Thank you, sweetheart."
He smiled. "You're welcome."
Colleen trudged up the stairs. She felt more and more tired with each step. When she reached their bedroom, she barely had the energy to change into her nightgown before collapsing onto the bed. Snug on the comfortable mattress, she fell asleep within seconds.
Nathan smoothed the final section of wood on a cabinet for his newest customer. True to his word, Benjamin Forsythe had boasted of Nathan's abilities to his friends and clients. The result was a plethora of orders that would keep Nathan busy for months to come. He was thankful for the business and thrilled that he would easily have enough income to provide for Elizabeth and their future family.
The thought of his fiancée made him pause. She'd been quiet over the past couple of weeks, and Nathan had a feeling he knew why. Glancing at the calendar on his desk, he took note of the date circled in red.
The twelfth of February. The first anniversary of Jack's death.
It was only four days away. Nathan and Elizabeth had talked about Jack over the past weeks, but whenever he asked her how she was doing, she lightly brushed off his concern. "I'm fine, Nathan," she would say, pasting on a smile.
He didn't believe her. He knew the first anniversary of a death was incredibly hard. With both Sarah and Joshua, Nathan's pain on that first year mark had felt almost as fresh as the day they'd died.
He cleaned up his shop, then on impulse decided to pay a visit to Elizabeth. They had no plans for the evening, but he had a sense that he needed to check on her, if only for his own peace of mind. She'd been almost too cheery over the last week, and though she didn't admit it, Nathan wondered if she was trying to keep her darker feelings at bay.
When he reached her house, he knocked three times and waited. There was no answer. She must have decided to have dinner with the Coulters or Abigail. Nathan was about to walk down the steps when he heard a muffled cry. Instantly on high alert, he knocked again. "Elizabeth?"
There was no answer, but he wasn't deterred. Putting a hand on the doorknob, he found that it turned without resistance. He cautiously opened the door, peering inside. "Elizabeth?"
She was sitting on the settee, shoulders shaking. Nathan hurried inside and crouched in front of her. "Elizabeth, love, I'm here."
Sobs shook her entire body. She clung to something in her hands as the tears streamed down her face. A passing glance told Nathan it was a picture of her and Jack.
"Oh, sweetheart," he murmured. He lifted himself up to sit beside her. Drawing her into his arms, he held her close. Elizabeth buried her face in his chest, her tears wetting the fabric of his red plaid shirt. Her sobs eventually diminished to whimpers before slowly fading completely. After such an emotional display, Nathan knew she must be exhausted. He simply held her until she was ready to talk.
"I'm…sorry, Nathan," she whispered, her head still pressed against his chest. "I didn't want you to see me like this."
He tightened his hold on her. "Why not, Elizabeth?" he asked gently.
She sniffed several times in quick succession, then pushed herself into a sitting position. She held up the picture in her hands. "I feel bad that I'm mourning for my first love when I should be happy. I'm marrying you in a few months, Nathan. I can't wait to start a life with you. But…" She looked at the picture once more. "I feel like I'm betraying you by being sad over losing Jack."
Nathan turned, taking her shoulders in his hands. "Elizabeth, you are not betraying me." He studied her for a few moments. "Is this why you keep telling me you're fine? You don't want me to see you grieving him?"
She nodded slowly, tears slipping down her cheeks once more. Nathan caught them with his fingers, gently wiping them away. "You can tell me anything," he murmured. "I want to know what you're feeling, Elizabeth. I want to know when you're happy and when you're sad. I want to know when you miss Jack. He was a big part of your life. You loved him deeply." He smiled sadly. "I miss him too, you know. I didn't know him nearly as long as you did, but he was my friend." He cupped her cheek. "And if I miss him, I can only imagine how you feel."
"Oh, Nathan," she whimpered, burying her face in his chest once again. "I do miss him. So much." The picture dropped to her lap. Her fingers clung to the material of his shirt. Nathan held her tightly, trying to offer comfort simply by being present. After a while, she glanced up at him. "Here I am about to marry you, the man I love dearly, and I'm crying over a lost love. That doesn't bother you?"
Nathan shook his head. "I'm not threatened by Jack's memory, Elizabeth," he said softly. "He was an important part of your life, and that should be honored. I am happy to help you keep his memory alive.
Elizabeth sighed, resting against him. "You're a good man, Nathan Grant. Most men would be upset over this."
He smiled. "I'm not most men."
That elicited a chuckle from her. "No, you're not. And I'm very grateful for that."
Nathan leaned his head against hers. "How long have you been feeling sad?"
She paused, thinking. "A couple weeks," she admitted. "It came out of nowhere. I wanted to talk about it with you, but I couldn't muster up the courage." She shook her head. "I should have known you would be loving and supportive. Please forgive me for keeping this from you."
Nathan kissed her temple. "All's forgiven, Elizabeth. I understand why you did it. Just know you have nothing to fear from me. You can talk to me anytime."
She was quiet for so long, Nathan half wondered if she'd fallen asleep. When she spoke, her words were tentative. "Would…would you come with me…to the graveyard…on the…the…anniversary?" she asked brokenly.
He didn't hesitate. "Yes, sweetheart. I'll be there."
Elizabeth sighed, finally relaxing against him. "Thank you, Nathan."
He pressed another kiss to her temple. "We'll get through this together, Elizabeth. Just let me know how to support you."
He could feel her smile against his heart. "I will."
Elizabeth was thankful for Nathan's steady presence over the next few days. He was kind and solicitous, bringing her small gifts and telling her frequently that he loved her. She felt his support keenly, and it only made her love him more. They talked for long stretches of time about Jack and about Elizabeth's feelings over losing him prematurely. With every conversation they had, Elizabeth felt a little bit of the grief lift.
She hadn't been expecting the sudden slam of emotion a few weeks back. Everything had been fine. She was happily planning her wedding to her new love, and everything seemed to be falling into place. Then she'd caught sight of February 12 on a calendar, and an intense pain filled her. All the old grief came rushing back. To compound it, she hadn't felt like she could talk to Nathan about it, feeling like it wasn't fair to him. Thankfully, he'd corrected that misconception.
She found that peace flowed into her heart as she opened up to Nathan about Jack. It began to feel natural. She told him stories of their time together, and he told her more about his time with Jack in the North. More and more, Elizabeth realized what a gift it was that they had both had Jack in their lives.
On the morning of the first anniversary, Elizabeth woke early. She and Nathan had decided to go to the cemetery at seven o'clock. From there, they would go to the café for breakfast. Abigail had offered to cook for them, knowing it would be a hard day. Elizabeth intended to find out how her dear friend was doing. Jack's death had deeply grieved Abigail as well.
Right at seven, Nathan knocked on the door. Elizabeth saw that he had brought their horses. Touched at the thoughtful gesture, she greeted him with a little smile and took the hand he offered. "Can we walk for a bit first?" she asked quietly.
Nathan nodded. "Of course."
They set off down the path. Words seemed unnecessary in the moment, so they simply walked hand in hand. When they reached the Kinslow house, the door opened. Gabe stepped out, dressed for the cold. He paused when he saw Nathan and Elizabeth.
"Are you going to the cemetery?" he asked.
Elizabeth nodded. "We are."
Gabe fiddled with his gloves. "I was about to head there myself, but I can wait until later. I don't want to interrupt your time…"
Elizabeth cut him off. "Gabe, we would be happy to have you join us," she said. "You and Jack were friends. He's the reason you're here in Hope Valley." She smiled. "Please, come with us."
Still he hesitated. "Are you sure?"
"We're sure," she said. "Let's make a stop at the stables so you can saddle Apollo. Then we'll all ride out together."
Gabe shook his head. "Why don't you and Nathan ride up first, so you'll have at least a few minutes alone with Jack. I'll come along shortly."
Elizabeth nodded her consent. Gabe dipped his head, then started walking down the road. Nathan helped her onto Sergeant. "Gabe probably needs some time to himself to process how he's feeling," he said, his voice low. "That's why he didn't want to come with us immediately."
She looked at their friend's retreating form. "I didn't realize that."
Nathan swung onto Newton. "Gabe feels things deeply. He likes to laugh and joke, but inside he has a strong emotional life. That's why he was never able to let go of his feelings for Colleen, even when it seemed his love was hopeless."
Elizabeth smiled gently. "At least that was rewarded."
Nathan smiled back. "It was the best thing that could have happened for both of them."
They nudged their horses into a walk. Quiet descended between them. Elizabeth's mind was occupied with thoughts of Jack, remembering all the milestones in their rather tumultuous relationship. Nathan was content to let her think, and she suspected he was wrapped in his own memories from the Northern Territories.
They reached the cemetery and tethered their horses. The morning was cold and misty. It felt rather appropriate for the occasion. Elizabeth tucked her hand into Nathan's as they walked to Jack's grave. They came to a stop and stood in respectful silence. Elizabeth leaned her head on Nathan's shoulder. His arm slipped around her waist.
I miss you, Jack, she thought, staring at the headstone. I still don't understand why you were taken from me. I probably never will. But thanks to your friends, I've learned to move on. She smiled slightly. I found love again. Nathan is a wonderful man, but you already know that. There's something comforting in the fact that you and he were friends. He knew you and understood you. That was the bond that brought him and me together. So in a way, you played a role in me finding love again. Thank you, Jack. It was a precious final gift you gave me. I'll always be thankful. I'll always remember you. So will Nathan. So will everyone in this town. You are missed every day.
A horse's whinny brought her head up. Gabe was sliding off Apollo, tethering him by Sergeant and Newton. He came toward them respectfully, hat in hand. He came to a stop beside Elizabeth.
There was no need for words. In the silence of the graveyard, surrounded by Jack's closest friends, both of whom had fought the good fight with him, Elizabeth felt peace wash over her. The angst from the past weeks slowly melted away. In its place, sadness remained, but Elizabeth knew that was natural. She would probably feel sadness over his death for years to come, just like Nathan still felt sadness over Sarah's death. Grief was a part of life.
She would embrace that fact while living in a way that would make Jack proud.