Epilogue
Subaru sat in the knight's quarters of the castle, fiddling with the buttons on his ceremonial knight's uniform. The purple cape and furs that adorned his clothes were rather itchy on his bruised and scratched-up body. Only three days had passed since the sin archbishop of envy had been defeated and the capital had already begun rebuilding. However, despite the fact that the battle was over, Subaru was still thinking about all the events that transpired.
Subaru: "31,000 confirmed dead, with another 13,000 missing. Given that the capital tends to have around 300,000 people, that's over a tenth of the population. Even those who survived are mentally scarred because of what they did to each other under the miasma's influence. All this, done by someone who was once… exactly like me."
Subaru sat with these thoughts, letting them hurt him as a form of penance. If he had just been quicker, could he have saved more people? Maybe if he had gone back just one more time, he could have made it.
Subaru: "No, there were no second chances. If I had made even one mistake, he could have jumped back in time and stopped me. I just got lucky, really really lucky."
Despite all that the archbishop had said and done, the two of them were once the same person. Because of this, one of the things that archbishop had said to Subaru that still stuck with him.
Subaru: "Time won't move forward unless I allow it. That's quite a responsibility I have huh."
?: "What are you going on about, I suppose?"
Subaru: "Hey Beako!"
Beatrice entered the room with a cute scowl on her face. She quickly marched over to Subaru and sat next to him, gripping his hand as she did so. Subaru felt the pressure of Beatrice's hand on his and calmed his thoughts… if only a little. He had something that was weighing on his chest that he needed to let out.
Subaru: "Beatrice…"
Beatrice: "What is it, I suppose. You're going to be late if you don't hurry, in fact."
Subaru: "You now know that I have return by death, right?"
Even saying the name of his authority made Subaru instinctively clasp his heart, but the shadowy grip never came for him.
Beatrice: "Yes, I suppose. When you die, you enter a time loop that takes you back to a crossroads in your fate, in fact. I understand, I suppose."
Subaru: "Then you know how powerful this ability can be?"
Beatrice: "Yes…"
Beatrice began to become concerned with Subaru's line of thinking, starting to see what point he was coming to.
Subaru: "If I ever become evil like him, I need you to kill me, permanently."
Beatrice: "How dare you say such a thing, I suppose. I'm not going to kill you, in fact."
Subaru felt a stabbing pain in his chest as he gave Beatrice his request. He knew that she would say no at first, but he had to make sure that he would be stopped if his fears ever became reality.
Subaru: "If the other Subaru proves anything, it's that I'm one bad day away from destroying the world, and If I ever do become evil, you will be the only person capable of stopping me. Because you Beatrice, are the only person who can know about return by death."
Beatrice: "Stop it! Don't ask me to do such a thing, I suppose!"
Subaru: "Don't you see Beatrice, if you're not there to stop me, then I am unstoppable. Even Reinhart can't kill me forever. I don't care if you have to sacrifice random spirits, or Julius's spirits, or even Puck, just please… promise me that I won't ever become like him. Promise me that you'll kill me… if you have to."
Beatrice: "Fine, I'll promise… but only if you promise that I'll never have to do it."
Subaru looked up into Beatrice's eyes and saw tears running down her face. Subaru could feel tears forming in his eyes as well. Subaru smiled warmly at his partner, knowing that she understood his request. Subaru embraced Beatrice in a reassuring hug, taking solace in knowing that there will never be another archbishop of envy ever again.
Subaru: "I promise."
Subaru and Beatrice held each other for a moment longer, both of them scared for each other should the implementation of this terrible promise should ever arise. After a few more minutes of their embrace, they gathered themselves up and walked out of the knight's quarters together, and walked to the castle's main hall. The hall still lacked halls and a roof, but the space was packed with nobles and knights who were clapping for him. Subaru and Beatrice walked down the center together, hand and hand, as the clapping and cheering grew louder. As they approached the end of the line, Subaru saw his friends standing together.
Emilia immediately captured his attention with her stunning white dress. Her purple eyes were locked onto his and he had to suppress his urge to start complimenting her. Next to her, Otto and Garfiel were arguing about the fact that Garfiel had ripped his suit top into ribbons. Finally, Roswaal, Ram, and a sleeping Rem in a wheelchair stood at the end of the line. Roswaal waved to Subaru and Ram gave him a small nod of approval, which Subaru assumed was her way of jumping for joy.
Subaru next encountered Reinhart, Julius, and Wilhelm, who all gave him their thanks and even Julius admitted that Subaru had done well. As Subaru approached the end of the room he saw that the last living member of the council was standing there. The man with the long white beard had been on a trip to a city called Pristella at the time of the attack and had returned yesterday. Standing next to the man were the two captains of the guards, one was the green-haired man Marcos who Subaru had met during the royal selection meeting and the other was a red-haired man who Subaru didn't recognize. The red-haired man barely payed attention to him and seemed like he would have preferred not to come at all. Subaru knelt before the council member and the guard captains, showing his respect to his leaders.
Council member: "Sir Subaru Natsuki, Royal Spirit Knight to Emilia and the Kingdom of Lugnica, and Captain of the Guard to the Mathers Domain, I thank you. You saved the kingdom of Lugnica from a vicious attack orchestrated by the witch's cult and defeated the sin archbishop of envy. For these heroic actions, I award you a medal of valor and praise your heroism in the name of the kingdom."
The council member placed the medal around Subaru's neck, the weight of the medal weighing heavily upon him. He had initially declined to accept it, but he was convinced to accept when he heard that it would help Emilia in the royal selection. Julius, Wilhelm, and Reinhart had also received medals, the others had declined any honors or weren't offered any. Each of the knights didn't feel like they deserved the honor, given the horrific state that the capital was left in, however, their hands were tied by the unstable political state in the capital. Any knight who didn't get rewarded would be seen by the people as having been unhelpful or cowardly, and in times of crisis, people usually looked for someone to blame. Because Subaru and the archbishop had shared similar everythings, the citizens were quick to turn on the Emilia camp as having orchestrated the assault, and Emilia being a half-elf didn't help their case. So they accepted the honors despite the heavy feeling in their hearts.
The archbishop had caused so much destruction, so much death, so much pain, and he had done it all with Subaru's face. Subaru had been forced to kill a version of himself, an immortal being who simply wanted the one he loved back. The pain that was on the archbishops face when he had killed him stuck in Subaru's mind like a cancer. That was his face, and he had killed it.
Even after the ceremony and all the official practices were taken care of, Subaru couldn't get these thoughts out of his mind. Subaru could feel the miasma, waiting to be released within him, writhing around his soul like a malevolent force. He now had the power to use the miasma at will, just like his counterpart. The miasma had caused so much pain, so much suffering, and now he had it. He hated it.
The Emilia camp left the capital shortly after their work in the capital was complete. Subaru watched the dilapidated capital disappear behind them as they left the city in the care of the remaining citizens. He couldn't go back, he couldn't save them, he wasn't strong enough.
Subaru watched the scenery go by outside the carriage window in silence. He watched as they once again passed by the place where the archbishop had initially ambushed them. They had seemed so similar to one another that Subaru could still feel the evil potential within him.
Emilia: "You won't end up like him, you know?"
Subaru: "Huh?"
Subaru turned to look into Emilia's amethyst eyes, who stared back with care and worry.
Emilia: "I know that you won't end up like him, because I know what you're like Subaru."
Subaru: "But he was me, he was exactly like me."
Emilia: "No. He was him and you were you. The two of you lived completely different lives. You may have been born the same and acted the same, but you aren't the same because you grew up different. You are kind and sweet and full of optimism, he was bitter and vindictive and full of hatred. That's why I know that you'll never end up like him."
Subaru absorbed those words like a salve to his mental wounds. Emilia spoke with such sincerity and care that Subaru couldn't help but feel healed. The feeling of love that washed over him forced the tears he had been holding in his eyes to flow freely. As he let out all the fear and tension that had kept him going throughout this whole experience Emila smiled warmly. Emilia let Subaru's head rest on her lap as his relief washed out of him. She slowly stroked his hair, smiling as she did so.
Emilia: "I knew it, Subaru is a good boy."
Authors note: Thank you so much to all the people who read my story and stuck with me through it all, and I'll even thank those who tried my story and didn't like it. I appreciate all the reviews, both bad and good, and I hope that they will help me write better in the future. A special thanks to Tappei Nagastuki for creating one of the most amazing stories I've ever read and I hope that I will be inspired to write another fic soon. Until then, I'm also writing my own web novel that I am posting on called Erristas: The New Age. If y'all like my writing I would love for you to check out my web novel. I only have 8 chapters out now and because of school I can only post once a week, but it's coming along slowly. So, thanks again and I'll see you next time my brain makes a new Re:Zero story.