Filling In The Gaps Chapter 6, a teen titans fanfic

Huh… Four Seasons will be updated soon… I'm not going to abandon it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans or It's Ok.

Chapter 6: It's Ok

I remember all the nights I used
to stay at home,
On the phone, all night long,
used to talk about the things
we'd really wanna do,
I believed in you,

Starfire sat on the couch in Red X's arms. She was content. She was fine knowing that she was loved even if it was not by Robin.

She didn't love him anymore.

She didn't love Red X either.

She could still feel the gap in her heart. It was trying to close… but it wouldn't. It couldn't. And she felt a pain in her chest. She knew she wouldn't fall in love with Red X; he wasn't the rebound or her love. He was just… something to help get her mind off of things. He wasn't there for her pleasure… he wasn't there to amuse her. Starfire wasn't like that. Red X wasn't the one for her. Red X wasn't whom she wanted. Neither was Robin. She didn't know whom she wanted as her own.

Starfire loved no one. She never will. After so long… her heart became closed forever.

When she kissed Red X that night… she thought she loved him… she thought the gap was filling but… it wasn't. It was just a figment in her imagination telling her that he was helping; she wanted to believe she could leave everyone. Robin. Her parents. Her people. She wanted to believe she wasn't her sister.

But… deep down… she was.

Starfire knew little by little her hatred was consuming her. Even before she loved Robin. She wanted to believe she would never become what her sister did. But she was. You would never know because she hid it so well.

Starfire never did love Robin.

I remember how you used to say,
Have no fear, it'll be ok,
When you told me anything you
want is possible,
we could have it all.

Starfire didn't care anymore about Robin loving Cassandra… she was happy for him. She wanted him to be happy. Because. He was her best friend. He was her first love that died. He was the reason she knew who she really was. He was the reason she knew she needed to leave.

To save her friends.

To save him.

Cassandra.

Herself.

She wasn't doing this because of Robin and Cassandra's relationship. She was doing this to protect them. Nothing more, nothing less. It was because they were her friends that she cared for deeply that she would leave. She wouldn't let them find her. They wouldn't know where she went.

She didn't want them to know.

She didn't want them hurt.

If she left… they would hurt but if she didn't… they would hurt more.

It wouldn't be heart wrenching hurt… but physical pain. The kind that you could die from.

Sure, if she left they would have the emotional pain that you could never fix… but she didn't want to see them in pain, physically or emotionally… so she would leave.

I believed in you,
I must have been a fool,
All my dreams where with
you...

No reason for her to stay here if she would end up just as Blackfire had did. A criminal. A runaway prisoner. A banished Tamaranian. A wanted girl.

A pained girl.

A weakling.

A freak.

A scared little girl.

I say it's ok,
I can't promise you it's
alright, you ain't keeping
me up all night, no more,
You're not here but it's ok,
I assure you, babe, it's
alright, you ain't keeping me
up all night, no more,
You're not here but it's ok.

It didn't matter who she really was. Robin didn't do this. Raven didn't do this. Beast Boy didn't do this. Nor Cyborg or Cassandra or Red X. Starfire did this to herself.

It was only her fault.

Everything was her fault.

The Gordanians, the city turned into chaos, the lives taken, the fire, the experiments. Everything was her fault.

Not her mother's.

Or father's.

Or brother's.

Or sister's.

It was Starfire's.

Well, now you got to where you
wanted like I knew you would,
Cash, car, house,
It's all good,
As to why you never come around
here no more,
Like you did before.

Robin helped her.

Raven helped her.

Beast Boy helped her.

Cyborg helped her.

Red X helped her.

And Cassandra most of all.

If it wasn't for her, she would still think she loved Robin; she would still be the demon that she never knew about. She would be the killer. She would still have the gap in her heart.

She wouldn't know that hatred was consuming her.

You got it all that's the
way it seems,
looks like you,
with your dream,
better hope you life had
turned out for the better now,
when I'm not around.

Just like that movie. Princess Mononoke. A demon would devour your heart if you had hatred for someone. Or something.

It would eat your soul.

And you yourself would become a demon. A monster on the Earth that kills for no reason. Like Starfire.

It didn't show. It didn't give you clues for her. But… it was there. She knew it was there. She knew she was a danger to her friends. A danger to Red X and Robin.

A danger to the Earth.

Tamaran.

I believed in you,
I must have been a fool,
All my dreams where with
you...

Nothing was inside her.

She was dead.

Not physically. But… she didn't exist anymore.

Her heart was no longer there. The gap consumed her heart. She wouldn't love, she wouldn't live again.

The demon took her.

It stole her.

It consumed her.

And… she became a demon just as it was.

She would kill just as it did.

Its all right, it's okay

Its all right, it's okay
That you're not here with me

She never knew it could hurt this much. To become something you've been running away from. Something you never wanted to be. What you've spent your whole life avoiding. Being careful never to touch it. Never to get near it but ending up… it was already there. It had already devoured you.

She never knew how much it could really hurt.

Its all right, it's okay

Its all right, it's okay
That you're not here with me

But… she didn't want the people around her to feel the same she was feeling right this minute.

She didn't want them to know the pain she was going through. She didn't want them to hurt as much as she did.

Starfire didn't want anyone else to be consumed by the demon that she was.

The thing that was apart of her.

She didn't care though. She always thought she would care if that happened. But, she didn't care. She wasn't afraid. She wasn't a weakling.

She accepted it.

But she wasn't sure if the others could.

Its all right, it's okay

Its all right, it's okay
that you're not here with me

Starfire had made up her mind.

Its all right, it's okay

She would leave her friends to protect them and…

You're not here but its ok.

Everything would be ok… for once.

End Chapter

See, even though Starfire is leaving she's leaving for different reasons than usual. How smart am I? JK! I'm not smart at all.

NO FLAMES!

-Emerald-Mask