The Adventures of Mark and the Sock Puppet

by hippy.intellect

Mark falls in love with a sock puppet and everyone visits Narnia... I mean, Canada. COMPLETELY RANDOM!

We do not own Rent, the Wizard of Oz or Canada. The name Glinda for a sock puppet belongs to MarkCohen69.

The Adventures of Mark and the Sock Puppet

By hippy.intellect and silverydarkness

Once upon a time, there was a very bored cow named Elsie. She was a cow. But I think we already mentioned that, didn't we? Too bad we're too lazy to erase one of them… oh well. Anyway, Elsie was sitting in the loft's purple room. No one liked to mention the purple room, because it was so purple, but it was there… yes… it was always there… watching them… Anyway, she sat in the purple room awaiting the return of her friend Maureen and her boyfriend Mark. Maureen's boyfriend… not Elsie's… that would just be wrong. Cause, you know, Elsie's a cow. Did we mention that?

'I miss Mark,' Elsie mused aloud. 'But not Maureen, cause Maureen ate my pet guinea pig… and my blind ferret… and my deaf warthog.' Out of her lonesomeness, she decided to make a sock puppet, with Mark's features. Little puppet scarfy, little puppet glasses, little puppet blond hair that is often mistaken for red hair but is really blond. And of course, she didn't have to worry about his skin tone, cause it was a white sock, and he was so darn pale. Honestly…

Elsie was so wrapped up in thinking about Mark's paleness, she didn't notice when Mark and Maureen stepped into the purple room, grimacing at the purpleness of it all.

'HI!' Elsie waved at the two with the sock puppet still on her hand. And that's when Mark fell in love. Sappy music was magically heard. The room went pink instead of purple. And before you could say 'hello, may I speak to the famous tap dancing llama, Ishkanbourg,' Mark was hugging Elsie's hoof.

'Um… I hate to be all prying and all, but… why are you hugging my hoof?'

But Mark wasn't listening. 'Oh, beloved sock puppet, let us run away together and live a wonderful life in the country of Canada.'

Maureen laughed. 'Don't be silly, Mark, Canada doesn't exist.'

'Mark,' Elsie whispered to me… I mean, Mark. 'You can't fall in love with my sock puppet. He's my only friend, since Maureen ate my blind pig… and my deaf ferret… and my guinea warthog… wait… is that right?' She turned to Mark, but found he was missing, as was her sock puppet. 'Oh, great. Hurry! To Canada!'

'THERE IS NO CANADA!'

A while later, in Canada…

'Excuse me,' Elsie asked a Mountie. 'I'm looking for a guy- probably wearing a stripped scarf… he's got blond hair, although it's often mistaken for red, blue eyes, glasses and he's pale- like really pale- and a sock puppet that looks exactly like him.'

'Well, eh?' the Mountie replied. 'I dunno, eh? He might have been the one on his way to the cabane à sucre, eh?'

'Thanks… eh…' Elsie responded, then quickly ran away with Maureen.

'Wow,' Maureen said. 'I can't believe we're in Narnia!'

'Canada.'

'Don't be silly, Canada doesn't exist.'

Meanwhile, at the cabane à sucre…

'God, Canada is cold,' Mark said. 'Come, sock puppet, I'll keep you nice and warm.'

Poor sock puppet, who was only a few hours old, had no idea what was going on. Who was this strange pale guy? Where is this Canada the guy spoke of? Wasn't this Narnia?

'Sock puppet!' Mark cried, getting impatient. Sock puppet scurried to a corner.

'Oh, come on, sock puppet, I'll make it worth your while…'

Half an hour later…

'Wow…' said the sock puppet. 'That was great.'

'I told you it'd be worth your while,' Mark said seductively.

'Who would have guessed that someone like you… would make such delicious chocolate chip cookies?'

Just then, Elsie and Maureen bursted through the door of the cabane à sucre.

'Mark!' Maureen cried. 'You have to come back to New York with us. This land exists only in your mind. The blenders brainwashed you!'

'Yeah,' Elsie agreed, even though she didn't really agree. 'Plus- hey, are those chocolate chip cookies?'

Maureen gasped, and her eyes filled with tears. 'You made chocolate chip cookies… for that!' She pointed angrily at the sock puppet.

'Hey! Don't call my sock puppet a 'that'! Her name is Glinda!' Mark replied.

'It doesn't matter! You have to come back with us!'

'No!'

'Yes!'

'No!'

'Yes!'

'No!'

'Potato!'

'Yes!'

'No!'

'Yes!'

'No!'

'Yes!'

'No!'

'Yes!'

'No!'

'Yes!'

'No!'

'Ye- Potato?'

'I like potatoes,' Maureen mumbled. 'Hey, is that Roger eating Glinda?'

'Don't be silly, Maureen, why would Rog- ROGER! PUT GLINDA DOWN!'

Roger, who was magically there, put down the sock puppet guiltily.

'Is she alive?' Elsie asked.

Maureen bent down and felt for the sock puppet's pulse. 'I can't feel anything but slobber,' she replied.

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…' Deep breath. '…OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' Mark sobbed, falling onto his knees.

'Wait…' Roger said. 'I'm confused. I thought you were in love with your camera.'

'Oh, yeah,' Mark realized, getting up. 'You're right. So I guess we should go back to New York now.'

'Good,' Maureen said. 'To the magic wardrobe!'

'See ya, eh?' the Mountie said.

And so, Mark, Roger, Maureen, the Easter Bunny and Elsie happily skipped off to New York, singing 'We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!'

FIN