The Little House Adventures: Epilogue
And they all lived happily ever after. That is, almost everyone did. Okay, so maybe only a few did.
Barney and Bill were dead of course. They went to hell and never came back, though Pa receives post cards from Barney sometimes. Usually on Kwanzaa and Valentine's Day.
Laura was the only child out of her twenty-five sibings,not beaten to death by Pa. She left home and persued Nellie Oleson. Unfortunetly, Nellie Oleson fell madly in love with Rosie O'Donell, and Laura was left to marry a man: Peter Flynn-Boyle.She moved to Hollywood with her husband, and after a quick divorce, she became annorexic, started a film career, and began stalking Ellen DeGeneres.
After a short mourning period for their beloved friends, Tinky-Winky and Dipsy had more sex, and then it was down to business. They become the first advocates for gay marraige. Though they were unsuccesful, they had fun together in the office after hours, and that's all that matters.
After Billie Joe Armstrong finished killing off Barney and his brother, he returned home to the condominium he shared with his best friend, Mr. Montgomery. Jack, the brindled bulldog followed him, and spent the rest of his days quietly frolicking with Billie Joe's dog, Clifford the Big Red. Before Billie Joe could settle down and relax though, he had one more job to do, so he packed up his machete and ended the 'glorious' singing career of a 'sensation' named Britney Spears with seven quick chops; one to the head, and the rest to mangle her badly enough no-one would be able to clone or do anything of that nature to her. He packed her in bags and threw her in the Arctic Ocean. Nobody ever saw her again.
Pa was found dead at the age of fifty-two. He appeared to have died by his own hand; by way of a bullet to the head, while intoxicated by three times the legal dose of heroin. He left behind only a suicide note, and the memory of a great man, himself. We will all remember him fondly as the man who gave real meaning to 'I'm going to knock you into next week!'
After Pa's death, there was much scrutiny over Ma. Had she killed Pa? It didn't seem realistic that Pa had killed himself, too many clues pointed to Ma. The heroin, the unidentifiable fingerprints, the male nanny suggested as 'co-conspirator.' The world's head was spinning with facts. Ma went to trial five months after Pa's death, though they had to involve themselves in a low-speed chase,as shedrove her Bronco down the freeway. At the trial, all the evidence seemed to point once again, to Ma as the perp. From the hair and fiber evidence down to the shoe prints, and the the gloves, which mysteriously didn't fit. In the end, Ma was convicted and sentenced to ten years in a minimum security women's institution, called Padova. She later broke out, and joined up with a group of men also escaping their own prison, Fox River. Ma allegedly hooked up with Lincoln Burrows. The two broke up when Ma had an affair with a man called 'T-Bag.'
This time it really is the end!
A/N: Please review, I'm dying to know what you think of this crazy story. Did you get all the things I was alluding to, especially in this chapter? Did you think it was funny, or just plain dumb?