Nights are the cliched shadows cast from the moon dancing across the walls, or rain pelting the windows, or snow falling, or stars in an expanse of black sky.
I lay in my bed in my apartment with no sound at all, no vision of what surrounded me.
My thoughts circle around the beautiful, young blonde girl in the courtroom earlier today and the expressions flashing across her soft features.
And my heart breaks a little more with each flash.
Tears have yet to slip down my cheeks and melt in to the pillow under my heavy head, but I can feel them waiting on the cue from my body.
So many nights I used to lie like this, in completely silent darkness listening to my own breathing, feeling my chest rise and fall ... listening to the silence I loved so dearly ... feeling the calm darkness all around that often brought me comfort.
Jamie Hoskins face flashed across my sight again.
Finally, I blinked.
A tear slipped.
And then another tear followed.
Suddenly, all I saw was the young girl's face, the confusion and the fear and the uncertainty ... and the look on her face when it was apparent I would do something to help her...
Iunderstand what she must be feeling, on some level at least.
I understand the daily struggle of living with a mental illness ... no one could ever tell who I was or what I now hide deep below the facade I constructed.
Tears now freefall down my cheeks - my breath grows ragged and the darkness becomes all consuming, the silence steadied by my very discreet sobs... the sobs I've learned to keep to a rapid quake of my body.
Liv once shared a secret of hers with me during the process of prosecuting a young perp...
It had everything to do with why that case had affected her the way it had.
And why this case affected me the way it has...
This is a variation on the season finale ... it comes from personal experience ... tell me whatever your thoughts are...