Sorry it's been so long since I've done anything with my currently in-progress fics but life's been busy and I've had writers block ... I've revised chapter two completely ... and I also deleted Eagle Tears ... OK I hope you like the revisions I've made ... Enjoy!

Oh and as kewl as it woulda been as a grad gift LAOSVU is not, sadly, mine...

It becomes something of an art to be able to control every nerve and muscle in ones body.

I managed to slow the sobs until only an occasional hiccup remained, interrupted by a yawn or two before my body began the slow process of shutting down from pure exhaustion.

But I sit here now, at my desk in my office, and ruminate over the fact that I didn't sleep for even thirty minutes.

My body goes through a war while I sleep, taunting me with memories.

So I woke up crying and shaken up and no matter how hard I tried I was unable to calm myself down -- instead I laid awake until my alarm went off. In turn I went through the tedious cycle of transforming my exterior from exhausted and shaken to calm and collected.

And here I am.

I've done no work, not even on what remains of Jamie Hoskins case because it is exactly what has caused my idleness.

Last night I told myself on some level I understand her, but in truth I am exactly at her level and completely sympathize with what she is going through.

I can feel my exhaustion breaking through my costume of "togetherness," deciding I just cannot stay here in this office, surrounded by people who've no idea, I gather my coat and my bag and make my way to the elevator.

"Hey Casey."

Damn it.

"Hi Liv."

"I was just coming to talk to you, but I can plainly see you're headed out. Where to? Might I ask?"

Simply I shake my head, this is not the norm for me -- not for my personality, "Oh, I'm meeting with someone about their case, the ADA who normally handles it is with her son who's in bad shape—" I stop talking abruptly.

Mentally I kick myself for rambling knowing full well it's an unbelievable lie.

Liv eyes me, she's a detective for Christ's sake, of course she knows I'm lying through my teeth.

The elevator opens down the hall, "Sorry, I'm running late -- I'll talk to you later."

From behind as I dash for my escape I can feel my good friend's gaze watching me, her concern and bewilderment beaming out like spotlights.

I give a quick fake smile before the doors close.

In my cotton GapBody robe I am curled up on my four-poster Queen sized mahogany bed (a gift from my uber-rich aunt and uncle for passing my bar exam), in-between my worn in cotton covered pillows.

The TV isn't on and I disconnected the phone from the wall; my cell has a dead battery.

I need this alone time to think about what I'm going through, why Jamie's case has elicited such a strong reaction in me.

But I do know full well I don't need to think ... I need to feel ... and I hate to feel when I get this way ... I hate the memories and everything that comes with them.

A phone number resides in my datebook, one that if I call I will be reminded of why I must allow myself this.

With the blinds closed, wrapped under my black and white down comforter, I close my eyes and open them to the darkness...

The third chapter will involve Casey's memories -- and you'll begin to understand... Let me know any and all thoughts, opinions, etc., etc.