Disclamer: I don't own Harry Potter still. Grrrrrr... I don't own the song, My Humps, Hips Don't Lie, Everytime We Touch, or This New Booty!
Aurthurs Note: This is the seconed to last chapter but it was really fun to write!
Deadly Game of Phone Tag Four
Snape
Harry was angrier than he had ever been in his life. How dare Moldy Shorts tag him? How could he have figured out how to play when he had never heard of it before now? He was so dead. But that would have to wait….Marvelous idea number four was about to unfold.
Snape stared at the little black box that had almost gotten lost in his greasy hair when Potter's owl dropped it on his head. The Dark Lord and Draco had been talking together about something called a "cello-phone" and Potter. Even his Master had seemed afraid but he could not see why.
"MY HUMPS! MY HUMPS, MY HUMPS, MY HUMPS! MY LOVEY LADY LUMPS! CHECK IT OUT!"
"WTF!" Snape shouted. (a/n: awww, Snape should not have such foul language! Must remember to up the rating because of that. Thanks a lot Snape…)
He blasted the box open with his wand and seized the device the sound was coming from. For a moment, he thought of destroying it then and there, but I say that he didn't because he no longer has a will of his own, so there!
There was a small note on the front, telling him to hit the GREEN button. He hit it, wanting anything to stop the madness of these so called "cocoa puffs" that had come on.
"Well it took you long enough to come back!" came Potter's voice from the other end.
"What? What are you talking about!" Snape was confused.
"Remember? You said you were going to go get some of the grease out of your hair."
"My hair isn't greasy! It's just—"
"PHONE TAG, YOU'RE IT!" click.
"What? What just happened? Potter? Potter! I'll kill you for this! I'll—" he stopped abruptly. "Oh, hello, Headmaster…um…I was just…uh…"
"Severus, may I ask why you are shouting at the top of your lungs about killing Harry Potter?" Dumbledore asked, looking both concerned and amused, but mostly concerned of course.
"Uh…well the thing is…uhhh…"
"And, what is that?" asked Dumbledore, pointing at the cell phone.
"I'm not sure. Potter just sent me it and it starting shouting or something about humps. I hit the GREEN button and his voice was in this thing! And then it said that my hair was greasy! And then he was all like, 'Phone tag, you're it!" Snape said in what was really one breath despite the punctuation.
"His voice was inside it? OH MY GOD! Harry must be stuck inside that thing!"
"What?"
"Yes! We must get him out!" Dumbledore pulled out his wand and hit the cell phone, while Snape simply looked frightened by the Headmaster's insanity. A blue light shot out of Dumbledore's wand and hit the phone, but it did nothing. Dumbledore tried other various ways of extracting Harry from the cell phone, but had no results until…he tried to blow it up.
A little flag popped out of the antenna thing, which read in flashing purple and GREEN letters: So you tried to blow up your new cell phone? Ha HA! There is no way to destroy this phone! You'll be stuck in this game forever! Now if you'll excuse me, I must wreak vengeance upon one Lord Moldy Shorts. He will NOT get away with phone tagging me!
So it appears that Harry is not inside the cello-phone…I hope he doesn't kill Moldy Shorts…but then again, he might rather be dead after Harry's let loose on him…I'm scared….
Harry was deep into his stage of plotting, hardly even touching the phone after his call to Snape. Moldy shall pay, he thought bitterly.
The phone only rang once, and Harry hardly even looked at the caller id as he picked up the phone. "Hello, you have reached the residence of Britney Spears. Please leave a message after the beep." He pushed the number seven as the beep.
"OH MY GOD! This is Britney's number! I finally found you, baby! Ronnie's coming home!" said Ron's over excited and yet fairly frightening voice from the other end. Harry stopped writing down: shove head in toilet. (a/n: If anyone is wondering, Ron has a past relation with Britney in this reality. My friend didn't quite get that...)
"Ron?" he said.
"Harry? Damn." Harry heard the noise of a closing door, something being dropped to the floor, and crumpling parchment on the other end. (a/n: Door was opened to leave to find Britney; hastily packed suitcase was dropped to the floor; crumpled up parchment of how Ron called who he thought was Britney. Sorry to explain; Melissa didn't get it.)
"What are you doing?" Harry asked, confused as to why Ron was calling, how he got his number, and how he knew how to use the phone at all.
"Oh, I stole some stuff out of Percy's apartment last night to her him back. I was going to curse it all with Fred and George, but we couldn't do anything to this thing. I kinda pushed some buttons on it, and next thing I knew, you're telling me that I finally found my bab— I mean Britney Spears."
"Yeah, sorry about that, I'm playing phone tag. I sent Percy the one that you have, Voldemort one, Malfoy one, and I sent Snape one this morning."
"Why the bloody hell did you do that?" Ron sounded as though he thought Harry mad.
"How do you think I'm playing phone tag if I didn't do that?"
"What is phone tag, anyway?"
"I'll show you, just a second," Harry turned on the three-way calling and punched in Snape's number. "Okay, keep quiet until I say so."
"Uh…okay?"
"If this is Draco again, no I will not hug you!" shouted Snape's angry voice over the phone.
Harry said, "Why do you keep calling me, you stalker? I told you it was over!" in mock anger.
"What! You called me, you—"
"PHONE TAG, YOU'RE IT!" He hit the GREEN button so it would seem like he hung up, and wondered vaguely why Malfoy wanted to hug Snape. There was an angry yell, and Snape hung up the phone.
"Okay, we're good," said Harry. "That's basically all I've been doing for the past week of so."
"Sounds awesome!" choked out Ron, who had burst out laughing the moment it was safe. "You want me to give Percy's back?"
"Sure, if you want to. I'll send you one so you can play too!"
"No that's okay, just owl me sometime soon. Everyone's been worried about you. No one's heard anything from you in a while. I don't think any of the guard has seen you at all either. You might want to go outside or something before someone comes bursting in with a rescue party!" (a/n: Okay, we're past the sappy part so no one can say that it was all non emotional with love and blah blah blah...)
"Okay, I will. Bye."
"See you," said Ron. Harry hung up, but after a second, Ron exclaimed, "How do you turn it off?"
With Ron wasting all of Percy's minutes just trying to turn it off, and Harry plotting Harry begins dancing around the kitchen with a stack of papers yelling, "It is completed!" Um, done plotting revenge on Moldy, let's see what Snape's doing…
Snape was now afraid of the youngest Malfoy. All he had done was gone through the address book to see who else had been dragged into this. Unfortunately, he had wondered who "Ferret Boy" was, who wondered who he was when he called! How rude is that! Malfoy had caller id! He should know!
But this was all before Snape found out that Harry had named him Snivilly in remembrance of his godfather. That was when Snape really exploded. He reached for the cello-phone….
"Hello?" said Potter's voice on the other end.
"You listen to me, Potter! If you don't change my caller id name, I'll take so many points from Gryffindor next term it'll—"
"Seven days."
"What? Are you even listening to—"
"Have you checked on the children?"
"What? What are you talking about?"
"Have you checked…on…the…children?"
"You're crazy, Potter. You really have—"
"PHONE TAG, YOU'RE IT!" click.
"He is so dead."
There seems to be some tension between our players. Next time, Harry's plan revealed and a special surprise for the victim's fans.
Authurs Notes: My God, I had all those requests for Snape and now that the chappy's up, I'm worried that it doesn't live up to what people want it to be! Okay, thanks for reviewing, guys! I wish I had been home yesterday to post this one, but I wasn't...obviously...
I would love to list everyone that reviewed and stuff, but since I'm typing this, I'm delaying your chappy! Next time, I'll just have to put a huge list of everyone in the next chappy (last one unless I change it a bit to leave room for a sequal)! Okay, posting chappy in about 30 seconds...YAY!
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