HP, Episode III: Attack of the Gnomes

Author's Notes: I got the inspiration to just write a fluffy story that is utterly insane, so enjoy, especially you members of the DSG!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters associated with him, though I wish I did…nor do I own Shaun of the Dead, but it is hilarious. Gory, but hilarious. However, the gnomes (ALL of them) belong to me, Mary, or Christian, so I can do whatever I want with them, unless they protest (which I doubt).

"Harry, guess what!" Ron said one fine sunny day. It was the summer after their first year at Hogwarts, and the two friends were hanging out in the garden outside the Burrow.

"What?" Harry said totally unenthusiastically. He was so sick of Ron's guessing games at this point in their friendship. All they ever lead to were stupid rhymes like "chicken butt" or "you're a slut".

"I found my hat from my aunt! She gave it to me years ago, but I think Fred and George took it and were experimenting with it."

"Terrific," Harry said more apathetically, if that was even possible.

"No really! It used to be the exact shade that my hair is," he ran his hand through his hair, nearly as James Potter would have, if either of them had known that Harry's father was like that. "But now…" He took a dramatic pause and Harry rolled his eyes. "LOOK!"

"AAUURRHRRGGGH! My eyes!" Harry shrieked, blocking his face from the vibrantly colored blob Ron had whipped out from inside his shirt.

"No, look, silly," Ron said, brandishing the blob that appeared to be that hat.

"Um…it's a hat?" Harry asked unsurely.

"Of course it is!" Ron said. "Here, try it on."

"Uh, no thanks…"

"Okay then. I'll show you how fabulous it can be." He popped the hat onto his head with a flourish. It appeared that a bush had sprouted out of the top of Ron's head. It was a huge mass of pink flowers that clashed as horribly with Ron's hair as the Chudley Cannons hat that Harry would get him for Christmas in the future.

"Wow, Ron, that's really…erm…gay," Harry said bluntly.

"And I feel gay wearing it!" Ron said exuberantly. "I'm so happy right now!"

"Not that one," Harry muttered.

"What?" asked Ron, who was completely preoccupied with twirling and flitting around the yard like a graceful ballerina, if ballerinas were tall, lanky, had red hair, and wore flowery pink hats.

"I said…um…look! Another one!"

"Where!" Ron said, looking frantically around.

"Right…" Harry paused and looked around the yard. "Oh! Right there!"

Except there wasn't just one, or even two… There were probably about twenty.

"Have your gloves?" Ron said, putting his on as though in an action sequence characteristic of Shaun of the Dead.

"Um, yeah," Harry said, holding up his gloved hands. "They're on."

"Okay, ready?" Ron said. "One, two, THREE!"

The two rushed at the crowd of gnomes, not knowing the fate that awaited them.

Short, but I like short chapters better. Especially with my ADD attention span. Next chapter; Loads of Gnomes