Chapter 9 -- Crossroads

Maria was packing her few belongings as fast as she could. Her brown carpetbag was half empty because she decided to leave all her new dresses there--just like she was to leave behind tonight everything she had learned to love in that house. She was waiting only for the last friends to leave; merely a few were still waiting for their carriages to arrive.

Her plan was to escape, unnoticed at least until the morning.

The decision had been made after a few minutes alone. Maria was utterly mortified by what had happened and by the way she had behaved. She touched her lips with the tip of her fingers and still felt the kiss that had seared them; it was to be her first kiss --and also her last, she decided.

How things could change so dramatically in the space of a few hours!

Only in the afternoon Maria had been in her comfortable world of joy and happiness where nothing much happened and she was one of the kids. Now, part of that innocence was gone with a guilty conscience and a fear, which were heavier than anything she could remember. Her heart was broken.

Captain Von Trapp had filled her daily and nightly thoughts ever since that fateful evening when he sang Edelwiess, she had to admit. Maria had spent many sleepless hours standing at her balcony looking out to the night and just remembering everything and anything he had said; or his expressions; or any look her happened to throw in her direction sometimes with a tender mien, others, sheepishly, always intense and focused on her. Maria had honestly thought nothing wrong of it: that only admiration for him had fuelled her emotion and confusion.

Now she was certain that she must have done something to betray that guilty fascination to him.

And she had been sent there in God's mission! It had been utterly wrong to have accepted his caresses in that way. And just to show how wrong it was, there had been Baroness Schraeder with her cruel declaration that had made her feel sick to her stomach for a few minutes.

Baroness Schraeder had seen them!

The agony of embarrassment was of the acutest kind. She was unused to feeling guilty of something of material importance, never having done before, intentionally or not, the sort of mistake that would affect the life of other people or break their hearts.

But she had now.

All she knew was that she needed imperatively to run and hide. To return to the abbey to find protection from her own heart and the painful possibilities that would await her. Possibilities that she didn't even want to entertain.

She was about to put on her boots when a knock in the door was heard; it opened almost immediately without waiting for her to answer.

Her heart almost stopped when she saw Georg standing on the doorstep frowning at the sight of her bag over the bed and her image; barefoot and wearing the unattractive gray dress and burlap jacket in which she had arrived that first day they met, and that he had found lacking.

"In the name of God, what do you think you are doing!" he exclaimed heatedly.

"I am sorry captain, but I am leaving, I was going to drop you a note at the foyer." She said unable to meet his eyes once again. "You surely realize that what just happened has made it impossible for me to rest another minute in this house."

Georg face had an expression as if someone had just punched him. She wouldn't see the beginning of his ire to show in his eyes.

Maria was very affected by the fact that he had found her out leaving surreptitiously. She feared the conversation that would ensue because she wasn't ready for it. Either if he was violently opposed or completely in agreement with her departure, she knew she wouldn't be able to face his reaction with any measure of composure. If that made her a coward, then Maria was ready to accept it.

At least she was happy to be wearing the old dress she knew he didn't like. Maria wondered if she hadn't provoked the captain, it would be horrible if she did… But if she didn't, then, why did he kiss her and drove her crazy the way he did?

He interrupted her reflections. "You're not escaping like this. We will have to talk first." He closed the door so as nobody would eavesdrop their conversation.

Maria swallowed. "Captain, what happened in the garden… it was wrong. I am a postulant, I don't know what came over me, maybe I had too much wine," she said walking towards the window and opening the curtains to stare outside. "I had never before been to a ball, not with people like your guests. Everything was just too unusual, too new. And you didn't know what you did yourself."

"Whatever makes you think I wasn't aware of what I did? Why do you think I am not the sort of man who would face what he did and take full responsibility for it?"

"That is not what I am saying," Maria replied. "This has nothing to do with taking responsibility. I would take it but that wouldn't change anything. We've damaged things and people--and lives. The only thing to do is at least to end now with my permanence here and try to remedy things. I am sure you agree."

She played nervously with the hat in her hands, he noticed. "So you're leaving for the Abbey. Are you escaping because you regret it or because you are scared of what you feel, Maria?" Georg had neared her from behind. He put a hand on her shoulder and Maria turned her head.

"Oh, I don't know!" she cried out truthfully. "I don't know!"

Georg seemed taken aback by the sudden anguish in her reply. Maria turned completely towards him. "Please captain don't force this, I am not able to think clearly right now."

"That would be fine. Then stay and clear out you head and we talk tomorrow, or the day after that, or when you feel ready. Just don't leave this house, don't leave the children…" George looked directly into her eyes. "You are just tired, it's well after midnight. It's simply absurd for you to leave at this hour." He seemed to be talking to a small child, trying to get some sense into its head, or so Maria felt.

"I will be alright. I can walk… the city is not dangerous and there is a very late bus. I could even call a cab. I have nothing that anyone could steal anyway."

"Well if you think I will let you wander in Salzburg at midnight you're completely wrong!"

"Captain, truth is no matter if it's tomorrow or today, I am leaving. It's a decision."

Georg anger was mounting at her hard-headed insistence. He had never been used to being contradicted. But contradicting him had been Maria's favorite sport in the last three months. This time he just wouldn't let her. It actually scared him to think that he would lose her forever if she was to cross the front door that night.

"Will you please do me at least the courtesy of listening to me and talking to me before doing this? You're taking decisions that will not only affect your life but also mine and the children's'!" he shouted.

Maria looked at him with eyes wide open. His words brought shock and his dominant tone ignited the fire of her independent nature. "Captain, I am only an employee in this house, let me remind you of that fact," she said coolly. "And while I love the children and respect you a lot, the decision of working here or returning to my life in the abbey is mine alone," Maria said with a metal shine in her eyes.

Georg swallowed, feeling self-conscious and crossed. "Maybe I would agree with you if you hadn't done everything in your power to get into a personal relationship with every member of this family. You've never acted like an employee, never gave the children the care a paid-hand-only would. You struggled and gained your place within the heart of the kids. Now you're afraid and go back to claim professional aloofness. Let me laugh." Georg answered, raising his voice very high.

Maria was so angry that she was shaking. She went past him and put on her white shoes that were lying, discarded, by one side of the bed. Then she grabbed her bag and crossed the room to the door, opening it with so much force that it whipped back and hit her on the shoulder. She stopped, though, when she noticed that Frau Schmidt was running up the stairs with a worried look on her face. Probably she had overheard the shouts coming from Maria's room.

Maria fixed on the threshold watching her approach.

"What is the problem, Fräulein?" said the housekeeper getting into the landing.

Georg emerged from the room and stood beside Maria with a stern look over his face, his arm on the door. Maria was mortified and felt her face go beet red with the stare on Frau Schmidt's face when she realized that Georg had been in her room. The old lady looked pale and grave.

-----------------------

Chapter notes: I should have known that many of you would know how to say that word backwards. Indubitably, you went too far and beat me on this. LOL

Please review this chapter and let me know what you think. :)