this will be addek.

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and i give you just a little time
i, wonder if you realize
i've been waiting till i see it in your eyes

It was cold and dreary, again. She wasn't surprised, Seattle seemed to suit her mood quiet well, or maybe it was Derek's mood rubbing off on her. She didn't know anymore, all she knew was she couldn't breathe in that trailer. She was chocking, slowly but surely.

That damn tiny bed. She used to love wrapping herself in Derek's arms before falling asleep but as of late Derek had no desire to hold her. So they would sleep next to each other like perfect strangers. It was so hard in that tiny bed. That bed was much too small to be lonely in. Much too small to be happy in. Much to small to breathe in.

Before she became a world renowned surgeon, before Seattle, before New York, she would have panic attacks. She'd just stop, unable to move, unable to breathe. She was weak. He even carried paper bags in his pocket for a while. And then it stopped. Simple as that.

And suddenly, she found herself unable to breathe again. And this time Derek didn't have a bag for her.

So she left, early in the morning. Much before her shift and much before he would wake. She sat on a park bench by the small lake near the trailer compelling herself to take deep breaths. And with each strained intake of air she'd think about something else that had gone wrong in her life. She wished she could take it back, all of it.

She even wished she could take back coming to Seattle, at least then she could have saved face. She knew Derek was going to leave her, she saw it in his eyes. He was never good at keeping secrets. Here in Seattle, she was could do nothing but wait for the words to leave his mouth. For him to declare defeat and move on. And she'd be left to pick up the pieces, she knew she wasn't strong enough but she'd put on her heels and make sure no one would see her inner turmoil. She'd try atleast, he deserved to be happy, even if was without her.

She couldn't remember when they'd been happy last. She knew she hadn't been happy since he left. And she was quiet sure he hadn't been happy since she had arrived. Such a strange paradox.

"There you are."

The voice took her by surprise. She wanted to be alone, she deserved to be alone. She turned, her eyes brimming with tears.

"I couldn't breathe," she whispered in such a low voice she was sure only the water heard.

He nodded and sat down next to her, cautiously putting an arm around her. She knew she looked fragile and weak. Something even her New York attitude was unable to cover-up.

"Did they start again?" His voice shallow.

"After you left."

"I'm sorry."

She nodded, responding to his empty words, "I am too."

She leaned her head on his shoulder. She knew they were happy together, once. A long time ago she supposed. Was it too hard to imagine both of them being happy together again? She was too tired to pretend that wasn't what she wanted.

so i whisper in the dark,
hoping you hear me
do you hear me?

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Michelle Branch.

I swear there'll be less angst as the story progresses. There is also a plot, I promise!