Next Chapter will be an Epov.
Anything Twilight-related belongs to Stephenie Meyer.
The doorbell rang just as I made my way out of the bathroom. With the wheelchair, it took me a while to maneuver my way through the small room. Rolling into the hallway towards the living room I came face to face with Billy. It only occurred to me in that moment that I was face to face with a man who had lived in this chair for over twenty years now. I thought about how I had felt in the beginning. when getting out of it was still only a possibility. A slim chance I would have take and see. it made me appreciate that my current situation was temporary. I would get out of it again. I suddenly felt ungrateful for the chance I had been given. I noticed his concerned look when he saw me and quickly made to assure him.
"I'm ok. I just have to take it easy for a while." I gave him a convincing smile and was relieved to be saved by Jake coming around his father and bending down to give be a tight long hug.
"I've missed you Bells. Your stuck with me now. I've got you trapped here. Hey, what's with the wheelchair?" And there went my reprieve.
"Just a precaution." I answered when he put me down again. He had actually lifted me up while hugging me.
"Are you still growing or am I already shrinking?" I changed the subject before he could ask any further questions. It worked.
"Ha! Funny, no to both I think. That must be your perspective. All looking up at me and shit. Oh, sorry Charlie." He immediately apologized scrunching up his face like he was expecting a slapping. Totally overreacting considering he had said much worse things when I was still wearing glasses and only went up to his hip.
"Jake get the food out of the car. Make yourself useful." Billy piped in going past me to the living room.
"It's nice to see you again. You look good." He said to me on his way. Lying through his teeth. The last time he saw me I was a sixteen year old happy girl who trailed after his son and her brother all summer getting herself in trouble for doing things she was far to young for. I just let his comment go and went after him.
The evening was relatively normal. Everyone was more subdued than usual but that was unavoidable. Just the seating made us blatantly aware of who was missing. I got into a casual conversation with Jake over dinner but was itching to talk to him in private. So when dad and Billy made themselves comfortable in front of the TV I suggested we go on the back porch. I would have preferred to go to my room but I didn't want to stumble my way up the stairs and down again with company present. Even when the company was Jake and Billy. So Jake gave me my jacket from the hall stand and we braved the cold evening air. It wasn't as bad as I thought. It must be slowly heating up a little while the days got longer. It was even still a little light out. Jake sat on the bench that stood against the house. Wanting to make this situation as normal and comfortable as possible I heaved myself out of the chair and onto the bench to sit next to him. His eyes followed me with a furrowed brow. Then he shook his head and grabbed something from underneath the bench. Grinning excitedly he held out two beers handing me one. I sighed. Frustrated that I had to disappoint him.
"I can't Jake."
"Why not? You suddenly gone dry?" He joked then quickly backtracked.
"No, I didn't mean that. Fuck, sorry. I shouldn't even be drinking at all. Such an idiot!" He was now more talking to himself than me. I saw him swallow with effort and his leg began to bounce.
"Jake, stop. That's not it. You can drink. Although I'd prefer you wouldn't considering you have to drive you two home but one beer would be fine..." Now I was rambling. "What I meant to say was, don't censor yourself. Please." I pleaded. "I just can't drink because of the medication I'm taking. I'm not judging or offended. Ok?" I implored him with my eyes. He looked at me a little wide-eyed but began to nod slowly. I began to reconsider my quest for information. If something so little could make him freak out like that how would that conversation work?
"I just don't want to say or do something stupid. He would smack me silly." He chuckled lightly looking at his feet.
"Well it wouldn't be a real hang out if you didn't say or do something stupid...Or inappropriate." I added. Now he laughed. I felt accomplished. Being the accident prone person that I always was I sort of served as the comic relief between the three of us. Despite hating the attention and humiliation I relished in the ability to make those two big bulky men fall to the floor holding their bellies because they were laughing so hard. And it made for great anecdotes. Just like Jakes inability to have a conversation without putting his foot in his mouth.
"I've really missed this." He started. I swallowed. It was now or never.
"Hey, I heard about some stuff going on in La Push that I didn't know about and I was wondering if you knew anything. I just wondered why we hadn't heard of it before." I took a deep breath. "According to some students there is bike racing going on on the weekends somewhere in La Push?" I couldn't look at him so I just stared ahead into the thick forest bordering the backyard. It took him a moment to answer and what he said whipped my head around so fast I heard my neck crack.
"We knew about it."
"We...what?...I don't understand? How? What do you mean" Mean head was spinning. I couldn't believe he even understood what I was trying to say. "Everyone in our school always talked about it. And when I was old enough they would let me go. I went a couple of times." My breathing had gotten labored. Jake must have noticed my distress because he took my hands in his and ducked his head down to meet my wide eyes.
"I never raced. I just took care of some of the bikes. Fixed them if something wasn't running right. You know me. I'm not that stupid. With my father and all." He implored.
"I know. I believe you." I chocked out. "Emmet wanted to go when I told him about it but we had you and he didn't want to take you there or ditch you so we could go." That was the last drop. All of the tension suddenly fell away. My shoulders sagged and I trembled in relief. Jake let go of my hands and wrapped his arms around me letting me hide my face in his chest while I gripped the back of his shirt. He didn't go. They didn't race. The reason didn't matter to me. I didn't have to deal with the thought of either of them racing on a secluded dirt road without any protection. It shouldn't matter to me now. He wasn't here anymore. He couldn't be in any danger. Not anymore. But just the thought of them sneaking of and doing something like this...
"I guess I should have seen this coming. Your classmates are at that age. They are going this weekend?" I nodded into his shirt.
"I want to say nothing bad will happen but I haven't been there in a while and you know how stupid people can be." I appreciated his honesty. He couldn't promise me anything so he didn't. His promises meant something to me.
"This really got to you huh?" He murmured. I lifted my head from his chest and put a little distance between us so I could see his face.
"Yeah, I kind of freaked out a little." "Understandable." I moved so I could lean into his side. He kept one arm around my shoulders. We sat in a comfortable silence until dad came to tell us Billy wanted to leave.
"Call me. We'll hang out next weekend. I can pick you up if that's ok." He said as he was saying goodbye. Dad had obviously told him about my aversion to cars. I was a little embarrassed but also relieved I didn't have to explain it to him myself.
"We can try." I told him which got me a pleased grin. I fell into bed after the trip upstairs and my nightly routine and was asleep in minutes, exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster of the day.
I should have known that by talking so much about Emmett my nightmares would be worse than usual. I woke up multiple times during the night, drenched in sweat and disoriented with my ears ringing. And even after I took a sleeping pill when dad insisted, I had woken him up with my screaming twice by then, I couldn't rest. By the time morning came around I felt like a zombie. Taking a look at dad over the breakfast table I must have looked like one too, because even he had dark circles under his eyes and his complexion was a bit too white to be healthy. Considering he was used to not much sleep with his night shifts and all I must have really scared him. I hated myself for making this even harder on him. But how could I control watch I did when I was unconscious? I felt like I had a demon inside me that I could contain during the day but when I went to sleep it had to come out. Like a breath I was holding in for too long. I didn't know how to change that other that try not to think about Emmett. That thought left me with debilitating sadness. It wasn't possible. I couldn't stop thinking about him as much as I couldn't stop breathing. He was everywhere. All my memories where linked to him. Everything I did, said or thought made me think of him. I knew what his comments would be to my mishaps, what joke he would make or what advice he would give me. With my dad so far away most of the time he took on every male role in my life. I didn't want for nothing. He was my brother by birth but he was also like a second dad sometimes and most of all my best friend. I never noticed our age difference although it was significant. He had such a young soul. He always seemed like such a kid. He sometimes joked that our souls were switched. Cheeky, I think they got our souls confused. I should have gotten your serious, careful, overthinking, mature one and you my awesome, fun, carefree, juvenile one. He said it as a joke. I was eight at the time. But he was right. I think that was what made us so inseparable. We completed each other. I kept him from being to stupid and he got me out of my comfort zone to live a little pea! No, not thinking about him wasn't an option and unless I stopped sleeping altogether we'd have to get used to the sleepless nights. I promised myself to get dad earplugs at the next shopping trip.
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