Chapter. 14

Anything twilight-related belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Sorry, this chapter took me a little longer. I wanted to get it right because it is an important chapter. And have a lot going on right now. I hope the wait was worth it.

Bpov

Alice and I spend the weekend lazily at home. I needed to recuperate and Alice was determined to get every bit of information about my last weeks out of me. We spend the most time just talking. At her insistence, I told her about my time with Edward. She just reiterated that I had to wait.

We also discussed what I should do on that day I so heavily dreaded. It didn't escape my notice that I couldn't even think of the actual name that day had. Just the thought of it had my skin crawling and gave me the need to scream. Alice wanted to talk to Jake. I wasn't opposed to spending the day with both of them. Maybe being in la push would be a good idea.

The days went by quickly. Too quickly. My sleep was getting worse and my nerves were fried. Every night when I closed my eyes I found myself in another variation of the same dream and it always ended with me screaming Alice and my dad awake. The medication wasn't helping and I wish I had something to knock me out completely. Just so I could escape the agony and increasing dread for a few blessed hours.

The day before Alice told me she had taken care of everything and I didn't need to worry about a thing. I didn't know if my brain even really registered her word because I just nodded and hmm-ed and continued cutting the cucumber for the sandwiches we were making for lunch. I caught her looking at me worriedly throughout the night. Dad ordered us to go to bed early stating we all needed the sleep. My face heated in embarrassment. I had been ruining their sleep too and dad had to get up early every day to go to work. He came into our room before going to bed hugging me right and murmuring, "get some sleep Bells."

I don't think I slept at all that night. Every time I looked over I could see Alice's serene sleeping face. I must have been able to close my eyes at some point and at least doze off a little because when I opened my eyes again the glaring red numbers on my clock showed the date that caused so many conflicting emotions to bubble up. I was angry at the injustice. Angry at myself for allowing this to happen. Sad for my mom and dad and Phil. For Jake and Alice. For everyone that had been affected by this. I wasn't the only one. I knew that. But I doubted that anyone could emphasize what this felt like for me. Honestly, I hoped no one could. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

My eyes began to water from not blinking. Still starting at those numbers willing them to change. Changing the year. With that thought came memories of other years of that date. Days of celebration and laughing. Trips to his favorite fast food place for dinner. Waking up extra early to sing him happy birthday to wake him up. The only lights in the room were the candles on his cake and his glowing joyous eyes. I squeezed my eyes shut blocking the date out and turning on my back. Will there ever come a time when I can think of the happy times we had and not just feel pain? I want to fondly remember them. Tell them to a friend with a smile. Giving a piece of him to others so they know about him. Quiet sobs were raking my body and I felt the wetness of my tears running over my ears to land on m the pillow.

I Didn't want to wake up Alice so I remained quiet while the overwhelming grief took over. I didn't know how much time had passed when the bed dipped beside me. Without saying a word Alice wrapped her arms around me trying to soothe me her tears mixing with mine in the fabric.

Breakfast was a quiet affair. Dad was already at work but had brought us something to eat from the diner before he went. The whole shebang with eggs, toast, pancakes, and bacon. You name it. Too bad I couldn't manage to eat anything of it. Alice got two pancakes down before she gave up trying. I was glad that Alice wasn't trying to make me talk or cheer me up. I knew she had something planned for later but she just let me be for now. She did get me to shower and change my clothes. When I was finished in the bathroom and came back to the bedroom she had laid out something to wear for me. Loose jogpants a t-shirt and one of Emmett's old hoodies that I liked to wear.

I still remembered sitting in his closet after I finally got out of the hospital just to have his scent around me. I stole some of his clothes that day before mom could take them away. His scent had long since vanished but it still gave me some comfort. They were so big that I was drowning in them. It felt like a big hug from him.

Alice was getting ready herself and gave me an encouraging smile before going to the bathroom herself. I put on the t-shirt and hoodie and tied my hair in a bun. Sitting down on my bed I took the cream Dr. Cullen had given me and began tubing it into my skin. The tube was almost already empty. I chuckled darkly at imagining going to the pharmacy for a refill. Excuse me, can I buy in bulk? You see, I'll just need another one in two weeks because I have to cover so much skin. I wondered if they actually had that option. I would have to ask dad. Alice was already finished showering when I put the tube away. I needed to let it dry for a minute before putting on my pants so I was still in my underwear. I couldn't help but compare myself to Alice's smooth unmarried skin. When she turned around after putting a top on she noticed me looking. She frowned and I quickly looked away reaching for my pants deciding I would put them on now anyway.

"Hey." Alice came over and stopped me. She took them away from me and sat beside me.

"Can I see?" She obviously had guessed my thoughts again. Sometimes I really didn't like that skill of hers. I nodded pulling the hoddie aside that almost fully covered my thighs.

"It looks better than last time. Less red. Does the scar itself still hurt?" She asked. Looking down at the mangled skin.

"Not as much. The skin gets whiter the older the scar is. Considering it's been a year now it's almost white. But the shape changes all the time." Alice looked at me questioningly.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, because it's skin that gets stretched a lot and moves when I walk do example it gradually changes shape."

"Huh." She responded.

"You know my biggest stars are in my mouth from my wisdom teeth so I can't see them. I wonder if they changed? From chewing you know?" Her casual acknowledgment of my scars kept me from thinking too much about their origin right now.

"So, I'm gonna put on some clothes and well be ready to go." She said standing up and stepping into her jeans.

"What do you mean go? Where are we going...and how?" I heard how my voice shook at the last word. I don't think today would be a good day to try riding with Jake or anyone else. That was just a recipe for disaster. Alice noticed my distress.

"Don't worry Charlie is going to drive us there. He's piling us up in..." She checked her watch.

"Twenty minutes." I nodded relive washing over me followed by guilt. I was making things so unnecessarily difficult for Alice and everybody. Dad had to take time off from work again just to drive me to wherever just because he had a daughter who couldn't sit in a car like a normal person. I continued my self-deprecation till we had to go. I just didn't have the energy to get myself out of that thought circle today. Dad gave me a tight smile when we got into the cruiser and drove off.

It didn't take long for me to notice where we were going. It wasn't as if there were many places to choose from anyway. And I honestly could have guessed it had I tried. The weather was decent today. It wasn't sunny by any means but it was dry so far and only white clouds covered the sky. The wind was almost non-existent. The crimson house greeted us from afar. Among all the green you really couldn't miss it. We hadn't even stopped when the door opened and Jake and his father came out. Both had a glum look in their eyes but gave us a genuine smile. I kept my eyes on the ground while walking. Taking every step on the dirt road with careful consideration. Jake greeted me with an extra tight hug not letting me go immediately.

"Love you Bells." He whispered making my eyes sting. No, I wasn't crying again. I gave him a watery smile when he released me. "Come in come in!" Billy ushered us in. I was hit with the smell of fresh-baked muffins and pie when I stepped into the house. I could hear a male voice coming from the kitchen. Following the smell I noticed a tall young man standing at the counter pulling another pie out of the oven and placing it next to the other two on the table. He must have heard us come in because he turned around and I almost let out an oh, shit because I now recognized who it was.

"Seth?" He grinned running over and enveloping me in an embrace.

"Bella!" He had surpassed me by at least two inches.

"What do they feed you here. Seriously, as if Jake isn't tall enough." He chuckles releasing me and clapping make on the shoulder that had come in behind me.

"She should see Quil and Embry, man." He exclaimed. Jake smirked and ruffled his hair. Seth ducked under his arm and went back to the pies.

"Did you bake them?" I asked walking to the table and getting a whiff of the delicious smell of Apple and cinnamon.

"I sure did. Mom's been teaching me. It's kinda fun. And I'm really good at it."

"I'll say he's been baking a lot and we all reap the benefits." Billy joked. Making my dad laugh.

"True." He commented.

"I have to get back to the station ill see you all later." He kissed me on the head before going back to the car.

"Oh, I almost forgot." I blurted pointing to Alice.

"Billy, Seth, this is Alice my best friend." I looked at her apologetically. She just shook her head dismissively and smiled at them shaking Billy's hand and being swallowed by a big from Seth. He really was huge. "Nice to meet you, Alice. Pie?" He grinned motioning to the table.

"Obviously," Alice said sitting down on one of the chairs. Before I was at the table though she had stood up again and switched to another chair.

"Here this one." She told me patting on the now-vacated chair. I saw through her immediately. It was far more comfortable. It had a cushion and was not as tall and snug as the others. I smiled gratefully at her. She winked. We had a relaxed afternoon talking and catching up and eating Seth's pies. It went by quickly and when I looked through the kitchen window I could see the sun disappearing behind the tall trees. The sunset was still a couple of hours away but it brought me back to whAt day it was and why we were all sitting here together. I began playing with the cord on his hoodie while the voices of the others moved to the background. I must have really zoned out because Jake had put his hand on my arm to get my attention.

"Hey, I think we should get going." He said looking at my father afterward. Dad nodded in response standing up and taking some plates to the counter.

"I'll go ahead and tell the others. I think they're already there. Gove me a minute." Seth stood pulled his phone out of his pocket and walked out of the front door already talking to someone on the phone. They?

"I'll go get ready," Billy called already disappearing in the hallway to the bedrooms.

"What's going on?" I asked looking at Alice. Because it was obvious she was calling the shots here even if she didn't know these people. She had a middle man in Charlie. She just shook her head and stood up. "Come on." She held her hand out to me. Deciding resistance was futile and I would get an explanation out of her any way I took it. It's not as if she would have planned something bad so I just went with it. We walked back to the cruiser and Jake followed with Billy at his heels. Jake drove behind us and we took the turn to the beach. We could have walked but with me and Billy it would have been a hassle and taken much longer. We parked near the beach and when I climbed out of the car Jake was standing right in front of me.

"May I?" He stretched out his arms his intention clear. As uncomfortable as this made me I didn't want to cause a scene and the came wouldn't help me in the sand. I nodded and he lifted me easily in his arms. I gave in to the desire to snuggle into his warm embrace against the cold wind. He turned and walked towards the beach. Now that I was facing the right way I had to smile at the familiar view. As much as I loved Forks, La Push had always been our preferred hang-out place.

Emmett and I would spend our days here at the beach in the summers with Jake and the other kids from La Push. We even braved the water on occasion. I had to smile at the memory of Emmett's high-pitched screeching when he waded into the water next to us. I laughed so hard that I doubled over not seeing that Emmett had stopped screeching and punched against me causing me to topple over the side into the icy water. When I came up again spluttering and fuming he was the one laughing. It all ended in a wrestling match that had us bibbering and shivering when got back out.

"What has you smiling?" Jake had a soft smile on his face.

"Memories." I simply stated. He nodded looking at the water like I just had. Maybe we were thinking about something similar. Although the wind was fairly cold the weather wasn't bad enough to keep folks around here inside. It wasn't raining and the sun was making occasional appearances. We walked a little way down the beach and it didn't take me long to see where we were headed. They had built a large bonfire that was already burning. Logs had been dragged to form a circle around it to sit. There was also a table with food standing on the side. But what made my eyes well up was the group of people standing near the fire. When they saw us coming they turned towards us.

"Jake, can you put me down?" He stopped walking and look at me skeptically. "Please." I couldn't explain the reason but I wanted to walk to them and not be carried. He put me down slowly but kept an arm around my shoulders and gripped my hand so I could lean on it. I smiled up at him gratefully. Everyone that knew my brother, was here. The boys Jared, Quil, Sam, Paul, and Seth. And the girls too Leah, Clair, and Emily. They had all come to celebrate him. My throat closed up at all the people who he meant something to and who missed him. Jake less me to a log and told me to wait a second.

"They seem nice. So warm and welcoming." Alice said taking a seat.

"Yeah, that's what they do best. When we were here they took us in like strays." She laughed.

"I can imagine. But it's not as if you two were hard to love." She stated. I looked away. Jake came back with a cushion for me to sit on. He had really thought of everything. I thanked him and sat down beside Alice.

"It's really beautiful here. A little chilly but..." She joked rubbing her arms.

"No surprise there. I'm sure they brought blankets though. It'll get even colder when the sun goes down."

"Bella!" Seth called from the food table holding up a paper of sausages and a Box. I held up both of my thumbs in response. "Yes!" Celebrated by running over to us with both hands full of food and played. He flopped down in front of us in the sand and put a blanket between us before reaching for some sticks. He grinned at me hopefully. I couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm. I began spearing the first sausage on one of the sticks. Thankfully they were sharpened beforehand.

"I thought your mom had thought you to cook. You said you were a natural." I said raising an eyebrow at him.

"Well, I am. I wouldn't consider this cooking anyway. And no one can get it evenly roasted like you. It's a talent." Alice chuckled at his reasoning.

"Well thank you. I learned from the best." Emmett had taught me the art of double roasting.

"Oh, Bella's making triple threats. No! We forgot the bacon." Paul exclaimed.

"Well, then it's double threats." Sam shot back. I guess I'll be making double threats for everyone. Well, at least it gave me something to do. Time went by quickly with everyone sitting around the fire talking about god and the world. I was making doable threats by the dozen. I'd forgotten how bottomless those boys were. Somehow the conversation had shifted to stories and someone had decided it would be fitting to tell stories about Emmett. I didn't know how I felt about that yet.

"Does anyone remember when he invented these?" Jared asked. Stuffing what I believed to be his seventh me into his mouth.

"I do." Quil slapped him on the back causing him to cough up half of his double threat into the sand. He glared at Quil and then looked at me with puppy dog eyes. I shook my head and reached for another sausage.

"It was their second summer here I think?" Quil looked to me for confirmation and I nodded agreeing with him.

"Yeah, so we were having a bonfire like now and he had brought these sausages and bacon and we asked him what are you planning with these? He just said wait and be amazed. Cocky that he was." He continued. I took a shuttering breath at his last word.

"And he proceeded to roast the sausage over the fire. Not that strange yet. But then he grabs a hand of mom's bread dough and wraps it around the sausage. Without a word, he holds it back over the fire. We think ok sausage in a roll cool idea. But then he doesn't eat it but pulls out the paper of bacon and proceeds to wrap the slices around the bread with the sausage inside. I tell you, that guy was a genius. Best thing I've ever eaten!" He shouts causing everyone to laugh.

"And he called it a triple threat," Sam added.

"And what did you say Bells?" Jake asked moving the attention to me.

"More like a triple threat of a heart attack," I answered him with a smirk. This went on for a while and I relaxed more and more with every story they told. Of getting in trouble with their parents because Em had some crazy idea. Or lazy days at the beach playing football. It was dark when we heard another car arrive. I turned to see who it was and saw my dad walking up the beach with two six-packs of beers in his hands. Sam stood to take them from him. Dad walked over to me and sat down beside me. He was still in his uniform so he must have come straight from the station. "What are you doing here?" I asked him. "Spending the evening where I should be spending it." He said simply.

"Chief?" Sam asked for an explanation for the bear.

"I want us to toast. If you want you can take a beer. But only one. Except for you Jake cause you're driving." He stated. I expected deafening cheers but they just passed some bottles around. Some chose to stick to their soda like me. Well, I had no choice in the matter but I doubt I would have taken one. Alice took one with a cautious look my way. I winked at her to show I didn't mind her drinking. Obviously, dad didn't take one either. I saw someone open a beer for Seth. I frowned remembering how young he was but I shouldn't have. He took one swig and snorted it out immediately. That got everybody laughing again. Even dad. Seth had tears in his eyes from the struggle but was also laughing. "Ok, guys, stop screwing around. I say we go around and everyone says a toast." Jake says standing up.

"I'll start us off." He took a deep breath and looked over at me, then Charlie.

"To my best friend." He said lifting his bottle.

"To a culinary genius." Quil continued.

"To the most loyal guy, I've ever met."

"Who was honest to a fault." That caused some to chuckle.

"To a brother."

"To someone who knew how to live." The lump in my throat was suffocating me.

"To an animal lover," Alice said next to me and now everyone was looking at me. Expecting. I searched my mind for a word that would describe who Emmett was to me. Brother? Friend? Family? Teacher?

"To my hero" I whispered. Lifting my bottle with my shaking hand. Not caring that tears were running down my cheeks without me noticing.

I stared into the flames. Accepting and welcoming the flashes of that night that came with my words and the sight of the flickering flames that had done so much damage. Caused so much pain.

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