Fortuna Imperatrix Mundi

Author: Clarity Scifiroots
Archive: / http/community. Rating: General/Everyone Characters: Josh/Sam (Slash), Joanie (in memory)
Spoilers: season one's "The Crackpots and These Women" when we find out about Joanie
Notes/Summary: For the June challenge month over on ficondemand, this is a response to kneazles's request for a story based on the theme of nightmares. (kneazles, I'll try writing a fic in one of your preferred fandoms, too.) Also fits trixiechick's request for intimacy without smut. (Woohoo, two birds with one stone—er, story!)
Disclaimers: Regrettably I cannot lay claim to the characters within. No profit, merely fanfiction for the sake of exercise and entertainment.
Author's Notes: Title translates to "Fortune, Empress of the World" as in the song "O, Fortuna." I'm not sure why it appealed to me for this story...

The noise and the smell were the first things he noticed. There was a strange crackling sound and a hissing noise as well. The smell that grew stronger as he followed his sister carefully down the stairs made him gag against the bile rising in his throat.

"Breathe through your mouth, it's okay," she told him, gripping his shoulder tightly for a moment in reassurance. He nodded and they continued downstairs.

He watched her tense in surprise when they first felt the blast of heat from the kitchen.

"Oh, God. Josh, get out of the house!"

Scared, Josh started towards the door but stopped when he realized his sister wasn't following.

"Joanie?" he called anxiously.

She was coughing as she neared the kitchen and he could see sweat beginning to drip down her neck. "Go on, Josh. I'll be out in a minute! I might be able to put it out.

He bit his lip fearfully as she turned back to the kitchen and hurried inside. The smoke was starting to burn his eyes and the back of his throat. Choking on the strong smell of burning and smoke, he ran towards the door and stumbled outside, coughing loudly as he tried to clear his lungs of smoke. He barely had time to sink to his knees on the cool grass before an explosion from the house behind him threw him forward.

He lay dazed for a few moments; then he realized that he hadn't heard Joanie come out yet. His heart throbbed painfully in his chest as he rolled onto his back and stared in shock at the flames consuming what had been his home all his life.

"Joanie!" he screamed. In the distance he thought he heard sirens for a moment but they faded away and all he could hear was the Ave Maria running through his head over and over...

"Josh. Josh, wake up!" Someone was rubbing his arm reassuringly. "Come on, Josh... That was a long time ago."

As his nightmare faded into transparent images of flames and the feel of oppressive heat, Josh began to reorient himself. Once he recognized Sam's soothing voice murmuring gently to him, he let out a shuddering sigh.

"Oh, God..." he whispered, tears threatening.

"It's all right," Sam murmured, pressing closer and wrapping both his arms around Josh. "I know... you had a nightmare, babe. It's all right..." He kissed Josh's shoulder, his clavicle, his neck, chin, nose, temple, eyes... as silent tears trailed down Josh's face. His lover shuddered in quiet sobs and Sam held on, continuing to murmur gentle works.

The blankets had been kicked off of the bed because of Josh's distressed tossing and turning during his nightmare. The combination of Josh's movements and the sudden chill that had assaulted his body had woken Sam up abruptly. He was slightly disturbed that while his skin was raised in goose bumps in the chilly winter night, Josh seemed to be burning up, glistening sweat coating his face and arms.

Slowly the tears dried and the quiet sobs faded into infrequent hiccups that made Josh grimace. Sam smiled wistfully and rested his head on Josh's chest, allowing him to hear the steadying heartbeat.

"I'm sorry," Josh croaked, finally. The fingers he threaded into Sam's hair trembled faintly.

"No apologies, Josh," Sam told him, quietly. "Are you feeling a little better?" He felt the body beneath him shift slightly and guessed that it had been a nod. "Do you want to talk?" Josh didn't speak much about the fire that marked the distinct separation of two parts of his childhood. Most of what Sam knew about he had to piece together from little dropped bits of information he'd heard over the years. If he had wanted, he was sure that Mrs. Lyman would have told him, but it wasn't the sort of discussion you wanted to bring up without permission.

"It was so hot..." Josh muttered, his fingers tightening momentarily in Sam's hair. "God, Sam, why the hell didn't she—?" He cut himself off and wrapped his free arm around his lover's shoulders. He cradled Sam against him like a beloved childhood toy. "She said she'd come behind me," he whispered. "S-she wanted to see if she... Sam. Sam? Why didn't she just come with me?"

Sam embraced Josh tightly and brushed his lips across his lover's overheated skin. "I don't know," he said gently. "It was a choice she made on her own; once you Lymans decide something, you can't be budged." He smiled up at his lover, hoping to ease some of the pain.

Josh met his gaze and watched him silently, his eyes searching for something... Sam didn't know what Josh looked for, but he was greatly relieved when he felt Josh relax in his arms.

"You would have been good friends," Josh said seriously as he urged Sam to move up so that they lay nose-to-nose on the pillow. His eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled; "I would have to compete with her to get your attention!"

Sam was relieved to hear the deeper regrets and sadness gone from his lover's voice. He kissed Josh's nose and assured, "I'd only have gone home with you."

Josh snorted inelegantly. "You bet your ass! But that would be okay, she said she always wanted to fall in love with an actor—y'know, not exactly a bigwig star but someone who performed..." His tone was wistful. "She was always singing," he murmured, his eyes closing in memory.

Josh began to hum the Ave Maria. Sam cupped the side of Josh's face in his hand and stroked his thumb lovingly over the familiar cheek.

Fin