Giving Yourself

A Teen Titans Fan Fiction by Jacob McDonald

Standard Disclaimers Apply. I don't own Teen Titans.

Chapter Five

The first two days of Roy's withdrawal were the worst for him.

They were just the beginning for Raven.

While he struggled with delirium and intense pain, she struggled with the knowledge that it would continue for at least a week. While he sweat and writhed in her arms, she wept and held him tighter. His physical pain was causing her mental pain, and his mental pain was causing her physical pain.

She would find herself slipping off into sleep sometimes after having been up with him for hours without any rest. In those brief moments of letting her mind slip away, she would touch his dreams. He relived the worst parts of his life in those dreams. The death of his parents. Green Arrow being wounded badly. Falling from a building and breaking his arm. Being taken by the Brotherhood of Evil. His time spent on bad trips in heroin dens.

It all made Raven sick with worry and sorrow. She knew before that he'd seen his share of horror in his short life, but for him to have survived it as the freewheeling, happy if not sarcastic person he was… it was nothing short of a miracle. All of the Titans had troubled pasts, but his seemed so much more personal to her now.

When the third day came, she woke from one of these half dreams to find him still in her arms, muttering incoherently. As he seemed to be still for the moment, she decided to get something to eat. The first food she would eat since the first night of his withdrawal.

Laying him down gently on the bed, Raven walked to the kitchen. It was only as she opened the refrigerator to look inside that she noticed her legs were bare. She'd never bothered to put on any pants or even shorts after she had found him. Wrinkling her nose, she sniffed at her tank top as well, and frowned.

Forgoing food for the moment, Raven walked to the hallway where the in-unit washer and dryer were. They were half sized, stacked on top of one another, but they worked, and that was all that mattered at the moment. Stripping off her shirt and pulling down her panties, she tossed the articles of clothing into the washer, then walked to the bedroom. She retrieved several pairs of jeans and track pants that Roy had gone through, as well as a few still damp t-shirts from all the sweat he'd been pouring out of his body.

As she straightened up from pulling the clothes off the floor, she noticed that it was oddly quiet in the room. Turning to look at Roy, she found his eyes open and staring at her.

Raven blinked.

"Roy?"

"Heh…" his voice was hoarse, "You said… I'd get a better look… if I stayed…"

Raven blushed lightly, but didn't move to cover he naked body, "So I did. How are you?"

"In pain… this is passing… Raven…"

"I know. I'm going to get dressed, eat something and be back to sit with you before you slip back into the withdrawal. Try to close your eyes and rest."

"Not closing my eyes… 'till I can't see that perfect ass anymore…"

Raven blushed deeper and turned so he could see that perfect ass quite well. She walked slowly, swaying her hips as she left the room.

When she was back in the hall and loading the clothes into the washer, she blushed more deeply than she could ever remember blushing, "Why the hell did I do that?" she muttered, then went to find some clothes to wear.

Roy's suffering continued for three more days.

Raven kept him as hydrated as she could, but knew that he wouldn't be able to eat anything even if she tried to force it down his throat. In the times when he was mildly coherent, she would talk to him soothingly, so he could know that there was someone with him. In the times when he wasn't coherent, she sat with him and made sure he didn't thrash too much or roll so that he would smother himself.

Raven found herself getting desperate by the sixth day. He was still feverish, and his body couldn't take too much more of the physical strain it was going through. It hurt her deeply, and she felt as if her heart would stop every time he cried out.

As she sat with him, Raven examined her own feelings. All this time with Roy was giving her a new appreciation for him, and she found herself longing for the short time they had together when he was able to talk to her. They had been getting to know one another, and that had been special to her. Now his pain was her pain, and she couldn't help but feel that even after the pain was gone, they'd still share a bond.

With a sigh, Raven looked over Roy's prone form. There was no sense in denying her feelings any longer. She had to admit the truth to herself.

She had fallen in love with Roy Harper.

It pained her to admit that she had let herself get so close to someone when she could never truly express those feelings. It wouldn't do to lead him on, and it was high time she emotionally detached herself from the situation.

"I'm sorry, Roy." She muttered, and brushed a hand down along his cheek, "I just can't love you." As she moved her hand up to his forehead, she paused, then checked again.

With a sigh of relief and a slight smile, she sat back and relaxed for the first time all day.

His fever had finally broken.

Roy woke the next day to the sound of slightly off key humming. He turned blurry eyes to his bedside, and saw Raven there, wringing out a wet sponge.

"What are you doing?" he croaked.

Raven smiled over at him, "Awake? Good. It'll make cleaning you up easier."

"Cleaning me? Raven, are you giving me a sponge bath?"

"Well, I could just dump you in the tub, but with you asleep that wouldn't have been wise. Turn over if you can, and help me get you out of your pants."

"Um… it's okay, Rae… really."

"If you think you can walk, I'll help you to the bathroom then." She held out a hand, "Come on, Roy. You stink."

"Yeah, yeah." Roy slowly sat up and swung his legs out of the bed. Wincing, he stood up and took her arm, "This sucks."

"You've been laying in bed for a week. You're going to be sore."

"I guess."

When they made it to the bathroom, Raven sat him down on the toilet and drew a bath for him. He watched her moving about, gathering a washcloth and some soap for him, and arched an eyebrow as a memory slipped back into his foggy mind.

"Am I right in remembering that you were traipsing around my room naked while I was half awake?"

Raven turned to him and rolled her eyes, "It was only once, and you were sleeping when I left you. I was just getting clothes together to do laundry."

"Am I also correct in remembering that you have a nice ass?"

"Yes." Raven smiled lightly, "Now get cleaned up. I'm going to make you something easy to digest."

"Good… I'm famished."

An hour later found Raven leaning her chin in her hands with her elbows on the kitchen table, watching Roy slurp up his chicken soup. She wore a contented smile on her face, and he noticed it before she could master herself.

"You're awfully cheerful."

Raven looked away, but continued to smile, "I'm just glad you're up and around a little. It was… you had me a little scared."

"Scared?" Roy paused in his eating, "Rae, you don't get scared."

"Sure I do… just not of things like monsters and megalomaniacs."

"You get scared when someone is sick?"

"I get frightened, Roy…" Raven reached across the table and grabbed his hand, "when a friend is in pain, suffering, and I can't do anything to help."

Roy's eyes softened, and he squeezed her hand, "You've done more for me in the past week than anyone has ever done for me in my life, Raven." He smiled, "Thank you."

"Your welcome."

They stared into one another's eyes for a moment, then separated their hands. Raven stood up, "I'll change the bed sheets. You should get some more rest after you eat."

"Yeah." Roy nodded, and went back to his soup. As Raven walked out of the kitchen, he looked back up and watched her back retreating into the bedroom. Smiling lightly, he took another slurp.

Later, Roy was settling in for a good night's sleep, and Raven was setting a glass of water by his bedside, "Call me if you need anything. I'll be right in the other room."

"I think the worst of it's past now." Roy watched her as she sat on the side of the bed and checked his pulse, then his temperature. She smiled, satisfied that he was still okay.

"Alright, Roy. Try to drink some water if you wake up. It'll be safe soon to give you pain killers again, but for now, you'll have to make due."

"I know." He smiled at her and grabbed her hand, "Really, Raven… thanks."

"I know." She leaned in and gently kissed his forehead, "Sleep, Roy. If you need… me…"

Raven trailed off as Roy's hand touched her cheek. He held her face near his and tilted his head to the side. As he brought her lips closer to his, he whispered, "Raven… I can see how you feel about me… please… don't push it away…"

Raven whimpered lightly, but pushed her lips forward, pressing them to his. The kiss was brief, but passionate, and when she pulled away, she found him smiling at her, "You don't have to stop, you know."

Raven smiled back and went to kiss him again. As she did, there was a high-pitched whine, and she paused. "What's that?"

Roy listened carefully, then his eyes grew wide, "RPG!" he shouted, "Raven, get a shield up-"

The wall exploded next to them, and both Titans were hurled across the room. They landed with a thud, Raven's hastily erected shield disintegrating as she lost concentration. Looking up through the flaming debris, the two of them gasped and stared.

Standing on top of a building across the street were Mammoth, Gizmo and Private HIVE. Gizmo laughed, "See! I told you my tracer found a Titan signal coming from this place! It's the creepy witch girl and the arrow chuckin' scrum buffer!"

Mammoth grunted and laughed in a low tone, and Private HIVE grinned, "Engage and attack, men! Eliminate all targets!"

Raven staggered to her feet in front of Roy, who tried to sit up, but found he was still too weak, "Rae… I don't know if I can-"

"Stay down, Roy. I'll handle this."

As Gizmo took to the sky, and Mammoth grabbed Private HIVE and jumped the gap between the buildings, Raven wondered if she would be able to fight off all three HIVE members, or if she and Roy were about to die just as they had found each other.