Assassins Loss
A/N: Wow, I got some reviews, yippy skippy, thanks everybody…just make sure they keep coming . I see we have some hardcore JaffarxNino Fans in the house; we will have to see how it pans out eh?
Rating note: This one has some mature themes, some rather unpleasant things have happened to Jennica, and if you have a weak stomach, you are going to want to skip her story...So...yeah, fair warning, it leave a lot up to the imagination, but still.
------------------------------------------
Chapter 7 – Just another viewpoint
------------------------------------------
I got out of the spring after soaking in it for a while, I had to admit, I felt…refreshed to say the least.
Jennica came back into the large area of the cave once I was dressed again.
She sat on a rock and looked at me, I was sitting on the ground, leaning up against a different rock.
"Jaffar?" Jennica said softly.
"…Yeah?" I say, not looking towards her, my eyes a bit closed.
"Why…why did they make you an assassin? Why have you gone along with it?" She asked cautiously.
I close my eyes and think for a moment.
"I suppose I was made an assassin…because that is what they felt they needed…why did I not stop?" I think for a bit, trying to find out why I never left.
It wasn't fear of death, I've never been afraid of death.
It hadn't been for anyone special to me, the only special person I'd met in the Black Fang was Nino.
"I suppose…I just had no reason to leave." I say softly, opening my eyes, but still not looking at her.
"But…But they always had you fighting…killing…Jaffar to them you were nothing but a tool…why did you put up with doing things…so wrong?" Her voice is somewhat pleading, as if she really wants to understand my motivation.
I shake my head, "Morality is opinion." I look at her now; she looks a bit confused, "The reason it is wrong to kill, is because that is what we as a society have made it. Who can say that death is so bad? Who can say some people aren't better off dead? No one has ever died and lived to tell about it, and so no one knows what it feels like to be dead."
She stares at me, seemingly enraptured by my speech, I continue, "Why do we praise the beautiful, and shun the ugly? Because society dictates that we should love the beautiful, simply because they are attractive…there are those in the world that are attracted to the obese, and the homely…we brand these people with little names, things that make them 'different' than the rest of us 'normal' people…when the only difference is in opinion."
She seems shocked, hell, I'm shocked, this is definitely more talking than I had done in a long time, like a bunch of observations that I have piled up over my life were just coming out.
"So…the way I see it…my former occupation is merely a difference in opinion as to if killing is right or wrong…now…I'm starting to second guess myself as far as the 'rightness' of killing…I would love to stop…it's a hassle, and I've…really seen to much of it in my life already… but circumstances force me to just keep on killing…it's not like I enjoy it."
"I see…" She says softly, "Well…I…I never looked at it like that…I mean…I've never viewed killing as right…but…if you hadn't killed those men…" She turns away from my gaze.
"Then you would have been raped." She flinches when I say that, and a little feeling of something dropping in my stomach kicks up, I recognize this feeling as guilt, one of my least favorite emotions.
"Sorry…" I mumble.
"It's alright…you are right…that's…exactly what they would have done…then they would have probably killed me…leave me for the animals to feed on." Her voice makes me feel worse, it sounds so empty…it sounds like…it sounds like my voice.
"Jaffar…you…have you ever…done…anything like that?" Her voice is very uneasy, as if she's afraid I'll shout yes, and then try to have my way with her.
I shake my head, "The conquest of the flesh has never been a concern of mine…" I say, my voice also empty, a little saddened by the fact that she really thought I might have done that.
"G-good…" She smiles a little bit, a forced face.
I remembered back in my days in the Black Fang, some of the guys were always trying to get me to "Loosen up", get me drunk, get me laid, get me high on something.
Looking back, I realize they were trying to give me something "Normal" something human, something to make me live for myself for once, rather than just blindly following that witch and her damned boss.
"I'm sorry…I didn't really…think you had…you seem to…you seem to be a good person Jaffar…" She says softly, breaking me from my thoughts.
"Tell that to all the people I've killed…" I mumble to myself more than anything.
"I still remember my first kill…" She says, her voice totally unreadable.
I look at her, my eyebrows raised just a little.
"It…it was my father…as I said…he…did things to me…and…well I guess it screwed me up pretty bad…so many nights…so many…beatings…so many times he…he…" Her voice was starting to crack a bit.
"You don't have to tell me Jennica." I say in monotone, one part of me wants to hear it; the other didn't want her to hurt herself by going through it.
"No…I…I've been holding this inside for so long…I…I need to confess to someone…please…just listen Jaffar…you might be the only one who will really understands…so many look down on people…who have killed." She looks at me, her face set in stone, she seems like she is determined not to cry.
I nod for her to continue.
"I think that he killed mom one night…she was just…she was so beautiful…but at night…I could hear them sometimes, they would yell…and fight…mom would get beaten up and hide it from me in the morning…"
I already knew I hated her father, it reminded me of my trainers actually, so many women were just used by the Black Fang members, at least the sect that I was in, the less Nobel side, used and thrown away.
Until I had met Nino I hadn't cared about anyone, but since she taught me how to feel, I found that there were many things in my past that disgusted me.
"The punch line was…she could have killed him…it would have been so easy for a sage of her caliber, you just cast a sell and end his pathetic existence…but…she never did…she refused to kill him…even though he beat her…" She paused, taking a deep breath.
I wait silently for her to continue her story, I hadn't any idea how tough this girl's life had been from her outward attitude.
"So one night…he just beat her too much…and…she died." She held back tears I could tell, "When he buried her, he seemed…distant…seemed like he found out just a bit to late that he had killed the only good in his life…I was young…but I already hated him for what he had done…mom asked me to forgive him…and I might have…if he had just become good after that…"
Her tears are starting to fall a bit now, "but he didn't…it got worse…he was very quiet for about two weeks, he just sat around and drank…he drank the last of the good in his heart away. He pushed it as far back as he could…filling his heart with all the hate and malice he could to replace the love that mom had given him."
I'm not even sure she is talking to me anymore, the look in her eyes is so far away now, she doesn't seem to be looking at me, but through me.
"So he came to me to fill his NEEDS with me…he never…did anything stupid like get me…preg…" She stops, her tears blurring her vision.
I look away from her a bit, the sight of her crying like that seems hurt even me.
"So after awhile…it just got to be to much for me…once I got to where I could hold a book and cast a few spells without leaving myself to open for attack…I killed him…Got lucky really…but I managed to do it…and what bothered me the most was that I didn't feel a thing…not a twinge of regret at what I did."
I think carefully, wanting to choose my words, "You…were in a no win situation Jennica… No one would blame you for what you did."
She looks away from me, "Mom would…she asked me to forgive him."
"Your mother didn't know what he did to you…" I reply.
She is quiet for a long moment, then she finally nods, "I…guess you are right Jaffar…I…don't know…and I guess I won't until I'm dead…but I feel a bit better now…thank you for listening."
I nod, "No problem…we should probably get some sleep Jennica…tomorrow will be a long day."
"Yeah…I guess you are right…goodnight Jaffar." She says as she curls up near a warmer cave wall.
I lean up against a rock in the field sleeping position that was taught to me by the other Black Fang Assassins, "Goodnight."
-----------
I know what you guys must be thinking, "HOLY OOCNESS! JAFFAR DOESN'T TALK LIKE THAT!"
Well…you are right, in the game he does not, this does not mean he is not capable, we have never seen how Jaffar might react if left alone with one comrade for an extended length of time, and I'm pretty sure he is bright enough that he would be able to observe all the things he said in this chapter.
So yeah, Jaffar is changing a bit, slowly but surely, I hope you guys don't think I'm a hack for all this.
