Chapter Two:
The
Sensation of Memory
They'd been touring the castle for almost two hours when they arrived back at point A. Axel emerged through the door first, clutching at his sides and laughing uncontrollably. Xigbar was hiding a smile, but it seemed that he, too, was secretly amused. Raxet was not laughing.
"You realize," She told Axel icily, "That this means I have to cut it." She was examining the end of her left pigtail, which was smoking.
"Those look stupid anyway," Axel laughed. "You're just ASKING someone to yank them."
"At least they used to look like HAIR, you bastard." Raxet coolly glared, "While YOURS looks like you got drunk and allowed yourself to be raped by a mad cosmetologist."
Axel was having too much fun engraving her outraged face and smoldering hair in his memory to reply, or even to let her insults rile him.
"Anyway," He laughed, "You've seen the whole godforsaken castle." And he opened a door-to-darkness and disappeared, his laughter echoing in the hall for a moment longer.
"Bastard," Raxet said again, looking at Xigbar for confirmation. Xigbar only shrugged and disappeared.
"They're all bastards." She raised her eyebrows as she revealed this to herself and threw her pigtail over her shoulder. She made her way back to her room—on foot; she had no idea how to use a darkness-door—and took her scimitars to her hair. The result was a choppy look, almost uncontrolled. Her new locks fell halfway down her slender neck and tapered in all different directions. Her bangs she left long, and she brushed them back, hesitant to cut them shorter and hating them in her way.
"Damn him," She said to her mirror, glaring at her new cut. It actually looked rather good, but she refused to admit that Axel may have done her a favor with his practical-joking.
Finished with that, and waiting on an assignment from Xemnas, she wondered what it was that Organization Nobodies did in their spare time. None of them had been in the castle—they must be out exploring the worlds. She'd look into that later. Not knowing how to use a darkness-door was frustrating—Axel made it look sooo easy—and knowing nothing about the worlds in the universe…such ignorance could be crippling later. Of course, she could just ask someone to teach her (Naminé had seemed nice enough) but that would be akin to admitting she was helpless. No, she'd figure things out on her own—even if it took a little time.
For now, she sat on her bed. Then she pulled out her scimitars and began to polish them, testing the edges. When she found they weren't sharp enough to suit her, she began to temper the edges with ice. She had almost finished that when quite suddenly there was a ringing in her ears.
She set her swords aside, raising her hands to her head. The ringing magnified, its volume overwhelming her. She fell back onto her bed, shrieking, hoping to drown the sound out with her own voice. Just when she thought her head would explode from the pain, a new, sharper hurt seized her chest. She dropped one hand from her head to grasp at her robes, massaging the area where there was pain. She rolled off the bed and landed with a thunk on the floor, her screams growing louder and louder as the pain refused to dissipate.
It seemed to last forever. Maybe it did. Perhaps it was really only a matter of seconds. It did not end quickly or suddenly, as it had come upon her, either. The pain seemed to melt slowly away, leaving her shaking and hot on the floor in her room, staring at the hilt of a scimitar that was only inches away from her nose. She was breathless and trembling, and it felt like she couldn't move. She was almost afraid to try.
There was a knock at her door and Naminé peeked her head in shyly. She saw Raxet on the floor and dashed forward, crouching next to her. Naminé rolled Raxet over, so that she could see her eyes.
"Raxet! What happened?"
"I don't….know…" Raxet's tongue was heavy. It was hard to talk. "It's so hot in here…" She muttered.
"Raxet!" Naminé's eyes widened—Raxet's edges had gone blurry and dark, as if pieces of her were trying to pull away. "Raxet, you're Fading!" She shook Raxet, as if that would help. "Xemnas! Xemnas!" She yelled, calling out to the darkness in the room. "Xemnas!"
"What? I'm busy,
Naminé!" Xemnas pulled out of a darkness-door with his arms
crossed and an expression of tested impatience implanted on his
visage. "Dammit!" He noticed Raxet fairly quickly, since she was
glowing with a black light. "Naminé, what happened?"
"I
don't know—I thought I heard something and I came in and—"
Xemnas crouched, touching his fingers to Raxet's forehead. "Raxet—Raxet! Remember yourself, Raxet. Your Somebody's trying to take you back. You'll Fade into nothing and disappear!"
"That's not true--!" Naminé protested. "She'd be who—"
"Shut up, Naminé!" Xemnas pushed her back, away from Raxet.
"I don't…want to disappear…" Raxet whispered, her eyes unfocused.
"Then remember yourself. Raxet. Raxet." Xemnas kept his hand on her forehead, channeling darkness into her body. "You are Raxet. The Thirteenth Nobody. Raxet. What's your name? Who are you?"
"Raz….." She started weakly, uncertain, as if she had forgotten.
"You're disappearing!" Xemnas told her, his tone full of warning. "Who are you?"
"What's your true name?" Naminé asked, leaning forward. "You'll be who—"
"I told you to shut up!" Xemnas pushed her back again and she fell, hitting the dresser with a light thud.
"Ow!" She protested. "It's true!" Xemnas shot her a look and she fell silent, sulking.
"What's your name, Raxet? Who are you?"
"Raz…Raxet." She sounded surer now. "Raxet."
"Once more. Who are you?"
"Raxet!" She said, firmly. Her edges seemed to solidify, and the tension fled the room quickly. Xemnas stood, removing his hand from her brow.
"That was close, darling." He told her, sounding disapproving.
"It hurt." She said, gathering her bearings and sitting up stiffly. "My chest—"
"Where your heart was?"
"Yes…"
"You were remembering. Your Somebody wants to take you back and they were trying to join with you. You almost disappeared."
"I won't. I won't disappear."
"You'd be whole—" Naminé started again.
"But you'd be forgotten. It would be as if Raxet never existed." Xemnas made a motion and Naminé fell through a darkness-door.
"I don't want to be forgotten!" Raxet stood up, stamping her foot, as if that made her point clearer. "I want to be whole—but I want to be whole as ME."
"Which is why you're a part of Organization XIII. Should your Somebody search for you again, remember your name. Hold on to the part of you that is Raxet and you will remain yourself. It will hurt, sometimes. The stronger the memory, the more painful the recollection."
"But I didn't remember anything!" Raxet protested. "Nothing at all!"
"You drove it away." He shrugged. "Remembering something brings a link between you and your Somebody—soon you would start to merge. You are a lucky Nobody—you have no past other than your own."
"But…I need a past. I have none. God dammit, Xemnas!" She punched a wall hard enough to bust three of her knuckles, and blood oozed down her fingers as she winced. She leaned her head against the color-less paper and swore again.
"You get used to it." Xemnas assured her. "I have to go, darling. I'm a busy man. The Keyblade bearer has entered into the Land of the Dragons, and so our plan has been put into motion. Soon, Kingdom Hearts will be ours, and we will all be Whole, as ourselves, not as a part of someone else." He faded backwards into a door-to-darkness, leaving her alone again.
She swore at nothing as she sucked on her bleeding knuckles. She hoped that the plan to become Whole—the plan Xemnas was so proud of—worked out, and quickly; she had barely been a Nobody for a day, and already it was physical and emotional torture.
