Chapter Five:

Naminé's Knowledge

Raxet tapped on Naminé's door lightly, and it opened from inside, Naminé smiling up at her.

"Axel said you were looking for me?"

"Yes, I was. Come in," She held the door open and then closed it behind Raxet.

Naminé's room was nice, spacious. Lots of white, everywhere. In fact, Raxet couldn't find any black at all, except on the pictures—all well-done in a variety of crayons and pastels—that plastered the wall and the table and even the floor. Raxet was careful not to trod on them as she made way over to the chair Naminé offered her. She sat, scooping up a stack of the drawings and flipping through them.

"Xigbar, Axel, Xemnas, Axel, Axel, Demyx, Xemnas, Saix, Demyx, Axel and…um…who's this?" She held one up—it was a young man in the Organization uniform, his spiky blonde hair protruding in every direction.

"His name was Roxas."

"Was? Oh, wait, was he one of the ones who Faded?" Raxet looked back at the picture, studying it.

"Roxas…didn't Fade. He became whole." Naminé told her, sitting down across from her.

"So…." She met Naminé's eyes, wanting a straight answer. "He was the one that betrayed the Organization?"

"Xemnas thinks so." Naminé shrugged. "I don't think it's treachery to follow your own dreams. But Xemnas will say that a Nobody doesn't have the right to dream—that our only right is to follow the Organization, because that's our only hope."

"But you don't think that?"

"No. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. The other day—when you almost Faded—" why did people keep bringing that up? "Xemnas told you that you would disappear."

"Yeah. I don't want that to happen."

"But you won't disappear—I was trying to tell you that. You would rejoin with your…he called it your Somebody, right? You'd rejoin with them—you'd be whole, like you used to be!"

"I don't want to be forgotten. If I join my somebody, I won't be me anymore."

"You're having a conflict of desires. You say you want to be whole, but you want also to be you?"

Raxet set the papers on the table, stacking them neatly. "I just…I hate this empty feeling inside. But I can't remember any of what it was like before. I don't want to go BACK to something I don't recall."

"So you're afraid?"
"Terrified."

"…." Naminé pondered this for a minute. "You know…I remember…being whole. I think we all do. Roxas didn't—and he was the only one so far who has found a way aside from Fading…a way to be whole."

"Roxas didn't remember either?"

"His situation was similar to yours—his Somebody was a heartless for so very short a time that when he was 'born' he had no memories. His Somebody kept them all. Your Somebody has your memories—if you'd join with her, you'd get them back."

"But…I would lose me."

"You'd be a piece. You're a piece now—like the corner of a puzzle hiding under the couch. You don't become less of what you are just to join the whole."

"I'm not a puzzle piece, Naminé. I'm a person. And I don't want to Fade."

Naminé was silent for a minute, considering. "I understand…that you're scared. I am, too. I want so much to join with who I used to be. I will, once I find her. Xemnas is working very hard to keep us apart so I can't do that."

"Why do you work for him, anyway?"

"I don't have a choice." Naminé shrugged, "And besides, this way…I'll get to see Sora before I conjoin with my Somebody. I'd like to do that once more…as Naminé."

"I thought you said we wouldn't lose ourselves!" Raxet snapped. She was confused and frightened. Naminé was making her more confused and frightened.

"I don't think we will," Naminé sighed. "It's just so complicated. I can only tell you what Diz told me, and you aren't believing me."
"Who's Diz?"

"A friend," Naminé shrugged. "Xemnas doesn't like him, either."

"He's probably a Nazi."

Naminé laughed. "He's Roxas' friend, too."

"Roxas was a traitor."

"Says Xemnas." Naminé contradicted, "But his agenda is not for the good of the Organization."

"Then what is it?" Raxet asked, frustrated, "Why doesn't someone just out and tell me everything that is going on?"

Naminé looked at her with pity. "Do you really think it's that simple? Or that it would change anything? That you deserve to have someone sit down and tell you every little thing? Yours isn't the only future involved, you know. No, you have to do what you can with the information you can gather yourself."

Raxet sighed, putting her head in her hands, the ribbon rubbing against her sensitive knuckles. "Naminé…you're just a little kid…"

"I'm young, but so are you. You can't be much older than me…two, three years at most."

"I…."

"It's ok, Raxet. Being uncertain is part of being a Nobody."

"I hate it."

"We all do." Naminé picked up a pencil and began to sketch as they talked. Actually, they didn't talk for almost the next five minutes. Naminé was intent on her work, and Raxet was deep in her own thoughts.

"Naminé….what is Xemnas trying to do…with Kingdom Hearts, I mean?"

"He says he's going to use it to restore hearts to us without forcing us to join. He may or may not be sincere. He has a history of being…self-absorbed. I don't think you have too much to worry about, though."

"Why not?"

"He chose you…to be the Thirteenth Nobody. There…well…there's really…." She stopped drawing, putting her chin on her fist as if pondering deeply. "There weren't supposed to be any replacements. You must mean something very…deep…something important. I think Axel knows."

"Axel?"

"He…when I asked him if he knew where you were….I don't know. He's always been strange, but…maybe I'm wrong. It could just be that he hates you."

"Axel? Or Xemnas?"

"Axel. Xemnas…well, I don't know. That's something I don't quite understand yet."

"Yet?"

"Give me time. I have nothing better to do, these days. Drawing, thinking, hoping…"

"Why don't you work?"

"Work?" Naminé went back to her picture. "I can't do anything useful to them, anymore. I've done my piece, so they keep me around."

"What did you do?"

"I'm a witch, with power over Sora's memory."

"Sora?"

"The Keyblade Master. I screwed with his memory a bit…to get Xemnas some time, to get Xemnas some power…And because I'm entirely too selfish. I realized my mistake and replaced them. That's probably why Xemnas is put out with me at the moment. Look." She held up the picture she'd been doing. A black cloaked figure stood at ease, a long whip trailing from crossed arms to the floor, her cowl thrown back, revealing messy green hair and a confident smile.

"I think you'll be alright, Raxet. Everything will work out, one way or the other."