A/N- Two new chapters in one day...I think I deserve a lot of reviews for this! Thanks for reading :)
Maura came out of the bathroom a few minutes later and sat on the couch. Jane moved to the living room to sit next to her.
"How'd it go?" Jane asked.
"About as well as can be expected. It takes a few minutes to tell," Maura answered quietly.
Jane didn't say anything else, but she reached over and took Maura's hand in her own. She used her thumb to rub circles on Maura's palm. She felt Maura relax under her touch, but her phone alarm jolted her back to anxiety. She stood up quickly, eager to get it over with, but got really dizzy and had to sit back down.
"Do you want me to look?" Jane asked.
Maura nodded, so Jane went to the bathroom and looked at the test. She was surprised when she saw the plus sign. Maura had been pretty certain about the pregnancy, but Jane hadn't really believed it could be true. She didn't want it to be.
"So, who's the father?" Jane called out, walking back into the living room.
"It's...positive?"
"Yes. Who knocked you up?"
"Jane..."
"Just tell me, Maura. I mean, there was obviously some guy involved, so who is he?"
"Please don't be angry with me," Maura's eyes filled with tears.
"Who is it?" Jane snapped.
"I...I don't know."
"Well, damn, how many people have you been sleeping with?" Jane tried to stop herself, but she was mad.
"It isn't like that!" Maura insisted.
"What is it like?"
"It was only one guy. I just...I don't know his name. I barely remember what he looks like. We met at a bar and I was already pretty drunk..."
"He took advantage of you?"
"I didn't tell him no, Jane."
"When did this happen?" Jane tried to calm her voice down.
"A couple months ago..."
"You never told me about it. When did you even go out without me? We're always together and we always tell each other about this stuff."
"It was...it was the night after the last baseball game," Maura stared at the ground, bracing herself for what was coming.
Jane stared at her in silence for what seemed like several minutes. Maura just looked down at her hands and let the tears fall.
"You mean the night after we..." Jane finally said.
"Yes," Maura sobbed. "I didn't tell you because I thought you would be upset. It's obviously unavoidable now."
"I can't believe you," Jane said quietly, getting up from the couch. "Why would you sleep with someone else the very next day?"
"Jane, you wouldn't even talk to me! I tried calling and texting you! I thought everything was ruined between us."
"So because I needed some time to process what happened between us, you just up and screwed the first guy that came along?" Jane was yelling now.
"I was just upset and scared. I just needed to feel something," Maura tried to stop crying, but failed.
"Well, that's a pretty slutty thing to do. No wonder you're in this situation."
"My heart was broken, Jane. I thought I had lost you," Maura whispered.
"I can't deal with this. This is your problem. Deal with it on your own."
Jane went to the front door and held it open. Maura slowly stood, picked up her purse, slipped her shoes on, and left. She felt the pain of Jane's anger and rejection with every step she took. She did her best to hold herself together in order to drive home, but once inside her house, she totally broke down. She laid on the couch crying for hours, ignoring her phone and everything around her, until she finally fell asleep. She woke up later to Angela gently shaking her.
"Maura? Are you alright?" Angela demanded to know.
"Hi, Angela," Maura said hoarsely, sitting up.
"What's wrong, honey?"
"It's just been a bad day. I'm okay," Maura attempted to reassure her.
"Why don't you go get in bed?" Angela suggested. "I'll bring you some hot tea."
Maura obeyed without protest, but her heart broke all over again when she sat on her bed and recalled the nights Jane had stayed over and how they would probably never do that again. She went to her top dresser drawer and pulled on Jane's sweat pants and T-shirt. She was feeling a little numb. She climbed under the covers and pulled them up to her chin. Angela came in a few minutes later, pulling the comforter back to give Maura her tea. The older woman recognized the clothes belonging to her daughter.
"Janie loves you. She will come around," she said.
"I hope so," Maura choked on the words and sipped her tea to keep from crying.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not yet, but thank you so much."
Angela left the room and Maura finished her tea, hoping to go back to sleep. She realized she wasn't tired and there was a lot to think about. She grabbed the notepad and pen from her bedside table. Since she was a kid, she had always used this stream of consciousness method to deal with the big things in her life. No one knew that she did it; it was a private thing that helped her get her thoughts together. She wrote:
I can't do this. I can't be a mom. I thought I could, but I can't do it alone. I thought Jane and I would do this together. I thought she might understand. I can't lose her. I have to get rid of it. I can't do that. I made a mistake and I'm responsible. I have to deal with it on my own, like Jane said. I can't raise a child though, I don't have it in me. I'm not the mothering type. I don't even have a mother that was the mothering type. I feel like my heart is breaking into a million pieces. I need help. I need Jane. I'm going to have to give this baby up for adoption. I can't do that. It will break me, even more so than I already am. I can do this. I'll figure out how to be a good mom. I can love a baby and provide for one. I have everything I need, except Jane. I really need Jane. If she really loves me, she will understand. She will help me. If she doesn't, then I can do this on my own. I have to do this on my own because I'm going to be a mom. I already am a mom. I'm going to have a baby.
Maura smiled through her tears, knowing she was making the right decision. Her heart still broke, but her mind was at peace.
