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If This Isn't Love

Chapter Seven: The Seven Deadly Sins

Artemis Fowl II reached out a hand to take the huge emerald from its plush velvet cushion. This emerald, soon to belong to Artemis, was currently owned by Carbon Corp, a multi-national company known for its jewels and jewellery. This particular gem was the fifth of a series of seven distributed throughout the world. Collectively known as the Seven Deadly Sins, the gems were noted for their flawlessness, their lustre, their colour and their solidity. But above all, they were noted for the protection they were under from those that owned them. Not enough protection, as it turned out.

Artemis had already stolen the first four gems – a ruby known as Wrath, an amethystnamed Pride, a diamond named Gluttony, and a sapphirecalled Avarice. The gem he was about to take was Envy, a pigeon's-egg-sized emerald.

It had taken weeks of preparation to get to this stage. After trawling through endless piles of information on Carbon Corp's hard drive, Artemis had discovered that the Director had taken several company-funded trips to Disneyland, Florida. Any other person might have dismissed this as the actions of an immoral man in the middle of a mid-life crisis, but Artemis Fowl was not any other person. He was a criminal genius, and geniuses didn't dismiss anomalies.

On a hunch, Artemis had looked up the original blueprints of Disneyland on the Internet, and had found several key sections missing; most notably the structural plans for many of the larger rides. Artemis had immediately flown to Florida in order to take his own scans of the omitted rides. Using a special x-ray camera that he had invented, Artemis had taken pictures of all the rides in a methodical order, not entirely sure what he was looking for, but all the same positive that he would know it when he saw it. Slowly he had narrowed it down from five rides, to four, to three, to two, to one.Which was why Artemis was in the part of Disneyland that most people never got to see.

The inner complex of Space Mountain.

And quite a complex it was, too. Far from being the dingy maintenance hallways one might expect from the look of the entrance and exit doors, the hallways were bright white, sterile and shiny. Luckily for Artemis, however, there were no cameras. Or at least none worth worrying about. The few that he had seen were pointed in entirely the wrong direction. Artemis was starting to think that this whole thing might be somebody's lame idea of a joke, and that the hallways were only there for twisted reasons known only to the Disney Corporation, when he opened a door and found exactly what he was looking for. He was in a room that was lit so brightly that Artemis was almost blinded. He couldn't make out any of the details of the room apart from the dim silhouette of something sitting in the centre of the room. Pulling out a pair of sunglasses, Artemis fitted the frames over his face. He wasn't sure what possessed him to carry sunglasses with him wherever he went, except that he always felt…exposed without them. Perhaps it was an esteem thing. Making a mental note to psychoanalyse himself when he got back to the manor, Artemis studied the room from the doorway. The sunglasses were exactly what he needed – he could see everything. The room was about four metres by four metres, perfectly square, and with a white pedestal in the middle. On the pedestal was a white cushion, on the cushion was a bright green emerald, and focused on the emerald were eight surveillance cameras.

Artemis could also see the motion sensors built into the pedestal, as well as the well-disguised but still visible wire running beneath the cushion that the emerald was sitting on. Apparently a booby trap for whoever took the emerald. Probably a small bomb. It was risky, putting the bomb under the emerald, but then, it had probably been designed not to go off until several seconds after the emerald was taken. It would knock out the thief, leaving the emerald unharmed and still in the company's possession. Unfortunately, somebody hadn't hidden the wires properly. Which wouldn't have made a difference if the lights had been doing their job – that is, if Artemis hadn't been wearing the sunglasses. By design, the wires were all as white as the cushion, and therefore would have been impossible to see through the man-made glare. But the fact was that Artemis WAS wearing the sunglasses, and could see perfectly.

He also knew exactly what to do. He'd planned for this. It was an unusual plan for Artemis, in allowance from the limited information that the genius had been able to gather about the security the emerald was under. It was extremely flexible, unlike most of his other schemes.

But he'd anticipated everything he saw. He'd anticipated more, actually. But obviously the hype stirred up about the protection the emerald received had been just that – hype. An elaborate hoax to try to put people off stealing it.

Artemis pulled a small sphere from his pocket. To the casual observer it would look like an interestingly shaped MP3 player – and it was, in part – but it was so much more.

Artemis pressed a button on the sphere and rolled it carefully into the room. It stopped as it clinked gently against the bottom of the pedestal. Artemis held his breath. 5…4…3…2…1…

There was a tiny pop, and the red lights on the cameras winked out, as did the glaring lights from the ceiling. Even the motion sensors and the bomb would be knocked out, their electron flow interrupted. Several of the overhead bulbs actually exploded, but fibreglass sheets stretched over their cavities contained the reactions. Artemis smiled. Perfect.

Now, for those of you who don't understand the brilliant simplicity of what Artemis had done, I will now attempt to explain it. Of course, mediocre minds such as ours cannot hope to comprehend the true brilliance that had gone into this plan, but I'm sure that you will appreciate it all the same.

The sphere was, in fact, a 'pulse generator,' invented by Artemis for just this purpose. When he initialised the countdown it had been preparing to release an electromagnetic pulse, which had interrupted the flow of electrons to all electronic devices in the general vicinity. Actually, it was only for a radius of around ten metres from the device. It was harmless to people, and it would destroy any devices that were powered by external sources. Of course, if the device drew power from a battery, all it would need was a reboot. Totally harmless. And it gave Artemis the definite advantage of being the only person within a ten-metre radius who had any light. It wasn't exactly subtle, but it was effective. The video cameras were gone, the booby trap was shorted out, and the motion sensor was dead. It was too easy. Unfortunately, it meant there was limited time for Artemis to get in and out. It probably wouldn't be long until somebody realised that video cameras are not supposed to just turn themselves off. At least not all at the same time.

Unsurprisingly, the military were clamouring to get their hands on this little device. Not that Artemis planned to sell. True, it was a potential threat to international security, with the power to knock out all communication and power in the world, but Artemis didn't plan to let it fall into hands that would take advantage of it such a destructive way. No, better that he hold onto the idea and use it for his own ends.

Pulling a torch out of his pocket, Artemis unscrewed the battery cavity and inserted the 1.5-volt batteries that he had stored in a separate pocket. He reattached the top of the torch and switched it on.

Artemis almost chuckled with glee at that stage, but stopped himself quickly. This was no time for frivolity. He removed his sunglasses – they weren't really much help any longer – and walked calmly into the darkened room. He retrieved his sphere from the floor, tucking it back into his pocket. Then he picked up the emerald, studied it in the light of his torch, slipped it into his other pocket and left the room.

The immediate area around the room had no light, but a few metres down the hallway all the electricity was perfectly functional. Turning off the light and slipping the torch into the pocket with the pulse generator, Artemis found his way easily out the maze of hallways and exited through the ordinary ride exit.

Outside, Juliet met him immediately and positioned herself on Artemis' right, glaring at anyone who came too close.

'Are we staying any longer?' she asked after the pair had been walking in silence for around a minute. It seemed a straightforward question, but Artemis immediately caught the hidden meaning.

'No, Juliet. I think its time we left. I simply cannot stand these uncouthtourists a moment longer.' Artemis eyed a large, sunburnt man dressed stereotypically in Hawaiian print shorts and shirt.

Juliet would have grinned, but at that moment a group of giggling girls with ice cream cones walked past, and she was too busy glaring daggers at them.

Neither of themspoke again until they reached a hired Alpha Romeo in the car park, Butler sitting at the wheel.

'Not too difficult, I hope?' asked Butler as Artemis sat down.

Artemis smiled a characteristic vampire smile. 'Not for me.'

No, Butler thought to himself, turning back to the wheel.Nothing ever is.


Artemis managed to wait until the drive back to the manor house before he could examine the emerald more closely. This was more difficult than it sounds. First he had to get through the drive from Disneyland to the Los Angeles international terminal, then he had to put up with a flight to Heathrow, made all the worse by an insufferably cheerful flight attendant, and then yet another flight from Heathrow to Ireland. On the second flight the attendant only bothered him once, and afterwards did her best to stay away from the section of the plane holding Artemis and the Butler siblings.

At the airport, Butler retrieved the luggage, leaving Artemis and Juliet to have a short cup of tea, and then met his employer out the front of the terminal with the Fowl Bentley. Artemis tried to resist the urge to finger the emerald in his pocket. Nevertheless, Juliet had fallen asleep by the time Butler steered the car onto a sufficiently deserted road for Artemis to take out the emerald. After a few moments study with a magnifying glass, Artemis could verify that this was, indeed, one of the Seven Deadly Sins. There was no mistaking the size and flawlessness of the jewel.

Pressing a button on the door of the car, Artemis retrieved a wooden box from its secret compartment in the roof. This box had been specially prepared for the emerald, and was complete with a six-digit combination lock and a velveteen pillow. Artemis was just placing the emerald inside, preparing to close the lid, when he noticed that the car was drifting slowly but surely off the side of the road. Stowing the box very quickly and rather unceremoniously in its compartment, Artemis rapped on the glass between him and Butler.

'Butler?'

No answer.

'Butler? Artemis buzzed the glass down and checked the rear-view mirror, which conveniently gave him a perfect view of Butler's face. There he came upon an unpleasant surprise. Butler was asleep. Not good. Butler would never fall asleep on the job, and especially not while driving. Come to think of it, neither would Juliet. She had been jumping with energy on the plane. But before even Artemis' brain could put these facts together, a wave of exhaustion hit the young genius. His eyes started to close of their own accord. Trying to fight the drowsiness, Artemis opened the compartment in the roof again, retrieved the box, and tried to focus on the combination.

3…8…0 no, 10…..no, 11?

It was no good. Artemis felt himself fading into a deep sleep, and knew that there was no way it was natural.

Neither he, Julietor Butler woke as the car left the bitumen and flew into the ditch beside the road.


Hey-hey! Well, this is a bit different to my other chapters, isn't it? I suppose it's almost got its own story. I could even write a sequel-like thing, about Artemis' search for the Seven Deadly Sins.

Or maybe not.

Anyway, I'm going to reply to reviews here, because…I'm lazy. I'll do chapter five as well, because I kinda forgot about those ones. :is ashamed:

Chapter Five:

xstarlightx: thankyou. I try to be funny, but sometimes it just comes out lame.Happily this doesn't seem to have been one of those times. I'm glad you appreciate the updating, too. It makes spending all my study time writing this worth it. :D

koru-chan: well, strange is me. There's no denying it, I'm afraid.

hollybridgetpeppermint: yahey! I am funny! I will continue to update, don't worry.

crystalocean: I agree, sometimes originality can be overrated. I will continue!

wolfheart dragonwing: glad you liked it. Promising is good, right? Right.

Chapter Six:

koru-chan: no! don't die! Keep reading! Sorry, couldn't resist. I guess your comment means I'm still funny, lol. Thankyou!

multiturtle: well, I find it impossible to view my own writing in retrospect, so I'll have to take your word for it. Sorry about that. But Cupid hasn't gone insane. Oh, no. Its much worse than that. MWAHAHAHAHA!….sorry….

LandUnderWave: yeah, Vinyáya was difficult to write because I don't know anything about her. Heh, if only Root would listen to Foaly's lectures about his equipment.

The Renagade: glad you liked it! I like it that people laugh at me…HollyxArty will be here soon. Probably not soon enough though. Even I feel like its taking forever to get there. Should be in Chapter Eight though…some of it, anyway.

Susanna Anna Hannah Potter: Thankyou for laughing. Laughing is good exercise…its like jogging on the inside…

Anyways, it will be HollyxArty, I PROMISE. Just not quite yet. But I AM getting there. Slowly…

And indeed, I did get Equette's name from the Latin. I don't know if centaur names have to be horsy like Foaly, but I figured why not?

The-girl-with-a-vampire's-smile: thankyou. I hope it'll stay excellent. And I promise to keep updating if you keep reading, lol.

Blonde-Titch: wow, yeah, that's a huge compliment. Thankyou!

strider-mystic: well, next chapter is here, lol. Thanks.

almostinsane: maybe I should change the rating…I don't think it'll get un-childsafe though. Mostly just kissing. Its love, not lust, lol.

Heh, alliteration….

Okay, well thankyou everyone for reviewing! If you didn't review…well, I guess I didn't thank you. But thankyou for reading.