Disclaimer: I do not own the copyrights to any of the anime characters, video games, Lord of the Rings, etc you see in this story. This story was created for entertainment purposes only. The iPod is owned by Apple computers ( I've got an iPod Shuffle XP ). I also do not own (the store or anything from) Abercrombie and Fitch.
Chapter Nine: The Mall of Moria (aka- Ben gets to be a director)..oh and Yoko cheats death...
As the nine walkers were getting ready, Elk was talking to Tsukasa.
" I have some gifts for you" Elk said to the wavemaster. Elf took out a cheap plastic sword, " This will help you in battle"
" Um...thanks" Tsukasa said, taking the fake sword with pride and care.
" That sword was made by Kenshin and his merry men" Elk said happily, " Oh yeah one more thing"
Elk took out a shirt
" A Marilyn Manson in Concert tee-shirt?" Tsukasa asked when looking at the black shirt. "Oooo! How did you get that?" Tsukasa asked in awe
" 100,000 Chuckie Cheese prize tickets" Elk answered proudly, " Well try it on!"
Elk saw the Ring as Tsukasa took off her overshirt.
" M-my ring" Elk said with an innocent tone, " Can I try it on again?"
" um...no" Tsukasa answered.
Elk then went demonic and shouted, " GIVE ME THE RING BAKA HOBBIT!"
" MEEP!" Tsukasa gave a small squeak and cowered in fear.
Elk stopped for a moment and realized that he was acting like an idiot. " Gomen ne...Tsukasa-kun..."
Tsukasa left elk to sob like a cry-baby on his own.
Insert some heroic music my friends because the year long journey is about to begin!
So, the wavemaster, sailor scout, child kitsune, assistant dojo master, Hanyou, high school student, baka, sword master, and, Kitsune/bishounen began their journey.
(a/n: Can you guess who's who. The person with the right answers-All 9 of them will win a special prize!)
The nine walked thought valleys and hills. And then the slow motion, majestic scene took place as Yoko led the way, followed by Tsukasa the Ringbearer. Next came Inuyasha who was eating ramen noodles in slow motion, then Kagome, the Karou who was bashed in the head by Rini for no reason. Finally Shippo and Bear finished the line, ending the majestic slow motion scene.
" We hold to this course for 40 days...leading us to Mordor"
And now, we join the nine on a short rest.
Bear was training Rini and Shippo is the art of swordsman (or woman)ship. Everyone else was either eating some lunch or sleeping.
Kuwabara, however, was busy writing a letter to his love,
" Dear Yukina-san,
It is really hot out here in the desert (yeah that's right...he thinks their eating a sugary course after dinner...idiot). I really, really m-
" What the hell is Kuwabara doing?" Kato asked while filming
" Dunno" Ben said and then shouted, " Oi! Baka!"
" Yes? OH WAIT I AM NOT STUPID!" Kuwabara shouted.
" Yeah whatever" Ben said and began to explain, " Yukina-san is over there"
Ben pointed over to Yukina who was having a conversation with stage hand Holly.
" Well the pay is nice" Holly commented, " But I think the sound guy, Jimmy, is a bit of a pervert"
" YUKINA-SAN!" Kuwabara shouted and waved, he would of walked over but was being restrained by Bear and Inuyasha.
" Hello Kazuma-kun" Yukina said and went back to the conversation.
" Oh for Pete's sake!" Kato said, " Can we please continue with the story?"
" Yes we can" Rini said
Annnnyway-
" Why not go underground" Kuwabara suggested to Yoko.
" Because...there's a lot of creepy stuff in the mines" Yoko answered.
Why the two were conversing, Bear accidentally jabbed Shippo in the foot.
" Ow!...REVENGE!" Shippo shouted and him and Rini tickle-attacked Bear.
" Oh yeah sure...that will defeat our enemies reallllly well" Inuyasha said.
" Inuyasha" Kagome said dully, " Sit"
" WAH!"- and crash went the baka hanyou.
Kagome said this as she was on look out, she gasped and said- " Crepes!...no erm..."
" Oh forget it everyone take cover!" Inuyasha said. He now had a bruise on his forehead but did that stop our favorite hanyou...hell no!
Everyone took cover as rabid crows swarmed the place. They formed together to be Karasu (a/n: I know this isn't one of his powers...but it's good for the story)
" HOLY SHIZNIT!" Kato shouted, " You supposed to be dead.. I REFUSE TO HAVE A SAPPY REVIVAL FIC!"
" Relax, I'm only working with Beryl" Karasu said.
"Relax" Karasu says, yeah sure. The stage hands, directors, and non-actors were either terrified (Kato), freaked out ( Ben), or just ready to fight (Holly).
" Aw whatever...continue" Kato said after calming down
So Karasu flew back off in crow form and everyone came out of hiding.
" Great" Yoko said, " Another person I hate...we'll have to go another way"
And so, the nine were walking up the mountain. Tsukasa fell backwards and rolled into Inuyasha.
" Watch the shoes!" Inuyasha snapped.
" Sorry Inuyasha-sama..." Tsukasa said and reached to check if he had the ring. Tsukasa didn't, the ring was on the snowy ground. Bear picked up the ring and looked at it in awe.
" It's sooooo pretty" Bear said in a trance.
" Hey!" Inuyasha shouted, " Give the ring back to Captain Planet!"
Everyone at this point, had a sweat drop on their forehead.
" My name is Tsukasa!" Tsukasa said
" Fine fine" Bear said and gave the ring back to Tsukasa, " Who cares about a ring when I have a kick ass sword!"
Back at the Tower of Orthanc:
Beryl and Karasu were currently enjoying tea time.
" Oh and just to let you know" Karasu said, " Yoko is leading the others up the mountain path"
" Oooo this just gets better and better!" Beryl said and stood up, " Ever scene a mountain collapse before?"
" As a matter o' fact I saw it happen five minutes ago on the news" Karasu commented, " Those poor, poor people."
"...shut up..." Beryl said dully and took out her staff. Beryl walked up to the tip top of the tower.
" What are ya gonna do?" Karasu asked
" First..." Beryl said and then pushed Karasu off the tower.
" AHHHHHHHHHHH!" was heard followed by a very messy "Splat". Beryl received many stares from the stage crew.
" Aw c'mon" Beryl said, " Who didn't want to do that?"
" yea good point..." was the response that came from the stage crew.
Any who, Beryl went back to her destruction of the mountain. So, Beryl decided to play The Scream as Loud as You Can game (as scene in chapter seven).
" I HOPE YOU ALL DIE A VERY PAINFUL DEATH!"
On the Mountain path
Kagome was the first to hear this curse. " What the heck?" she said and walked up to Yoko, " There's somebody putting a curse on us"
" It's Beryl..." Yoko said, " She just doesn't quit!"
Another curse was reached the group,
" I HATE YOU ALL!...THUNDERGA!"
Just then, a large bolt of lightening hit the top of the mountain. The snow from the avalanche buried the nine travelers.
Somehow, the miraculously survived (dull cheer: Hurray...).
" We have to get off this mountain!" Inuyasha shouted while shaking snow from his hair.
Everyone looked at Kuwabara, he was supposed to say something...but he forgot because he is an idiot!
" What?" Kuwabara said and then realized he was supposed to say something, " Oh...um, let's go through the mines!"
Yoko had an ominous, yet calm look on his face.
" Let Tsukasa decide" Yoko said
Everyone looked at Tsukasa.
"um..PASS!" Tsukasa panicked into saying. He received a bash on the head by Inuyasha.
" OWW.. fine we'll go through the freakin' mall!" Tsukasa spat.
Later...much later:
The nine got to the walls of Moria's mall.
" Yay my home!" Kuwabara said happily.
The other 8 walkers gasped in awe. They walked over to the door.
Off stage, Ben (stagehand) was snickering.
" Wha?" Kato said, " What's so funny Benji-kun?"
" Nothing, nothing" Ben said.
" You've done something" Kato said in her directors chair, " What-have-you-done?"
" OI SHINGETSU!" Inuyasha shouted, " None of us can read this door!"
" One it's in Elvish" Kato said, " Two...the script gave-"
" It's l33t" Yoko commented.
Kato gave Ben a slow death glare. " You changed...my script?"
" Hey you didn't want to do word for word" Ben exclaimed.
" Yes but I also don't want to die by Yoko's hands!" Kato shouted back.
" Too late" Yoko said and dashed towards Kato.
Just then, Riku appeared out of a portal of Darkness and got Kato out of danger (phew...I survive!). The empty directors seat was now occupied by Ben.
" J35!" Ben shouted in l33t (translation: Yes). " Continue with the fanfiction!"
So Yoko grudgingly went back onto the set and sighed.
" It reads: Welcome to Mor-"
" AHEM!" Ben said from off stage, " it's in l33t!"
Yoko turned and looked at the temp-director, " Tell me. Would you like to die by death tree?"
"O.O!...Any way's fine!" Ben squeaked and got Sephiroth to be his bodyguard.
" Like I was about to say," Yoko said, " It says, Welcome to the mall of Moria. Password needed to get in"
" You don't know the password.. do you?" Inuyasha asked.
"...no" Yoko said.
So around two hours later, Yoko gave up on the password and just decided to attack with his death tree. The door instantly crumbled.
" BOB CHIRST!" Ben shouted, went into Prairie Dog mode and hid in Sephiroth's pocket.
" Hey my iPods in there!" Sephiroth said.
" Yeah I know" Ben said while listening to something, " You've got your own theme song on this!"
" Heh..yeah"
Anyway, back with the nine who were walking into the mall (-.-#).
The group was greeted by a voice over done by Toto-sai. (voice over indicated in italics)
Tsukasa walked in, " Welcome to the mine he/she". Rini walked in, " haha your a pathetic fighter!". Shippo walked in, " Ditto!". Karou walked in, " There is a buy 1 get 5 free sale on Sake!". Inuyasha walked in, " Dumb ass" " Old geezer" Inuyasha grumbled. Kagome walked in, " Haha! Your not Arwen!" " Happy thoughts, happy thoughts" Kagome said to herself. Kuwabara walked in, "...baka". Yoko walked in, " COUGHSHOPLIFTERCOUGH" "-.-". Finally Bear walked in and-
" beep You will die in seven days" Toto-sai said, he was placed right next to the door.
Everyone glared at the sword smith and wailed on him for his comments. Finally, Bear noticed something,
" E-everyone's dead!" Bear said while looking at the corpse. He backed away from them and moved towards Inuyasha, " We should have never come here"
Just then, a giant tentacle grabbed Tsukasa's ankle. A " MEEEEEEEEEEEP" came from the wavemaster as he was dragged out of the mall and back into the open. The thing that grabbed Tsukasa rose from out of the water and turned out to be a rather large squid.
Kagome, being the kick-ass ninja like elf that she is (j/k) shot the squid in the eyes and caught Tsukasa in midair. Then all nine of them ran into the mall, moments after the mall entrance was destroyed along with Toto-sai (hurray!).
" Great..." Yoko said, " We get to be in a broken down mall for three days"
So everybody began to follow the kitsune through the once honorable mall of Moria. Everybody passed an Abercrombie and Fitch.
"WOO HOO!" The group shouted in joy...because we all know that Abercrombie's prices, sizes and everything in between are very rediclious.
The nine finally got to an intersection and Yoko stoped.
" What's up Kitsune-sama?" Tsukasa asked.
"Um..." Yoko responded and sweat drops appeared on his forehead.
" You can't remember anything about this place" Shippo said, " Can you?"
" Nope..." Yoko answered and the rest of the group fell in anime fashion. (-.-)
Around five minutes later, everyone (minus Yoko) took a seat in a nearby Apple computers store.
" Hey I got a flashmail from BT!" Bear said and checked his letter.
" Are we lost?" Rini asked Shippo.
"No" Shippo answered.
" Shippo-kun?" Rini asked.
" What?"
" Onaka ga suita.." Rini said while frowning (translation: I'm hungry)
Tsukasa got up and sat next to Yoko. Tsukasa looked over her shoulder to see a gangly creature's eyes glaring at her.
" What was that?" Tsukasa said quietly.
" It's Aki.." Yoko responded.
"...who is Aki?" Tsukasa asked.
" He owned the ring before Elk did" Yoko responded, slightly annoyed.
" It's a pity Elk didn't kill him" Tsukasa said.
" Tsukasa.. do yourself a favor" Yoko said, " Go get me a blue slushy and stop pestering me while I am trying to think"
So Tsukasa did as she was told and got Yoko the blueberry slushy.
" Thanks" Yoko said and took a sip, causing a massive brain freeze, " AHHHHHHH!...wait a second...that's it!"
" You hear that people!" Kuwabara said quickly, " Yoko's dumb, dumb as me!"
" No..." Yoko said and took out his rose whip, " When in doubt, always follow your nose-"
" IDIOT!" Inuyasha shouted, " Even I could of though of that!"
So everyone followed Yoko and his crackpot idea of "Following you nose". The nine ended up in a HUGE food court...which makes one wonder where Tsukasa got the Blue Slushy...O.o;;
" See...my "crackpot" idea wasn't so bad after all" Yoko said.
Everyone looked at the old, majestic food court in awe. Just then, Kuwabaka ran off into a broken down store called T.J's.
So the group chased after the baka and found him looking at a grave. Kuwabara was of course frozen because of his sixth sense.
" Whatever happened here was bad.." Kuwabara managed to say.
Yoko looked around and saw a small journal, he picked it up and began reading:
" December 16, 2004-
They are coming for us...We gonna die now aren't we. I just only wished I would have gotten that damn fox shoplifter. God, I would have-"
Yoko read to himself the rest and was now in shock. He closed the book promptly and tossed it to the side.
Shippo, not paying attention, bumped into a very large CD player. The Cd Player turned on and out blasted Mambo Gozón by Tito Puente and His Orchestra. Inuyasha dashed over and destroyed the cd player with his Iron Reaver Soul Stealer. He then bashed poor (yet stupid) Shippo in the head.
" YOU IDIOT!" Inuyasha shouted and continued to beat Shippo, " Because of you were gonna die now!"
" Quiet!" Yoko snapped at the two.
Everyone listened, there was a noise in the distance. It sounded like Ich Will by Rammstein...the battle song of the Youma Army (Beryl's Army and our orcs for this story).
So everyone assumed battle position. Kagome, Inuyasha, and, Bear go to brace the door.
" They have a level 40 cave troll!" Bear said.
Everyone took out their respective weapons.
" Let's waste em!" Tsukasa said gangsta style.
Just then, Ben's crony by the name of Leon appeared,
" Yeah let's smoke em like it ain't no thing!" Leon said.
Everyone looked at the newcomer with a sweatdrop on their forehead and shouted, " GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" to Leon. Leon poofed off of the stage as the Youma ran in. Before the Youma could even attack, the Level 40 Cave Troll came in and smashed them all. The cave troll roared and intimidated Shippo. Shippo hid behind Sailor Chibi Moon (that's right you heard me!).
The eight (remember, Shippo withdrew from battle) charged at the cave troll and began to slash at random places. The most experienced of the fighters; being Yoko, Inuyasha and to a lesser extent, Bear and Kuwabara, hit the most vulnerable parts like the ankles and legs. The less experienced fighters; being Karou, Rini, and, Tsukasa, either threw rocks at the troll (Karou), attacked with something called Pink Sugar Hearts Attack ( Rini) or healed fighters when it was needed (Tsukasa)
Again, it was Kagome's moment to shine as she used her kick-ass ninja like elven skills to tightrope walk on a chain that got caught on a pole. This chain was connected to the cave trolls neck. Kagome stood on the cave trolls shoulders and shot him through the head. She then jumped off before the cave troll could swing at her.
Just then, the cave troll (still able to walk), staggered towards Tsukasa and stabbed the poor gender confused wavemaster. Kagome, pissed that her first arrow didn't work, shot the troll again through the head. The troll let out an odd groan and began to stumble forewords. The troll fell and the lesser experienced fighters gained a level of experience (yay!).
Tsukasa, however, was not able to cheer because of her recent injury. In fact, Tsukasa was on the ground.
" Is Tsukasa-kun dead?" Yoko asked.
Speak of the devil! Just then, Tsukasa sat up and groaned in pain. " My head.." she said.
" How?..." Inuyasha said, " How did you survive that!"
Tsukasa showed everyone the Marilyn Manson in concert tee-shirt. It's scary appearance, had saved the wavemaster from death.
The victory was short lived, because there was rumbling in the background.
" We have to leave" Yoko said.
Everyone rushed out of T.J's only to meet 30 trillion youma...oh yeah try fighting that off. The nine prepared for a grim defeat when suddenly, a loud DOOM was heard. The 30 trillion Youma army scattered quickly.
"What in the seven hells is out there?" Inuyasha asked Yoko.
" Something from the seven ring of hell" Yoko answered, " EVERYONE RUN!"
So everyone bolted and they jumped over a crack in the steep staircase.. Why? Cause it was Friday the 13th.
" Get over the bridge" Yoko shouted.
" Hey wait a minute.." Kuwabara asked, " Why do we have to listen to you"
Yoko gave Kuwabara the last death glare for a while, good thing to because Kuwabara obeyed the kitsune and ran over to the other side of the bridge.
Out of the flames and darkness to the side of the bridge came- DUN DUN DUUNNNNN!
Ansem, who is supposed to be playing the Belrog (so we gave him some 50ft platforms).
" Ladies and Gentlemen" Ben shouted with a megaphone, " Ansem-sama from Kingdom Hearts!"
Before Tsukasa could run out to Yoko, Bear grabbed her (non pervert I might add).
Yoko took out his rose whip once again. And Ansem took out the standard issue flame and darkness whip.
" Copy me will you!" Yoko shouted, " SHINU!"
Yoko then sliced the bridge in half and down tumbled the King of Darkness.
" WAHHHHHHHHH" screamed Ansem and then added, " )42k/\/355!" (translation: Darkness!)
" J35!" Ben (our temp-director) shouted, " 4 /\/\45732 0ph l33t!" (translation: YES! A Master of l33t!)
" Ok that is getting really annoying" Yoko said.
Just then, Ben got really pissed at Yoko and a sake bottle at the kitsune. Yoko managed to deflect the bottle but still lost his balance and fell over.
" YOUR NEXT PRAIRIE DOG!" Yoko shouted while falling.
" Damn..." Ben said, "Now I am on the same death list as Kato"
And that is the end of a long chapter nine...
