Disclaimer- Let's start with the things I do own. I own Holly Slyvina and Haru. So if you steal them, I will be so freakin' pissed. I do not own any of the anime/games you see in this fanfiction and I also do not own the Lord of the Rings.


Chapter Eleven- were one third of the way done
We now join Tsukasa, Rini, Shippo, Karou, Bear, Kagome, Kuwabara and Inu-...wait...we can't seem to find Inuyasha anywhere...

Just then, Inuyasha ran out onto the set after a brief trip to the bathroom.

" Ok time for your goodie bags before you leave!" Lady Aerith said with a smile on her face.

Kato, who was not in a good mood, merely nodded to Sephiroth who was right near Lady Aerith. Sephiroth got into his battojutsu stance.

" EEp!" Lady Aerith gave a quick squeak and then gave a small jar to Tsukasa, " I give you the light of...er...end...deal"

" Muchas Gracias Senorita Rosa!" Tsukasa said with great enthusiasm

" Excellenté Senorita Tsukasa" Lady Aerith praised her Spanish I student.

" SENIOR!" Tsukasa shouted, " DAMMIT I AM A GUY!"

" Er...right a guy" Lady Aerith said, " We will start with lesson 8 next time. Class dismissed"

So the eight, picked up their Spanish I text books and left for their journey on their small boats. All of the boats happened to be named-

"-Titanic?" Rini read one of the tiny boats and the group looked over at the director.

" Hey, I'm not made of money" Kato said, " So either take the boats or swim..."

Everyone decided to use the boats. The first boat was occupied by Inuyasha, Tsukasa and Karou. The second was occupied with Rini, Shippo and Bear. The third by Kagome and Kuwabara. And so everyone went on their merry little way.

" Thank God.." Lady Aerith sighed.

" Classy boat.." Inuyasha said. He stood on the ledge of the boat and shouted, " I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!"

" NOT YET! SIT!" Kagome shouted at the half-dog demon.

Inuyasha crashed through the hull of the small, wooden boat and now..the boat was sinking. Everyone panicked and managed to crash land on the shore of some place called Anon Hen. I have no idea what the place was before it crumbled. But it looked so cool in the Lord of the Rings video game!


Meanwhile at the 3vil tower-

We now join Queen Beryl, who is having tryouts for her army. Today's try outs are for the General's position. Whoever becomes General of the Dark Army will have 10,000 youma at their dispense.

Beryl was sitting at a desk with her two top henchmen ( Malachite/Kunzite and Zoisite). They were the judges.

" So why do you think you should be the General of my Army?" Queen Beryl asked the first contestant.

" Cause I'm good at following orders ya?" Wakka answered back and was immediately killed by Zoisite.

The second contestant was none other then Sephiroth.

" I was the General of Solider for a few years" Sephiroth said and strikes a pose.

Holly then walked in a dragged the still stuck in pose demi-god out of the room. Beryl let out a frustrated groan.

" Were never gonna find an Evil General for my Evil army!" Beryl said.

" Well what are you looking for?" Malachite/Kunzite asked his Queen.

" Someone who is evil" Beryl said, " Who is evil enough to kill the right people but obedient enough to listen to me...and looks sexy!"

Just then, Riku walked in. He was busy doing his summer job as a pizza delivery guy.

" Uh yeah I have an order for a medium, pepperoni pizza" Riku said.

" That's the one.." Beryl said and stood up. She dramatically pointed to the 16-17 year old boy and said, " YOU!". Riku let out a gasp and before you know it, he was led down a path of darkness once again.


Back with the company-

Everyone was busy drying themselves off. Inuyasha was mumbling something to himself.

" Urge to kill...rising!" Inuyasha said.

" SIT!" Kagome shouted and Inuyasha slammed to the ground.

" Let's just set up camp" Bear groaned.

So everyone began to set up camp and nobody noticed that the most important person of the group was missing.

" Hell, even I forgot who was missing" Kato said, dazed.

" Lay off the drugs Kato" Ben said to the director.

Anyway, it was Tsukasa who was missing. He(or she) went out for a walk alone. As Tsukasa was walking, Maha appeared behind the wavemaster.

Maha opened her mouth and sounded like she was talking. But you could not hear the cat player.

" No Maha" Tsukasa said, " I will not use the ring to rob a bank"

Tsukasa then accidentally tripped over a rock and fell into some mud. Maha opened her mouth to say something. But again, you could only hear silence.

" Yes Maha" Tsukasa said sarcastically, " I like wearing mud"

Maha quickly bowed and dissapered. After a moment or so, Bear walked in.

" You shouldn't be wandering alone" Bear said while he gathered some wood.

" Just leave me alone.." Tsukasa said in his(or her) usual whining style.

" Um..Tsukasa-chan?" Bear said, " C-can I have the Ring?"

" No.." Tsukasa answered.

That 'No' really hurt Bear. He was always so nice to Tsukasa. Always looking out for the poor coma patient. Always remembering to say " Hi Tsukasa, how's it going?" or " Hey Tsukasa, put down that flamethrower your gonna burn yourself". So, Bear's following actions although they were uncalled for, would be considered normal-...jeez I'm rambling on and on..

Bear attacked Tsukasa and nearly killed the inexperienced wavemaster. Of course, since Bear was about Level 74 and Tsukasa was at least Level 3...lets just say that Tsukasa was now bleeding from the nose and had a broken arm.

Stagehands Holly, Haru and Sephiroth ran on stage and restrained Bear from killing Tsukasa.

" It's ok, s'ok" Bear said, " I'm coo. I'm cool"

It looked as if Bear had calmed down, so Haru and Holly loosened up on holding Bear. But then Bear went berserk again and lunged for Tsukasa. This time, all three plus Ben and Yoko (who's not supposed to be scene for another few chapters) effectively restrained Bear.

" You might wanna get out of here kid" Holly said after punching Bear in the face.

Tsukasa gave out a MEEP and put on the ring. Tsukasa ran away as fast as possible and imitated Zoidberg from Futurama.


Inuyasha, meanwhile was walking around while eating his 10:40 p.m. bowl of Ramen noodles. This meals flavor was Teriyaki Chicken.

"YAHH!"

" Huh?" Inuyasha said and looked around.

Tsukasa crashed into Inuyasha, who was sobbing.

" That's it!" Tsukasa said, " I don't wanna do this anymore. I'm sick of getting a heart attack. I'm sick of being picked on. I'm sick of the armies of darkness coming after me!"

Tsukasa lost it. The poor wavemaster just wanted to be at peace. Inuyasha fortunately had dealt with the numerous times Kagome had cried, so he had something prepared for this occasion. Inuyasha took out a sheet of paper that had a speech on it and crossed out Kagome's name and put Tsukasa's instead.

" Don't worry Tsukasa" Inuyasha said as nice as possible, " Will finish the task"

" Really?" Tsukasa asked while drying his(or her) tears.

" Yeah" Inuyasha said while reading his speech, " Soon, we'll get all the shards of the Shikon jewel"

" Huh?" Tsukasa asked.

" Oh wait sorry" Inuyasha and crossed out the Shikon Jewel reference and wrote something about the Ring, " You'll send the Ring back to where it belongs."

" Can I do it alone?" Tsukasa asked.

" Go for it!" Inuyasha said and smiled.

" Thank you Inuyasha!" Tsukasa said and hugged the hanyou.

" How heart warming" Riku said

With all the screaming, shouting, poking and punching from before, the Youma army(led by the most Kawaii Riku from Kingdom Hearts) was right behind Inuyasha and Tsukasa.

" Hey Tsukasa?" Inuyasha mumbled to the wavemaster.

" Ya"

" Start running" Inuyasha said.

Tsukasa then ran away as fast as he(or she) could. Inuyasha began to fight off the youma army as Riku disappeared into a portal of darkness.

And so the battle began and everyone was aware of the Youma's in the vicinity.

" Come Rini!" Shippo said, " Let's get into trouble!"

Rini and Shippo ran off to go and get Tsukasa. They see a group of Youma and Rini took out her transformation broach.

" Moon Prism Power- Make Up!" Rini shouted and transformed into Sailor Chibi Moon.

Everyone gave Kato a weird look.

" Hey" Kato said, " I love the Japanese dub of Sailor Moon. If you don't like it, you can go fu-"

At this point, Holly covered Kato's mouth.

" A proper authoress don't use such bad language!" Holly scolded her master.

Anyway, Sailor Chibi Moon and Shippo were trying to fight off the Youma, but unfortunately, they were very inexperienced. One of the Youma charged at the two and it looked like it was going to be the end.

But then-

Bear charged right in and saved the two from death. Bear immediately killed the Youma and gained a level.

" Woo level 75!" Bear said while doing a victory dance, " Life is awesome!"

Then, who should appear but Riku. (Sephiroth is busy pouting because he didn't get the Youma General job).

" Time to rain on your lil' parade" Riku said and took out his keyblade,

Riku stabbed Bear with his Darkness Keyblade " Now Open your heart to Darkness!", he said.

Bear stood up after being stabbed, completely unharmed. " I'm ok!" he said while smiling.

Riku then stabbed Bear again, there was still no effect. After an hour of stabbing Bear and trying to open is heart to Darkness, nothing worked. And Bear was so busy showing off his inability to not die, that Rini and Shippo were kidnapped!

" ARGH! WHY WON'T YOU DIE!" Riku shouted at Bear.

Just then, Kite from ./hack gated in. " Hey try this" Kite said and handed Riku the Twilight Bracelet.

" Sw33t!" Riku said and put on the Twilight Bracelet. He copied Kite with the whole Data Drain deal and attacked Bear. Bear went comatose and died.

" Cool!" Kite said, " Now give it back"

" I got a better idea" Riku said and stabbed Kite with his keyblade. Poor Kite then became a Kite-Heartless.

Just then, Inuyasha walked in and saw a dear Bear, a Kite-Heartless and Riku.

" Ok" Inuyasha said, " Which one of you whelps killed Bear?"

Riku and Kite-Heartless looked at each other and shouted, " HE DID!". The two then ran off into a portal of DARKNESS!. And somewhere in the ninth ring of hell, Ansem gave a small sob.

" sniffle, That's my Riku!" Ansem said and dried his tears, proud of his ex-subordinate.


Later, the remaining three (Kagome, Inuyasha and Kuwabara) were sending Bear down the river.

" Why must the good die so young?" Kagome sniffled.

"...so..." Kuwabara said, " Should we go rescue Rini and Shippo"

Kagome and Inuyasha's face froze into a horrified expression. Why you ask?

Because it was the smartest thing Kuwabara said since the fanfiction started.

" My God.." Kagome said, " Your right..."

"Let's go find the two useless whelps!"

Tsukasa stood on a ledge near the river. Karou appeared right behind the wavemaster and stuck her fingers in his mouth to force Tsukasa to smile.

" C'mon Mr.Grumpy!" Karou said, " We got a job to do!"

" Huh?" Tsukasa said.

" Ya we gotta put send that ring to hell!" Karou said.

Tsukasa was amazed, he never thought anyone else in the group would have thought of the Ring as their burden. Tsukasa gave a small smile.

" Yeah" Tsukasa said, " Let's go to Mt. Doom!"


So to recap the entire first movie in a sparknote worthy page-

Yoko- "dead" (notice the nifty finger quotes). Shippo- Prisoner of War. Rini- Ditto

Bear- Data drained at level 75. Kite- now a heartless. Riku- escaped Inuyasha's wraith. Inuyasha- eating ramen. Kagome- studying for next's weeks big math exam. Kuwabara- raising his IQ (gasp). Karou- aiding Tsukasa. Tsukasa- taking the Ring to Mordor.

Sephiroth- Plotting to take over the world. Haru- drunk. Holly- very drunk and still able to kick ass.

Finally, Kato Shingetsu- despite Yoko's death threats she is still alive and writing.

The cost of two compostion note books was 4.00$.

But you know what, making this fanficiton is priceless

End Book/Movie one


Dear Readers,

It is the end of book one. I am glad to have planned and written this parody of the Lord of the Rings.

At this time, I wish to thank Vicki, Gayle (a.k.a- Tsubasa3), and Benji-Otouto-chan for giving me the ideas.

I finished writing this on September the 7th, 2004 and it has taken me more then a year to post.

Let's see if I can put the second one out a little bit faster.

Love from,

Kato Shingetsu