Biological Warfare

By Joe

Chapter 1

It was an ordinary Saturday afternoon at the Griffin house. Peter had the day off from the brewery, so he stayed at home and remained idle most of the time. At the present, he and the others were seated on the couch, watching TV. Lois had the channel set to one of the local channels for Stewie to watch Thomas the Tank Engine.

"Thomas the Tank Engine? Woman, you must be brain-dead to think that I would enjoy such a loathsome show like that!" Stewie shouted in anger.

"Now, now, Stewie, you'll like it," Lois said. "If you don't watch it, then you won't get any dessert tonight."

"Damn," Stewie muttered, as he turned his head to watch the show.

On the TV, Thomas was chugging along on the railway, when he suddenly was stopped by James. "Oh, hello there, James," Thomas said.

James whispered, "Thomas, you do realize that I'm not really a boy, right?"

Thomas gulped, "Oh, no-no-no. I never knew that! You're kidding me!"

Then, the fat controller, Sir Topham Hatt showed up. "Thomas! James! Get back to work, or you won't be useful engines."

"Ah, shut the fuck up, fatass," James snorted. "I know about your secret stashes of pot that you have at your office."

"Who the hell told you?" Sir Topham Hatt demanded.

Back in the Griffin living room, Peter and Stewie laughed hysterically. Lois was shocked to say the least. "What happened to that show? I thought it was family-oriented."

"No, no, Lois. Please, let me watch the rest. I am dying with laughter," Stewie said.

"Oh, come on, Stewie, that wasn't funny," Brian snapped. "Face it, you wouldn't know good comedy if it bit you on your penis."

"You sicken me, mutt. You're so gray and dull and tasteless that it's no wonder you haven't been married yet," Stewie sneered.

"That's it!" Brian said. "You've pushed it too far, now! And what about you, smartass? You don't have any girlfriends, either."

"Of course not, that's because I'm gay," Stewie said flatly.

"AH HA! A confession!" Brian shouted. He turned to the rest of the Griffins. "Oh man, did you hear that, guys? Stewie's gay!"

"No-no-no-no-no! He's lying! He tricked me! Don't listen to him, I'm begging you!" Stewie pleaded. Brian stood in his place, smugly smiling at Stewie. "That's it, I'm going to get my revenge on you, Brian! You won't know how or when, but I'll find some way to get back at you!" Stewie ran off upstairs to his room.

The rest of the Griffins were silent for about an entire minute. Peter broke the silence with his laughter and then said, "Sir Topham Hatt's a fatass."