Chapter 2
Stewie was in his room with his stuffed animal companion, Rupert. He looked at him and spoke, "Oh, Rupert, what am I to do about that blasted dog and his antics? Hmm…maybe I should slice his head off with an axe. Nah, too cliché. Um…maybe I can build some robot and scare him into the doghouse and then board him up and blow him up inside? No, not good enough."
Stewie was in a rut. He couldn't think of a thing that was good enough to satisfy his anger toward Brian. Just then, he looked up and heard Lois and Peter in the hallway, talking.
"Hey, Lois, look, a mosquito. Come on, mosquiti. Bite me! Bite me now, bitch!" Peter said.
"Peter, that's not such a good idea. You don't want to get the West Nile Virus or the Bird Flu, do you? You can feel really miserable for extended periods of time and then die," Lois said.
"Nah, I'm not the slightest bit worried about that," Peter said. "I just want this cute little mosquito to bite me."
"That's it, Rupert! I'll spread a disease so sinister…so horrible…that Brian will suffer miserably in pain…and then…he'll DIE! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
The next day, Stewie went downstairs and got on his tricycle. He opened the door and rode on out. However, Lois stopped him as he was pedaling out. Stewie shot around and saw that Lois was there. "Stewie, honey, where are you going?"
"Um…" thought Stewie. "I'm going to the candy shop. I want a lolli."
"Well, you're too young to go by yourself," Lois said. "I'll have to drive you there."
"No, vile woman, I changed my mind! I just want to ride around in the backyard like a good boy."
"Okay, then, Stewie, have fun," Lois said, letting Stewie ride away. She then shut the door.
Stewie, however, had other plans. He rode out onto the street and pedaled as fast as he could, even though it wasn't easy to do with plastic wheels. "Yes, this is it! Now I can go to the airport and stowaway to Afghanistan, where I'll hold a meeting with its prominent figure…Osama Bin Laden!"
Suddenly, the front wheel on Stewie's tricycle broke, and Stewie could no longer move. "Damn," he muttered. "Oh well, I guess I can always hail a taxi." He then stood by the sidewalk and waited for a taxi to pass by. About an hour passed, and one still didn't arrive. "What the hell? Where's the taxi?"
Suddenly, he heard a deep voice from behind him. "Umm…maybe you should go to like the city or something."
"Who the hell said that?" Stewie asked, turning around. His eyes widened when he saw two familiar looking people. "Beavis and Butthead. What the deuce?"
"Yeah. Heh heh. We're like here to hook up with chicks and stuff," Beavis said. "Heh heh heh."
"Oh, I've got something you can hook up with," Stewie said. Beavis and Butthead snickered continuously. Then, Stewie took a big metal baseball bat out of his pocket and whacked the boys unconscious. "That's for being such stupid dullards!" Stewie shouted. He then ran off towards the city.
Stewie got to the city and saw plenty of taxi cabs driving around. He waved for one that drove close to him, and it stopped. Stewie got inside. "Yes, take me to the Quahog airport, please," he stated.
"Stewie?" a voice asked.
Stewie nervously looked up. "Brian! You mean you're still a taxi driver? I thought Cleveland destroyed your cab!"
"Yeah, but we had the police take care of him," Brian said. "He's in solitary confinement, now. So tell me, why the hell are you going to the airport?"
"Well, Brian, I want to go to France so I can get married to some bubbly gay guy named Pierre," Stewie lied.
"I knew you were gay all along," Brian smirked. "All right, I'll take you for free, but you'd better not tell anybody that I did this for you."
"Okay, Brian!" Stewie grinned. He snickered evilly to himself. Brian was the butt of the joke, rather than him. Stewie was not going to France, unlike Brian thought. He smiled, thinking about how ignorant Brian was. Quahog was unusually crowded, so it was harder for Brian to pass through town quickly. It took about half an hour before they got to the airport. Stewie got out and thanked Brian for the favor. He shut the door, and Brian drove off.
Stewie hurried inside the airport and searched for a wall of monitors that displayed flight times. After a while of looking, he finally found such a wall and scanned it for flights to Afghanistan. "Hmm…flight 88G in five minutes? Sounds good," Stewie said. He went to the concourse where the passengers were to board the plane and sat in one of the seats and waited for the moment when the time came to load the plane. Not long afterward, the passengers got up and went through the gate to the airplane. Stewie was so small that he blended in with all the other passengers, able to pass without a ticket.
Upon getting on the plane, Stewie got a window seat and looked out the window. Within minutes, the plane backed up and then rocketed forward, eventually tilting upward. Stewie's face turned pale green. "Ugh…I think I'm gonna be sick…" Stewie groaned, throwing up in his lap. "I wish Brian were here." Stewie stopped, immediately getting over his motion sickness. "Wait a minute, what am I saying? I want to kill Brian, not want his company, damn it! Damn me and my bisexual tendencies."
