Chapter 4

Fairies, Magi, and Mini-Lavi, oh My!

The Great Hall was, well, a great hall. It had rows of long tables with silver dishes and the whole nine yards. At the very front of the hall another table was set horizontally. There were numerous ominous figures sitting there. Oh dear. This was not going to be pleasant.

The girl motioned for them to sit rather hurriedly before standing on a podium. She cleared her throat, and spoke in a surprisingly loud voice.

"Welcome to OFAC," she said pleasantly. "I use the term 'welcome' as loosely as possible. I am Miss Cerberus, the Assistant Head Mistress of this fanfiction academy. Those whom sit behind me are my colleagues, and your teachers. Learn their names, respect them.

"Let me lay down the Law, before we continue," Miss Cerberus continued. "Firstly: Write fanfiction (unauthorized, of course) and I eat will your spleen. Secondly: Show disrespect towards any of the Staff here, which includes stampedes, I will give you detention, and consider eating your spleen. Detentions will be as…unpleasant as they are within my power to make them. Thirdly: Do you homework. Or else. I'll leave it at that."

The fairy that had talked with Cerberus earlier shot an odd glance towards one of the other teachers, whom shrugged in reply.

"Fourthly: Skip detention and you might as well kill yourself right then. Lastly: Mess with my security system, and I will cut off your head, slice you in two with a spoon, tar, feather you, then eat your spleen with fava beans, a biscotti and a nice chai latte. Any questions?" Miss Cerberus finished.

The Great Hall was completely silent.

"Good. I wasn't going to answer any," Miss Cerberus smiled. The fairy gave Miss Cerberus an amusedly exasperated look. It was extraordinarily interesting, as no one else knew that someone could be amused and exasperated at the same time. She apparently knew that Miss Cerberus would never really eat anyone's spleen. It was all a part of verbal intimidation.

"Well, I say we should get some breakfast, shall we?" Miss Cerberus said. Magus waved a gloved hand.

Suddenly (incredibly), the tables filled with food. There were bagels, pancakes, waffles, anything you could possibly want. Alright, they were undoubtedly sadistic, but at least the food was good.

Charlotte stuffed herself. Sure, it was only two hours after the party that she had eaten a large cheese pizza (and somehow had not gotten dairy poisoning). But, of course, a little thing like the capacity of the stomach could be ignored in the face of calorie-loaded food.

******

After breakfast, the students were split into sections and led to their dormitories by the teachers. Charlotte shuffled along behind Miss Cerberus, only half-aware of her surroundings. She was as thus when a pillar met her squarely on the forehead.

"Gak!" she cried, and fell backwards.

"Watch for the pillars," Miss Cerberus said with an amused smile. "They like to move. Frequently."

A few of the students cast nervous glances around at the walls. Fortunately, the walls did not like to move very much.

Boom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The ground suddenly shook with the force of what seemed to be a very powerful blast. Miss Cerberus and the students were knocked right off their feet. They all landed rather uncomfortably. Gravity still was present in the realm of the insane. Extra punctuation rained down upon the startled students.

"Oh, someone is in trouble…" Cerberus clucked from her position on the floor. Charlotte sat with her face in the plush carpet and watched little yellow stars float around her head.

Miss Cerberus whipped something out of a large pocket. It looked like a cell phone that had gone through the wash a few times and had been fixed by someone that was trying to build a nuclear warhead, but didn't have the foggiest idea of how to do it.

"Oma-Ona," she said into the phone. "Please tell me you felt that."

"Yep," someone's voice floated softly out of the phone.

"Have you taken a look?"

"It's just Magus," Oma-Ona replied. "There was a stampede, and you know his temper."

"They're still alive, right?" Cerberus asked. "He didn't kill them…did he?"

There was a pause. "I think they're alive."

The stars stopped spinning around Charlotte's head, and the other students looked at each other with very wide eyes.

"Get them to Selima," Miss Cerberus instructed.

"Is that safe?" Oma-Ona asked.

Cerberus shrugged. "She's only half vampire. Selima doesn't even like blood. It's an acquired taste, so I've heard."

The students' eyes went wider. Their nurse was half vampire.

Fortunately for them, Selima did not like blood, and was a very good nurse and psychiatrist.

"Erm…Cerberus?"

"What?"

"The…uh…east wing's first dorm hall…is slightly…scorched," Oma-Ona said, in attempt to put it delicately. It failed brilliantly.

"How much is slightly?" Cerberus said with a dangerous kind of calm in her voice.

"Um…blackened…and…partially not…with us anymore…"

"Right…" Miss Cerberus replied, her voice dripping with forced sugary-sweetness. "Send the soot spirits up, and tell Magus to see me later." She pressed a button, and shoved the phone back into her pocket.

She stood up.

"Come on," she said irritably, suddenly put into a very bad mood. "We haven't got all day."

The students scrambled to their feet just as Cerberus started down the north wing dorm hall.

She stopped in the middle of the cream-colored hall.

"Here are your dorms. This wing has three halls," Cerberus said. "Your names are on the door. Go. Now."

They shuffled through the hallways, dodging the moving pillars. Charlotte walked up to a door. It was a rather plain door, with a silver nameplate on the front. Two names were written in the plate.

Lilathia the Vampire

Jacques Letourneau

Charlotte smiled to herself. Jacques was a French guy that loved garlic and crosses, and had holy water all over the place. Lilathia was going to have a great time with that guy.

She wandered over to another door. There was a girl standing in front of it. She had silvery hair, a pretty face, and pale skin.

"Are you Charlotte Albshire?" she asked. Charlotte nodded.

"I'm Hikari," the girl said with a smile. "I'm your roommate."

Miss Cerberus walked over.

"They're mingling," she said with a smile and a slightly better mood, and surveyed the scene. "Good."

The two girls looked at each other with raised eyebrows, then turned to the two girls that were engaged in a fistfight over who got the bed by the window. Rose had pinned her roommate, Dott, and was in the process of strangling her.

Miss Cerberus's smile fell and smashed on the floor. Her anger began to build. Charlotte and Hikari slipped into their dorm, and secured the door. They peeked out under the door.

"Get in your dorms NOW!" Cerberus screamed with the force of a class five hurricane. "Or I will see you all in detention! You have five seconds!"

The students' fights stopped instantly. They stared, dumbfounded, for a moment, then charged into their dorms for their lives. For, of course, their lives were on the line.

"Good," Miss Cerberus said pointedly, and marched down the hall towards the hidden Staff Section. A black thundercloud hovered over her head, randomly shooting out lightning that scorched the walls.

[A/N- See previous previous A/N. The only things I truly own are Miss Cerberus, some of the students, and the black thundercloud that hovers over Cerberus's head. Oma-Ona belongs to my friend. Miss Semp belongs to another friend. I think I might own a moving pillar, but I can't remember which one...

I own nothing, but you do, yay (that's great), now you can't sue.]