She didn't know what she was thinking because she was not thinking at all when she kissed Robin. That's her problem. Sometimes, she just acted without thinking things through and she's always ends up bearing the consequences.
Robin just managed to get under her skin in a span of days and she was not prepared. She told herself numerous times to maintain the boundaries, to keep the line drawn and to never cross it and yet, it was her who did it.
It could be because he's incredibly charming, thoughtful, and kind, but there's more to it than that. He just proves to be different from the kind of people she's accustomed to and it's not something she takes lightly. Not only did he display no judgment of her life, he also went out of his way to change the way the people of Storybrooke look at her.
He didn't need to do that, of course. She would never ask that out of anyone but he did it willingly and she appreciates it. The breakfast was going on a limb for her because really, when was the last time she did that without a man but she still went and when he invited her to go to the lake, her reasoning went out the window and said yes.
It was a mistake.
That's when things go downhill for her because he kept on doing things that melts the walls around her. Aside from being an amazing listener, he's so goddamn funny too. She's never felt so comfortable before in her life and that's saying something.
Jumping into the lake was supposed to be a good idea to put a halt in the moment of their easy conversation but while in the water, but then he complimented her smile and her resolved broke.
The kiss was heavenly to say the least. She's never been kissed that way before. Most of her partners just took what they want and some, it was her who did the taking. With Robin, he made her feel something she never thought she would feel. She cannot even explain it but she felt…safe.
It's been a long time since she felt safe with just anyone. She always has her guards up but she never felt the need to do the same with Robin. That's the effect he has on her so when their bodies pressed against each other, she just let go. To hell with the consequences. She needed him.
Feeling him buried deep inside her sent her brain into the gutter. Yes, she was doing it with Robin in a lake. In all the crazy things she's done, it's not the smartest but then again, she didn't need to be smart in the moment. She just wanted to feel.
He didn't disappoint either. He coaxed responses from her she never thought of coming out of her mouth and before she knew it, she was coming around him so hard it took her breath away. She felt the warmth of his seeds spilling into her and she thought she could die right then and there.
Then…the high was over.
She came back to her senses and that's when things got awkward. He is still inside her and staring at her with that blue orbs of his and she cannot figure out what's on his mind. It's unsettling because he wouldn't say anything. Was he disappointed? Was he put off by how she just jumped him? He knew what kind of woman she is. She told him that but he never really saw her in action or anything resembling to how she lives her life but now he did. He has been the receiving end of it and perhaps, he thought he didn't like what he'd seen.
So, instead of making things easier or allowing the moment to run smoothly, words just came rushing through her mouth…as always.
"We should go",
Robin did a doubletake but let her go. She didn't turn to face him as she got out of the water and dried herself with her towel. She heard him followed her and did the same but she didn't have the guts to look at him. God, what must he think of her now? She finally had a friend in town and she managed to screw it up by giving into her impulses and now, she lost him.
That shouldn't bother her because she had lived her life without ever relying to anyone and yet, she feels the dread of Robin looking at her the same way the others used to look at her before.
She quietly put on her clothes as Robin packed up the things from the ground into his bag. Her mother's words kept on repeating inside her brain.
You'll never be happy…you don't know how.
Perhaps, her mother was right. She just does not know how to do it as she keeps on ruining everything in her life.
"Regina…is everything alright?" he finally asked.
She wanted to say no because nothing is alright. She is not alright because the last thing she wants to feel is like crap but she does not want to make things worse so she faked a smile instead.
"Yes, of course. Let's head out",
The feeling didn't subside once she got home. Robin repeatedly asked her the same question as they drove back and she kept on lying to him because she didn't know what else to do. It's been a while since she last has a human connection in her life and she has forgotten what it's like or how to deal with it so she just put up her walls until they made it home.
"Stupid…"
It's not how she wants things to be. She wants to spend time with Robin and just be…accepted and feel good. She has taken things too far and now, that's never going to be a possibility.
So, instead of thinking of ways to clear the air with her neighbor, she drowned herself with whiskey because that's the only thing she knows how to cope with her screw up.
She kind of wish for him to knock on her door and force her to talk but she didn't hear from him since they parted ways and sealed the deal for her.
Maybe he finally gets what he wanted from her. Aren't they always like that? It's all a big chase up until they got what they wanted and then the quest is over?
No…Robin is not like that…or at least, that's the impression she got from him. He's not like the others.
Groaning in frustration, she took the bottle with her in her bedroom and just drinks some more until she passed out.
The next day, she went back to work feeling the brunt of the amount of alcohol she consumed the previous night. She didn't see his car when she drove away so she figured that he went back to work as well.
That's good, she thought. She wouldn't know anyway how to talk to him after their time at the lake.
She buried her head into the pile of paperwork, bored herself into countless meetings before it's time to head back home. She would have stayed longer at the office but Mal had invited her for a night out and the last thing she wanted to do is to end up meeting someone at the bar and taking him home.
For some reason, that didn't feel right. It almost felt like cheating which is ridiculous. Why would it be cheating? It's not like she's with Robin. It's just one time but she couldn't bring herself to do it so she made up an excuse and went home.
After a few hours of wandering in her empty house, she finally gives in and grabbed a bottle of wine and went out of her house before crossing the street.
It's a foolish idea and she's well aware that she's swallowing her pride but comprehension and rationality are gone from her. She wants to see him again and it's not for the sex. She just wants him to talk to her like how he used to do it. She wants someone who truly sees her and enjoys her company so, there she is, bottle of wine in one hand as she rang his doorbell.
She took a giant breath because this is so not her. Regina Mills does not come knocking on a man's door but she is doing it…for Robin.
When he opened the door, shock registered on his face. He surely didn't expect to see her. She also noted that there's a loud music playing inside and a couple of voices coming from somewhere. He's not alone.
"Regina…"
"Did I catch you at a bad time?" he didn't answer. "Anyway, I…I felt bad at how things ended yesterday so I figured you would like to have a drink but—"
A woman suddenly came into view behind Robin and she's wearing his shirt. She knows because she had seen him wore it once. Now, that woman is wearing the same.
Regina straightened her back, not letting how it affected her shows. She'll be damned if she lets that happen.
"Oh…I thought it was the pizza guy. Sorry…excuse my appearance. I'm Marian",
Regina plastered a smile on her face.
"Regina Mills",
"Oh…Robin's neighbor. We're having some sort of gathering. Maybe you could join us?" the woman invited.
She wanted to point out that it's not her house to make such invitations but Robin seems to have become a mute.
"Well, that would have been nice but I just came by to drop this. I still got work to do so…"
That's when David and Killian appeared and yes, it's really awkward. Both men stared at the scene by the door before Killian moved to take the bottle from her hand.
"Why don't you come in? Emma made some…I don't know what the hell it's called. There's plenty to share", the man said.
"No, thank you. I'm sure that's lovely but I still got things to do so, I'll leave you to it. Enjoy the wine", she declined before turning around with her dignity intact and went back home.
She was not able to get any sleep at all. Of course, Robin is done with her. What was she thinking? Well, she knows what she was thinking. She thought he's the good one and yet, he turns out to be just like the rest of them. She's nothing but a conquest one that he conquered at her own volition. How can she be so stupid? To think that she made the effort to go to his house when she knew it's a bad idea…
In a sour mood, she readied herself and went to work.
If her friends noticed her bad mood, they didn't talk about it. She let them drag her to a bar and she took her time drinking Robin out of her mind. He shouldn't be affecting her like this. She does not do relationships and they're not in a relationship. So, why does she feel like shit?
"You know you cannot drive tonight, right?" Mal said.
"I won't. I'm not stupid",
"I know you're not. So…what did he do?"
She frowned at her friend mainly because she knows who is that he she's talking about.
"Nothing",
"Don't lie to me Regina Mills. I know you. You're not one to drink yourself into stupor if it's nothing so spill",
It is useless to argue with her friend because she can be as stubborn as she is.
"I slept with him…more like did it in a lake and then I cocked it up. That good enough for you?"
She left the part where she made a fool out of herself by going into his house only to find another woman in there wearing his shirt.
"Never seen you so worked up because of a man you had sex with once before. Did you try to talk to him?"
Did she try? She scoffed bitterly because she did and it blew up on her face.
"Doesn't matter. It's just one time. It's not like I haven't done it before",
Deciding she had enough, she announced that she's through for the day and called herself a cab. She'll get over Robin because that's what she does and then, things will go back to normal.
