CHAPTER 3
It's not bad when she's there. The tickle in Megamind's throat goes away almost entirely—almost—and he can think of everything he wants to, can forget about the squeeze of flower petals in his chest and the growing loneliness in his heart. When Roxanne is there, the world is perfect and rosy and Megamind can breathe.
When she's gone, life is a different story. The sensation in the back of his throat never leaves him. It stays somewhere between a tickle and a scratching feeling, a constant reminder of everything he doesn't have and has only recently realized he wants.
He wakes up coughing. Falling back to sleep happens only sometimes. His coffee intake doubles. And he gets really, really good at coughing quietly. At controlling the motion of his throat and swallowing the petals into his crop until he can sick them up in private, or quickly spitting them out and hiding them, or letting them fall where the wind will carry them into the lake. If all else fails, he goes quiet and breathes through his gills so he won't cough at all, and just deals with the consequences that come with suppressing himself.
It isn't easy, but he manages.
The real problem with Hanahaki flowers is that they don't decay properly until love is at least confessed. It may not be returned, but at least then the flowers will wilt and dessicate like normal blossoms if the afflicted opens up to the object of their affection.
Otherwise, they just sort of pile up if you don't burn them.
Some people use them to make art. Some people sell theirs. One woman in Belarus uses the petals of her undying irises to wallpaper her house over the course of many years; National Geographic featured her story with a few similar ones in an issue back in 1998.
Megamind puts his petals in a wooden chest he labels "SHAME BOX :)" in dremeled block letters on the lid. It's either that or "LOVE SHACK :(" and the first one makes him laugh harder. He needs things that make him laugh, these days.
Being in love with Roxanne is wonderful. After his initial shock, Megamind is surprised to find that he's honestly overjoyed to be in love with her. It is a leaping feeling, beautiful and strange, and even as strange as it is, somehow it feels like coming home. In the beginning, he thinks he wouldn't even care if she loved him back or not if Hanahaki wasn't so fucking uncomfortable.
But as time goes by, it does also bring bittersweetness. The way Megamind feels when he sees Roxanne—god, he wishes she felt that upon seeing him, too. It's such a beautiful feeling and he wishes so badly that he could return it to her, share it with her. He puts such time and effort into thinking of plots she might actually enjoy, and he loves-loves-loves watching her react to them, watching how her expressions change as she realizes what's happening or what he's about to do next. His heart leaps and flips for her, bursts with color and light inside him whenever she sends him a smile of mischief just before wrecking his plans.
And it sinks and goes dark when she leaves, and it squeezes and sends petals into his lungs for him to gasp and choke on, and Megamind is miserable.
The pile of petals in his Shame Box :) grows. Minion kidnaps Roxanne hours in advance of plots sometimes and she and Megamind start talking, and eventually the petals' color deepens from scarlet nearly to burgundy, wine-red and softly velvety. Their size increases. Megamind gets better and better at hiding them.
And for a while, he maintains. For months, all he spits out are petals. No buds, no blossoms.
But something goes wrong, a few months after that. Something in Megamind's Wheel of Misfortune clicks and goes sproing before Minion even arrives to start the cameras rolling, and—
—Megamind flings himself into Roxanne. Dehydrates her chair and tackles her to the floor in almost the same motion, one hand behind her head to soften the blow. He tucks her under his body with his hands shielding her head and his face hidden behind her shoulder as the machine behind him snaps and hisses and pings as pressure builds.
Roxanne gasps and goes absolutely rigid when he slams her down. He can't blame her, of course. "Sincerest apologies, Miss Ritchi," he says, breathless. "The cape is flame-resistant and extremely difficult to penetrate and the spikes generate a force field that should keep us safe from most of the—" There's a POP behind him, and then a roaring whOOMPH, and he flinches and curls tighter down over her. "—shrapnel," he finishes, with pieces of metal raining to the floor around them.
He shoves himself up on his elbows and Roxanne half-rolls onto her back under him, staring up at him with big eyes and flushed cheeks. The world slows.
"How fast can you move?" she says, sounding absolutely stunned.
Megamind gazes down at her, thrown by how close she is, the warmth of her. He can see himself reflected in her eyes, he's so close, and—and he can feel—he wants, oh—
—nope nope nope bad alien very bad alien, back the fuck off.
He scrambles away and pops to his feet, dusts himself off. And very respectfully helps her to her feet. "I have fantastic reflexes," he says, sending her a smile he very much hopes is reassuring and not creepy. "It's why I'm still alive! That and the spikes."
"And the spikes," she echoes, still looking sort of dazed.
Megamind cocks his head at her, suddenly worried. "Are you…all right? Did you hit your head?"
"No, no. I'm just. Surprised? You were…you were all the way over there, and then that thing went snap and you jumped—"
He grimaces, ducking around behind her to cut through the ropes on her wrists. "By 'fantastic' I mean 'like a jumping spider,' yes. I, ah. I try not to showcase that."
One of the brainbots hands him the cube of Roxanne's chair and he re-hydrates it for her, helps her to sit down. "So!" he exclaims, planting his hands on his hips and turning to look at the smoking wreck. Misfortunate Wheel, now. "I suppose…Minion should take you home. That's not getting fixed in one afternoon, you may be sure."
"I'd like to stay," she says faintly, rubbing her wrists and staring at the mangled remains of his machine. "I, um. Could use a break. Work is slow."
He blinks.
"Oh," he says, a warm little glow lighting behind his breastbone. "Okay. I'd. I'd like that. Minion!"
He spins on his heel, then chirps and leaps back because Minion is right there and Megamind is a dingbat who loses all sense of attention to detail around Roxanne, apparently.
"Sir?"
"Minion! Ahahaha! Miss Ritchi will be, ah, will be staying for. Luuunch…?" He looks at Roxanne, who nods. "Lunch! And! You know what to do." I hope I hope I hope, because I very much do not have ANY idea what happens next.
"Lunch," Minion says slowly.
Roxanne shakes herself a little and looks up. "Is that okay?"
"Of course it's okay!" Megamind exclaims. "Ahahahah of course it is fine. More than fine."
Minion looks uncertain.
"Please," Megamind hisses under his breath, teeth gritted, the whole of his body still tingling from— "Please just—Minion—"
Minion sighs and rolls his eyes and nods. "Of course it's okay, Miss Ritchi," he says. "I'll go throw something together. Thoughts on tacos?"
"I like tacos."
"I love tacos," Megamind says, too loudly. "Good, good thinking Minion, thank you."
Roxanne snorts, laughs softly. "You're a dork," she says, sounding fond. Megamind sketches a small bow, bounces on the balls of his feet.
"Guilty as charged! Most definitely. Seriously, though, you're not hurt?"
"Thanks to you." She smiles. Megamind smiles back, helpless.
His gills are cracked and bleeding, so dry now after months of misuse that they ache even when they're sealed and healing. He's been using them far too often in the air, and now their edges creak and crack when he gingerly tries to spread ointment on them. They start bleeding now if he even just stretches too far, and if he doesn't want an infection, he has to relax his spiracles and gill flaps and just let the blood flow into his undersuit.
As far as he knows, he's managed to use this to hide his affliction from the public longer than nearly anyone else in his position. The only people who know are a select few of his uncles and a couple of prison guards, both of whom are terrified of him. And his warden, of course.
It hurts. But he's fine. It is worth it to see Roxanne smile at him.
Two days after that, Roxanne's life flips over.
She's talking to someone at work, coaching them on interview questions. They're talking to one of the former inmates of the Prison for the Criminally Gifted about their new restaurant, and Roxanne is the go-to resource on Megamind when Bernard Greene is unavailable.
She's talking about Megamind, thinking of him, and thinking of—of how quickly he jumped, and how green are his eyes—and the note of frantic reassurance in his voice as he explained why he just—fucking bodyslammed her—
The point is. Roxanne is at work. Roxanne is at work and she cannot afford a coughing fit.
No, she thinks, dismayed and hiding it like the pro she is when she feels the old tickle in her throat. She remembers her breathing exercises and her discipline, and she holds the petal inside her through sheer force of will until she can excuse herself from the conversation. Then she flees to the bathroom.
Roxanne's knuckles are white on the sides of the porcelain sink as she bends over, coughing hard enough that her ribs hurt. By the time she finally spits the cursed thing into the sink and can actually get a look at it, she's blinking back tears and sniffling.
She…doesn't recognize it.
Roxanne has coughed up a fair few petals in her time. She sees the best in people whenever she can, so she loves relatively easily. She's gone through this before, and she's always been sort of amused at the fact that three of her crushes generated foxglove flowers and the rest were all one-offs. And of course there are flowers everyone knows and there are rarer flowers, but Roxanne has always enjoyed looking at undying Hanahaki arrangements in various museums, and this…is not a petal she recognizes at all. It's long and slender, curved like the hull of a sailing ship, with the flat end curved the opposite direction like a wave swell. But that's not terribly unusual, she thinks. What strikes her as unusual is that its edges are lobed and oddly sharp.
And not the jagged, crimped edges of a carnation or pink. These are true lobes, like the leaf of a sassafras or fig tree. The tips of the lobes are pointed, and—oh. Okay. Those are literally sharp. Good thing Hanahaki petals come up sepal end first; Roxanne does not want to know what those holly-leaf prickers would do to her throat coming up the other way.
The petal is also surprisingly long. Hanahaki petals are usually small in the early stages, and while this one is narrow, it's nearly a whole two inches from tip to tip.
Roxanne swallows, looking at it. Whatever flower this is will be a doozy when she reaches the blossom stage.
If she reaches the blossom stage.
And that's a very big if, because Roxanne is certain this petal is Megamind's. Given her existing fondness for the man, plus what happened the last time he kidnapped her, plus thinking of questions her friend could ask that aren't geared towards his evil…it's sort of a no-brainer. Roxanne is going to have to think about this very carefully. She's happy enough bearding for the city's hero, she isn't looking for a relationship or romance and she is not thrilled to find out her heart has been sneaking up on her this way. The last two times this happened, she dealt with the problem immediately and got over the person as quickly as she could.
But this…this gives her pause.
The petal is blue, of course, but its color is fully saturated. Silvery sky blue at the sepal end darkening to ultramarine in the middle, and then all the way to a dark indigo hue at the ends of the lobes. It's so vibrant. Roxanne had no idea she felt so…familiar with Megamind as to be able to cough up something so dark right off the bat this way. She knew she felt comfortable with him, but this goes way beyond comfortable.
He's. A supervillain. He's a fucking supervillain.
She stares down at the petal with her mind in a whirl and her throat stinging. Megamind is a supervillain, secretive and aloof and fabulously proud. And shockingly funny and quirky when Roxanne is one on one with him. He's a total sweetheart and a ruthless son of a bitch somehow at the same time, and Roxanne…loves him, yes. All of him, all the sparkling, sharp-edged facets of his prickly personality and his Cheshire cat smile.
Crap. Okay.
She tucks the petal into her purse and goes back to keep helping her friend prep for the interview. She'll think about this later.
She'll get over him, of course. She has to. A supervillain? God, no.
But also, god, yes. He's fun! He's exciting! And so charismatic, good lord. A couple of events Roxanne attended recently saw him gate-crashing, once to spread terror and general mayhem and once to publicly threaten an associate of his that Roxanne had been keeping an eye on at the time. He's impossible to look away from no matter what he's doing, whether he's burning something down or restraining himself.
And his shocked-nervous face gazing down at her with the smoke of an explosion behind him was so unexpectedly sweet. Adrenaline in her veins, slowing time—the light—on his skin—his eyes and the rumble of Evil Lair beneath her as he shielded her—
They could figure it out, right? Roxanne could figure it out. Megamind is a genius and Roxanne's whole life revolves around various forms of communication; they could definitely work something out.
Except for one small problem, which is actually a big problem, which is that Megamind wears his heart on his sleeve.
Megamind wears his heart on his sleeve and if he was at all interested in Roxanne, she would have noticed by now. Surely she would have. He's obvious to a fault. The time he wanted to actually terminate one of his rivals—he thought he hid that, but it was so clear. Clear enough that even the target of his ire picked up on it and skipped town. Megamind is not known for his subtlety.
Roxanne paces her living room with the petal in her hand, chewing on her lip and thinking hard. It's getting dark; the sun is low on the horizon and Roxanne hasn't turned on her overhead lights yet, but she barely notices.
The usual way she gets over someone is to distance herself from them for a while and find some flaw that she can amplify in her own mind until she can believe they'd be a bad fit. She can't distance herself from Megamind for obvious reasons, unless she can think of some way to make him leave her alone. And all the flaws she can think of…none of them are actually deal-breakers. None are insurmountable. Roxanne has looked forward to seeing Megamind one too many times in the past year and now she's paying the price, because apparently her feelings for him have finally metastasized and now she's coughing up fucking Hanahaki petals.
And Megamind has never treated her with anything beyond professional interest! He seems to enjoy sparring with her, of course. But he barely ever touches her, rarely even comes within arms reach. Roxanne has been physically attracted to him for some time now, but—god, it wasn't even the hard, comforting weight of his body that did it for her, it was the look on his face when he lifted himself up. A little bit dazed, but still soft and worried, his eyes big and round with real concern for her.
Maybe…?
The raw panic on his face when he leapt for her, teeth bared. The strength in his long hands when he used them to protect her head and neck instead of his own.
She stops pacing, frowning into the middle distance.
Okay. There's…there's a chance, right? Maybe?
But what are the odds that a supervillain will be interested in dating at all? Megamind doesn't date. He's fairly unique that way. Most villains give it a shot at some point but supervillains rarely do, and Megamind in particular is renowned for shunning close interpersonal relationships.
Well…fuck.
Okay. So she'll just…sit with this, then. She doesn't have to do anything right away. She'll figure something out.
Yeah. Totally.
