Chapter Nine

Spinner glanced at his watch.

"He's been in there for a while." he commented.

"Maybe you should go see him, hun," Paige replied, "I think for the first time Jay really needs someone to talk to."

"He's talking to Emma." Toby glared.

Paige returned the look.

"You know what I mean."

"Yah... I think you're right." Spinner finally said.

He gently creaked the door open, and closed it with extreme ease. He slowly paced over to Jay, who was still sitting down, grasping onto Emma's hand. After noticing Spinner, he somewhat nodded to acknowledge his presence, then returned his attention to Emma. Spinner walked over, at a lack of words. In no way could he relate to Jay, so he simply put his hand on Jay's shoulder.

"It's going to be okay man."

"You don't understand..." Jay replied, hoping Spinner wouldn't noticed the wet blotches on the sheets.

Spinner paused.

"Maybe I don't, but you gotta see the good side man... it could be worse."

Enraged, Jay stood up.

"Oh yah Spinner! How was much can it get? Tell me, because honest to God, I don't see how much worse it can get."

"... You didn't lose anything yet... you still have everything you cared about..."

"She is my everything... and I lost her a long time ago..."

"She's not gone, Jay."

"She might as well be." Jay growled.

"You don't mean that." Spinner replied, beginning to see Jay in a new light.

Spinner grabbed Jay's shoulders.

"You can't give up. She needs it. You owe it to her. We all do."

"Manny, there's nothing to be afraid of." a new fresh face to Degrassi said as she opened the school door.

"Nothing but the grade eights." a petite seventh grade brunette replied.

"They're only a year older than us." the tall blonde remarked, puzzled.

"Yah, a whole year to think of ways to make us suffer" the brunette replied as the blonde dropped her Orientation papers on the floor.

Spinner saw the moment, and pounced on it.

"Hall pass." he demanded, placing his foot on the papers.

"What?" the newcomer blonde asked.

"You're not allowed on school property without a hall pass." he stated.

"But we didn't get one."

"Then you'll both have to leave." Spinner said, as his friend Jimmy joined the group.

"But, hm, we can't. It's the first day of school." the brunette answered, worried.

The boys eyed each other.

"Grade sevens are such geeks." Spinner laughed, and walked away with Jimmy.

That had been his first encounter with Emma and Manny, and goodness knows there had been plenty more with each.

Spinner closed the door behind him and put his hand into his sweater. It was a breezy autumn night, the leaves crinkled as Spinner stepped on them. He took a habit to walking since the break-up with Paige, he couldn't seem to find anything to do. Things that used to matter, just didn't; the things he loved doing, he now resented, like it was some kind of reminder of how he had been happy. The truth was he didn't even feel like living anymore, it was a struggle just to breathe because of the ache. Maybe that's why he walked, it forced him to breathe to continue on. He recollected his old memories of Paige often, wondering what would have happened if he hadn't been caught up in a moment with Manny. He cursed himself for acting like an idiot, although it seemed ineviatable that he'd always be a screw-up.

"Spinner?" Emma called from her porch.

Tumbling out of his dream-world, he snapped back to reality.

Emma stepped down, and joined him on the sidewalk. He remained silent, his eyes glazed.

"You know, I see you walk by here everyday with your head hanging down, like you're off to the cemetary or a funeral or something..."

"It's not a crime to walk." Spinner commented, avoiding her glare, as if he was distracted by something in the distance.

"It's not a crime to feel either."

Spinner did a double take, wondering how she knew.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I just think you should talk to someone."

"Emma, guys... we just don't talk about this stuff... I don't even understand what I feel so how can I begin to explain it?"

"I'm not a guy."

Spinner glared, blunted showing the hurt.

"Come on, talk to me..." Emma pleaded.

"It hurts..." he said, looking down at his shoes.

"I know." Emma replied, trying to comfort him.

"God I screwed up so bad" He said as he ripped his eyes from his feet and staring at the sky as the sun reflected beads of gold in his eyes.

"Just give it time... sometimes it's better to wait and clear your head, make a rational decision... before just interfering mindlessly..."

She paused.

"Is she worth it, Spin?"

"I want her to be" he honestly said.

"Then you already know what you're going to do." Emma replied, smiling.

The following day, Spinner admitted the truth to Manny, who completely agreed it was simply a momentary thing. He waited for Paige - he knew in his heart what he had told Craig was the truth, "I know she's the one." And in time, Emma proved herself right, after all, Paige did come back.

Spinner reflected upon his provoked memory. He felt guilty, knowing he had never thanked her, knowing she had probably stopped him from messing around with other girls and completely losing Paige's trust. So many words unspoken to that girl, he thought, why are we only thinking of them now?