Chapter 40
Jack had scooped out the inside of a large, thick branch on one end, making a sort of cruddy makeshift shovel; he was working steadily, in a rhythm as he scooped out some of the loosened dirt and threw it to the side. The physical work felt great, though he hadn't exactly been lacking in exertion lately; he glanced at Ana, who was talking to Michael as they both continued to loosen the soil with the sharp sticks.
He didn't really know how to feel about her; their second encounter had only made him want her even more, and as he watched her smiling and laughing with Michael the urge struck him again, making him want to throw the shovel aside and drag her off into the woods. She felt him looking and smiled a sly little smile at him; he grinned in return and hastily turned back to his job at hand.
Michael noted the look between them and shook his head a little; he hadn't missed how long it had taken them to get water the day before. Hell, he thought, I was gonna die of thirst before they came. Back. He snickered a little and Ana caught it. "What?"
He shook his head, grinning. "Nothing. I was just thinking about Walt." Which was true, in a way; Walt was always in the back of his mind no matter what he was doing; even his dreams were peppered with him. He still missed him, horribly, and terror gripped his heart every time he thought about what could be happening to him, how scared he must be. His smile faded a little.
Ana touched his arm gently, noting the sad expression on his face. "I'm sorry, Mike. I wish I could tell you it gets better."
Michael smiled grimly. "Thanks, Ana. I'm okay." He hesitated. "W-what happened? You know, with your kid?" Her face hardened and Michael shook his head. "Never mind. Forget I asked."
She glanced at him, sorrow and anger written on her face; taking a deep breath, she put her hand on his arm and he looked up into her eyes. "I was four months pregnant, but I hadn't told anyone yet, not even Danny." Michael glanced at her questioningly, and she continued, "The baby's father." Mike nodded. "I was on a call. I let my guard down for a second and some guy shot me four times. I almost died." She stifled a quiet sob. "I wanted to die. How could I love that kid so much? It wasn't even real yet. But I did love it. So I found that son of a btch."
"And you killed him?" Michael was staring at her with a mixture of sadness, horror and pity. "The guy who shot you?"
Glaring at him she stiffened at his expression. "Yes. I did. I shot him six times." She looked into Michael's eyes and softly said, "Don't judge me, Michael. You would have done the same thing. He would have been back on the streets hurting other people. He cost me everything that mattered to me- my job, my boyfriend, my baby. Almost my life. He deserved to die." Her eyes were lit with a maniacal glow; Michael drew away, pulling his arm out of grasp.
"Yeah," he said softly. "I know he did." She was scaring him a little; he could almost picture her pulling the trigger. "If one of...Them came here right now, I'd want to do it." He glanced aside at her. "I just don't know if I could."
The mad glow faded and she smiled a little. "Lucky for you, Mike, some of us wouldn't hesitate."
He stared at her sadly for a minute. "Yeah. Lucky me." He didn't want to be around her anymore; grief radiated from her in waves and he was sorry he ever brought up the subject; he just needed to feel close to someone who could understand what he was going through. Dropping his branch, he walked to the other side of the clearing and took his water out of his pack, plopping on the ground by himself to drink.
Ana watched him sadly, then turned back to her job, thrusting the stick violently into the ground, churning up the soil to match her churning stomach. She hadn't thought about it much, lately, her mind had been too preoccupied with Jack. It was a cold shock to have it thrown on her so suddenly, when she wasn't expecting it; suddenly she felt very tired and alone. She could feel tears threatening to spill from her eyes so she dropped her stick too, and walked into the jungle making it just as the floodgates opened and tears coursed down her cheeks.
Jack had been watching them, noting the turn the conversation was taking. Michael left her, and she looked so sad Jack wanted to go to her and hold her to him, to fix her. She dropped her stick, too, and almost ran into the woods; Jack hesitated before letting his 'shovel' fall to the ground as he followed her into the trees.
He stopped a dozen yards in, his heart thudding in a strange rhythm; she was leaning against a tree, her face pressed to the rough bark; he could see her shoulders shaking as she cried against the trunk. Jack didn't know what to do; he was a little leery of crying women lately as they tended to complicate his life. Hesitating, he finally came behind her, softly calling her name. "Ana? Are you okay?"
She stopped crying abruptly, and he saw her wipe her hands across her eyes. "Yeah. I'm fine." Her shoulders straightened and she sniffled a little, but she still didn't turn to look at him.
He gently laid his hand on her shoulder, feeling her tense as he touched her. "Hey." She didn't respond. "Hey." The pressure on her shoulder increased and she finally turned to him, ashamed of her red puffy eyes. Ashamed of her weakness. "What's wrong, Ana?"
He looked so concerned and nervous that Ana actually choked out a laugh. "Nothing. I'm okay." She met his eyes and suddenly she was in his arms, kissing him with a hungry ferocity that surprised them both. Jack recovered quickly, though, and he returned the kiss with equal vigor, pushing her back against the tree as his hands dug into her hair, pulling her closer.
Their harsh, ragged breath was the only sound in the clearing as Jack slid her jeans off of her while she fumbled frantically with his button; he returned his lips to hers and lifted her up against the trunk, thrusting against her as she gasped and grasped him around the neck.
The bark was rough and as they rose and fell against it Ana could feel it scraping against her skin; for some reason it drove her wild and she met Jack thrust for thrust, pushing against him as hard as she could. He buried his face in her neck and groaned as she tightened and cried out, loudly; a few birds fluttered out of the tree at her cry and she realxed slowly against Jack, her vision spotty as the blood slowly returned to her brain.
His legs were shaky and they wobbled a little as he held her against the trunk, leaning on her for support; she kissed him and he hefted her up higher, pressing her into it as he explored her lips gently.
She finally unwrapped herself and set her feet back on the ground; Jack leaned into her again, his hands sliding up beneath her shirt to caress her; she moaned again softly and he kissed her, long and deep. Sighing shakily, she broke it off, laying her forehead against his chest before smiling and slipping her jeans back on.
Jack didn't feel like going back to the clearing; they weren't very far away and he was sure that they had heard Ana's cries. He didn't want to face that yet, so he plopped down on the ground, leaning his back against the trunk that had just been using. Ana glanced at him, questioning him, and he smiled and patted the ground next to him. "I don't want to go back yet."
She looked glad. "Me either." She sat next to him, though they didn't touch. "I'm glad you followed me, Jack." She glanced at him, a sad smile touching her lips. "Sometimes I get tired of being alone."
"Yeah," he said softly, his eyes glowing as he stared at her. "I do too."
-----
The Cloud flickered away, leaving Sawyer staring, breathless, where it had been, his mind still filled with the happy, beautiful vision he had seen. Kate was in his arms before he could move, hugging him tight with her good arm, and he wrapped his arms around her, lifting her against him as he kissed her slowly, savoring the vision and what it meant for him. For them.
Eko was watching them, a look of concern on his face. The Cowboy had not been supposed to see the last thing; it was something that would cloud his judgement when the time came for him to do what he had to. He sighed, and waited for Sawyer to release Kate's lips before he spoke. "James, you must forget the last thing you saw. Please. You were not meant to see that yet. You are not ready."
Sawyer looked at Eko with a mix of fear and wonder. "I can't forget that," he said, looking at Eko like he was crazy. "I won't." He shook his head, almost panicking at the thought of giving it up.
"Please, James. Try not to think on it too much." He put his hand on Sawyer's arm, and this time there was no shock. "Remember what I told you before, about the future? It is changeable until it becomes the past. What you saw may not necessarily be, James, if you are not cautious."
Sawyer's face fell; he couldn't bear the thought of the vision not being true. Could he give up the image for a chance at the real thing? He wasn't sure, the vision was so... well, it wasn't real. He wanted the reality, and he nodded to Eko. "Okay, Ed. Consider it forgotten."
Kate was watching Sawyer, worry etched on her face. "W-why didn't it try to kill you?" she whispered, glancing at Eko as she pressed herself into Sawyer's body. She had been so terrified that she couldn't breathe; she was still taking ragged gasps every now and then as her body let go of the fright and allowed her to draw a breath.
Eko smiled. "It does not want to hurt us, Katherine." He glanced at Sawyer, who had his face pressed into Kate's hair. "It cannot hurt James."
Sighing, she grasped Sawyer around the waist and he hugged her tight, willing the vision to leave his brain. Eko touched him again, with a gentle little shock, and it was...gone. It still lurked in his mind, but the need, the desire to see it left him. He was ready for the reality.
Vincent came trotting into the clearing, his tongue lolling happily as he chuffed at Sawyer and pushed at his hands, demanding some attention. He didn't move, just held Kate while sticking one of his hands out for Vincent to nuzzle; Vincent barked and Sawyer swore he sounded disgusted at his lack of attention. "What, Fido? Can't you see I'm busy?"
Vincent barked again, and Sawyer answered. "Well, I don't care if you think I spend too much time with her already. Why don't you make yourself useful and go catch us dinner."
Kate pulled away, looking at Sawyer strangely as Vincent barked again, then whimpered and yipped at Sawyer, who sighed with irritation. "Then don't. But you don't get any attention until I eat. It's your call, Rover." He caught Kate's apprehensive look. "What?"
She looked at Vincent, then back to Sawyer. He had lost his mind. The Cloud had made him go insane. "Sawyer, you're holding a conversation with a dog."
Vincent growled indignantly, and Sawyer smiled at him. "She knows you have a name." He glanced at Kate. "He thinks you don't like him."
Eko was gazing at Sawyer intently. This was unexpected. "James," he looked into Sawyer's eyes, searching. "Do you...understand him?"
Sawyer shrugged, realizing that it was kind of strange, but he just knew what Vincent was saying. He was a little more disturbed that it didn't surprise him. "Not like words, you know, but I can kinda hear his thoughts. I guess I can see his thoughts."
"All of them?"
Sawyer thought for a second. "Nah. Just the ones he wants me to hear." Kate was staring at him with dread and shock; her expression scared him more than anything. "Is there something wrong with me?" he asked Eko, suddenly feeling very scared.
Eko smiled. "No. In fact, I think everything is very right." He bent down and patted Vincent on the head; he barked quickly, grinning his doggy grin, and Eko glanced up at Sawyer. "What did he say?"
"He said you're a smart guy." Kate looked between them, still stunned and a little disbelieving. Vincent saw her expression, and he barked at her, then sat up on his hind legs, giving her such a look of pleading that she had to laugh. He dropped to his feet and jumped around, wiggling happily and barking. Telling herself that she was totally silly, she looked at Sawyer, waiting for him to translate.
He didn't say anything, he just watched the dog chase happily after a drifting leaf, smiling. "Well?"
Sawyer pulled her close. Vincent's thoughts had actually been directed at him; he whispered in Kate's ear. "He said that I needed to tell you."
"Tell me what?"
Sawyer paused. "He said I needed to tell you I love you." He looked into her eyes as she glanced over at Vincent, who had stopped playing and was watching them both with a look as serious as a dog can manage. "I do, you know, Kate. I love you."
She laughed a little, happy tears springing to her eyes. "I know, Tex."
He held her close, feeling her body against his, so lithe and hard, so soft and supple. He couldn't get enough of her touch; he craved it like a junkie and he shivered a little as she grasped him to her, pressing herself as close as she could get. Sawyer glanced over at Vincent, who looked satisfied and content; he met Sawyer's gaze and woofed lightly, grinning. Sawyer hid his smile against Kate's shoulder, then he held one of his hands out to Vincent, who chuffed lightly as Sawyer scratched his ears while he held Kate to him. "Yeah. I know. Dogs are smarter than humans."
