Chapter 56
Jack and Ana were cuddled up together on one of the bunk beds, basking in the afterglow of the shower and the sex.

Jack had come to her, finally; she had begun to think he wasn't going to and when he opened the shower door he had been rewarded with a brilliant smile and her arms going around his neck. The shower had been brief, though, the hot water ran out quickly and they had moved to the bed after Jack closed the bunk room door, which had no lock, and blocked it with a couple of small dressers.

She flushed a little as she remembered his hands on her, exploring every inch of her body; arousing, teasing, taunting her with his fingertips and tongue until she had to bury her face in the pillow to keep from screaming aloud. Jack had groaned as she did, shuddering and gasping as he followed her over the edge.

She smiled and stretched against him, pressing her naked body suggestively to him under the cheap blanket that covered them. She didn't know why they couldn't get it together; if they were within ten feet of each other for more than ten minutes they were arguing, unless they were fcking. And there was the problem- most of their arguments originated with Kate. It was always Kate; she would always be there, like some stone hanging over Ana's head, ready to crush her into a pancake if someone cut the rope holding it. And Jack had a sharp, sharp knife.

Jack smiled and pulled her close, kissing her as he slid beneath the covers with her; the feel of her skin on his made him stir again and as he pulled the blanket over their heads he whispered, "Round two?"

The shrieking alarm went off and Jack groaned. He looked at Ana sadly, kissing her softly, and reluctantly rolled out of bed, sitting on the edge and glaring at the ceiling; finally the alarm went off and Jack stood, stretching, as Ana eyed him appreciatively, running her gaze up and down his body while he dressed quickly and as he scooted the dressers out of the way she sighed. "Duty calls?"

He smiled back. "Yeah. Doctors are always on duty."

She rolled back over, stretching under the covers and smiling as Jack stopped to watch her; for an instant he considered telling Locke to stick it so he could climb back into the bunk with Ana and feel her body beneath his but he just took one long look at her before winking at her and leaving, shutting the door behind him.

Sighing, Ana got up and dressed slowly, enjoying the results of the afternoon. Briefly she wondered what time it was then shrugged. What did it really matter? Time didn't mean anything here. Pulling her shoes on, she glanced at the door, wishing he would come back in and make her clothes unnecessary; he didn't, and sighing with disappointment she finally opened the door and went out after him.

-----

The rippling sunlight had disappeared and the water was dark as night fell; Kate could see the beams of moonlight filtering through the water and they scattered across the bed they were lying in, casting moon shadows over them both as she caressed his chest while he held her across his lap, arms wrapped firmly around her waist.

He didn't want to move from this spot, ever; Kate's warm body curled up into his and he held her tightly, kissing her face and neck as the shadows danced around them. Her mouth found his and they kissed, deeply and powerfully; Sawyer could feel his strength returning and his hands began to explore her again, groaning as she turned and straddled his legs, leaning into his lips as she felt him stir again.

"More, Cowboy?" She smiled, teasing him, and as he grabbed her around the waist, pulling her down onto him she groaned and her grin disappeared.

His eyes were shining as she moaned softly; he sat up, pulling her body flush with his as he moved in her, her moans dissolving into frantic panting as she strained a little and increased her pace. Rise, fall. Rise, fall.

He gripped her hips and in one smooth motion flipped her over so that he was above her; her eyes widened at the change and she cried out as he thrust hard, covering her mouth with his.

Tension built between them; static sparks shot from Sawyer and he, too, cried out as Kate tightened and shuddered around him.

He didn't move from her and she was glad; his weight on her was comforting and somehow erotic and she kissed his sweaty face and neck as he throbbed gently. She wanted to draw him completely into her and her hands spasmed around him as if they were trying to do it; she didn't want them to be apart again, ever. Not even for a minute, not for a second; she was afraid to let him go.

Sawyer finally rolled off of her, kissing her as he did; the separation from her always hurt him a little, made him feel empty; he wondered if it did the same to her. He smiled; it must, since she was gripping him to her so hard he thought his bones would be ground to dust. "You okay, Freckles?" he whispered softly to her.

She smiled but her grip didn't relax. "Yeah."

He grinned. "Really? 'Cause you're taking my skin off." He glanced down at her hands which were white-knuckled from holding him. She let her grip loosen but she didn't move her hands. "I'm not goin' anywhere, baby. Don't you know?" His lips whickered against her ear. "I love you."

It was getting easier to say; the first time he had been scared because he had only said it once before and meant it, but that had been that, he had never seen her again. Of course, that was his fault, but deep down he was afraid if he said the words to Kate, if they went out there in the world away from the safety of his lips, then he would lose her too. But he hadn't. Now he loved to say it; the words were like honey on his tongue and he could see how much it pleased Kate to hear them. He said it again. "I love you, Kate."

She moved against him, smiling. "I know, Tex." She hesitated. "You know I do, right?" It bothered her that she could not bring herself to say the words and she felt guilty for holding back, but she just couldn't do it; every time she tried the words froze up in her throat and she choked on them. It was crazy, because she did love him, more than she had ever loved anyone or anything before; she was whole and he had made her that way, and in return she couldn't say the three little words that would make him happy. She hated herself for her weakness.

Sawyer grinned at her; he didn't care if she ever said the words to him; talk was cheap. But he could hear her say them in her thoughts and that was plenty; at least he knew it wasn't a lie. "I know, Freckles." He bent his head to her. "I don't care if you ever say 'em, Kate. I know you love me and that's enough."

She felt like crying; instead she held him and said, "I do, James. I do."

His name from her mouth shocked him a little, as it always did; he kissed her, softly, savoring the sound of it; who he could be, who he wanted to be. For her. "Kate," he murmured against her, the moonshadows casting her into deep shadows before lighting her up again, "God, I love you, do you know how you've changed me?"

She laughed softly. He had changed alright, though she didn't think she had much to do with it. "I don't think it was all me, Tex."

He shook his shaggy head and looked into her eyes. "No, Kate. It was all you." He rolled up on his elbow.

She laughed a little. "No, James. It was all you. You wanted to be James all along, deep down. That had nothing to do with little ol' me."

He pulled her close and looked at her almost angrily. "It was you, Kate. Everything I do is for you. You made me want to be whole again, to be good enough to deserve you." He looked away. "I've never been a good person. I've done a lot of things, cold, heartless things." He glanced up at her as she smiled gently at him; who was she to judge? "A tiger don't change his stripes, Freckles, at least that's what I always thought."

"You're a good person, Sawyer. We all are, somewhere. Nobody starts off bad." She let her fingers drift along his face; it was time for his stitches to come out. She giggled. "Are you really worried about being a good person for me?"

"Yeah," he said softly.

She stared at him for a second. "Well, don't. I want you just the way you are; good, bad. I don't care, as long as it's you." She lay back against the pillows and sighed. "We each have two sides, don't we?" She glanced at him, he was still leaning on his elbow staring at her. "I mean, we are both good and bad; maybe that's why we fit together."

Sawyer thought about that for a minute, then smiled. "And you ladies love the bad boys."

Kate grinned and sat up to kiss him. "Yeah, we do."

-----

The aquaruim was lit with early morning sunshine; the fish and coral beds were hazy but Kate stood by the glass, fingers tracing the paths of the colorful little creatures as they swam by, totally oblivious to the fact that they were being watched. The water reflected on her face; it was sad and a little wistful and Sawyer kissed it as he slid behind her, hands rubbing her shoulders.

Kate sighed. "I wish I was a fish."

"You'd smell bad."

Kate laughed. "That's not what I mean." She turned to him, he fingers going to his lips. "They just swim all day, no worries, no cares. All they have to do is not get eaten." She sighed, looking back out into the water. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Sawyer said, but he was watching her. Tearing his eyes away, he said, "Come on, everyone will wonder where we are."

She suddenly glanced at him. "Can you hear the fish?"

He hesitated then shook his head. "Nah. Water keeps me from it, I think." She was still staring at the sea floor, watching the fish dart happily in and out of the coral beds and he grinned. "I don't want to go either."

She grinned; he could see her reflection in the glass. "That obvious, eh?" She paused. "I just wanna stay here with you, Sawyer. I don't want to go back to reality."

He hugged her. "Honey, I don't either. But this ain't just about us, though I wish it was." He smiled, squeezing her to him gently. "I was brought here for a reason, Freckles, and that was to save you. But to do that I have to save everyone. And then, only then, can I save myself."

Kate was scared. "You already saved me," she whispered. "Forget everyone else."

"Kate," he said softly. "All of these things I can do, all of the changes, do you think those were for nothing? I have a job to do, and I wish it were over so I could be with just you and be just James but it's not and I can never have what I want until it's done."

Scared tears were welling up in her eyes. "You already have me."

He kissed her, hard. "I know, Freckles. But you won't have me. And that's what I want."