Chapter 59
Ana waited, hidden in the shadows until Jack passed her, stomping off into the jungle. He was probably looking for her, but she didn't care; she needed to talk to Locke alone, and this was most likely going to be her best chance.
After being told that she had lost her baby she had cried, but when they said that she could never have children she was silent, eyes dry. She was dead. All she had ever wanted was a family, Danny, too; she had planned on telling him that she was pregnant the night she was shot, and instead he learned from a cool, detatched doctor that not only had she been holding the truth from him but also that she could never have a baby. That was why they had split; he wanted what she couldn't give.
Children, relationship, almost her career; everything was lost, and she had no one but herself to blame for being stupid. And Jason. She could blame him, she did blame him, it eased her own guilty heart; the need to avenge her life consumed her until she found and killed him.
But it didn't ease her. She felt like she was fading; her life was ebbing away from her and she was powerless to stop it, powerless to help herself. She became invisible; she didn't exist, she was dead. She was just going through the motions waiting for resurrection; she even tried going to Australia to jar some life into herself but it didn't work. She was just as much a corpse there; a dead woman walking.
Then she was in the airport, waiting to board and this man was yelling agitatedly at the ticket agent, about burying his father; he turned back to look at the line and he caught her eyes but flicked over them quickly and she froze as she saw into them. They were full of guilt and sorrow, so much so that her own was forgotten as she wondered why he looked so...forlorn.
She felt life stir in her for the first time in a long, long time. She trailed the man to the bar, watching him; she was interested in something and she stopped fading for just a few minutes, long enough to flirt and get a promise of a second drink before her damn phone rang. Jack. She had thought about him a lot, after the crash, regretting that she hadn't turned her phone off and sat with him until the plane took off, and maybe after that too. At least he would have been on the tail section with me instead of in the fuselage, falling for Kate, she thought.
She made sure Jack was gone before she came out of the trees and climbed back down the ladder. The hallway was long and she ran it, her footfalls echoing eerily through the tunnel; bursting through the door breathless, she made her way into the surveillance room, finding Locke tilted back in the chair, eyes closed.
She stood uncertainly; she didn't want to wake him up but she needed the answers. She hesitated a moment more, then Locke cracked his eyes and said, "Are you going to say something, Ana-Lucia, or are you just going to stand there waiting for me to wake up?"
She grinned a little and Locke tilted his chair back down so his feet were on the floor. "Sorry. I didn't want to wake you up."
Locke grinned, yawning a little. "Yes, you did, Ana. If you didn't, why were you still standing there?" She smiled, a little nervous about how to start and John stood, stretching; dozing in the chair was uncomfortable but he didn't want to leave the room in case something else happened. He looked Ana steadily. "You have a question?" Nodding, he said, "You want to know how to get what you want from the Island?"
She nodded, relieved and not too surprised he already knew why she was there. "Yeah. There is something that I want."
Triumph shone briefly in his eyes. "Okay, Ana-Lucia." He paused, gathering his thoughts. "First of all you have to believe. Faith is an important part of the Island's power; without it you cannot get what you want." Leaning close, he stared into her eyes and said in a hushed voice, "Do you have faith, Ana?"
She did. "Yes."
"Good. Now, whatever it is that you want, whatever you desire, is it in your mind all of the time? In your heart?" She nodded, almost afraid to speak. "The time will come when the Island will ask a...favor...of you.' Rubbing his forehead he hesitated, then said, "It helps us because It needs help; you were brought here for a reason, just like I, Jack, Kate, Sawyer, all of us were. Only not all of us choose to accept the gift that is offered; the Island needs something from you but it offers something in return. Quid pro quo."
"Okay. But how do I know what the ...favor is?"
Locke smiled. "You will know." He hesitated. "Ana, I don't know if our wishes extend beyond the walls of this Island, do you understand? If we leave, or if something happens to the Island, whatever gifts we have been given may cease to be. The Island must be protected. That is why we are here. You and I."
Ana nodded, a little disappointed. For some reason she expected instant gratification, for her wish to be granted immediately. "What do I do, John?"
Locke shrugged. "Nothing for now. But the time is coming, Ana. Prepare yourself."
"Prepare myself for what?" She was suddenly a little scared.
"Battle, Ana." He looked at her, warning in his eyes. "It's coming."
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He was the world and it was him; his physical being was just a body that carried him, his soul expanded to encompass the universe. It was talking to him, telling him the answers to the questions of the ages and he could see eons stretching before him and behind him; the future was loose and shifting but the past was solid and tangible and he could reach into it and pull out what he wanted, touch it, hold it- but not change it.
Space and Time and Earth and Sky flowed through him and he directed them with his thoughts, being them. Being Kate. He was a part of her, too, he filled her with himself and she blended with him seamlessly as they became the same person; a perfect circle, no ending and no beginning.
He felt older, so much older. Ancient. He was no longer of the Earth and Time, he was them and if he bade them to the stars would fall from the sky and drown themselves in the ocean. He could part the sea, if he wanted; he could command the birds in the trees to carry them back to the real world on their backs if it was his desire.
But he didn't want any of that; he only wanted Kate and he had her. She was his. Everything else fell by the wayside; he didn't want to be anywhere else or anything else.
He held her hand as they walked back to the hatch; it was late afternoon and he wanted to get her back into the Aquarium before anyone spotted them. The thought of it made him shiver with pleasure and he clenched Kate's hand hard.
She could feel him, too, he was inside of her, a part of her; they were almost whole, almost that one person except for the little inch of him that someone else still owned. The one hole in their defenses and she didn't know how to close it; the letter still burned in her pocket, and Sawyer hadn't asked for it. Which was good or bad, she wasn't sure.
She was amazed by him, though, and not just because of his 'powers', though those were pretty awesome too; she was amazed by him, the man he was becoming before her eyes. She could almost see the transformation happening as he shed his Sawyer skin and prepared to be the real him; it was almost off, just clinging by one little shred of muscle and she wanted to rip it away and be done but she knew she wouldn't be able to stop the bleeding if she did. That scar had to heal before the skin could be left behind.
She was scared for him; she had a bad feeling about what was coming and she wondered what else the Island could throw at them. At him. What other temptations could thay put in his path?
"Whatcha thinkin' about, Freckles?" His hand had loosened and he reached up, pushing a long strand of hair from her eyes as she grinned at him.
"I thought you could read my mind, Tex."
He smiled back, cutting his eyes away. "I can if I want to but I always feel kinda like a peepin' Tom."
"Always?" She put her hands on her hips in mock anger. "You've been looking?"
He chuckled. "I couldn't resist. I wanted to see what you thought about me." He shrugged. "I'm insecure, baby."
Kate snorted. "Insecure? How much crap did you give Charlie about reading Claire's diary?"
Sheepishly he turned back to her. "Alright, alright. I didn't like it anyway, Freckles. Made me feel guilty."
"Good." She kissed him, softly, and they paused in the jungle, leaning together as the birds chittered madly in the trees; his lips curled into a smile against hers and she chuckled. "What, Tex? What are they saying?"
"They're saying I'm a lucky man, Freckles."
She laughed against him, vibrating his lips and tongue; it traveled through him to his toes. "Why, because you found a woman who'll put up with your crap?"
He laughed back, sending vibrations coursing through her. "Nah. It's 'cause I'm bangin' the hottest chick on the Island."
She shoved him away, looking playfully disgusted and he grabbed her waist, tickling her in his favorite spot; the one right below her ribs, every time he touched her there it made her squeal. She didn't disppoint him this time; she squee'd and jumped away from his fingers but he caught her against him, kissing her with passion as she melted into his body.
His tongue touched hers gently as she put her hand behind his neck, pressing him harder into her and he responded; they were so close, so close.
Vincent barked in the distance and Sawyer groaned, rolling his eyes and he broke away from Kate. "That dog must have some kind of radar or somethin', " he said, and Kate laughed, leaning her head against him. Looking down at her head nestled against his chest he was suddenly terrified; this wasn't going to last. They would not ever find this peace and happiness again; this was it. He gripped her to him, his hands spasming on her and she looked up, concerned. "Kate," he whispered, not trying to hide his fear; why should he hide anything from her? He didn't know what he wanted to say; he was going to lose her, he knew it and it chilled him to his bones.
His expression terrified her. Gazing into his eyes, she laid her hand on his arm and said, "What is it, James?"
His throat worked as he tried to speak but he couldn't get the words past the lump that had risen in his throat. He buried his head in her shoulder, kissing her neck and clutching her as close as he could; Kate's arms went around him, trying to soothe him though she didn't know what was wrong. But she was scared; his change was so sudden. What had happened?
He finally managed to choke out something, though it wasn't what he wanted to say. "Kate, don't leave me, please. Don't...I can't live without you."
What? She held him, stroking his back and hair. "I'm not going anywhere, Tex. Why would you even say that?" She kissed his forehead, cradling him to her. "I'm never leaving you, James. Never."
He sighed, his breath raising goosebumps on her neck. The certainty he had felt was fading, he almost felt silly at his reaction. It was just a feeling; he had blown it all out of proportion and it was because it had to do with Kate. That was dangerous; she gave him his power but she also controlled it because she controlled him. "I don't know. I just had this bad feelin' all of a sudden. It was so real, Kate, I just knew that we'd never be happy again, that we would never be together."
She sighed as he relaxed a little, and she smiled. "It was just a feeling, Sawyer. I am never going to be anywhere else but with you. Okay?"
He smiled slightly, the bad feeing still lurking behind his mind. "Yeah, I know. It was just...just weird." He hugged her again, savoring and saving the feel of her, the scent, the sweat, the sexy swell of her chest pressed into him. He didn't want to move; if they stayed right where they were they were safe.
Vincent came bounding down the path to them, his tongue lolling out happily. He woofed a couple of times, then bounced against Kate, licking her cheek before scooting off through the trees.
Sawyer sighed and pulled himself from Kate reluctantly; it was almost physical pain, like tearing when he did. He took her hand, glancing after Vincent. "We've been summoned by King Jackass, my lady." He smiled wryly. "Apparently Doc believes enough to send the dog for us. So much for convictions, eh?"
She smiled and sighed, allowing him to pull her towards the hatch; stopping suddenly she said, "Sawyer?"
He had already stopped at the tug of her hand. "Yeah, Kate?" he said, softly. She was standing in a ray of sunshine and it created a glowing halo around her; she looked like an angel.
"When you were...looking...you know...," she fidgeted, a little nervous. "Did you see...um..." He face was red and Sawyer grinned rougishly.
He went to her, sweeping her into his arms. "Oh, yeah, Freckles," he growled into her ear. "I saw that. Made me feel a little...unnecessary." He could feel the heat radiating from her skin as she flushed deep crimson. "Don't worry," he laughed against her, feeling her relax a little. "My lips are sealed. It'll be just between you and me." he paused. "And Vincent."
She laughed, still pulsing heat. "I hate you, Sawyer," she said, but he knew it was a lie even before her lips found his.
