Chapter 61
The night sky was quiet between them as they sat beside the fire, apart from each other. There were no sparks or pulses of energy; their split was complete and the Island knew it; even the stars were dull, as if Eko's lack of faith weakened it.
John was staring at him across the fire; inscrutable as always, he was gazing serenely into the flames, fingering the carved end of his club gently. "Why, Eko?"
He didn't look away from the flames as he answered softly, "Why what, John?"
"Why did you lose faith in the Island?" He paused, waiting for an answer.
Eko didn't speak for a long minute, then, eyes still to the fire he said, slowly, "This place is not good, John. I know you think it is, that it restored you, but it is destroying you instead."
John laughed. "Destroying me? It made me, it created me." His eyes shone a little crazily; they looked red in the firelight. "It owns me; I am its servant."
Eko shook his head, his eyes finally traveling to meet Locke's. "Only for as long as it needs you, John. When your purpose is served you will become someone else's sacrifice so that the Island may continue to protect itself from those like me." He leaned as close as he could before the force between them pushed him away; it was stronger than before and it kept them farther apart. "You may be whole physically, John, but what you did to keep that gift tears you apart inside, destroying the goodness in you. That is what it will do to anyone who accepts the Island's terrible terms. It is a harsh price to pay for a gift of false hope." He eyed Locke sadly. "It's servant? John, you are it's slave; it keeps you bound to it with your own desires. Nothing holds more power over you than your own wants."
He struck a nerve, he could tell as Locke looked away. "Some people are willing to take that chance I have a destiny, Eko, that I could never realize in a wheelchair. Anything is worth the chance to fulfill my fate and do what I am supposed to do!" His voice rose in anger at the end.
"It is choice, John, not chance that decides our destiny." Eko's voice was suddenly harsh. "You chose to sacrifice Boone for your own selfish reasons, to realize your destiny, but instead you influenced it, changed it by your choice."
Locke was suddenly serious and he glared at Eko. "Who is it, Eko? Who is the one the Cloud called for?"
Eko shook his head. "Nice try, John. Do you think I would tell you? Tilting at windmills will get you nowhere, John, it is a fruitless endeavour." He smiled slyly, his eyes meeting Locke's. "However, a hint may be in order, not that it will help you. Tilting at windmills brings something to mind, how about Don Quixote? Oh, and the term 'man' is unimportant, gender equality, you know? So, 'One man scorned and covered with scars still strove with his last ounce of courage to reach the unreachable stars; and the world was better for this.'" He smiled at Locke, who was frowning.
"Scorned and covered with scars? Well, I guess that depends on how literal you are being. That's not much of a hint, Eko." He smiled back; he still liked Eko, despite their differences, and he hoped that they would no have to meet in conflict.
"No, it isn't," he said softly. "I think I will go to sleep now. We leave in the morning for the north?"
Locke nodded, climbing to his feet. "Yeah. I gotta say, this place is curious, if nothing else." He hesitated before turning back to Eko. "We are opposite sides, Eko, but in order to survive until the end we have to work together now, do you agree?"
Eko nodded, the dwindling fire reflecting on his sad, pensive face. "Yes, John. I agree." He said it softly, then turned to look Locke in the eyes. "I have everyone's best interests at heart, John. Torturing these people, tormenting them, does not serve a purpose. I hope you can forgive me."
Locke smiled. "I have their best interests at heart, too, Eko. I hope you can forgive me."
"There is no revenge sweeter than forgiveness, John Calvin. And make no mistake, I am a vengeful man; a servant of a vengeful God." A flicker of the old, evil Eko flashed across his face and John smiled at it.
"Indeed." He and Eko faced each other- opposite sides of the same coin. Staring steadily into Eko's flickering eyes he said, "Well, Mister Eko, it's a lot easier to forgive someone after you've gotten even with them."
Eko's eyes flashed again as he nodded thoughtfully; he smiled coolly and said in a very low voice, "Yes. Indeed."
-----
It was almost completely dark in the Aquarium since the moon and stars weren't shining very brightly; Kate and Sawyer lay entwined together under the covers, deeply in shadows; he could barely see the outline of her next to him. It made him feel a little disoriented to be in such darkness, he hated it because it reminded him of his ordeal with the Others, or what he remembered of it; only Kate's body snuggled up to his kept him tethered to the Earth and he was suddenly very, very glad that he was alive, here with her holding his feet firmly on the ground.
His mind was tired and he was close to the edge of sleep; it wandered aimlessly through his memories and thinking of the Others made him think about what had led to the incident in the first place; the plane. She hadn't mentioned it since he had come back and he wondered what it was. He murmured the question without thinking, almost in a dream. "What was the plane, Kate?"
Her sleepy brain didn't really process the question. "The plain what?"
Sawyer muttered, "Huh?" He was quiet again, their breathing the only sound and Kate could feel conciousness slipping away when he said, "No. The toy plane. What was it?"
The question didn't bother her and that surprised her out of sleepiness. She didn't get that terrible anvil of guilt on her shoulders and she smiled to herself. "It belonged to someone I loved."
He wasn't sleepy anymore either; she rolled over to face him and they lay quietly for a few minutes enjoying the closeness of each other; Kate's eyes glittered in the weak moonlight and Sawyer touched her cheek gently. "You might as well tell me, Freckles, or I'll just go in and take a look around for myself."
She laughed softly, her breath tickling his chin. "I'm not worried, Tex. There's other things in there that would get your attention long before you got to Tommy."
His arms went around her, pulling her close and he said, "Tell me about him, Kate." He smiled at her hesitation. "You wanna know about me, I wanna know about you. I love you for more than your body, you know."
"But that's number one, right?"
"Well, I got my priorities, Sweetheart." He squeezed her gently. "Come on, Freckles, tell me about him. You loved him, I wanna know what he was like."
"I killed him, Sawyer." She was scared as she said it, even though she knew he wouldn't judge her; she just needed that to be out in the open before she told Sawyer about him.
"No, you didn't, Freckles."
His tone was so sure and confident that she almost allowed herself to believe it. It didn't matter that much, really, she had let go of that ghost when she tossed the plane in the fire and asked for Sawyer to be given back to her alive; her sacrifice had been an easy one and she suddenly wondered if that really had been the sacrifice she was supposed to make; maybe the Island wasn't done with her yet. Maybe it still owned her. The thought made her shiver and she recoiled from Saywer, feeling a little tainted and not wanting to dirty him; he pulled her closer and the worry faded away as she shoook her head at her own gullibility.
I must be really tired, she thought to herself, and she snuggled her head against his chest, her face tilted up to him. "We were childhood sweethearts, all the way fourth grade until we graduated from high school. He went to college and I...didn't." She was quiet for a second, then she said, "He knew me, Sawyer, knew what I had been through and he accepted me anyway, because he loved me." She touched his cheek. "I used to think that you two were as opposite as two people could be, but I don't think you are. I think you're a lot alike."
"What did you do? After you graduated?" Her heart vibrated against his skin making it tingle.
Shrugging, she said, "I just wandered mainly. I always liked to run, Sawyer, even before I had to." She sighed. "I spent some time with my dad in Washington State; we did a lot of hiking and I practically lived in the national forests at one time." She laughed. "Before and after I was on the run."
Sawyer squeezed her gently. "What happened to Tom?"
Her smile was tinged with bitterness. "He met a woman in college. Law student. I was out of touch a lot and I guess we just drifted apart. He married her and then...I was on the run and I only saw him once again after that. When I- when he died." She paused, looking up at Sawyer, drawing strength from him. "I left the plane there with him, but I had to have it back. I had to."
Sawyer clutched her close. "So you carried it all this time. Your plane, my letter...we are really meant for each other, aren't we?"
She sighed. "I threw the plane in the fire the night you were taken. It was my sacrifice. To get you back." She smiled, touching his lips. "I had to have you back. I had to."
He kissed her hungrily, pressing her down into the bed; she moaned a little beneath his insistent lips and he pulled away, panting a little with desire. "Does it hurt, Kate?"
She looked at him questioningly. "What?"
He stared into her eyes. "Tom. Does it still hurt you?"
She nodded, slightly. The plane had carried the bulk of the burden of guilt and self-hatred but some scars never fade, some spots never come off. "Not as much, but yeah, it does a little."
"I can take it from you, Kate. If you want." He kissed her again, then said softly, "But your past made you who you are today and that is the woman I love. Don't change unless you want it."
"Okay." She shook her head, smiling and kissing him gently. "I think I'll keep it for now." She adopted his lazy drawl. "Seein' as how you love me an' all."
He chuckled. "I don't sound like that, Freckles."
"Yes you do. And I love it." It was the closest she could get and Sawyer relished it.
He drawled lazily into her ear. "What else do you love about me, Freckles?"
She chuckled softly, his gaze making her breath short. Mimicking him again she said, "Well there ain't a whole lot more about you that's lovable, darlin'."
His hands were under the blanket, running over her body as he drew her face to his and he growled gently in her ear, "I'm sure we can find somethin' else, sweetheart."
------
Ana was stretched out on one of the bunks, staring blankly at the bed above her; after they decided on going north she had excused herself and gone to take a hot shower, half-hoping that Jack would join her but not really expecting him to. He stayed in the surveillance room with Locke, and she was kind of surprised she hadn't heard gunshots yet.
Jack could be such an unbending prick sometimes. She was torn between her two desires, Jack and the life she always wanted, and Jack was making her choice pretty easy. At least Locke didn't lose his frigging mind if someone dared to disagree with him.
He appeared in the doorway, barely looking at her; he acted as if it hurt him to talk in her presence. "Do you care if I sleep in the other bunk?"
She didn't look at him either, though she wanted to. "It's a free country, Jack." She amended that. "I think."
He chuckled as he climbed into the other bunk bed. Suddenly the ice was broken and the level of hostility dropped a little. "Do you believe that stuff, Ana? About time wrinkles? That we called something to us?"
She was relieved that their argument seemed somewhat forgotten; it was hard to stay angry, and tiring too. "I don't know. I certainly didn't want to be going home."
Jack nodded. "Yeah. I didn't either." They were quiet a few seconds, then sighing, he said, "I'm sorry, about earlier."
"Me too." The silence grew between them and Ana thought Jack must have fallen asleep until he said, "Why do you believe him, Ana?"
"I need to, Jack. I wish you would at least try. For me." It was a leap of faith; the Island would tell her if she was going in the right direction.
He didn't answer and her heart sank; it had been too much, too fast. She rolled over in the dark and closed her eyes, willing herself to go to sleep and forget that Jack Shepard even existed. "There's room in this bunk for two, Ana."
She smiled at the bunk above her, then rolled out of hers and padded over to the one Jack was curled up in. "I guess we're staying at your place tonight?"
He chuckled and lifted the covers for her to crawl in. "Yep. My bachelor pad."
She sighed as his lips met hers and they slid under the covers before Jack suddenly detatched himself from her and dashed across the room, sliding the dressers against the door to block it. Ana laughed as he jumped back into bed with her. "We need a Do Not Disturb sign." She grinned slyly at him. "If this bunk bed's a rockin'?"
He groaned aloud; it was only partly from the pleasure of her hands touching him softly beneath the blanket.
