When Sam had suggested going skiing for the weekend, Jack had practically vibrated into next week, he was so excited. Of course Dean couldn't say no even though he hates skiing. He's horrible at it. And it doesn't help that Sam is great at it. But Dean isn't going to ruin the Christmas spirit or whatever by moping about his terrible skiing skills. Eileen is tagging along, and Dean is glad to see Sam happy again. He hasn't been this happy in years.
But, after skiing for an hour and falling on each slope he went down, Dean called it quits. He isn't leaving or anything, but he'd rather hang out at the ski lodge at the bottom of the mountain for his ego's sake. It's also nice to be away from the wet, cold snow. Dean isn't the biggest fan of snow. It's fun for like ten minutes before it gets annoying. Now that he's thinking about it, Dean realizes he's probably the exact wrong person to take skiing. Whatever. At least everyone else seems to be enjoying themselves.
Dean steps inside the lodge after returning his skis. Muted orange light makes the building feel warm and soft. The cabin-like theme and Christmas decorations only add to the coziness. Yeah, this is way better than outside. It's also not as crowded in here as Dean would expect for it being so close to Christmas.
They're selling eggnog, and Dean buys a cup. There's an empty couch in front of the large fireplace in the center of the room. Dean makes his way over and sits down. He takes a sip of eggnog, and wow. This is amazing. As he's taking another sip, someone sits down next to him. Like, right next to him. This person has clearly never heard of personal space. Dean only sees them through is peripheral vision since he's drinking, but as soon as he swallows his drink, he turns to tell them to back off, but stops.
Cas is sitting next to him watching him in the weird way he does like Dean's face is the most interesting thing he's ever seen. Dean's about to tease him for it like he always does, but he forgot about the stupid sweater Cas is wearing. It was Jack's idea for them to all wear festive clothing in anticipation for Christmas. Dean isn't even sure where Jack got the sweater for Cas, but Dean hates it. It's dark purple and looks really soft. Dean never thought he'd get worked up over a freakin' collarbone, but ever since Cas put the dumb thing on, Dean can't stop looking at the skin exposed from the generous V neck. The sweater is also a bit long, so Cas has the sleeves rolled up, and now Dean is realizing he apparently has a thing for the guy's forearms too. Great.
"Hello, Dean."
Dean's eyes shoot up to meet Cas'. He blushes and hopes Cas doesn't notice. "Uh, hey, Cas. What are you doing here?"
Cas shrugs then settles in even closer to Dean, their thighs touching. "I got bored of skiing."
Dean gives him playful smile. "Yeah, I guess it would get a little boring after perfectly skiing down the same hill for the hundredth time."
Cas smirks. "Perhaps I should learn from you and fall down the mountain to make things more exciting."
"Shut up." Dean takes another sip of eggnog to try and hide his rosy cheeks. Did he really just blush again? Dammit.
"Are you alright?"
The question surprises Dean. "Yeah, of course."
Cas raises a skeptical eyebrow. "You were in here all by yourself."
Dean grimaces. "Yeah, well, it might be hard to believe, but skiing isn't really fun when you're on the ground most of the time."
"I suppose that does make sense."
Dean rolls his eyes. "Smartass."
Then Cas smiles at him. It's a small thing he only gives Dean. But there's this warmth in his eyes that makes the affection in Dean's chest swell so much that it hurts. Dean looks at the fireplace and takes a drink of eggnog. He lets his gaze get lost in the fire.
A comfortable silence stretches between them. Dean allows himself to lean into Cas. Just a little. Cas was the one who started it anyway, so this is his fault. The fire is mesmerizing, and Dean's eyelids grow heavy. The drive up here wasn't easy, and the concentration it took to navigate the winding, icy roads left him a little tired. Baby is amazing, but she doesn't do great on mountain roads. Not like he'll ever admit that out loud, though. And, despite being terrible at it, skiing for an hour also drained him. The eggnog isn't helping ether. He finishes it quickly and sets it down on the coffee table in front of him. He sits back and presses into Cas. He shouldn't be doing this, but Cas can always pull away. Dean can always use the excuse that he's tired and didn't mean to.
But Cas doesn't say anything, and Dean's eyelids grow heavier and heavier as he stares into the fire.
Dean didn't even realize he fell asleep until he wakes up. His head is resting on something soft and warm. His eyes are unfocused and part of him doesn't want to wake up, but he's sitting down somewhere, so he clearly didn't mean to fall asleep. He blinks a little more, and Jack, Eileen, and Sam are standing in front of him. They're talking and looking at something next to Dean. Oh, right. Cas. Dean is about to sit up and apologize for falling asleep on his best friend, but Sam catches his gaze.
And Sam gives him this…look. It's a genuine happy smile. Not one of his tight smiles to hide the pain or a temporary grin because Dean said something funny. It's an actual happy, peaceful smile. And there's this light in his brother's eyes. It's as if Sam is seeing something in Dean that completes him somehow. That it's okay for Sam to smile like that because of what he's seeing in Dean. That it's okay to look so happy and…free. Dean knows he should be thrown off by it, but he's still fuzzy from sleep and the warmth from the eggnog hasn't completely gone away yet. So he just stares stupidly back at Sam.
Then Jack sees him. He grins. "Dean!"
"Mmmf," Dean grumbles and sits up. He runs a hand over his face. He looks back at the kid. "You having fun?"
Jack beams. "Yes!"
Eileen signs something too quickly for Dean to catch. Sam turns to him and Cas. "Eileen and I are gonna grab some food." Sam slips his hand into hers, and they walk towards the café area.
"You want some food, Jack?" Dean asks. He doesn't wait to hear Jack's answer before taking out his wallet because he knows the kid is going to say yes.
"Yes!" Jack answers just as excitedly as earlier.
Dean hands the kid his counterfeit card. "Get whatever you want. Just…don't overload on sugar, okay?"
Jack smiles again. "Okay, Dean."
"Oh, and get me a coffee."
Jack nods before racing in the direction Sam and Eileen went.
Cas sighs. "He needs to slow down."
Dean looks at Cas watching Jack. He's frowning slightly, and his eyebrows are furrowed. It's adorable.
The affection from earlier swirls up, and before Dean even consciously makes the decision, he leans forward and gently kisses Cas on the cheek. Dean pulls back, and Cas is staring at him with wide eyes.
Shit.
"Dean," Cas says breathlessly and oh. Dean has never heard Cas sound like that.
"Sorry," Dean immediately responds. His heart is racing, and his adrenaline is pounding loudly in his ears. Did he just ruin everything? He did, didn't he? Why did Cas sound like that? Why does he look like that? All wide eyes and pink cheeks. He's never looked like that.
Something pops into Dean's peripheral vision, and he snatches his attention to it. Anything to get out of this situation.
Jack is back and holding a mug of coffee. "Here you go, Dean."
The mug is placed in Dean's hands, and he hopes no one saw them shaking before he latched onto the coffee.
"Castiel, look," Jack continues, adorably oblivious to the destruction of Dean and Cas' friendship. God, Dean really hopes it isn't the end. Jack says, "They had so many Christmas cookies! But I only got two because Dean said not to have too much sugar." Jack holds up two cookies. One decorated like a Christmas tree and one like a snowman.
"Oh, um, they look wonderful, Jack," Cas says.
And, oh my god. Cas is still out of it. What did Dean do?
Jack grins in response. "I know! They had reindeer and wreaths and angels. But the angels weren't right."
"Yes, I'd imagine," Cas replies.
Dean turns his attention to his coffee. God. What has he done? He tunes them out and idly sips on the warm liquid. Maybe if he pretends it never happened, Cas will too. A few minutes later, Sam and Eileen return. Jack starts telling them about the Christmas cookies.
"Dean," Cas says softly, quiet enough for the others not to hear.
Dean immediately tenses. He's afraid of what Cas will say. He doesn't sound pissed, but… "Yeah?"
"I…I apologize for how I acted after you—"
"No, Cas, it's okay." Dean's blushing. Again. He can't quite meet Cas' gaze. "That was…weird. I shouldn't have done that." Dean swallows dryly. Cas was really going to blame himself for Dean's clinginess. That's so fucked. This is Dean's fault. Dean crossed so many lines. Cas doesn't—no, shouldn't—apologize for Dean's actions.
"I didn't mind," Cas responds.
"O-oh." How the hell is Dean supposed to respond to that? "You seemed like you minded," Dean's mouth says before his brain even realizes what he's saying.
Cas shakes his head. "It just surprised me."
"Can I do it again?"
Dean can't breathe.
What the fuck was that?
What did he just say?
Cas is staring at him with wide eyes again. "Oh—I—yes, of course."
They both lean in, and Dean's eyes slip to Cas' lips.
No, no, no. That is completely different than kissing Cas on the cheek.
Dean immediately flicks his gaze back up, but Cas is staring at him. Oh, shit. He totally saw that.
"Hey! Guys!"
Dean jumps back and looks at Sam. "Uh, what? Sorry, I was—uh—what?"
Sam raises his eyebrows in amusement. "The three of us are going to do one more trip down the slopes."
"Oh, uh, yeah, okay," Dean answers.
Sam still has that amused sparkle in his eye when he, Eileen, and Jack turn away.
Dean watches them leave and stares at the door once they're gone. He can't face Cas. What the hell is going to say? What is he going to do? …Maybe there's a chance Cas didn't notice. Or didn't realize what Dean wants.
"Dean," Cas says softly.
Dean suddenly stands up. He grabs his mug. His hands are shaking again. "I'm gonna return this. And, uh, get the Impala ready for when they come back." He swallows. "Um, yeah, bye." Dean turns to walk away.
"Dean."
Dean freezes and inhales sharply. He doesn't turn around.
"I didn't mean to make things worse. Please don't let this affect our friendship."
Dean closes his eyes. Why is Cas so good? "It's alright, Cas." Dean finally looks back. Cas is standing hesitantly behind him. There's a hint of fear in his eyes. Shit. Dean really messed this up, didn't he? "It was my fault," Dean says. "Let's just forget it."
Cas nods, and his shoulders relax in relief. "Thank you."
"Yeah," Dean says quietly. He turns away and walks over to return his mug. He hates the tears threatening to spill onto his cheeks.
Nothing hurts worse than falling in love.
