1: It all started when…

Disclaimer: We don't own any of the characters, including but not limited to Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger, Lily Evans and Professor Slughorn. We do own Gnarltish though. If there actually is a band called Gnarltish, apologies, but we now own you. Ta!

Full Summary: Confused? And you haven't even read the story yet! Well, never mind, so are we, and we wrote it. It's very strange, written by two people with very little to do, and too many strange ideas. No time-frame, no plot, just a lot of weird things happening in and out of Hogwarts' ancient, magic-saturated walls. It may offend those of a serious disposition.

Hello, and welcome to The Adventures of Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley and Lily Evans: When Hogwarts Goes Wrong! We hope you enjoy the show. And the curtains rise...


It all started when Ginny Weasley, near the end of her fifth year, bought a laptop and started reading fanfiction.

'Ooh! A lovely fanfic with fluff and bunnies and cute cute cute things!' Being a very cynical person, she considered this for a while. 'I think I'll read something else.'

As she searched through the realms of fanfiction, Hermione came in behind her.

'Ginny, have you seen my copy of Hogwarts: A Hist –'

Before she could finish, and we could all find out which book she meant, there was a suddenly flash of light. Ginny and Hermione watched as a girl of their age with red hair and green, almond-shaped eyes, just like Harry Potter's, appeared.

'Lily Potter!' gasped Ginny and Hermione.

'What?' said the girl.

'Are you… Lily?'

'I'm Lily Evans. Why?'

'You've time travelled!'

'What?'

'It's the only possible explanation!' said Hermione excitedly, 'You've gone through space and time, and… ended up here. Welcome.'

'Is it nice here?'

'Eh. It does.'

So then Hermione and Lily became best friends, because they both hated rule-breaking, of course. So anyway, Hermione, Lily and Ginny were hanging out by Ginny's laptop, reading fanfiction, when the WiFi cut out.

'Oh! That was a good fic as well!' sighed Ginny, but she shut down her laptop.

'What shall we do now?' asked Hermione.

'Um… Have a really wild disco in the school hall?' suggested Lily.

'Great idea!' agreed Ginny, so they rounded up all the students, and they were having a great time when they noticed Dumbledore, who was supposed to be the mega-cool GHOST DJ! wasn't there. Ginny couldn't help wondering why, but then she got distracted by Lily falling down a hole.

'That wasn't there in my day!' she commented, and then Ginny and Hermione waited until she levitated herself up, defeating all the rules of magic. When she finally arrived at the top of the hole again, she was breathless and excited.

'You'll never guess who I met down there!' she yelled, 'It was Dumbledore in a ghostly form! He was napping!'

Hermione and Ginny oohed and aahed, until Lily caught sight of Professor Slughorn.

'OMG!' she squealed, in a fangirly way, 'He was here in my time! I've now decided I like him!'

'Him? EW!' thought Ginny and Hermione, but they just nodded wisely.

'I'll ask him to be DJ!' said Lily excitedly, and then she ran over to him and started talking to him. Ginny and Hermione watched her, and then Professor Slughorn exploded, so they ran over.

'What happened?' asked Ginny.

'He exploded before I could ask him to DJ!' sighed Lily.

'Looks like we'll have to find another DJ then.'

'I hope the new one plays lots of Gnarltish!' said Lily.

'What?' said Hermione, crinkling up her nose in confusion.

'You know, Gnarltish?' Hermione and Ginny's faces were blank. 'The greatest band ever?' Still blank. 'SURELY you've heard of them!'

'Er, no, we haven't,' said Ginny, shrugging, so Lily burst into song. It was really dated (in a bad way) and weird.

'OK,' said Ginny, 'Now I know why they're not around anymore. Anyway…'

She was cut off by Lily screaming and falling through the ground again. Ginny and Hermione looked at each other, shrugged, and jumped into the hole too.

'Where are we?' asked Hermione, pushing some of her bushy hair out of her face. A strange (but familiar) voice replied,

'I am Professor Slughorn! Do my Otionspay questions, because I am a Rofessorpay!'

Lily sighed happily, Hermione asked him why he was speaking Pig Latin, and Ginny started doing the questions, before saying she didn't understand it. There was total confusion, until Professor Slughorn exploded again.

'I wish he'd stop doing that,' sighed Lily, and the others stared at her.

'Why?' asked Hermione. Ginny was still hard at work with the Potions.

'I… just… can't… do it!' she cried, ripping up her parchment. Hermione sighed, fixed the parchment, and started doing it for her, being the homework-loving genius that she is, and Lily helped as well, until Professor Slughorn appeared again.

'Time to hand in the homework, girls,' he said, grinning, and so they handed in the homework and he started to mark it, until Hermione yelled,

'Go DJ for us! We need a DJ!'

'Hee hee,' said Lily, sighing in a highly girly way.

'I didn't understand the homework, Professor S.,' whined Ginny, but then, Professor Slughorn, who had ignored Lily and Ginny and only heard Hermione, Apparated them all to the Great Hall.

They all discoed wildly, as the whole school had turned up, and Professor Slughorn was DJing, because he had his DJing kit with him. It was great fun, but then Hermione, Lily and Ginny all ingested dangerously high amounts of sugar, and were hyper. This was when Pansy Parkinson turned up, with a Muggle gun, and shot at Lily. This didn't make sense, but Hermione and Ginny knocked Lily to the floor to protect her. The bullet bounced off the walls towards Professor Slughorn's DJ kit! Everyone gasped as he pulled out the Potions bottle he carried everywhere with him, and it seemed in slow motion as the bullet ricocheted off it.

'Wow,' said Lily, admiringly, 'He's so cool. Oh, and nice.'

Hermione and Ginny ignored this. This was when Voldemort, who was outside, sent a curse at Hermione. She screamed and shot a curse back, but it hit the still bouncing bullet, which killed Professor Slughorn. He crumpled to the ground, and never moved again.

'NOOOOOOO!' screamed Lily.

'He's still alive in your time,' volunteered Ginny, a deeply optimistic and uncynical person.

'That's so mean! You KILLED him!' continued Lily. She burst into floods of tears, and, yelling 'I hate you' over her shoulder, ran over to Professor Slughorn, who was rotting. Ginny and Lily had a fight because of Lily being so mean to Hermione, and Hermione cried, accidentally getting tears on her favourite book. Lily glared at her, and Ginny said,

'Do you care more about a Potions Professor or your friends?'

Lily contemplated this, and replied, 'You killed him.' She committed suicide, which ruined the party atmosphere somewhat, as well creating a weird time paradox thingie, messing up life as they knew it. Shocked and horrified that something so innocent could have gone so badly wrong, Hermione ran over to the two corpses. When she got there, she used her Time Turner to go back in time to where Lily arrived, and where we shall resume our story.


Coming up next time:
Lavender Brown gets a new boyfriend!
Will Harry and Ginny get back together?
And why, oh why, is Professor Flitwick so scared of Trevor?

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