5: The Unfair Care Of Magical Creatures Teacher
Disclaimer: We own Professors Anderson and Arthur, and a computer to type this on, but that's it.
Ghost!Dumbledore had sent Hagrid on an Order mission, and so Professor Grubbly-Plank was taking over Care Of Magical Creatures lessons. Ginny and Luna headed down to the sixth-year catch-up-on-the-work-you-missed-while-not-studying-Care-of-Magical-Creatures-for-most-of-the-year-but-the-authors-want-you-to-now lesson along with Hermione and Lily, as they had nothing better to do. Grubbly-Plank was there, looking mean.
"I am setting you a long, difficult essay on Fizzledipots, and I shall give you very little help! Due in tomorrow!" she announced. She noticed Ginny and Luna, and added, "You girls had better do it too!"
"But classes ended ages ago!" protested Hermione. "I don't even know why we're still at school! Or doing this lesson!"
"And generally… what? No!" added Ginny.
Grubbly-Plank glared at them sourly.
"Yes, or you shall be punished!" she yelled, and then she stormed into Hagrid's cabin, which she had taken over, and slammed the door with a loud 'creak'. Everyone broke into muttering, with general sentiments of hatred and anger floating around.
"I have an idea!" announced Lily. She stood up on top of a convenient tree stump so as to address the crowd. Everyone looked at her expectantly. "Well, basically, let's not do the essay!"
Everyone started to celebrate, until someone yelled, "Wait! We'll be punished!"
"She can't harm us!" added Ginny confidently.
"She's only one person and there are lots of us!" said Luna matter-of-factly.
"All right then!" said the unnamed student, and everyone headed back into the castle. Hermione was worried about getting in trouble, but her friends soothed her; there was nothing Grubbly-Plank could really do, after all.
Or so they thought.
The four heroines were dreadfully late to the lesson the next day, as Luna had gotten distracted by chatting to Professor Binns, Lily by ogling Professor Slughorn, Ginny by snogging Harry, and Hermione by talking to Ron. After a while, after Ron and Harry left for the lesson, they realised that they needed to go too, and rushed away from their companions, and down towards Hagrid's cabin. They arrived. Grubbly-Plank was freaking out.
"You didn't do your essays? NONE OF YOU?" she bellowed. The rest of the class were swallowing nervously, muttering apologies, or looking around angrily for Luna. The four heroines ducked behind a rock to listen in. Grubbly-Plank whipped out her wand and yelled, "THEN YOU SHALL SUFFER THE DEATH PENALTY!"
"Oh my God, we need to stop her!" squealed the heroines quietly, and they raced back towards the school.
"Who are we going to get?" asked Hermione.
"Er… dunno," said Ginny, shrugging.
"Well then let's head back!" suggested Lily.
"Good idea!" agreed Luna, and the four of them turned around and ran back, but unfortunately Grubbly-Plank had nearly finished her work, and only Harry, Ron, Neville, Seamus, Dean, Ernie MacMillan, Lavender and a few others were still alive. OK, so she hadn't nearly finished. In fact, she hadn't even started. Whatever. Suddenly the heroines saw, running as they had just come from Hogsmeade and forgotten that they could Apparate, George Weasley and a big fat duck.
"We're here to save you!" yelled George.
"What's the duck for?" hissed Ginny as he ran past.
"It's Fred's Animagus form!" replied George, and the Fred-duck started attacking Grubbly-Plank.
Grubbly-Plank screamed in a blood-curdling way and yelled, "I HATE DUCKS!"
"Maybe we can use this to our advantage," said Neville.
"I know! Get Professor Anderson, apparently Ancient Runes involves ducks a lot!" suggested Hannah Abbott.
Everyone agreed, and so the four heroines ran to the staff room. But it was someone no one (well, except for one person) wanted to see who opened the door! It was Slughorn.
"Hey! You're not involved in this!" yelled everyone.
"Oh, yes. I'll go downstairs then," he said, and left.
"He's so nice," said Lily. They went inside, and saw Professor Anderson and his new wife Professor Arthur standing in the corner, looking mysterious.
"We know why you want us," said Professor Arthur.
"We are the people of the tribe of DUCK!" contributed Professor Anderson.
Then they both laughed, for a very long time, like this, "HEEHEEHEEEHEEEHEEHEEHEEEHEEEHEEHEEHEEEHEEEHEEHEEHEEEHEEEHEEHEEHEEEHEEEHEEHEEHEEEHEEE!"
They were very hyper. Warily, the heroines watched them, and then suddenly George Weasley, who had remembered how to Apparate, appeared.
"Be careful!" he yelled. "She found out it was your idea and she's coming for you guys!"
He then disappeared. Lily realised the consequences of her idea, and hurriedly began working on her essay, not wanting to get killed, and Hermione did the same. Ginny and Luna, who weren't even in the class and so didn't care as much (they also weren't completely homework-obsessed, like their friends), knew it was up to them to save everyone from Grubbly-Plank. They decided to beg the tribe of DUCK to help.
"Please help!" said Luna.
"Why should we?" reasoned Professor Anderson. "What will our reward be? HEEEEE!"
"Well…" said Ginny, thinking. "I have some spare Gryffindor robes!"
She shrugged uncertainly. The two professors frowned at her.
"I'm sorry, but that's not really what we're looking for at the moment," began Professor Arthur, but Luna interrupted her.
"Ooh! We can give you packets of sugar to make you even more hyper!"
"Cool! HEEHEEHEE!" agreed the couple, and, as they were also duck Animagi (this was common), they flew off to join Fred-duck in attacking Grubbly-Plank.
After waving until the ducks were gone, Luna and Ginny turned around to tell Hermione and Lily the problem was solved, and came face to face with Grubby-Pank.
"Oh no! We weren't fast enough!" yelled Luna and Ginny.
The thing was, they thought it was Grubbly-Plank, but it was Grubby-Pank, who's a pacifist.
"Lovegood! Weasley! I'm shocked and disappointed! How could you accuse me of something like that?" she said, looking hurt. Ginny squinted at her, and then gasped.
"MERLIN'S BEARD!" she yelled. "You're not a pacifist! You're really Professor Vector! You're Voldemort!"
Then Harry appeared, as he had taken his Apparating test.
"My scar hurts… WHY?" he demanded.
"It's Voldemort!" squealed Luna.
"Oh. Right," said Harry. He turned to Ginny. "Good luck kiss?"
"What about the whole not-letting-Voldemort-know-we're-going-out thing?" whispered Ginny.
"I really need a kiss," he said sheepishly, so Ginny kissed him with great passion. Suddenly a giant coffee bomb fell on all of their heads, and they looked up to see a strange woman who looked weirdly like Snape dropping them out of a hot air balloon.
"Quickly! While they're coffee-drenched!" yelled the women, who they dubbed 'Snapette', and she threw a rope down. Grubby-Pank awkwardly clambered up it, and got in, and the hot air balloon zoomed away.
"Oh no!" said Lily. "They escaped!"
"Ha. I was right about Snape's disguise potion," pointed out Hermione.
"Shut up! Damn you!" muttered the others resentfully. Hermione grinned impishly, and then asked,
"What about the essay?"
The four heroines, along with Harry, rushed over to the window. Grubbly-Plank was sitting, tied up, by Hagrid's hut, looking resentful, with three ducks and George Weasley watching over her.
"I will escape!" she snapped. "I promise you!" Fred-duck took a menacing step forward, and Grubbly-Plank yelled, "Get away from me! NOOO!"
"Well, these two ducks," George gestured to Professors Arthur and Anderson, as ducks, "have kindly offered to guard you. So I doubt you'll be escaping any time soon!" said George happily.
Grubbly-Plank snarled, and the four heroines, Harry, and the rest of the sixth-years rejoiced greatly.
Coming up next time:
What has happened to Parvati since she was taken away?
What exactly do slugs/sardines/frogs/random creatures do to you?
And where, oh where,is Trevor?
Hepsa and Larka
