6: Txtspk and, erm, non-text speak
Disclaimer: We only own the weirdness.
School had finally broken up, and everyone was happy. Our four heroines were heading to the Burrow, as you do, and so they were waiting for the Hogwarts Express, which was late. They were sitting on the platform, on their trunks, reminiscing about old times.
"Hey, remember back when I went out with Dean?" said Ginny.
"Hey, remember when I pretended to like Cormac McLaggen?" added Hermione.
"And I pretended I had a crush on… um…" said Lily, trying to fit in. As she didn't know he was her son, and he was the only guy she knew in this time, she continued, "Harry?"
"EW!" gasped Hermione, Ginny and Luna.
"That is so gross!" added Luna.
"And you've only been here, like, two weeks! That never happened!" said Ginny, sounding relieved now that she'd figured it out.
"I just wanted to fit in!" said Lily sheepishly.
"Yes, well, don't next time!" said Hermione. There was silence for a while as Lily tried to figure out what was so bad about her and Harry, and the other three tried to get rid of the mental images. Then they heard someone come up to them.
"Who's coming? I see no one," said Lavender.
"Oh, hi, Lavender," said the others, and Lavender sat down with them. She looked sad.
"What's wrong?" asked Ginny.
"Trevor's missing again," said Lavender.
"Don't worry, he'll turn up soon, he always does," said Luna encouragingly.
"But he's been missing for several days now!" clarified Lavender.
"Oh. Sorry," said Lily.
"You could look for a human boyfriend, if you want," suggested Hermione.
"No. No one can match up to Trevor," said Lavender dejectedly.
"Oh. Want some chocolate?" offered Ginny.
"Thank you!" squealed Lavender, taking some. "Cool!"
And then they all bopped their heads up and down for a while, when suddenly there was a gust of wind, and Hermione slid off her trunk, gasping for breath.
"No… tell me I don't have to go!" she moaned, and disappeared.
"That was weird," commented Lavender.
"You don't have to go!" yelled Luna.
"Oh my God, where did she go!" gasped Ginny.
"We need to call in the… DETECTIVES!" said Lily.
"And who are they, Lily?" asked Ginny flatly.
"I dunno," said Lily, shrugging.
"We could try Parvati," suggested Lavender.
As they had no one else to go to, the three heroines agreed, and all four girls Apparated to London, which was where Parvati was living now that she had been taken away from Hogwarts. To their horror, when they came across her, she looked totally different. She had straightened her hair, and had lost a lot of weight, so as to be thin and almost bony. She had on some make-up in varying shades of pink, and was wearing a mini-skirt and a tank top. In one hand she held a mobile phone, which she was texting on, and the other was holding hands with a weird guy.
"Oh… God. I hope that's Padma!" squeaked Lavender. Ginny and Luna just looked horrified.
"Fine, I'll try it, as I don't know them," said Lily. "PADMA!"
"That didn't make sense," muttered Lavender, but Lily was already running towards Padma/Parvati, who looked disgusted.
"omg! im parvati! y do ppl alwys tnk im mi twn?"
"What? I don't understand," said Lily, but Lavender gave a gasp of horror.
"She's been taken over by… textspeak!" she said dramatically. Luna gasped as well, and Ginny, looking pale, ran forward.
"Don't you remember us? From Hogwarts?" she asked. Parvati looked puzzled.
"hogwarts? omg hogwarts! i 4gt hogwarts! it wz so lame, i h8d it! bt hu r u? I dun rembr u! r u, lk, trying 2 kdnap mi o smtin?"
"It's Ginny Weasley!" snapped Ginny. "And this is Luna Lovegood, from Ravenclaw, and your best friend, Lavender Brown! And that's Lily Evans, but you wouldn't know her."
The random guy suddenly pushed the four girls over and yelled, "stp httn on mi gf, u lsbos!"
Parvati looked at them, smugly. Lavender started crying, because Parvati was weird; Lily started crying, because Hermione was gone, and she'd know what to do; even Luna, who was usually not fussed about anything, looked really upset. Ginny just looked angry.
"I always hated you, Parvati!" she shouted. "Well, no, I didn't, but what's gotten into you?"
Lavender then blinked through her tears and realised something. "Oh my God!" she gasped. "Trevor!"
There was a shimmer of light, and the random guy turned into Trevor.
"Thanks for finally recognising me and taking that enchantment off me!" he said, rolling his eyes, as much as a toad can roll his eyes. "Now snog me, my honey-bunch!"
There was another shimmer of light, and Parvati blinked, confused, and normal again.
"Oh my God! Guys! Man, am I glad to see you!" she squealed, and she hugged Lavender, who took a quick break from Trevor-snogging, really tight, and did the same with Ginny.
"Er, hi, Loony, uh, I mean, Luna," she said.
"Oh, she's our friend now. Don't worry," said Ginny. "And this is Lily, also our friend."
"Oh, hi, Lily! And cool! I always liked you really, Luna… but wait. Shouldn't Hermione be here?"
"Glad you finally remembered me!" said Hermione, slightly stressily. This was understandable, as she had been locked in another dimension for 15 minutes.
"Sorry Hermione!" they all yelled, and Parvati gave her an especially tight hug, and the six heroines, as Trevor had hurried back to Hogwarts to stop worrying Neville, walked off.
"So, you're going out with Trevor, Neville's toad, Lavender?" said Parvati uncertainly.
"Uh-huh," replied Lavender. "We're married. I thought I was married to Snape, but it was actually Trevor in disguise."
"Oh. Wow. I have lots of catching up to do," said Parvati. "Any news from you guys?"
"Harry and I broke up, but we're back together," said Ginny.
"kewl, kk," replied Parvati.
"What? Text speak again?" gasped everyone, but then they noticed a slug hanging off of Parvati's arm. "SLUG!" they all yelled, and the slug slithered away.
"Thanks, guys, it was making me weird," said Parvati.
"Oh no! The train!" gasped Hermione, and all six of them hurriedly Apparated back to Hogsmeade station, where their trunks were. The train was there, so they hurried onto it, and soon the trolley person came around, strangely early.
"Oh my God!" said Lily. "Grubbly-Plank is the trolley person!"
"I'm not Grubbly-Plank!" said the trolley person. "I'm Grubby-Pank!" She sneakily did a Memory Charm on our heroines and they all forgot that Grubby-Pank was really Voldemort/Professor Vector, and then Disapparated, her purpose accomplished. You might wonder why she didn't use this opportunity to kill everyone on the train, but Voldemort had no lackeys with him, and was too scared to do it alone.
"So anyway, what's happening with you guys?"
"I made friends with Professor Binns!" said Luna happily.
"Lily was transported here from a different time, about twenty, give or take a couple, years ago," said Hermione, who couldn't think of anything to say about herself.
"I'm in love!" said Lily dreamily. Everyone groaned, except for Parvati who asked her who with. Lily smiled and continued, "Professor Slughorn. He's so nice and lovely, and I want to snog him…"
"Naked snogging?" said Parvati, an evil grin playing on her lips. The others looked completely disgusted.
"No!" yelled Lily. "Geez! You're so sick! Just because I want to snog Slughorn... mmm... what are you guys looking at?"
"Naked snogging?" repeated Parvati.
"No, Parvati, what do you mean?"
Lavender unbent herself, as she had been leaning down. "Sorry, Parvati, but you had this sardine on you."
"So what was all that about naked snogging?" asked Hermione.
"Naked snogging? What are you talking about?"
"It was the sardine," explained Ginny.
"Naked sardines!" yelled Luna.
At this point further conversation became too confusing to record.
As you can see we kind of lost the plot at the end, there. We didn't know how to end it. Oh well, next chapter coming soon.
Coming up next time:
Mpreg!
And, erm, Fpreg. Normal pregnancy.
And surely that's not Ginny wearing all that make-up?
Hepsa and Larka
