Chapter 75
Kate and Sawyer wrapped Cassidy's body up gently in the blanket Sawyer had been carrying around; he picked her shrouded figure up in his arms and he and Kate went into the jungle to bury her; nobody else asked and no one was invited. He only wanted Kate.
He found a glade a mile or so away with a tiny stream and waterfall running through it and he set Cassidy down carefully, rearranging the blanket around her with tender care. Kate watched him, her heart breaking for him; he had killed a woman he loved. They had something else in common, now.
She went to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and leaning against his chest; she could feel his heart beating and it gave her strength and she knew they were still alive, still okay. His hands went to hair, stroking it gently as he stared at the lumpy blanket; the image of Kate under that blanket, cold and broken came unbidden into his mind and he unconciously pulled her closer, pressing his lips to the top of her head.
He was tired; he felt gray and drawn, like he had aged a hundred years in the last hours and not all of it was Cassidy's death. The powers weakened him, too, they used up his energy and not even Kate could replenish them; he needed rest. But he had a job to do first; Cass needed to be laid to rest, and he had to do it. He killed her, twice; the first time he killed her spirit and the second her body and now he owned her. She was his responsibility. He stood, staring at the ground in shock; he didn't know where or how to begin.
Kate took his hand, smiling, and she said, "Move the earth, Sawyer."
He shook his head, still staring sadly at the blanket. "I need to do it myself, no powers."
Kate touched his cheek and whispered, "You have those powers for a reason, James. And I can't think of a better reason than to bury the woman you loved."
He suddenly gripped her, holding her to him with such force that she felt glued to him; they could never be pried apart without ripping part of the other away too. "Don't say that, Kate." He hesitated, then waved his hand slowly, lifting a clod of earth out of the ground and dropping it to the side as Kate smiled and held him to her, giving him everything she could.
Handful by handful the dirt piled up beside Cassidy's grave and when it was finally deep enough he stopped, staring quietly at the hole, Kate's hand in his. "Do you want me to help you?"
"No, Kate. I can do it." He kissed her forehead and let go of her hand, picking Cassidy up gently in his arms and sliding down into the grave.
Tears rolled down her face as he hugged Cassidy to him, kissing the blanket where her lips were and leaning his head against her, whispering into the cloth. He laid her softly into the dirt and with one last look he climbed out, taking Kate's hand to help him up.
He picked up a handful of dirt and held it out over the grave, then he let it drop; the patter of the earth on her body made him burst into tears; Kate held him as he cried and he waved his hand angrily and the pile of dirt began flowing back into the grave, covering Cassidy up.
She stroked his skin as his sobs subsided; he looked at her with wet lshes and red eyes and she smiled at him, wiping away a tear; he kissed her, hungrily, pushing away the misery and guilt that threatened to overwhelm him. His tears wet her face as she returned his kiss, needing him, too; the battle had been won but it was just one in the war. How many more times would they be tormented like this? Would he be tortured like this?
His hands were all over her, beneath her shirt, in her hair, and she felt how he needed her; he was alone and only she could help him. He was becoming more insistent and she matched his urgency, pulling him with her to the ground; they rolled around frantically for a few minutes, trying to undress each other; finally they were bare, stretched together on the bank of the stream, and she gasped as he rocked into her, holding her mouth to his. She lifted to meet him, thrusting her hips against his and he groaned as she gripped his shoulders, leaving long red scratches when she finally strained and cried out, quivering as he shuddered with her and they collapsed together, spent and shaking.
Flowing water and wind and their satisfied panting were the only sounds; even the insects were quiet as Kate lay her sweaty face against Sawyer's shoulder, caressing his chest as he smiled at her, kissing her freckly nose. The sun filtered through the trees, dappling the ground and their naked bodies, blending them into the jungle. "She was from Iowa, you know," he said suddenly, looking askance at Kate. "Small world, huh?"
Kate nodded. "Yeah." Her hand lazily traced circles on his sweaty, dirty skin. "Is she the one you conned when you saw me at the bus station?" She felt him tense a little and she hung her head. "Never mind."
"Yeah, she was." He rolled over on his side and she laughed at the leaves and dirt that stuck to his wet body. He gave her a disgusted look as she tried to brush some of it off. "Quit." he looked thoughtful and sad, then he smiled at her. "You have always been there to save me, Kate. After Cassidy I was so disgusted with what I had done that I seriously thought about killing myself." He shook his head at her horrified look. "Don't tell me you haven't thought about it too, Freckles. Loneliness is a bitch." She nodded; she couldn't keep anything from him. "Then I saw you, and you had such...spirit, and you were so goddamn beautiful that I couldn't even contemplate doing it. You saved me then." He nodded as she frowned. "Then, after the crash, I was considering it again. I did..." he stopped, pain clouding his eyes and Kate touched his cheek gently, encouraging him to go on. "I killed a man in Australia; I thought it was Frank Sawyer but I was set up; it wasn't him. I killed an innocent man for my own selfish reasons. I wnated to die. When the plane crashed and I was still alive I cursed God because he didn't take me too; then I saw you again. And just like before, I didn't want to do it anymore."
Kate kissed him, tasting his sweaty lips and he let out a little groan. "I'm glad you didn't, James."
"Yeah, me too," he said softly sighing as he gazed at her. "Don't you get it, Kate? We were meant to be together, you were meant to save me. You've been doing it all along and you didn't even know."
Her eyes were shining softly as she asked, "And what were you meant to do for me, Cowboy?"
He kissed her, gently, reveling in the feel of her next to him. His guilt as sorrow over Cassidy faded some and Kate shone through, brightening him and energizing his spirit. "Love you, Kate," he whispered into her ear, "I've been doing it all along and I didn't even know."
