11: The Jelly Is Good Crossover

Disclaimer: Suzie, Sarah and Caroline do belong to us, in a highly wootful way.

AN: You may skip this chapter if you like. It's a crossover with our other fic, Jelly Is Good. It's a Lily/James, and we, although seeing as we wrote it, that's not saying much, like it a lot. However, you don't really need to read it to get this chapter. However, we like shamelessly advertising our fic, so hopefully you'll go and read it: it's not as weird as this one!


Hermione, Ginny, Lily and Luna were sitting in their Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson. Well, Hermione and Lily were; Ginny and Luna were sitting in the seventh year lesson as opposed to the sixth-year one, simply for convenience. They were listening, bored, to Professor Umbridge, their substitute teacher, as Ghost!Dumbledore, being incompetent, had not yet found a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, and so the Ministry had stepped in. Professor Umbridge, in an attempt to block out the never ending centaur noises in her head, had taken up a habit of yelling instead of speaking (and breaking people's eardrums instead of yelling). However, by now the class were all used to it, and were ignoring her.

"This is boring," commented Luna.

"Go back to our lesson, then," said Ginny.

"I shall," said Luna, so she got up to go when she found that, blocking her way, was a giant slug. It touched her, and she went weird.

'I love fluffy pink bunnies and cute, cute, cute fluffy cute things!' she sang, and she skipped around, throwing random pretty flowers at people. The slug smiled, as only a slug can, and touched Ginny. Ginny sang love songs slimily to Professor Flitwick, wearing a slutty red dress, with lots of cleavage and thigh showing, and I mean lots of cleavage and thigh. She was singing in all her slimy glory as Professor Flitwick got redder and redder until he exploded. Ginny pouted and sat down again, her robes reappearing on her. Then Harry, who had been watching the entire thing, suddenly gave a strangled gasp and his eyes popped out of his head. Hermione and Lily rolled their eyes and sent him to the Hospital Wing, clutching his severed eyes.

The slug then touched Hermione and Lily, but they were prepared, knowing what might happen. They held tight to each other, and this meant that the slug turned them into Jelly Is Good characters – Lily was Lily, and Hermione was Sarah. They both screamed loudly, even Lily, although she didn't change. Luna skipped over to the slug, and turned into Suzie, and Ginny spontaneously turned into… Sirius.

"AH!" yelled Hermione/Sarah, Luna/Suzie and Lily/Lily. Professor Umbridge coughed loudly, and everyone, including the slug, sat down and shut up.

"What's wrong?" whispered Ginny/Sirius.

"You're… BLACK!" gasped Luna/Suzie.

"No need to be racist!" snapped Ginny/Sirius.

"No!" said the slug, rolling its eyes, "You're Black! Sirius Black!"

Ginny/Sirius looked down at herself/himself and smirked, but then she/he was changed by the slug into Caroline, and so she pouted again. Anyway, Luna/Suzie was more interested in the lesson now, so she decided to stay. They all randomly swapped seats and hummed quietly, until Professor Umbridge changed into hot pants and a bikini top, which really didn't suit her, and sang 'I Will Survive'. The four heroines looked away, disgusted, and saw Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and James Potter entering the room, aged 16/17/nearly 18 according. The four couples began snogging.

Professor Umbridge was too busy singing to notice these cute pairings, but the rest of the class did, and were obviously very jealous, especially Pansy Parkinson. She looked like she was going to intrude, so the slug sat on her. This was very gross, as the slug was so heavy that Pansy popped, and sprayed lard and fat all over the place. With a wave of her wand, Hermione/Sarah cleaned it up, while still snogging Remus Lupin. However, it didn't work, and the lard and fat instead clung to the slug, and combined with him to create an evil slug, known as a Giant Super Pansy Slug, (GSPS) which ate Peter and Luna/Suzie.

The other six held onto each other tightly in a big glump of people. The slug was approaching slowly because it kept stopping to eat people (RIP Dean, Ernie, Hannah). This was good and bad: it was bad because the slug was expanding, but good because it gave them time to think of a plan.

"Here's what we'll do," said Ginny/Caroline, "We'll jump out the window!"

"How will that help? We'll die!" snapped Hermione/Sarah.

"Look! It's the boys' brooms!" pointed out Lily/Lily, so they jumped out.

The girls landed on the brooms, but the boys missed, and were still falling, so the girls flew over to them, even Hermione, and caught them. They brought the brooms to a halt, and hovered, snogging the boys madly.

"Hurry the &# up!" yelled Luna/Suzie and Peter, who were still alive within the slug.

Our six heroes/heroines zoomed in, grabbed them, and flew out again. They flew over the grounds, and the slug tried to follow them, but fell and splatted heavily on the tennis courts. This seemed like great news until they realised it had landed on someone. It caused great distress to everyone, until they saw who it was when the person scrambled out of the slug-ooze.

"It's Professor Grubbly-Plank!" commented Ginny/Caroline.

"No! It is me! Professor Grubby-Pank!" yelled Professor Grubbly-Plank, but no one was convinced, as it was obvious it was simply Professor Grubbly-Plank.

"Sure, whatever," said everyone sarcastically, and so Professor Grubbly-Plank got mad, and used her special brand of magic-telepathic-powers to banish the boys back to the time they belonged. She nearly banished Lily/Lily too, but she managed to hold onto Hermione/Sarah and Ginny/Caroline tight enough that she didn't blow away. Then Professor Grubbly-Plank Vanished the slug, and this cancelled the slug's effects, and so Lily/Lily, Hermione/Sarah, Ginny/Caroline and Luna/Suzie simply became Lily, Hermione, Ginny and Luna again.

"How boring," sighed Luna, seeing this, "I'm going to my real lesson."

And she did. However, she suddenly fell over.

"Luna!" shouted everyone in the classroom.

"I'm injured," whimpered Luna. "From being eaten."

"Oh no!" chorused everyone, and the heroines Apparated to the Hospital Wing, where there was a random nurse who wasn't Madam Pomfrey.

"Heal Luna!" yelled Ginny, Hermione, Luna and Professor Umbridge, who was back to life, and had accidentally gone with them.

"Hey, hey," said Luna. "I'm Luna! If you make a sandwich, I like tuna!"

"We know," said Hermione and Lily flatly.

"Oh," said Luna, and she fell asleep.

"That's such a tune!' yelled Ginny, swaying to a tune only she could hear.

"But there's NO MUSIC!" yelled Professor Umbridge, louder.

"Oh my God, let's find a cure!" yelled the nurse. "Her yelling disease could be fatal!"

"Nah, she's just drowning out the ever-continuing sound of centaur's hooves in her head," said Hermione.

"Oh," said the nurse. Everyone bopped their heads up and down until the nurse went psycho and killed Professor Umbridge. She went sane again and smiled, before saying, "That got rid of her! She was really annoying me."

Lily looked at her, annoyed.

"You didn't have to have her for Defence Against the Dark Arts, even!"

Then the nurse, who was very nice, healed Luna her magic-healing-powers™, and they all went back to Defence Against the Dark Arts. Lily and Hermione glanced at each other; there was something fishy about the nurse. They used their magic-joint-telepathic-powers™ to put the nurse in a different outfit, and then screamed.

"AAAARGH!" they yelled in unison. "IT'S MCGONAGALL!"

"Actually," said the nurse. "I am Professor Minerva Something McGonagall."

They screamed again. While they were screaming, Parvati turned up, ready to continue stalking McGonagall. She took out a syringe-thingie and tried to attack McGonagall, to get a blood sample. Lily and Hermione quickly used their magic-joint-telepathic-powers™ to stop her, but as well they accidentally changed Luna's name to Lavender, and Lavender's name to Luna.

"Which one is Luna?" said Lily.

"I'm Lavender!" volunteered Luna.

"But you're Lavender!" pointed out Hermione, and, in the confusion, Lavender disappeared, and the problem was gone, as Luna remembered who she was.

"YAY!" said everyone, except Ginny, who mumbled, because everyone had forgotten,

"It's my birthday…"

"What?" said Parvati, on behalf of everyone. "It's not your birthday! Your birthday's in August!"

"And?" said Ginny. "I'm allowed to have two birthdays, like the Queen!"

"You know about the Queen?" asked Hermione and Lily.

"Yes. I'm magical, not stupid!"

Then they all danced, and McGonagall put on her cowgirl outfit, which made even Parvati retch. The 'Cotton-eyed Joe' song was on, so they did the dance: Hermione and Lily, Ginny and Luna, Parvati and McGonagall. Then Professor Umbridge put herself back together, or whatever it was; she came back to life, and danced with McGonagall, because Parvati had to go and throw up. Suddenly there was a scream; it had been Luna, because she had wandered off and ran into Snape and Lavender snogging. And above-the-waist touching. And below-the-waist touching.

Then something happened, and Lily and Hermione realised the meaning of life, so they decided to find their true loves, which was easy, as they were suddenly so clever. Lily cried because her true love was Trevor, who was in love with Lavender (he had been in his Snape disguise again). Hermione cried because her true love was already dead, but then Ginny pulled slugs off them, and they forgot the meaning of life and stuff, because it was all a slug-induced lie anyway.


Coming up next time:

Extra long edition! Woot!

The exciting Chudley Cannons vs. Pride of Portree Quidditch match!

Lily makes another attempt at going to the Dursleys'!

And just what is the 1st Chaser plotting?

Hepsa and Larka