Chapter 17, One depressed psycho
"What?" Kerr said in disbelief, his voice still a lot hoarser than usual.
Gogo clenched his teeth, glaring at the bottle he once again had grasped.
"I'm saying that you're frickin' drugged!" he snarled.
"You're frickin' paranoid…"
Kerr leaned backwards until he fell over, resting his head on the twisted spiral that was his blanket. One hand came to rest on his forehead, almost hiding his eyes completely.
"Why the hell would anyone drug me?" he muttered, "I'm crazy enough as it is."
"Maybe that's it?" Gogo grimly said, not looking around, "as insane you feel no boundaries and that serves Gestahl's terrorist purposes. Besides…"
The glass almost squeaked in his grip.
"If you need this poison to avoid getting those attacks, then you'll be forever indebted to the empire, and the emperor."
"Those aren't poison nor drugs."
Kerr grunted and got up.
"They're anti-depressive," he said in a chilly voice as he stumbled towards the bathroom.
Gogo startled.
Siren startled.
"They're what?!"
Hands slammed into the porcelain bench inside of the smaller room.
"I said," Kerr growled from inside, "they are anti-depressive. Is there something wrong with your damn ears?!"
The mimic and the esper exchanged bewildered mental glances.
'Dare I ask?' the younger brother wondered, hesitantly as he saw the dangers of it.
Kerr was obviously pretty weakened but he could probably still explode. Even with Siren's restraints, it was a dangerous game with the madman's psyche.
'I see no way around it, even with the anchor I cannot risk reaching out to his soul when he's this soar,' the esper worriedly said.
'Very well…'
"Kerr, why were you…" Gogo began as he stood.
His brother spun into sight, more crashing into the nearest side of the doorframe than leaning at it.
"Why? Why?!" he spat, glaring at his brother.
But before Siren even had time to raise her harp in panic, Kerr pressed a hand against his forehead again.
"Goddesses, I should go berserk by now, so why don't I?" he growled, irony dripping from his voice, "I should be pouring poison into a river in a moment…"
Removing his hand in order to lightly knock his forehead against the nearest wood, Kerr grunted with frustration and disappeared back into the bathroom.
"Answer me!" Gogo pressed, resolutely walking towards the door.
Siren floated after him, silently.
They found Kerr leaning over the washbasin, rubbing his face with cold water. As he noticed his brother he straightened up, turned the tap and reached for a towel. A joyless, tired smirk touched his lips as he quickly wiped the water away.
"What?" he said in an uninspired voice.
"Why would you need anti-depressive medicine?" Gogo asked, as calm as he could.
"Why…"
Kerr shook his head. He stopped the movement turned at his hollow-eyed reflection in the mirror.
"That's why!"
With renewed rage he flung the towel at the glass-covered silver. The cloth hit his replicated face and half of the fabric fell into the basin below while the rest hung on the edge.
Gogo slowly tilted his head, his chest constricting into a tight knot.
"Broth…"
Kerr cut him off by flicking the mimic's chin with his finger. The sneer was exhausted, drained of all emotion.
"Oh nonono, I can see that damn self-blaming tendency all over your stupid little face… our faces!"
Gogo moved just quickly enough to catch his brother in the fall. Which rendered them both crashing down on their knees due to Kerr's body absolutely refusing to stay straight even with help.
"I'm okay, I'm okay…" the older of the two murmured, his right hand almost breaking the younger one's shoulder.
"Right…" Gogo grunted, reaching to give Kerr a little hint via a rather desperate scratch on the back of the crunching hand.
"Heh."
The big bro got the message and released his grip along with a deep sigh.
"Alright, breathe," Gogo murmured, calmingly waving with his less limp hand, "what happened, Kerr?"
The questioned gulped down a few breaths before he replied.
"Cause and effect, you know me…" he grunted, "I never look back… I don't even look ahead."
"Not when you're angry, no," the mimic softly muttered in an insecure voice.
"Precisely…"
Kerr tiredly massaged his forehead.
"Betrayal is a nasty business, bro…"
With a sigh he glared at his brother's hand, resting against his somewhat thinner sleeping robes.
"And the irony is that you goddamn forgive me, just like that. It doesn't make me consider putting those pills away for good," he dryly muttered.
"If it makes you happier, there were moments when I wished you were around again just so I could strangle you with a cobra."
Gogo's lips twitched into a tiny, wry smile as Kerr scoffed.
"Overall though… you're my twin brother after all," the mimic ended in a gentler voice.
"You must have been a devil to deserve that."
Kerr pressed his hand against his eyes again, his head dropping as the words leaped out without full consent. It was out of character, indeed. Lord Kefka felt not a grain of remorse, the whole world knew that.
The whole world knew…
"I see…" Gogo said in a low voice, ensuring his grip of his brother.
"Funny… you were the reason I started taking those damn pills," Kerr grunted, "but I got the punishment today because you made me forget about them."
The mimic nodded, even though his brother couldn't see it.
"At least now I know the truth," he said, more grim than before, "the next thing we need to do is get those things out of your system."
There was a dry chuckle.
"Bro… I'll hand you a lot after the last couple of days, I do owe you," Kerr dryly admitted, "but I need that medicine to function properly."
"Oh really now?" Gogo slowly said.
Kerr looked up, the glistening in his eyes speaking of being ready to battle if needed. At least verbally.
"Yes, I've been taking them for almost two decades," he stated, "without them I become like this! Gestahl will notice that something is wrong, don't you understand that?"
They exchanged glares for a few moments, Siren just leaning back and watching the show.
"They don't seem to do much for you now," Gogo pointed out.
"Hold your breath, we're getting there. Just hasn't started properly yet."
"Whatever you say. But you know Kerr, when you're acting more balanced I see no difference between you now and twenty years ago. I think you only need those pills to get going."
"Yes! I need them to get into the happy-crazy mood, without them I remain like I am right now; way below Kefkaish."
He rubbed his forehead, chuckling ironically.
"I mean Kerrish," he corrected.
"Depends on who's viewpoint we're talking about here," Gogo mildly commented.
His vague amusement died.
"But listen to me brother, before you took those pills you were the same as you are now, apart from one very important thing," he said, "you weren't a killer then."
"Wuz a traitor," Kerr glumly murmured.
"You were bitter," Gogo said, sharper than before, "cause and effect, remember? Listen…"
He took in a deep breath.
"I know you could think of a lot of evil things, don't we all? But you'd never actually do anything. That medicine clouds your better judgment."
"Better judgment?" Kerr hoarsely chuckled, "Kef…"
"I think it clouds a lot more than that as well," Gogo pressed on, cutting him off, "do you have a pen and paper somewhere?"
The older brother frowned, blinking in surprise.
"Left side of the wardrobe in the shelves, why?" he said.
"I'll be right back."
Gogo stood and quickly left the room. Glaring after him in puzzlement Kerr reached up to the red bench below the mirror and heaved himself into standing. He leaned against the basin as he waited, seconds passing.
Then his brother's steps closed in again, the mimic hardly watching his steps as he walked while furiously scribbling on a hardly used note block with a black lead pencil.
"The other day you said you couldn't think of anything better about the code on Celes' armband," the mimic frankly said, and continued by pressing facts further than ever, "but that was when you were still Kefka. Now you're Kerr, right?"
"Yeah?" the madman said, frowning even deeper.
"Good."
Gogo nodded and spent another half minute writing before he pushed the note block into his brother's surprised hands.
"We're going to do a little test then. Tell me what X and Y are," he said.
Kerr turned the block to read, his eyes curiously scanning the two cluttered rows of numbers and symbols. His brother silently watched as the bewildered expression died down, slowly being replaced by a serene lack of expression as the older one's brain began to work.
Seconds sneaked past, the low breathing of the two men the only sound that was heard. The watching esper was waiting, just as curious as Kerr had been.
"X is seventy-eight, Y is nine comma three," the servant of the empire finally said.
He looked up as Gogo slowly nodded while crossing his arms.
"Correct," the mimic said and pursed his mouth, "but it took you three minutes."
"Three minutes?"
Kerr heatedly stared at the numbers again, as if they were opposing him.
"This shouldn't take more than one!" he growled, more to himself than his brother.
"Do you believe me now?"
With a sigh Kerr lowered the notes, shaking his head.
"Look bro, you might be on a somewhat right track but it's not that simple. If I stop taking those pills I get that withdrawal as you call it, but before that I get other attacks. Yesterday I got woozy, that's the light version."
The papers swiftly flapped as they landed on the bench.
"The other option is that I loose control and wake up an hour later to be told that I just erased a village from the face of the earth, cattle included."
Gogo caught the falling hand, frowning as he glared straightly at his brother.
"Are you listening to yourself? You would never have done anything like that before you started taking that devil crap!" the mimic growled.
"Are you listening to me?" Kerr snarled back, "I was about to go berserk on the floating continent before the statues, can you even imagine what could have happened? And that was just because I hadn't had time to take any pills for a couple of days!"
"Kerr, calm down!" Gogo demanded, waving his free hand before the elder's face, "I said listen to yourself; you're thinking logically!"
Kerr paused for a moment, sighed, tugged his hand out of the mimic's grip and shook his head.
"Bro, it might be so but I don't feel well," he murmured in a tired voice, "and for the last time, I can't quit! Cutting down doesn't work, I tried once when I was getting irritated by them!"
"Can't healing…"
"No, it can't," Kerr interrupted.
Gogo rubbed his forehead.
'Siren?' he thought.
'To explain it with the description I gave you, removing the nets and mould will leave holes. Normal healing can't do anything.'
Her head dropped and she sighed, admitting defeat once and for all.
'But I can.'
Gogo's reply took a moment longer than usual.
'We spoke of this before,' he finally said, softly, 'I cannot force you to help.'
Siren shook her head.
'I don't think I could back off after this discovery,' she said, 'I'll do my best, but…'
Gogo mentally nodded, watching his brother.
"Alright, we'll just drop it," he spoke aloud, calmingly, "but if we can think of anything…"
Kerr gave a short, dry chuckle in reply, showing what he thought of the possibility of that idea.
'… What will he think when he starts feeling better?' the mimic ended Siren's sentence with concern.
Author's note:
I want to thank all the reviewers for your support :) And since a few of you have commented on Clyde's change of heart I'll try to do something about that in the next chapter. Have the perfect idea for it…
And as for Kerr, very happy that you think that he's turned out well. But if you think he's pretty nutty now, let me just say that this is nothing in compare of what's to come when the plot really gets started. Mwahahaha… you better wear safety belts due to the plot twists to come.
