Chapter 90
They left the hatch just as dusk was falling, turning the glassed in crater a dim, hazy gray and throwing spooky shadows over the stone walls; Locke had found the other entrance when he explored the hatch and it opened out onto a ledge that looked over the Other's Valley. Across the valley he could see the northern mountain ridge and he thought briefly about the other hatch but he pushed it aside; they were going to the other red site on the map first.
Jack and Ana were happy and relaxed as they walked together through the dim evening light; they held hands and leaned together, not talking. Sara trailed them, close enough to hear if they started to talk, but they hadn't said much since leaving the hatch and she followed, her mind wandering to what John had said earlier; and she was dismayed to find instead of getting some answers her questions were multiplied. Who controlled the tesseract? How did they do it? What did Locke mean by light and dark? Who were they? Where were they?
Her head started to ache from all of the spinning questions and she tried to push them aside, but that just made her mind wander to her real life; she was amazed to realize that in a few short hours it had faded away to a dim unreality; the Island was her reality now, and her husband, he career, her life were far away and fading fast.
Sawyer came into her mind, smiling as he caught her before she fell, angels singing over his shoulder in his golden aura; she wondered how he was coping with Kate's death and she imagined it wasn't good. She had seen it, how in love they were, and how...perfectly they fit; they radiated love and happiness and they were beautiful; she had the feeling that it was new territory for them both, that they were learning about it together, figuring themselves out as they felt their way along. And now she was gone, and the thought made Sara sick; she suddenly found it very easy to dislike the three people she was with, despite their petty, meaningless kindnesses. John was a murderer, and Jack and Ana were accomplices to it.
The moon was high overhead before Jack finally spoke; Sara came to attention and moved a litle closer to hear him. "What is it that you want from the Island, Ana?"
She didn't answer him for a second and he could see her struggling to decide what to say; the moonlight cast her in strange shadows and as she turned to him she was shaded in two, light and dark. "I want what I lost, Jack. What was taken from me."
They walked in silence for a few minutes, their hands entwined. Jack knew what she was talking about, he thought, but he said, "And what is that Ana?"
She glanced at him sharply; surely he knew? She had told him about losing her baby before, and that she could never have kids, didn't he remember? "Don't you know?"
He smiled and she relaxed; of course he knew. "I want to hear you say it, Ana." He hesitated and squeezed her hand. His voice was soft as he said, "I want to know what we're...struggling for." He glanced aside at her, then up at Locke. "What we're fighting for."
Silence fell between them and Sara held her breath, waiting for Ana to answer. She hadn't understood John, earlier, when her said the Island could give her what she wanted, but she thought Ana's answer might clue her in a little. After an eternity she answered, and her voice was soft and breathless; as she glanced up at Jack, Sara could see a tear streaking down her face, reflected in the moonlight. "A..a family." She waved her hand around her stomach. "I want to be able to have kids. And I..." she stopped walking and Sara had to stop short so she wouldn't run into them; they didn't notice her anyway as Ana took a deep breath and looked Jack in the eyes. "I want to have that with you."
He smiled and Sara drew in her breath; where had this Jack been when they were together? Any mention of children sent Jack into a agitated frenzy; he was afraid to be a father. What had happened to him?
Ana didn't break their gaze; he was smiling and a tear slid down his cheek too, mirroring hers, and she laughed, reaching up to wipe it away. His voice was thick when he finally spoke, pulling her to his chest and hugging her. "That's what I want too."
Sara closed her eyes and turned away; she was happy for Jack and she hoped that they could find happiness together, but from what she could piece together, he was selling his soul to the devil to get what he wanted. She glanced at Locke; he had stopped and was watching them, smiling gently. His eyes slid over and met hers and he smiled again, but it was colder and she shivered a little before looking away from him.
Jack seemed to realize they were being watched and he pulled away from Ana, grinning a little as they parted. They kept their hands together, Sara noticed, and she smiled sadly. They were so unlike Kate and Sawyer; there was a darkness about them, a bad vibe, and though Sara was glad that they had found each other she was afraid that it was doomed.
Locke grinned back at Jack and said, "Come on, Romeo. Kate and Sawyer may take lovin' breaks but we don't."
Jack and Ana chuckled and Sara loked sharply at John. "Kate is dead."
He looked at her in surprise. "No, she's not. She and Sawyer are tailing us, coming after me." He shook his head. "Sorry. Gotta keep you more in the loop."
She nodded, a little stunned by the news. "Yeah. That would be nice."
He grinned at her again, then said, "Let's go. We don't want them to catch us."
She grinned back. "In the spirit of keeping me in the loop, John, where are we going?"
He eyed her carefully for a moment, then nodded, "The Red Site. Remember it on the map?" She nodded. "I think we may find some things we need there."
"Need for what? To get away from Sawyer?" A bird twittered in the branches close to her ear and she glanced at it; as she did it cocked its head at her, chirping softly. She smiled and turned back to Locke.
He chuckled at her confusion, then said, softly, "No. The things we need to save the Island."
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They didn't stop to camp after night fell, their afternoon nap had energized them and they didn't feel like being still; the Island was alive, snapping with energy and electricity and even Kate could feel it through Sawyer's touch and his skin on hers as they walked together. His shirt was open and she caressed his chest as they moved lightly, glowing like fireflies in the silvery moonlight. His arm was around her shoulder, hand twisted in her hair, holding her to his side as he kissed the top of her head, gently, still smelling the sweet flowers.
Vincent trotted in front of them, leading the way; though even Sawyer could have followed their trail; four people left a pretty clear track. Kotori came fluttering to Sawyer and landed on his shoulder, chittering madly; he listened then nodded. "Okay. Thanks." Kotori hopped to Kate's open hand, she kissed his head and he fluttered away, back into the jungle. "They left the hatch, and in a hurry." He grinned down at her and kissed her freckled nose. "Guess Locke knows what's good for him." He flexed his arm, showing Kate his muscle and she felt it, squeezing it with her fingertips.
"Wow, Cowboy. I bet I know what you use that hand for." She grinned wickedly and he raised his eyebrows at her as the hand in question slid across her stomach, then lower, until Kate shuddered a little and leaned against him, panting softly. "And that wasn't it." She glanced up at him and smiled happily. "But I liked it."
He grinned and kissed her, softly. "I gotta do somethin' to keep it toned, darlin'," he whispered, "I haven't been using it much for anything else." She giggled and he kissed her again, slowly, tasting the sweet sweat on her lips and the cool feel of her fingers on his chest; he sighed, contented and happy. James.
Kate sighed, too; he was worried and she could feel it, though he was trying to keep it from her. "What is gonna happen, James?" she asked, the question out before she could stop it. She was happy, for the first time in her life, she was truly content, and she wanted it to last; but she had to know what he was thinking, what was going on. "Don't keep things from me; tell me the truth. If we do what we are trying to, if we destroy the Island, what's going to happen to us?"
How do I tell her? he thought. How can I tell her? I don't want to ruin what we have now, this peace. "Nothin', Freckles. We'll be fine."
Anger boiled up in her and she stopped dead, pulling away from Sawyer and crossing her arms. "Why the sudden Jack complex? Think I can't handle it?"
He stared at her for a second, sadly, then said, "Fine, Freckles. If you wanna know I'll tell you." He hesitated, his eyes drinking her in as she was right now, before he spoke and changed the way she would look at him forever; leaning closer he whispered, "Do you really wanna know, Kate? Knowing what's coming ain't always that great. I know...some things, and some are beautiful. But some are terrible. Consider, Kate, before you make me answer that question."
Her look changed, to the one he didn't want to see, to fear and horror instead of love and peace, and he sighed, taking her hand. "I...I want to know." Her mouth was dry and she swallowed, thickly. "If you're...if it happens, then I want to be prepared." She squeezed his hand, desperation and fright making his fingers grind together as she said, "So I can save you. Because that's what I'm here for." Smiling up at him, she touched his cheek. "I won't let you die."
"Die?" he said, drawing back to look at her. "No, I won't die. Nobody does, really. I'll just move on, to another reality, to another life." She looked horrified and he smiled sweetly, kissing her cheeks. "Freckles, you and I, we have always found each other, don't you feel it? Every life we've led, every reality we've existed in, somehow you and I have always found each other. So you may lose me in this one; but baby, you have to believe you'll find me in the next." It was true; as he held her hand all of these different people flashed through her mind, but they were all her, and him, in different times and different places; Kate and James in a business lunch, briefcases out, chatting; James and Kate in a nightclub, staring at each other as their hearts beat in time to the pulsating rhythms; Kate, barefoot at the sink of an old farmhouse, her flowery 1940's era dress clinging to her as James kicked back in a chair, watching her; Kate and James beside a fireplace, in a log cabin, gazing happily at a baby lying between them, wrapped in a sheepskin-
Sawyer let go of her, and she stared at him, half-smiling but half afraid; he was breathing heavily and her heart thudded crazily against her ribs. "James..." She didn't know what to say, so she just hugged him, as his hands cicrcled her waist.
"Kate," he sighed, "Even if you lose me, I will always be here," and as he said it her gripped her stomach, and she felt it stir. She gazed at him, and he smiled, sadly. "I love you, Kate."
"I love you, James. God, I do." She flung herself on him and he caught her, holding her tight against him as she touched her lips to his, softly. "The future isn't set in stone, James. We can still change it." She stopped and he nodded.
"Yes, we can." He shook his head. "But I don't know how to do it."
She took his face between her hands, cupping it and forcing him to look into her eyes. "We'll figure it out, together. So don't give up on me, okay?"
He smiled. "Never, Freckles. You're the one thing I can never give up on."
Vincent woofed quietly at them, and Sawyer said, "He's right. We should go." He hesitated, then put his forehead against hers, leaning into her. "I want to be there, Kate. Please, please, save me."
